There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The issue of globalization has long been a controversial topic. While many feel that it has been beneficial to global economics, culture, and environment by creating the connection among individuals, organizations, and countries, others believe that this implementation is hindering the progress of the world. From my perspective, I agree with both sides.
On the one hand, free trade and cultural diversity are the obvious benefits that nations gain from globalization. Firstly, the international selling and buying of goods without limits on quantity and taxes has spread economic opportunities such as the expansion of business size. Furthermore, no taxes on goods reduces products' price, which means that the companies save on production and transportation costs and the consumers purchase needed things with a good deal. Secondly, it is undeniable that cultural exchange plays an essential role in diversifying national culture. For example, the current appearance of novel musical genre in Vietnam, specifically punk, which originates from Western countries, has given employment opportunities for those who favor this kind of music as a vocalist or an instrumentalist.
On the other hand, there exists some downsides to two aforementioned aspects. Many activists argue that free trade policies make socio-economic inequality on the rise. By definition, the developed countries leverage their international specialization to create the rich-poor gap in the global trading market. Some weaker developing countries will lose their chance for growing as a result. Besides, should the imports be larger than the exports to foreign countries, this trade deficit may weaken the nation's economy. Regarding culture, the spread of multiculturalism and the tendency of cultural diversity towards assimilation, Westernization, or Americanization, which may accidentally cause a loss of natural culture of one nation.
To conclude, it is clear that this is not a straightforward issue. However, I believe that globalization still brings loads of merits thanks to free trade and cultural diversification if all countries are interdependent on each other in peace and towards general beneficial economics. Other aims for profiteering from globalizing should be condemned.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The issue of globalization has long been a controversial topic." -> "The phenomenon of globalization has been a contentious issue for some time."
   Explanation: The phrase "phenomenon of globalization" is more precise and formal than "issue of globalization," and "contentious issue" is a more academic term than "controversial topic."

2. "many feel" -> "many individuals believe"
   Explanation: "Many individuals believe" is more formal and specific than "many feel," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

3. "creating the connection among individuals, organizations, and countries" -> "establishing connections among individuals, organizations, and nations"
   Explanation: "Establishing connections" is more precise and formal than "creating the connection," and "nations" is preferred over "countries" in formal academic contexts.

4. "implementation is hindering" -> "implementation hinders"
   Explanation: "Implementation hinders" is a more direct and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

5. "From my perspective, I agree with both sides." -> "From my perspective, I concur with both viewpoints."
   Explanation: "Concur with both viewpoints" is more formal and precise than "agree with both sides," aligning better with academic style.

6. "the international selling and buying of goods" -> "the international trade of goods"
   Explanation: "International trade" is a more formal and commonly used term than "international selling and buying of goods."

7. "the expansion of business size" -> "the expansion of business scale"
   Explanation: "Business scale" is a more precise and formal term than "business size."

8. "no taxes on goods reduces products’ price" -> "the absence of taxes on goods reduces product prices"
   Explanation: "The absence of taxes on goods" is more formal and precise than "no taxes on goods," and "product prices" is grammatically correct.

9. "the companies save on production and transportation costs" -> "companies reduce production and transportation costs"
   Explanation: "Reduce" is a more direct and formal verb than "save," which is somewhat informal in this context.

10. "the consumers purchase needed things with a good deal" -> "consumers acquire essential items at a favorable price"
    Explanation: "Acquire essential items at a favorable price" is more formal and precise than "purchase needed things with a good deal."

11. "Many activists argue" -> "Many advocates contend"
    Explanation: "Advocates contend" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "activists argue."

12. "make socio-economic inequality on the rise" -> "exacerbate socio-economic inequality"
    Explanation: "Exacerbate" is a more precise and formal term than "make on the rise," which is somewhat colloquial.

13. "weaker developing countries will lose their chance for growing" -> "weaker developing countries may forfeit opportunities for growth"
    Explanation: "Forfeit opportunities for growth" is more formal and precise than "lose their chance for growing."

