You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write an essay about the following topic. It is widely held that online education can substitute for traditional learning due to its enormous advantages. Meanwhile, others believe that it should not be promoted for its potential problems. Discuss both views. Write at least 200 words
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write an essay about the following topic.
It is widely held that online education can substitute for traditional learning due to its enormous advantages. Meanwhile, others believe that it should not be promoted for its potential problems.
Discuss both views. Write at least 200 words
Some people argue that traditional learning can be substitued by online learning with a variety of advantages while others say that it is unnecessary to promote online learning due to its potential problems. I will discuss both views in the essay below.
On the one hand, it is true that online education brings convinience and financial savings. Teachers and students can interact with each other at anytime and anywhere, therefore, they can save fees used for commution and facilities to build schools. Specially, when the epidemic such as covid 19 breaks out, students' learning can still take place normally at home without fear of getting sick or missing lessons due to quarantine.
On the other hand, learning through online platform brings some potential disadvantages. For example, if students have some trouble with internet, they cannot access lessons fully. Moreover, there is not face-to-face interaction between teachers and students, therefore, it is difficult for teachers to observe students and control class.
In conclusion, although there are some disvantages of online learning, it still has enormous benefits, thus, online education should be promoted more and more in the future.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"can be substitued" -> "can be substituted"
Explanation: The correct verb form is "substituted" to maintain grammatical accuracy and formality in academic writing. -
"with a variety of advantages" -> "with numerous advantages"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "a variety of," which is somewhat vague and less formal. -
"it is unnecessary to promote" -> "there is no need to promote"
Explanation: "There is no need to promote" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the idea that something is not necessary. -
"due to its potential problems" -> "owing to its potential drawbacks"
Explanation: "Drawbacks" is a more specific and formal term than "problems," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"brings convinience" -> "offers convenience"
Explanation: "Offers" is the correct verb form to use with "convenience," and "convenience" should be spelled correctly as "convenience." -
"at anytime" -> "at any time"
Explanation: "At any time" is the correct phrase, with a space between "any" and "time." -
"commution" -> "commuting"
Explanation: "Commuting" is the correct spelling of the word, referring to the act of regularly traveling to and from work or school. -
"Specially" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is the correct adverb form needed here to indicate a specific example. -
"such as covid 19" -> "such as COVID-19"
Explanation: "COVID-19" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun, referring to the specific disease. -
"students’ learning can still take place normally" -> "students can continue their studies normally"
Explanation: "Continue their studies" is a more precise and formal way to express ongoing academic activities. -
"due to quarantine" -> "due to quarantine measures"
Explanation: Adding "measures" specifies the type of quarantine being referred to, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"learning through online platform" -> "learning through the online platform"
Explanation: "The" is necessary before "online platform" to specify which platform is being referred to. -
"some trouble with internet" -> "technical issues with the internet"
Explanation: "Technical issues" is a more precise and formal term than "some trouble," which is vague and informal. -
"cannot access lessons fully" -> "cannot fully access lessons"
Explanation: "Cannot fully access" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"there is not face-to-face interaction" -> "there is no face-to-face interaction"
Explanation: "No" is the correct form to use in this context, and "face-to-face" should be hyphenated as one word. -
"it is difficult for teachers to observe students and control class" -> "it is challenging for teachers to monitor students and manage the classroom"
Explanation: "Monitor" and "manage the classroom" are more precise and formal terms than "observe" and "control class." -
"although there are some disvantages" -> "although there are some disadvantages"
Explanation: "Disadvantages" should be spelled correctly without the "v." -
"more and more" -> "increasingly"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal and academically appropriate adverb than "more and more," which is somewhat colloquial.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both views on online education as a substitute for traditional learning. It briefly touches on the advantages (convenience, cost savings, continuity during epidemics) and mentions potential problems (internet issues, lack of face-to-face interaction). However, the discussion lacks depth and analysis. There is no clear breakdown of advantages versus disadvantages, nor a structured approach to examining both views comprehensively.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline each viewpoint separately and delve deeper into each. For instance, dedicate one paragraph to discussing the advantages (e.g., convenience, cost savings, flexibility during crises) and another to the disadvantages (e.g., connectivity issues, lack of interpersonal skills development). Provide specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint, ensuring a balanced argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a balanced view but struggles to maintain a clear stance throughout. It opens with a vague statement ("I will discuss both views"), suggesting an intention to present both sides, but the essay doesn’t clearly distinguish between personal opinion and analysis of viewpoints. The conclusion slightly leans towards promoting online education without a strong restatement of the balanced discussion.
- How to improve: Improve clarity by clearly stating at the outset how both views will be addressed. Maintain consistency in presenting arguments for and against online education throughout the essay. Ensure the conclusion reinforces a balanced consideration of both perspectives rather than favoring one over the other.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented but lack elaboration and support. For instance, while advantages like convenience and savings are mentioned, there is little expansion on how these impact learning or specific examples to illustrate these points. The discussion of disadvantages lacks depth in explaining how connectivity issues or lack of face-to-face interaction specifically affect learning outcomes.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay, develop each idea with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. Extend the discussion by exploring the implications of each advantage and disadvantage on education quality and student experience. This will provide a more comprehensive analysis and strengthen the argumentation.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally strays into generalizations ("enormous benefits") without substantiation. The discussion of advantages and disadvantages could be more focused and directly related to the topic of substituting traditional learning with online education.
