It is suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

While people have many different views about whether the students in primary school should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals or not , I think that has more advantages than disadvantages.
When the farming lesson is given to class, there will also be some drawbacks. If teachers teach about garden and animal care for pupils in the early grades, they will have much additional pressure on their shoulders. Because they have to ensure safety and not injure kids. And that is the reason why adults require close supervision and management . It is also challenging for teachers in charge of large-sized classes. For schools with financial problems, this model is also a big challenge for them. Because those schools need to allocate huge funds for equipment, materials, and garden or farm maintenance to have enough space for pupils to study.Nevertheless they have limited budgets and also may struggle to afford the necessary resources.
On the other hand, elementary school students gaining knowledge of cultivating crops and animal care get many advantages. Children will be taught valuable life skills. They should understand how to grow their own food, explain knowledge about different crops to understand the value of agriculture.It is especially important for students in urban areas with limited exposure to agriculture.It seems to me that youngsters at primary level taught to farm and garden will develop a lot of important virtues. Growing plants requires patience to await the growth of seeds, foster empathy and compassion to tend to well-being of living organisms.
In conclusion, There are both advantages and disadvantages in learning garden and animal care of youngsters at elementary school,but i think the disadvantages pale in comparison with the advantages .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people have many different views about whether" -> "there are diverse opinions regarding whether"
Explanation: "There are diverse opinions regarding" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals or not" -> "should be instructed in vegetable cultivation and animal husbandry"
Explanation: "Instructed in vegetable cultivation and animal husbandry" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the informal "or not," which is typically used in conversational language.
"has more advantages than disadvantages" -> "offers more benefits than drawbacks"
Explanation: "Offers more benefits than drawbacks" is a more formal and precise way to express the comparison, aligning better with academic style.
"When the farming lesson is given to class" -> "When agricultural instruction is provided to the class"
Explanation: "Agricultural instruction" is a more specific and formal term than "farming lesson," and "provided" is more formal than "given."
"they will have much additional pressure on their shoulders" -> "they will face significant additional pressure"
Explanation: "Face significant additional pressure" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquialism "on their shoulders."
"Because they have to ensure safety and not injure kids" -> "Because they must ensure safety and prevent injuries to children"
Explanation: "Must ensure safety and prevent injuries to children" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "kids" with "children."
"adults require close supervision and management" -> "adult supervision and management are necessary"
Explanation: "Adult supervision and management are necessary" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"It is also challenging for teachers in charge of large-sized classes" -> "It is also challenging for teachers managing large classes"
Explanation: "Managing large classes" is more concise and formal than "in charge of large-sized classes."
"For schools with financial problems, this model is also a big challenge for them" -> "For financially constrained schools, this model poses significant challenges"
Explanation: "Financially constrained schools" and "poses significant challenges" are more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "big challenge."
"Because those schools need to allocate huge funds" -> "Because these schools must allocate substantial funds"
Explanation: "Must allocate substantial funds" is more formal and precise than "need to allocate huge funds."
"Children will be taught valuable life skills" -> "Children will acquire valuable life skills"
Explanation: "Acquire" is a more formal verb than "be taught," fitting better in an academic context.
"explain knowledge about different crops to understand the value of agriculture" -> "gain knowledge about various crops to appreciate the value of agriculture"
Explanation: "Gain knowledge" and "appreciate the value" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"youngsters at primary level taught to farm and garden" -> "young students at the primary level taught to farm and garden"
Explanation: "Young students" is more specific and formal than "youngsters," and "at the primary level" is more precise than "at primary level."
"will develop a lot of important virtues" -> "will cultivate numerous essential virtues"
Explanation: "Cultivate" and "essential" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"growing plants requires patience to await the growth of seeds" -> "growing plants necessitates patience in awaiting seed growth"
Explanation: "Necessitates patience in awaiting seed growth" is more formal and precise, avoiding the less formal "to await the growth of seeds."
"foster empathy and compassion to tend to well-being of living organisms" -> "foster empathy and compassion to ensure the well-being of living organisms"
Explanation: "Ensure the well-being" is more formal and precise than "tend to well-being," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teaching primary school children how to grow vegetables and keep animals. The writer acknowledges the drawbacks, such as the pressure on teachers and financial constraints, before presenting the benefits, including the acquisition of life skills and virtues. However, the analysis of disadvantages is somewhat limited and lacks depth, particularly in exploring the implications of these drawbacks.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced analysis by elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples or statistics. Additionally, discussing potential solutions to the challenges faced by schools could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of teaching children about gardening and animal care, asserting that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of disadvantages to the subsequent advantages. For example, after mentioning a disadvantage, they could immediately counter it with a related advantage, reinforcing their overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of teaching children about agriculture, such as the development of life skills and virtues. However, these ideas are not fully extended or supported with concrete examples or evidence. For instance, the claim that gardening fosters patience and empathy could be strengthened by providing specific instances or research findings that illustrate these benefits.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point made by providing examples, anecdotes, or relevant research. This could involve discussing specific life skills that children might learn or citing studies that show the benefits of agricultural education. A more detailed exploration of each idea will enhance the overall persuasiveness of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of agricultural education for primary school children. