Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some would argue that the government fund can be beneficial when it provides assistance for artists, while others say that this approach is unnecessary and could be used for different purposes. While a contribution drawer with the finance support might be costly to the national fund, I believe that this way can help conserve the value of traditional drawings throughout the country.
On the one hand, financial aid for artists can be an expensive solution for the authorities. By investing money into the artistic field the government cannot have sufficient capital for other potential projects, which might lead to opportunity costs for the nation's growth or more essential objectives. For example, Japan devotes large amounts of money into art culture, which leads to a shortage of natural defense funds. However, I believe that this investment does not affect the economy or the nation's fund in both long-term and short-term because it only requires a small portion compared to other fields.
On the other hand, supporting these art creators in general encourages the traditional art value conservation across the nation. By preserving art as a form of national investment, more classes in this particular field are subsidized to inspire people to enroll in this activity, thereby passing down some traditional drawing techniques for next generations. For instance, Paris provides free art courses for citizens regardless of age to learn in order to keep the national value throughout the whole country. I believe this method is preferable because Art is an important part of the nation's culture and it needs to be protected through different aids provision by the government.
In conclusion, although giving assistance for artists might be affected directly towards the authority's fund, it does not impact heavily onto the investment plan. This action is also a favorable approach for the government to protect and contribute with regard to the long-lasting artistic value in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the government fund" -> "government funding"
   Explanation: "Government funding" is a more precise and formal term that accurately describes the financial support provided by the government, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

2. "a contribution drawer with the finance support" -> "a contribution from financial support"
   Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure, making it more formal and precise.

3. "might be costly to the national fund" -> "may incur significant costs for the national budget"
   Explanation: "Incur significant costs" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential financial burden, aligning better with academic language standards.

4. "this way can help conserve" -> "this approach can help conserve"
   Explanation: "This approach" is a more formal and specific term than "this way," which is vague and informal. It also aligns better with the context of discussing a method or strategy.

5. "By investing money into the artistic field the government cannot have sufficient capital" -> "By investing in the artistic field, the government may not have sufficient capital"
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and readable.

6. "leads to a shortage of natural defense funds" -> "results in a shortage of funds for national defense"
   Explanation: "Funds for national defense" is a clearer and more specific term than "natural defense funds," which is unclear and potentially misleading.

7. "it only requires a small portion compared to other fields" -> "it requires only a small portion compared to other fields"
   Explanation: Adding "only" clarifies the extent of the comparison, making the statement more precise and formal.

8. "supporting these art creators in general encourages the traditional art value conservation" -> "supporting these artists generally encourages the conservation of traditional art values"
   Explanation: "Conservation of traditional art values" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, and removing "in general" from "in general encourages" improves the sentence structure.

9. "more classes in this particular field are subsidized" -> "more classes in this field are subsidized"
   Explanation: Removing "particular" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.

10. "to keep the national value throughout the whole country" -> "to preserve national cultural heritage throughout the country"
    Explanation: "Preserve national cultural heritage" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "keep the national value," which is vague and informal.

11. "it does not impact heavily onto the investment plan" -> "it does not significantly impact the investment plan"
    Explanation: "Significantly impact" is a more precise and formal way to describe the extent of the effect, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

