The bar chart describes the sales of different goods in pounds ( £) in the UK over four seasons in 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where elevant

The bar chart describes the sales of different goods in pounds ( £) in the UK over four seasons in 2015.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where elevant

The given bar chart demonstrates the amount of goods selling in UK over four seasons in 2015. Overall, The most significant changes are observed during winter.In addition, the British spend the most money on Clothing no matter what season while the contrary was true for garden which is substantially less common.
Examining the information about Clothing and Household, Clothing and household topped the chart in spring making up 100,000 pounds and 80,000 pounds. Nevertheless, these figures saw a significant decline with the lowest in autumn, only 70,000 pounds and 60,000 pounds. In winter, clothing has a strongly comeback with the highest revenue recorded, at 110,000 pounds, while Household recorded the lowest spending over four seasons with only 50,000 pounds.
Regarding the remaining product, the demand for Children’s toy was the lowest through the first 3 seasons, only 20,000 to 40,000 pounds before suddenly increasing to 60,000 pounds in winter. The same pattern can be seen in Electrical equipment , Sales started in the spring with 60,000 pounds and increased to 80,000 pounds. This number was exactly four times more than Garden’s revenue in winter which recorded the lowest spending at 20,000 pounds.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given bar chart demonstrates" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term than "demonstrates" in academic contexts, particularly when referring to visual data such as bar charts.
"amount of goods selling" -> "volume of goods sold"
Explanation: "Volume of goods sold" is a more precise and formal term than "amount of goods selling," which is grammatically incorrect and less formal.
"The most significant changes are observed during winter." -> "The most notable changes occur during winter."
Explanation: "Occur" is more appropriate than "are observed" when discussing changes in data, and "notable" is more academically precise than "significant" in this context.
"the British spend the most money on Clothing" -> "British consumers spend the most on clothing"
Explanation: "Consumers" is a more specific and formal term than "the British," which is vague and too broad. Also, "consumers" aligns better with the plural form "spend."
"the contrary was true for garden" -> "the opposite was true for gardening"
Explanation: "Gardening" is the correct noun form to match the context of the bar chart, which likely refers to the sales of gardening-related products.
"substantially less common" -> "substantially less prevalent"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is more precise and formal than "common" in academic writing, especially when discussing trends or frequencies.
"topped the chart" -> "led the sales"
Explanation: "Led the sales" is a more formal and precise way to describe the ranking of sales figures in a chart.
"saw a significant decline" -> "experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more appropriate than "saw" in formal academic writing, as it implies a more direct and active involvement in the change.
"has a strongly comeback" -> "experienced a significant comeback"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant comeback" corrects the grammatical error and enhances formality and clarity.
"the highest revenue recorded" -> "the highest recorded revenue"
Explanation: "The highest recorded revenue" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.
"only 50,000 pounds" -> "a mere 50,000 pounds"
Explanation: "A mere" adds a subtle emphasis on the smallness of the amount, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"the remaining product" -> "the remaining products"
Explanation: "Products" should be plural to match the context of multiple items being discussed.
"only 20,000 to 40,000 pounds" -> "ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 pounds"
Explanation: "Ranging from" is a more precise and formal way to describe the range of values.
"Sales started in the spring" -> "Sales began in the spring"
Explanation: "Began" is more formal and precise than "started" in academic writing.
"This number was exactly four times more than Garden’s revenue" -> "This figure was precisely four times that of Garden’s revenue"
Explanation: "Figure" is more specific than "number," and "precisely" is more formal than "exactly" in academic contexts.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the highest and lowest sales for each product category. It also makes some comparisons between the seasons, but these are not always clear or relevant. For example, the essay states that "the British spend the most money on Clothing no matter what season," but this is not supported by the data. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific amounts of money spent on each product category in each season.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most important features of the chart and making more relevant comparisons. The essay should also avoid including irrelevant details. For example, instead of stating that "Clothing and household topped the chart in spring making up 100,000 pounds and 80,000 pounds," the essay could simply state that "Clothing and household were the two highest-selling products in spring." The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of stating that "the demand for Children’s toy was the lowest through the first 3 seasons," the essay could state that "Children’s toys had the lowest sales in spring, summer, and autumn."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information about the sales of different goods in the UK over four seasons in 2015. However, it lacks coherence and cohesion due to several issues:

Coherence: The essay lacks clear progression and organization of ideas. It jumps between different aspects without a logical flow, making it difficult for the reader to follow.
Cohesion: There are some attempts at using cohesive devices (e.g., "Overall", "Nevertheless"), but they are inconsistent and often inaccurate, which hinders the clarity of the text.
Paragraphing: The essay does not adhere to logical paragraphing, as some ideas are grouped together incorrectly, disrupting the overall structure.

The lack of clear progression, inadequate use of cohesive devices, and confusing paragraphing place this essay in Band 4 for Coherence and Cohesion.

How to improve:

Organize Ideas Coherently: Ensure a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs focusing on specific aspects (e.g., different goods or seasons), and a conclusion summarizing the main points.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Practice using cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and linking words accurately to connect ideas logically.
Logical Paragraphing: Separate different ideas into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point.

By improving these aspects, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, thereby enhancing its clarity and overall quality.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and often uses repetitive and basic language. There are frequent errors in word formation and spelling, which occasionally hinder understanding. For example, "examining the information about Clothing and Household, Clothing and household topped the chart" contains errors in capitalization and redundancy ("Clothing and household" should be singular "Clothing and household"). Additionally, there are several instances of awkward phrasing and unclear expressions that affect coherence and precision.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider variety of vocabulary relevant to describing data and trends (e.g., "sales figures," "revenue," "expenditure").
Accuracy in Word Choice: Focus on accurate word choice and avoid repetitive language.
Spelling and Word Formation: Pay attention to spelling and word formation to improve clarity and readability.

Improving these aspects will help raise the band score by enhancing lexical resource and clarity in conveying information.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures but lacks consistency and accuracy, particularly in complex sentences. There are several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the text, which occasionally hinder clarity and coherence. The essay attempts to provide an overview of the data but does so with limited fluency and precision.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences with accuracy.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation to minimize errors that can affect clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion: Ensure that ideas are presented in a logical sequence to improve overall coherence.

The essay would benefit from more practice in structuring sentences accurately and using a wider range of grammatical structures to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The provided bar chart illustrates the sales of various goods in the UK across four seasons in 2015. Overall, the most notable fluctuations occur during winter. Notably, expenditure on Clothing remains consistently high throughout all seasons, whereas Garden items exhibit the least popularity.

Clothing and Household items dominated sales in spring, amounting to £100,000 and £80,000, respectively. However, these figures experienced a notable decline, reaching their lowest point in autumn at £70,000 and £60,000, respectively. Winter witnessed a significant resurgence in Clothing sales, peaking at £110,000, while Household goods recorded the lowest sales of the year, totaling only £50,000.

In contrast, Children’s toys had the lowest sales throughout the first three seasons, ranging between £20,000 and £40,000, before experiencing a sudden increase to £60,000 in winter. A similar trend is observed for Electrical Equipment, starting at £60,000 in spring and rising to £80,000, which was four times higher than Garden sales in winter, totaling only £20,000.

This revision maintains the original data points and structures while enhancing clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy.