You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

How time was utilized in last year by people who are unemployed in UK broken down by gender and time was shown on the table.
Overall, the categories for "Housework" and "Shopping" take the lead of the table, while the opposite trend can be observed at "drinking" and "playing sport" features.
In the morning, about three-fifth of men choose to do housework, shopping, job hunting for 19%, 20% and 22%, respectively. 14 percent of surveyed male decided to go gardening in the morning. Other activities such as reading, decorating, walking,… were driven by under 10% for each, and the lowest position was accounted by "drinking" for 2%. In contradiction, half of morning women choose to finish their housework, which is far beyond from the second-choice of them is shopping for 26%. Following that, 16% of female hunted for jobs in the morning, and a tenth of them visited friends or relatives. Other activities which can be exemplified by gardening, walking,… gain under 10% for each, and only 1% of women play sport and drinking in the morning for each.
In the afternoon, leisure activities are first options of men. In the light of evidence , 14% of male choose to watch TV, followed by 13% of them did gardening and 12% seek for jobs and visiting friends and relative. Other things to do as shopping, housework,… were done by under 10% of men, and only 1 percentage of surveyed men stayed in bed. More than 20% of their female counterparts do housework, 17% of them went shopping and meet people, and then research for jobs, watching tv and reading books for 13%, 12% and 10% as in order. None of them stayed in bed in afternoon or playing sport.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"How time was utilized" -> "How time was spent"
Explanation: "Utilized" is correct but "spent" is more commonly used in the context of discussing time allocation, making it more natural and precise in this context.
"broken down by gender and time was shown on the table" -> "broken down by gender and displayed in the table"
Explanation: "Displayed in the table" is more accurate and formal than "shown on the table," which is less precise and slightly informal.
"the categories for "Housework" and "Shopping" take the lead of the table" -> "the categories of "Housework" and "Shopping" dominate the table"
Explanation: "Dominate" is a more precise and formal term than "take the lead," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the opposite trend can be observed at "drinking" and "playing sport" features" -> "the opposite trend is observed in "drinking" and "playing sports"
Explanation: "Features" is incorrectly used here; "playing sports" should be used instead of "playing sport" to match the plural form of "drinking."
"about three-fifth" -> "approximately three-fifths"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "about" in academic writing, and "fifths" should be hyphenated to form a compound adjective.
"14 percent of surveyed male decided to go gardening" -> "14% of the male respondents decided to engage in gardening"
Explanation: "Respondents" is more specific and formal than "surveyed male," and "engage in" is more precise than "go" for activities like gardening.
"driven by under 10% for each" -> "accounted for less than 10% each"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is more formal and precise than "driven by," which is vague and informal.
"the lowest position was accounted by "drinking" for 2%" -> "the lowest percentage was for "drinking" at 2%"
Explanation: "The lowest percentage was for" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the lowest position was accounted by."
"In contradiction, half of morning women choose" -> "In contrast, half of the women surveyed chose"
Explanation: "In contrast" is a more formal conjunction than "In contradiction," and "chose" aligns better with the past tense used throughout the table.
"which is far beyond from the second-choice of them is shopping" -> "which far exceeds their second choice, which is shopping"
Explanation: "Far exceeds" is more precise and formal than "far beyond," and the rephrasing clarifies the structure of the sentence.
"a tenth of them visited friends or relatives" -> "about 10% of them visited friends or relatives"
Explanation: "About 10%" is more precise and formal than "a tenth," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"Other things to do as shopping, housework,… were done by under 10% of men" -> "Other activities, such as shopping and housework, were undertaken by less than 10% of men"
Explanation: "Undertaken" is more formal than "done," and "less than" is more precise than "under."
"None of them stayed in bed" -> "None stayed in bed"
Explanation: Removing "of them" simplifies the sentence and maintains the formal tone.
"as in order" -> "in the following order"
Explanation: "In the following order" is a clearer and more formal way to indicate the sequence of activities.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the information in the table. However, the overview is not clear and the essay does not adequately cover all the key features of the table. For example, the essay does not mention that housework is the most popular activity for both men and women in the morning, and it does not compare the activities of men and women in the afternoon.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the information in the table and by making more comparisons between the activities of men and women. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of saying "Other activities which can be exemplified by gardening, walking,… gain under 10% for each", the essay could say "Other activities, such as gardening and walking, were done by less than 10% of men and women".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information but lacks coherence and clear progression. The ideas are not effectively arranged, making it difficult for the reader to follow a logical flow. The use of cohesive devices is rudimentary and often inaccurate, which affects the overall cohesion of the essay. There is a lack of paragraphing, with ideas often jumbled together within sentences and across paragraphs. Additionally, there are frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that further impede clarity.

How to improve:

Organizational Structure: Focus on creating a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns) more accurately to link ideas within sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive or inaccurate use.
Paragraphing: Clearly separate different ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should discuss a single main point to improve readability and coherence.
Language Accuracy: Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure to convey ideas more clearly and effectively.
Clarity of Expression: Aim for clarity and precision in your expressions. Avoid overly complex sentences or confusing phrasing that can obscure your intended meaning.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, thereby improving its overall effectiveness in communicating ideas to the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, often using repetitive and basic terms such as "housework," "shopping," and "job hunting." There are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout, which occasionally hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, phrases like "how time was utilized in last year" and "the opposite trend can be observed at ‘drinking’ and ‘playing sport’ features" lack precision and accuracy in vocabulary usage. The essay also struggles with sentence structure and coherence, impacting the overall clarity of the message.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider variety of vocabulary appropriate for describing activities and trends, such as "domestic chores," "grocery shopping," and "job seeking."
Avoid Repetition: Find synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repeating words excessively.
Work on Accuracy: Pay attention to accurate word choice, collocations, and phrasing to enhance clarity and coherence.
Sentence Structure: Develop more complex sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can improve its lexical range and accuracy, aiming for a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is some use of subordinate clauses and sentence variety, but accuracy is inconsistent. Grammatical errors and punctuation issues are frequent throughout the essay, affecting readability and clarity at times.

How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, focus on enhancing the accuracy and complexity of sentence structures. Practice using a wider range of grammatical structures with more consistent accuracy. Pay attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and sentence boundaries, to improve overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided essay contains valuable insights into how unemployed individuals in the UK spent their time last year, segmented by gender and time of day. Here’s an improved version of the report:

The table illustrates the activities undertaken by unemployed individuals in the UK, categorized by gender and time of day. Overall, "Housework" and "Shopping" were the predominant activities, while "Drinking" and "Playing Sport" were notably less common.

In the morning, a significant portion of men engaged in housework (60%), shopping (20%), and job hunting (22%). Gardening was chosen by 14% of men, whereas activities such as reading and decorating were each under 10%. Notably, only 2% of men reported drinking, marking the lowest participation in any activity. Conversely, women prioritized housework in the morning, with 50% engaging in this activity. Shopping followed as the next favored activity at 26%, while 16% focused on job hunting. Visiting friends or relatives was chosen by 10% of women. Gardening and other activities were each under 10%, and only 1% of women participated in sports or drinking.

In the afternoon, leisure activities were more popular among men. Watching TV was the top choice at 14%, followed closely by gardening (13%) and job searching (12%). Visiting friends or relatives accounted for 12% of men’s activities. In contrast, women continued to prioritize housework in the afternoon (more than 20%), followed by shopping (17%) and socializing (17%). Job searching, watching TV, and reading books were also notable activities, each chosen by around 10-13% of women. No women reported engaging in sports or remaining in bed during the afternoon hours.

This revision maintains the original data points while refining grammar, clarity, and structure to meet the requirements of the IELTS Task 1 writing.