Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your own opinions

Much has been debated over the career path, with some assuming that it is more beneficial to get a job straight after school instead of pursuing a university education. While acknowledging the reasons for this thinking, I would contend that it would be regretful and awkward if individuals decide to get into apprenticeship, save studying at university.
On the one hand, going for immediate employment can save time. Unlike students' peers, individuals who are in favor of working will not have to allocate their major time to classes, but to spend on moving up their career. Consequently, while they are prosperous and achieve some accomplishment in their career, others will have just graduated and have yet to possess any practical experience or in a job to make ends meet. Take hairdressers as an example. Other careers in universities prolong at least three years, whereas those getting an apprenticeship as a hairdresser after graduating high school are required to spend only
six to seven months to grasp rudimentary understanding. Thereafter, hairdressers can make money sooner as well as have the ability to be practitioners in a shorter time frame.
On the other hand, pursuing university education knowledge in an academic environment contributes to the accumulation of quintessential knowledge and experience. With the assistance of lecturers who excel in that profession, undergraduate students can have insights into holistic problems, which can nowhere near educated except from universities. Accompanied by that profound background knowledge, more potential job opportunities would come to us, which facilitate to their future career. For instance, there are no solicitors or doctors accepted to practice without qualifications and
proof to vindicate their capability. Therefore, the university path is the most efficacious way leading us to success.
In conclusion, both educational decisions hold their own merits. While getting a job instantaneously can be time-saving and be a cutshort to a successful career, studying universities accommodate the cornerstone of occupations, equipped with fundamental skills. I am of the opinion that pursuing a college program is the most direct and advantageous path to bringing about prosperity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Much has been debated" -> "Considerable debate has occurred"
Explanation: "Considerable debate has occurred" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"get a job straight after school" -> "secure employment immediately after graduation"
Explanation: "Secure employment immediately after graduation" is more formal and specific, avoiding the colloquialism "get a job" and clarifying the context.
"it would be regretful and awkward" -> "it would be regrettable and impractical"
Explanation: "Regrettable" and "impractical" are more precise and academically appropriate terms than "regretful" and "awkward," which are less formal and vague.
"decide to get into apprenticeship, save studying at university" -> "choose to pursue apprenticeships instead of attending university"
Explanation: "Pursue apprenticeships instead of attending university" is clearer and more formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "get into apprenticeship, save studying at university."
"spend on moving up their career" -> "focus on advancing their careers"
Explanation: "Focus on advancing their careers" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "spend on moving up their career."
"achieve some accomplishment" -> "achieve certain accomplishments"
Explanation: "Achieve certain accomplishments" is grammatically correct and more formal than "achieve some accomplishment," which is awkwardly phrased.
"have yet to possess any practical experience or in a job to make ends meet" -> "lack practical experience and struggle to secure employment"
Explanation: "Lack practical experience and struggle to secure employment" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "have yet to possess any practical experience or in a job to make ends meet."
"prolong at least three years" -> "require at least three years"
Explanation: "Require at least three years" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better than "prolong at least three years," which is less specific.
"grasp rudimentary understanding" -> "acquire a basic understanding"
Explanation: "Acquire a basic understanding" is more formal and academically appropriate than "grasp rudimentary understanding," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"make money sooner" -> "earn income sooner"
Explanation: "Earn income sooner" is more formal and precise than "make money sooner," which is somewhat colloquial.
"have the ability to be practitioners" -> "are qualified to practice"
Explanation: "Are qualified to practice" is more direct and formal, replacing the awkward and less precise "have the ability to be practitioners."
"facilitate to their future career" -> "facilitate their future careers"
Explanation: "Facilitate their future careers" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the plural subject "more potential job opportunities."
"a cutshort to a successful career" -> "a shortcut to a successful career"
Explanation: "A shortcut to a successful career" corrects the spelling error and uses a more common idiom that is appropriate for academic writing.
"accommodate the cornerstone of occupations" -> "provide the foundation for various occupations"
Explanation: "Provide the foundation for various occupations" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and awkward "accommodate the cornerstone of occupations."
"equipped with fundamental skills" -> "equipped with essential skills"
Explanation: "Essential skills" is more specific and formal than "fundamental skills," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic contexts.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding the best path to a successful career: immediate employment versus pursuing higher education. It discusses the advantages of both options and offers a personal opinion at the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance this criterion, ensure that each viewpoint (immediate employment and university education) is explored with equal depth and clarity. Balance the discussion by providing more nuanced comparisons and possibly addressing counterarguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that favors pursuing a university education as the most advantageous route to success. This position is articulated at the beginning ("I would contend that…") and reinforced in the conclusion ("I am of the opinion that…").
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay’s clarity by consistently revisiting and reinforcing the chosen stance throughout the body paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph directly supports this position with relevant examples and arguments.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, though some points lack elaboration or coherence. For instance, the argument about immediate employment saving time is mentioned but not fully developed or substantiated with examples.
- How to improve: Focus on expanding each idea with specific examples, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate the advantages and drawbacks of each educational path more vividly. Ensure that each paragraph extends logically from the previous one to maintain coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the pros and cons of immediate employment versus university education. However, there are instances where the relevance to the main topic could be clearer, such as the discussion about hairdressers.
- How to improve: To improve relevance, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute directly to the comparison between immediate employment and university education.