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of disadvantages, which could be more directly tied back to the main argument of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of the essay. They could use a clear structure that explicitly links each paragraph back to the advantages or disadvantages, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing disadvantages and advantages, and a conclusion. However, the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages is abrupt and could confuse readers. The points about disadvantages are somewhat scattered and could benefit from clearer categorization.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. For example, start the paragraph on disadvantages with a statement like, "While there are benefits to teaching children about agriculture, there are significant challenges that must be addressed." This sets a clear expectation for the reader and helps maintain focus.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. The first body paragraph mixes several ideas, such as teacher pressure, safety concerns, and financial issues, without clear separation. This can lead to confusion about the main point of the paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the key points made in the essay.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For instance, create one paragraph dedicated solely to the disadvantages of teaching agriculture, and another for the advantages. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and is followed by supporting details that are logically connected. The conclusion should succinctly restate the main arguments and reinforce the writer’s opinion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "nevertheless," but their usage is limited and at times feels forced. There are also instances where transitions between sentences and ideas are weak, leading to a disjointed reading experience. For example, the phrase "Because they have to ensure safety and not injure kids" could be better integrated into the preceding sentence to improve flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "however." Additionally, ensure that sentences are logically connected by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas. For example, instead of starting a new sentence with "And that is the reason why," you could say, "This necessitates close supervision and management."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, leading to a clearer and more effective argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "valuable life skills," "cultivating crops," and "financial problems." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases such as "grow vegetables" and "keep animals," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s richness. The use of phrases like "limited exposure to agriculture" is effective, but overall, the essay lacks more sophisticated vocabulary that could elevate the argument.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "grow," alternatives like "cultivate," "nurture," or "raise" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to agriculture and education would enhance the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the farming lesson is given to class," which could be more clearly expressed as "farming lessons are provided to students." The phrase "much additional pressure on their shoulders" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with "significant additional responsibilities." Furthermore, the phrase "explain knowledge about different crops" is awkward and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of vocabulary. Using more formal and specific language would improve the overall quality. For example, instead of "explain knowledge," one could say "gain an understanding of" or "learn about." Regular practice with academic writing and reviewing vocabulary in context can help achieve this.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "garden and animal care for pupils" (should be "care for gardens and animals") and "youngsters at primary level taught to farm and garden" (should be "youngsters at the primary level who are taught to farm and garden"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can help reduce these mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument and addresses the prompt, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute significantly to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("When the farming lesson is given to class, there will also be some drawbacks.") and compound sentences ("On the other hand, elementary school students gaining knowledge of cultivating crops and animal care get many advantages."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall fluency. For example, the phrase "Because they have to ensure safety and not injure kids" is a fragment and lacks integration into a complete sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Because they have to ensure safety and not injure kids," the writer could say, "Teachers must ensure safety and prevent injuries to children, which adds to their responsibilities." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the students in primary school should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals or not" is awkwardly phrased and could be simplified. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences and after introductory phrases ("In conclusion, There are both advantages and disadvantages…"). The use of "but" should not be capitalized after a comma.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the rules for punctuation in complex and compound sentences, ensuring that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help reduce grammatical errors. For instance, the sentence "It is also challenging for teachers in charge of large-sized classes" could be rephrased to "Teachers in charge of large classes also face significant challenges." Regular grammar exercises and proofreading can help identify and correct common mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

While people have many different views about whether students in primary school should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals, I think that this has more advantages than disadvantages.

When agricultural instruction is provided to the class, there will also be some drawbacks. If teachers teach about gardening and animal care for pupils in the early grades, they will face significant additional pressure on their shoulders. Because they must ensure safety and prevent injuries to children, adult supervision and management are necessary. It is also challenging for teachers managing large classes. For financially constrained schools, this model poses significant challenges because these schools must allocate substantial funds for equipment, materials, and garden or farm maintenance to have enough space for pupils to study. Nevertheless, they have limited budgets and may also struggle to afford the necessary resources.

On the other hand, elementary school students gaining knowledge of cultivating crops and animal care receive many advantages. Children will acquire valuable life skills. They should understand how to grow their own food and gain knowledge about various crops to appreciate the value of agriculture. This is especially important for students in urban areas with limited exposure to agriculture. It seems to me that young students at the primary level taught to farm and garden will cultivate numerous essential virtues. Growing plants necessitates patience in awaiting seed growth and fosters empathy and compassion to ensure the well-being of living organisms.

In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to learning about gardening and animal care for youngsters at elementary school, but I think the disadvantages pale in comparison to the advantages.