The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The given graph illustrates the usage rates of three genres of food between 1981 and 2007
Overall, except for fat-restricted spreads, margarine and butter experienced a downfall in the course of 26 years. An initial impression is that butter has the domination in number of intake in 1968-the biggest proportion among the categories.
In 1981, while the amount of margarine used in meal started to decrase slightly from relatively 90grams to 80grams, butter become more prevalent as it reached its peak to 160grams in 1986. However, the following 5 years have two spreads to close their consumption rate's disparity, when a minor improvement to 100grams was seen for the latter.
Regarding low fat and reduced spreads, people started to consider them in meals in 1996. After this, the amount of this categories rocket to more than 80grams of uses in 2001, surpassing Margarine and reaching butter. In addition, the remained period, from 2001 to 2007, witnessed a insignificant drop from butter and low-fat spreads to under 80grams and more than 50grams respectively, while theirs margarine counterpart had a notably fall by 50grams approximately

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given graph illustrates" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: Removing "the given" simplifies the phrase and aligns better with formal academic writing, which typically avoids unnecessary words for clarity and brevity.
"usage rates of three genres of food" -> "consumption patterns of three types of food"
Explanation: "Consumption patterns" is a more precise and formal term than "usage rates," and "types of food" is more appropriate than "genres of food," which is uncommon and potentially confusing in this context.
"except for fat-restricted spreads" -> "excluding fat-restricted spreads"
Explanation: "Excluding" is more direct and formal than "except for," which is slightly less formal and can sound conversational.
"butter has the domination" -> "butter dominates"
Explanation: "Dominates" is a more concise and direct verb form, suitable for academic writing, compared to the awkward and less formal "has the domination."
"the biggest proportion among the categories" -> "the largest proportion among the categories"
Explanation: "Largest" is the correct comparative form of "large," which is more appropriate in formal writing than "biggest."
"used in meal" -> "used in meals"
Explanation: "Meals" is the plural form, which is grammatically correct and more appropriate for discussing quantities over time.
"become more prevalent" -> "increased in prevalence"
Explanation: "Increased in prevalence" is a more formal and precise way to describe a change in usage over time.
"the following 5 years have two spreads to close their consumption rate’s disparity" -> "the subsequent five years saw the consumption rates of these spreads converge"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure, avoiding the awkward and unclear original phrasing.
"a minor improvement to 100grams was seen for the latter" -> "a slight increase to 100 grams was observed in the latter"
Explanation: "Slight increase" is more precise and formal than "minor improvement," and "observed" is more academic than "seen."
"the amount of this categories rocket to more than 80grams of uses" -> "the consumption of these categories rose to over 80 grams"
Explanation: "Rose" is a more formal verb than "rocket," and "consumption" is more precise than "amount of uses," which is awkward and unclear.
"surpassing Margarine and reaching butter" -> "surpassing margarine and reaching butter"
Explanation: Corrects the capitalization of "margarine" to match the context, as it is a proper noun when referring to the specific type of spread.
"the remained period" -> "the remaining period"
Explanation: "Remaining" is the correct adjective form to describe the time period that follows.
"notably fall by 50grams approximately" -> "notably decreased by approximately 50 grams"
Explanation: "Decreased" is more precise and formal than "fall," and "approximately" should be separated from the number for grammatical correctness and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay presents some key features, but it does not adequately cover them. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the consumption of the three spreads. The essay should also focus on the key features of the data, rather than just recounting the details. For example, the essay could mention that butter was the most popular spread in 1981, but that its popularity declined over the next 26 years. The essay could also mention that low-fat and reduced spreads became increasingly popular after 1996.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates some organization of information but lacks overall coherence and progression. There are instances of unclear referencing and lack of logical relationships between ideas. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, leading to repetitive sentences. Paragraphing is attempted but not always logically structured.

How to improve:

Organize Ideas Logically: Ensure a clear progression of information from one point to another. Group related information together to create coherence throughout the essay.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Focus on using cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns) accurately to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Avoid overusing repetitive phrases and work on varying sentence structures.
Improve Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas. Properly transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion in the essay.
Avoid Repetition and Improve Referencing: Ensure that referencing and substitution are clear and appropriate. Avoid repetitive language and aim for clarity in expressing ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion criteria, improving overall readability and logical flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with several inaccuracies in word choice, spelling, and word formation. The vocabulary is basic and repetitive ("domination," "prevalent," "minor improvement," "insignificant drop"), and there are notable errors in spelling and word formation ("decrase," "rocket," "theirs"). These issues impede clarity and cause strain for the reader. Additionally, the essay lacks sophistication and precision in lexical choice, which is necessary for higher band scores.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary appropriate for describing trends and comparisons in data.
Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay attention to accurate word choice and avoid inappropriate or inaccurate terms.
Spelling and Word Formation: Ensure correct spelling and appropriate word formation throughout the essay to enhance readability and coherence.

Improving these areas will help elevate the Lexical Resource score towards higher bands in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and occasionally complex sentences. There are efforts to convey a range of ideas, though not always with full accuracy.

How to improve: To improve the score:

Focus on using a wider range of sentence structures more consistently.
Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.
Ensure clearer expression of ideas to avoid ambiguity and improve coherence.

The essay attempts to convey the information from the graph on consumption of spreads between 1981 and 2007. It uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, though some grammatical errors and inaccuracies affect clarity and coherence. For instance, there are issues with verb tense consistency ("butter become more prevalent", "started to decrase") and article usage ("the biggest proportion among the categories"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of capitalization ("low fat and reduced spreads"), also detract from the clarity.

While the essay attempts to compare trends and summarize information, the use of complex sentences is limited and some attempts at complexity result in errors ("an insignificant drop from butter and low-fat spreads to under 80grams"). Overall, there is an effort to present a variety of sentence structures, but frequent errors in grammar and punctuation reduce the clarity and coherence of the essay, placing it within Band 5 criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph illustrates the consumption trends of three types of spreads from 1981 to 2007.

Overall, butter saw a significant increase in usage from 1981 to 1986, peaking at 160 grams. Conversely, margarine experienced a slight decline from around 90 grams in 1981 to approximately 80 grams in 1986. Over the next five years, margarine and butter approached parity, both stabilizing at about 100 grams.

The introduction of low-fat and reduced spreads began in 1996, with consumption quickly surpassing that of margarine and even butter by 2001, exceeding 80 grams. Between 2001 and 2007, butter and low-fat spreads decreased marginally to just below 80 grams and over 50 grams respectively, while margarine saw a significant decrease of around 50 grams.

In summary, while butter initially dominated consumption, the rise of low-fat spreads marked a shift in preference, with margarine experiencing a notable decline over the entire period.