- How to improve: Maintain a clear focus on the topic by directly addressing each part of the prompt. Avoid broad statements without supporting evidence and ensure every point made contributes directly to the discussion of online versus traditional education.
In conclusion, while the essay attempts to address both views on online education, it falls short in depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and staying consistently on topic. Strengthening these aspects through clearer structure, deeper analysis, and more specific examples will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both views on online education but lacks a clear organizational structure. It starts with an introduction that outlines the two viewpoints but doesn’t clearly separate the arguments into distinct paragraphs. The arguments for and against online education are somewhat mixed within the body paragraphs, making it challenging for the reader to follow a coherent progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should adopt a more structured approach. Begin with a clear introduction that presents the topic and the two opposing views succinctly. Each viewpoint should then be developed in separate paragraphs, ensuring that arguments for and against online education are clearly delineated. Use topic sentences to introduce each main idea and conclude each paragraph with a summary sentence that reinforces the main argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt at paragraphing but lacks consistency and coherence. There are some paragraphs but they are not clearly focused on individual ideas or arguments. For instance, the paragraph on advantages mixes points about convenience and financial savings without a clear transition between them.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument related to the topic. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point. Provide supporting details and examples that relate directly to that main point. Use linking words or phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some basic cohesive devices such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" to introduce contrasting viewpoints. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used throughout the essay, which affects its overall cohesion. The progression of ideas lacks the variety and sophistication needed to achieve a higher band score.
- How to improve: Broaden the use of cohesive devices to include a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," "moreover," "therefore," and "consequently." These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences more effectively, improving the flow of the essay. Ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the essay’s argumentative structure.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of coherence and cohesion by addressing both views on online education, there is room for improvement in organizing ideas more logically, refining paragraph structure for clarity, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to enhance overall coherence. These adjustments would help elevate the essay to a higher band score by ensuring a more cohesive and structured presentation of arguments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are instances where appropriate synonyms and phrases are used (e.g., "substituted" for "replaced," "enormous advantages," "potential problems"). However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" could be diversified with more varied transitional phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary where suitable. For example, instead of "enormous benefits," phrases like "substantial advantages" or "considerable benefits" could be used. Additionally, varying transition words and phrases (e.g., "conversely," "furthermore") can add depth and coherence to the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally clear, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the word "convinience" should be corrected to "convenience." Moreover, the phrase "build schools" could be more precise, such as "construct educational facilities."
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using specific terms that accurately convey your intended meaning. For instance, instead of "breaks out," use "occurs" or "emerges," and replace "disvantages" with "drawbacks" or "shortcomings."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally adequate, with a few errors such as "convinience" (should be "convenience"), "disvantages" (should be "disadvantages"), and "commution" (should be "commuting").
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essays carefully. Additionally, using spell-check tools can help identify and correct spelling errors efficiently.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling, enhancing lexical variety, precision, and accuracy will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay at this band score level.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For instance, simple sentences like "Some people argue that traditional learning can be substituted by online learning" and compound sentences such as "Teachers and students can interact with each other at anytime and anywhere, therefore, they can save fees used for commution and facilities to build schools."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. Complex sentences could provide more nuanced connections between ideas, enhancing clarity and coherence. For example, instead of solely relying on simple and compound sentences, integrate complex sentences by combining related thoughts or adding dependent clauses.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout its content. For example, "convinience" should be corrected to "convenience," and there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "there is not face-to-face interaction"). Punctuation errors include missing commas (e.g., "financial savings. Teachers") and improper apostrophe usage ("commution").
- How to improve: Focus on fundamental grammatical rules such as subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and sentence structure coherence. Pay attention to punctuation marks like commas to improve clarity and readability. Revising for these errors can significantly enhance the essay’s grammatical accuracy and overall effectiveness.
In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the essay prompt and expresses clear opinions, it would benefit from diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. These improvements would elevate the clarity and coherence of the essay, aligning it more closely with the expectations for a Band 7 in Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some argue that traditional learning can be substituted with online learning due to numerous advantages, while others contend that there is no need to promote online learning owing to its potential drawbacks. I will discuss both perspectives in the essay below.
On the one hand, online education offers convenience and financial savings. Teachers and students can interact with each other at any time and from any location, which can save on commuting costs and infrastructure expenses associated with physical schools. Specifically, during events like COVID-19 outbreaks, students can continue their studies normally at home, avoiding the risk of illness or missing lessons due to quarantine measures.
On the other hand, learning through the online platform poses some potential disadvantages. For instance, if students encounter technical issues with the internet, they may not be able to fully access lessons. Additionally, the lack of face-to-face interaction between teachers and students means it is challenging for teachers to monitor students and effectively manage the classroom.
In conclusion, although online learning has its drawbacks, it offers convenience and other advantages that are increasingly recognized. Therefore, while traditional learning still holds value, online education should be increasingly promoted in the future to leverage its benefits while addressing its limitations.