14. "this trade deficit may weaken the nation’s economy" -> "this trade deficit could undermine the nation’s economic stability"
    Explanation: "Undermine the nation’s economic stability" is a more precise and formal expression than "weaken the nation’s economy."

15. "loads of merits" -> "numerous benefits"
    Explanation: "Numerous benefits" is more formal and precise than "loads of merits," which is colloquial and vague.

16. "Other aims for profiteering from globalizing should be condemned." -> "Other objectives aimed at exploiting globalization should be strongly criticized."
    Explanation: "Objectives aimed at exploiting globalization" and "strongly criticized" are more formal and precise, fitting the academic tone better than "Other aims for profiteering from globalizing."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding globalization’s benefits and criticisms. It acknowledges the economic advantages of free trade and cultural exchange while also recognizing the concerns about economic inequality and cultural homogenization.
  • The essay provides examples such as economic opportunities from international trade and cultural influences like punk music in Vietnam. However, it tends to lean more towards the benefits without fully exploring the opposing viewpoints in depth.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure a more balanced treatment of both perspectives. While discussing the benefits, also delve deeper into the specific criticisms raised by those who oppose globalization. This will demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the issue and further strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position in agreement with globalization’s benefits, particularly free trade and cultural diversity. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, supported by examples and arguments.
  • However, the introduction states agreement with both sides, which can create confusion about the essay’s stance initially. While the subsequent paragraphs clarify the author’s position supporting globalization’s benefits, this initial ambiguity could affect the clarity of the essay’s overall argument.
  • How to improve: Ensure the introductory statement clearly establishes the essay’s perspective from the outset. This will provide a stronger foundation for the reader to understand the author’s viewpoint and enhance coherence throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the economic and cultural benefits of globalization adequately. It provides examples and explanations to support these ideas, such as economic opportunities and cultural exchanges.
  • However, the development of ideas could be more thorough. For instance, while the economic benefits are mentioned, a deeper analysis of how globalization impacts specific economic sectors or regions could provide more depth to the argument.
  • How to improve: Expand on each idea by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Consider exploring the long-term effects and consequences of globalization in greater depth, especially concerning economic inequality and cultural assimilation. This will enrich the essay and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing globalization’s impacts on economics and culture as prompted by the question. It addresses both sides of the argument within this context.
  • However, there are moments where the discussion slightly veers into general statements that are not directly tied to the prompt, such as condemning profiteering from globalization without elaborating further.
  • How to improve: Maintain a strict focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Ensure that all points made directly relate to globalization’s benefits and criticisms as they pertain to economic opportunities and cultural exchange. This will strengthen the essay’s coherence and relevance to the topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of globalization’s benefits and criticisms, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of balancing viewpoints, clarifying the essay’s stance from the outset, deepening the analysis of presented ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the essay prompt. Addressing these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score by enhancing its depth, coherence, and relevance to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that introduces both sides of the argument clearly. Each body paragraph addresses one aspect of globalization (economic benefits and cultural impacts), followed by a conclusion that summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s perspective. This structure helps the reader follow the writer’s arguments coherently.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, ensure that each body paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective argument (economic benefits vs. cultural impacts). Consider using transition phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to explicitly connect ideas and maintain the coherence of the argument throughout.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that previews the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, paragraphs discuss economic benefits such as free trade and cultural impacts such as the spread of music genres separately, ensuring clarity in the presentation of ideas.