Overall, while the essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and presents a clear stance, there is room for improvement in ensuring balanced exploration, maintaining clarity of position throughout, expanding on ideas with more detailed examples, and consistently staying focused on the central topic. Strengthening these aspects will help elevate the coherence and persuasiveness of the argument, potentially increasing the band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to present both sides of the argument, starting with the position favoring immediate employment and then transitioning to the advantages of university education. However, the transition between these arguments could be smoother. The essay lacks a strong overarching structure that guides the reader through the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more explicitly with clear introduction of each viewpoint and a balanced conclusion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in focus. For instance, introduce the advantages of immediate employment more distinctly at the outset before contrasting it with university benefits.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different points, but the structure within paragraphs can be inconsistent. Some paragraphs, especially towards the middle and end, combine multiple ideas without clear transitions. This can confuse the reader about the focus of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Focus on developing a single clear idea per paragraph and use topic sentences to indicate the main point. Ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, building a cohesive argument throughout the essay. For example, the paragraph discussing university education could start by clearly outlining the benefits before expanding on each point in separate sentences.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as transitions (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "therefore"), pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), and repetition of key terms ("university," "career," "immediate employment"). However, these devices are sometimes overused or not used effectively to connect ideas across sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Aim for a more varied and precise use of cohesive devices. Use conjunctions (e.g., "although," "while," "despite") to introduce contrasting ideas more effectively. Ensure pronouns clearly refer back to previously mentioned ideas for clarity. For instance, instead of repeating key terms, use synonyms or pronouns to maintain cohesion without redundancy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and attempts to present a balanced argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage would elevate the coherence and cohesion score. Strengthening these aspects will enhance clarity and make the essay more engaging and easier to follow for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempt to use varied expressions ("acknowledging," "regretful," "prosperous," "quintessential," "efficacious," "accommodate"). However, there is a noticeable repetition of simpler vocabulary ("career," "university," "job") that limits the breadth of expression. For instance, while "efficacious" and "quintessential" are used correctly, their context could be more precise.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim to incorporate more nuanced vocabulary throughout the essay. Instead of repeating basic terms like "career" or "university," explore synonyms or related terms that add depth and precision to your arguments. For example, consider using "profession" instead of "career," or "higher education" instead of "university."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, though there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For instance, phrases like "accumulation of quintessential knowledge" are appropriate but could benefit from clearer specificity. On the other hand, the phrase "regretful and awkward" might not be the most precise choice for conveying the argument against immediate employment after school.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. Instead of broader terms like "awkward," consider more precise descriptors like "disadvantageous" or "inhibitive." Ensure each word contributes specifically to the point being made, avoiding ambiguous or vague language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. There are a few minor errors such as "efficacious" (correct spelling) versus "effacious" (incorrect spelling). These errors do not significantly detract from readability but indicate occasional lapses in accuracy.
- How to improve: Review spelling carefully, paying attention to specific words that may be prone to misspelling. Utilize spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to catch and correct errors before finalizing your writing.

In conclusion, while your essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary and spelling, enhancing lexical diversity and precision could elevate your score further. Aim for a richer variety of terms and ensure each word is chosen deliberately to enhance clarity and depth in your arguments. Keep practicing to refine these skills, and you’ll strengthen your overall writing proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in using a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound-complex sentences. Examples include: "Much has been debated over the career path, with some assuming that…," and "On the other hand, pursuing university education knowledge in an academic environment contributes to the accumulation of quintessential knowledge and experience."
- How to improve: To further enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more concise complex sentences and varying the use of introductory clauses. Additionally, explore the use of conditional sentences and passive voice where appropriate to add depth to arguments and analysis.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy with occasional errors. For instance, there are minor issues such as: "I would contend that it would be regretful and awkward if individuals decide to get into apprenticeship, save studying at university." Here, the use of "save" instead of "instead of" affects clarity. Punctuation is generally used correctly, although there are instances where clearer sentence structuring could improve readability.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in sentence construction, ensuring that complex ideas are expressed clearly and concisely. Review the use of transitional phrases to improve coherence between ideas. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors will further enhance grammatical accuracy.

Overall Feedback: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the best route to a successful career: immediate employment versus pursuing higher education. It presents a clear thesis and supports it with relevant examples and reasoning. The vocabulary choice is generally appropriate, though there are a few instances where sentence structure could be refined for greater clarity and impact.

To improve and potentially achieve a higher band score:

Clarity and Precision: Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the coherence and development of ideas. Avoid unnecessary complexity where simpler sentences could convey ideas more effectively.
Consistency in Sentence Structure: While there is diversity in sentence structures, strive for greater consistency in maintaining clarity and logical flow throughout the essay.
Proofreading and Editing: Pay close attention to minor grammatical errors and word choice to refine the overall coherence and accuracy of the essay.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can strengthen its argumentation and clarity, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Considerable debate has occurred regarding the optimal career path, with some advocating for immediate employment after school rather than pursuing a university education. While I understand the rationale behind this viewpoint, I believe it would be regrettable and impractical for individuals to opt for apprenticeships over attending university.

On one hand, choosing to secure employment immediately can save time. Unlike their peers in classrooms, those favoring work can allocate their time to advancing their careers rather than attending classes. Consequently, they may achieve certain accomplishments and earn income sooner, while university graduates may lack practical experience and struggle to secure employment. Take hairdressers, for example. University programs typically require at least three years, whereas high school graduates entering a hairdressing apprenticeship can acquire a basic understanding in six to seven months. Subsequently, they can start earning income sooner and become qualified to practice more quickly.

On the other hand, pursuing a university education provides a foundation for various occupations. Studying in an academic environment allows students to acquire essential skills and knowledge under the guidance of experienced lecturers. This education equips them with the necessary qualifications to pursue careers in professions such as law or medicine, where practical skills and theoretical understanding are crucial. For instance, solicitors and doctors cannot practice without proof of their capability gained through university qualifications.

In conclusion, both paths have their merits. While entering the workforce immediately can offer a shortcut to a successful career and quicker financial independence, studying at universities equips individuals with essential skills that facilitate their future careers. Personally, I believe that pursuing a university program is the most effective way to lay the groundwork for long-term success.