12. "This action is also a favorable approach for the government to protect and contribute with regard to the long-lasting artistic value in the future" -> "This approach is also advantageous for the government in protecting and contributing to the long-term preservation of artistic value"
    Explanation: The revision clarifies the meaning and structure of the sentence, using more formal vocabulary and improving the flow of the argument.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding government support for artists, presenting arguments for and against the funding. The first paragraph outlines the opposing viewpoint, emphasizing the financial burden on the government and potential opportunity costs. The second paragraph argues in favor of supporting artists, highlighting the importance of preserving traditional art. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the arguments for the opposing view are less developed compared to those supporting government funding.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more detailed examples and explanations for the opposing viewpoint. For instance, elaborating on specific areas where funding could be redirected (such as education or healthcare) would provide a clearer contrast. Additionally, acknowledging counterarguments within the supporting view could create a more nuanced discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of government support for artists, particularly in the second half. However, the initial paragraph could confuse readers with the phrase "this approach is unnecessary," which may imply ambivalence. The transition between discussing both views and stating a personal opinion could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I strongly believe" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main argument will strengthen the overall coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both views but lacks depth in the development of these ideas. For example, while the argument for supporting artists mentions the preservation of traditional art, it does not explore the broader cultural implications or the potential economic benefits of a vibrant arts scene. The examples used, such as Japan and Paris, are relevant but could be more effectively tied to the argument being made.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples, statistics, or real-world implications. For instance, discussing how government funding for the arts can lead to increased tourism or community engagement could strengthen the argument. Each point should be followed by a clear explanation of its significance to the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding government support for artists. However, there are moments where the discussion could veer slightly off course, particularly when discussing opportunity costs without directly linking them back to the arts funding debate.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing the essay to ensure that all arguments are relevant. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help keep the discussion aligned with the main question.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Task Response, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, clearer positioning, deeper development of ideas, and tighter adherence to the topic. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with a clear introduction presenting both sides of the argument and transitions smoothly into body paragraphs that expand on these viewpoints. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, whether discussing the cost implications or the cultural value of government support for artists.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one central idea or argument. Consider using transitional phrases more consistently to connect ideas between paragraphs, providing a smoother progression of thought throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with each paragraph addressing a separate aspect of the essay prompt (cost implications vs. cultural preservation). However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to better guide the reader through the main points.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. This will improve coherence and help readers navigate the essay’s argument more effectively. For example, in the second body paragraph, a clearer topic sentence could explicitly introduce the idea of financial trade-offs due to government support for artists.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as transition words ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), pronouns ("this approach," "this investment"), and repetition ("government fund," "investment") to connect ideas and maintain coherence.
  • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used, diversifying their range could further enhance coherence. Introduce more varied transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore," "Conversely") to strengthen logical connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure pronoun references are consistently clear to avoid ambiguity and maintain coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion foundation appropriate for a Band 7 score. To improve further, focus on strengthening paragraph structure with clearer topic sentences and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used to enhance logical connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "financial aid," "traditional art value conservation," and "national investment." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "government fund" and "financial aid," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "contribution drawer with the finance support," which may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "financial aid," alternatives like "monetary support," "funding," or "subsidies" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary would elevate the overall quality of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "contribution drawer," which does not clearly convey the intended meaning. The phrase "the artistic field" is vague and could be more specific, such as "the visual arts sector" or "the performing arts." Furthermore, the term "national fund" is used ambiguously and could be clarified to specify whether it refers to government budgets or cultural funds.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the context. This involves selecting words that convey the exact meaning intended. For example, instead of "national fund," the writer could specify "government budget for cultural initiatives." Additionally, reviewing the essay for clarity and ensuring that each term is used in its correct context will help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "finance support" (should be "financial support") and "drawing techniques for next generations" (should be "next generations"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and spelling mistakes. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can aid in reducing errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences like "While a contribution drawer with the finance support might be costly to the national fund, I believe that this way can help conserve the value of traditional drawings throughout the country" showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "By investing money into the artistic field the government cannot have sufficient capital for other potential projects" could be restructured for clarity and impact.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses or using inversion for emphasis can create a more engaging flow. Additionally, practice using conditional sentences and participial phrases to add complexity and interest to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the government fund can be beneficial" should be "government funding can be beneficial" to avoid awkward phrasing. Additionally, the sentence "By investing money into the artistic field the government cannot have sufficient capital for other potential projects" lacks a comma after "field," which is necessary for clarity. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the contribution drawer with the finance support," which could be clearer as "financial support for artists."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can help. For punctuation, ensure to use commas to separate clauses correctly and enhance readability. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insight into proper punctuation usage and help internalize correct grammar patterns.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some would argue that government funding can be beneficial when it provides assistance for artists, while others say that this approach is unnecessary and could be used for different purposes. While a contribution from financial support may incur significant costs for the national budget, I believe that this approach can help conserve the value of traditional art throughout the country.

On the one hand, financial aid for artists can be an expensive solution for the authorities. By investing money into the artistic field, the government may not have sufficient capital for other potential projects, which might lead to opportunity costs for the nation’s growth or more essential objectives. For example, Japan devotes large amounts of money to art culture, which results in a shortage of funds for national defense. However, I believe that this investment does not affect the economy or the national budget in both the long term and short term because it requires only a small portion compared to other fields.

On the other hand, supporting these artists generally encourages the conservation of traditional art values across the nation. By preserving art as a form of national investment, more classes in this field are subsidized to inspire people to enroll in this activity, thereby passing down traditional drawing techniques to the next generations. For instance, Paris provides free art courses for citizens regardless of age to learn in order to preserve national cultural heritage throughout the country. I believe this method is preferable because art is an important part of the nation’s culture, and it needs to be protected through different forms of aid provided by the government.

In conclusion, although giving assistance to artists might directly affect the authorities’ budget, it does not significantly impact the investment plan. This action is also a favorable approach for the government to protect and contribute to the long-term preservation of artistic value in the future.