  • How to improve: While the essay generally maintains good paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a unified theme and develops it fully before moving on to the next point. This will strengthen the coherence within paragraphs and help maintain the overall flow of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices adequately to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Examples include transition words like "firstly", "furthermore", "secondly", and "to conclude", which help signal the sequence of arguments and enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve further, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns (it, these, this) to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, conjunctions (however, therefore, moreover) to show relationships between ideas, and synonyms/repeat mentions to reinforce key concepts. This will add richness to the essay’s cohesion and improve its overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents arguments logically, focusing on these areas of improvement will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing to a higher band score level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It covers concepts such as globalization, free trade, cultural exchange, socio-economic inequality, specialization, and cultural assimilation. Examples like "economic opportunities," "cultural exchange," and "specialization" illustrate the writer’s attempt to incorporate diverse vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, aim for greater variety in phrasing and more nuanced vocabulary choices. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "benefits" or "disadvantages," explore synonyms like "advantages," "pros," "drawbacks," "pitfalls," etc. This could add depth to your arguments and elevate the lexical complexity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally appropriate, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, phrases like "current appearance of novel musical genre" might benefit from specifying the genre (e.g., "emergence of punk rock music"). Also, terms like "international specialization" and "economic opportunities" are used effectively but could be refined for clarity and specificity.
  • How to improve: Consider using more specific terms where possible. For instance, instead of "economic opportunities," specify whether you mean "job creation," "market expansion," or "income growth." This clarity not only enhances precision but also aids in conveying your ideas more effectively.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally good, with only minor errors (e.g., "profiteering" could be "profiting"). These errors do not significantly detract from comprehension but could be polished for a more professional presentation.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading carefully or using spell-check tools to catch minor errors. Practicing with a focus on commonly misspelled words or words specific to your essay topic can also help in avoiding such mistakes in the future.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with a clear effort to express complex ideas related to globalization. By refining vocabulary choice for precision and variety, and ensuring meticulous spelling, you can further enhance the lexical resource score to achieve a higher band in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound-complex structures. For instance, it effectively employs subordinate clauses ("While many feel that…"; "Many activists argue that…") and complex sentence structures ("On the one hand… On the other hand…"). These structures contribute to coherence and clarity in presenting arguments.
  • How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider integrating more rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion to add sophistication and engage the reader further. Additionally, vary the length of sentences for rhythmic effect and to emphasize key points.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Complex sentence constructions are generally handled well, contributing to clarity and coherence of ideas. For example, phrases like "should the imports be larger than the exports" demonstrate a good grasp of conditional structures.
  • How to improve: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement in sentences with complex structures to ensure consistency. For instance, review instances where singular or plural subjects may affect verb conjugation. Additionally, refine punctuation usage, particularly commas, to avoid minor disruptions in flow and improve readability.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a strong command of sentence structures and maintains solid grammatical accuracy throughout, there are opportunities to further diversify sentence types and refine punctuation usage to elevate the overall coherence and impact of the argument presented. These enhancements can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated academic writing style appropriate for achieving higher band scores in the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue of globalization has long been a contentious topic. While many individuals believe that it has brought significant benefits to global economics, culture, and the environment by establishing connections among individuals, organizations, and nations, others argue that this implementation hinders global progress. From my perspective, I concur with both viewpoints.

On one hand, the international trade of goods without restrictions and taxes has facilitated economic opportunities such as the expansion of business scale. Additionally, the absence of taxes on goods reduces product prices, allowing companies to cut down on production and transportation costs, and enabling consumers to acquire essential items at favorable prices. Moreover, cultural exchange plays a crucial role in enriching national cultures. For instance, the recent emergence of punk music in Vietnam, originating from Western countries, has created employment opportunities for enthusiasts of this genre.

On the other hand, there are downsides to consider. Many advocates contend that free trade policies exacerbate socio-economic inequality. Developed countries often exploit their international advantages, widening the gap between the rich and poor in the global market. This situation can deprive weaker developing countries of opportunities for growth. Furthermore, if imports exceed exports, this trade deficit could undermine a nation’s economic stability. Culturally, the promotion of multiculturalism sometimes leads to the assimilation, Westernization, or Americanization of local cultures, potentially eroding their distinctiveness.

In conclusion, the impacts of globalization are multifaceted. While it brings numerous benefits through free trade and cultural diversification, ensuring that all countries engage in peaceful and mutually beneficial economic relationships is crucial. However, other objectives aimed at exploiting globalization should be strongly criticized for their potential negative consequences.