In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

In this evolving era, several regions would allow for consumers to come to supermarkets and expenses for food produced around the world. This essay attempts to shed light on both merits and demerits in this policy before concluding that this is indeed an advancement.

On the one hand, easily buying food manufactured all over the world is disadvantageous to some extent. This means that the enormous cost incurred to import goods from outside this area would put a strain on government coffers, thereby leading to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare. As a result, ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, would struggle even more to make ends meet. Furthermore, although I certainly agree the food produced all over the world appearing prevalent in supermarkets is convenient for individuals consume it, several adverse, such as economy downturn and lack revenue would have an bearing on several companies.This is primarily because food which is imported from abroad and quality compared with domestic food could attract more attention of consumers, thereby it has forced many companies domestic goods manufactured to downsize or even go into bankruptcy.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that increasing the diversity of foods in supermarkets by importing it from outside the country could incredibly reap the benefits . One rationale is that given the diversity of food, individuals have been given a lot of choices with one style of food over the past few decades . This perception could be reinforced by the fact that this trend significantly aids them to find foods favorable to themselves, so that improves the quality life of each person. Another justification is that they are more likely to experience many foods, especially traditional dishes. Importing foods from other countries perfectly exemplifies this situation, inhabitants can try diverse cuisines and new tastes and aromas from alien cultures. As a result, people would dramatically increase the experience with a lot of cuisines. This is a powerful testament to the enormous benefits of adding foods around the world into supermarkets.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that putting foods in other regions into supermarkets could have some downside, I would contend that the upsides that it offers are significantly more noteworthy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this evolving era" -> "In this contemporary era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "evolving," which can be vague and less formal.
"would allow for consumers to come to supermarkets and expenses for food" -> "would permit consumers to visit supermarkets and incur expenses for food"
Explanation: "Permit" is more formal than "allow for," and "visit" is more precise than "come to." Additionally, "incur expenses" is more formal than "expenses for."
"This essay attempts to shed light on" -> "This essay aims to elucidate"
Explanation: "Aims to elucidate" is more formal and precise than "attempts to shed light on," which is somewhat colloquial.
"easily buying" -> "conveniently purchasing"
Explanation: "Conveniently purchasing" is more formal and specific than "easily buying," which is too informal for academic writing.
"disadvantageous to some extent" -> "advantageous to a certain extent"
Explanation: The original phrase is incorrect as it should be "advantageous" instead of "disadvantageous" to correctly convey the intended meaning.
"the enormous cost incurred" -> "the substantial costs incurred"
Explanation: "Substantial" is more precise and formal than "enormous," which can be seen as hyperbolic.
"put a strain on government coffers" -> "place a strain on government finances"
Explanation: "Government finances" is a more specific and formal term than "government coffers," which is somewhat archaic and less precise.
"budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare" -> "budget deficits, increased taxes, or reduced social welfare"
Explanation: "Increased taxes" is more specific and formal than "tax hikes," which is colloquial.
"although I certainly agree the food" -> "although I certainly agree that the food"
Explanation: Adding "that" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.
"appear prevalent in supermarkets is convenient for individuals consume it" -> "appear prevalent in supermarkets is convenient for consumers to consume"
Explanation: "Consumers" is the correct noun form, and "to consume" is grammatically correct.
"adverse, such as economy downturn and lack revenue" -> "adverse effects, such as economic downturn and revenue loss"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is grammatically correct, and "revenue loss" is more precise than "lack revenue."
"has forced many companies domestic goods manufactured to downsize or even go into bankruptcy" -> "has compelled many domestic companies to downsize or even go bankrupt"
Explanation: "Compelled" is more formal than "forced," and "domestic companies" is more precise than "companies domestic goods manufactured."
"could incredibly reap the benefits" -> "could significantly reap the benefits"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more appropriate in formal academic writing than "incredibly," which is overly emphatic.
"given a lot of choices with one style of food" -> "offered a wide range of options in various cuisines"
Explanation: "Offered a wide range of options in various cuisines" is more precise and formal than "given a lot of choices with one style of food."
"improves the quality life of each person" -> "enhances the quality of life for each individual"
Explanation: "Enhances the quality of life for each individual" is more formal and grammatically correct than "improves the quality life of each person."
"people would dramatically increase the experience with a lot of cuisines" -> "people would significantly expand their culinary experiences"
Explanation: "Significantly expand their culinary experiences" is more formal and precise than "dramatically increase the experience with a lot of cuisines."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument (positive and negative aspects of buying food produced globally). However, the treatment is uneven. The negative aspects are somewhat clearer, focusing on economic strains and potential disadvantages to local businesses. The positive aspects, while mentioned, lack depth and coherence in their argumentation.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure a more balanced treatment of both positive and negative aspects. It needs to clearly analyze and provide specific examples for each viewpoint, ensuring that both sides are addressed comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of the trend ("I am convinced that increasing the diversity of foods in supermarkets by importing it from outside the country could incredibly reap the benefits"). However, the clarity of this position is somewhat weakened by inconsistent expression and awkward phrasing throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency of position, the essay should articulate the stance more effectively from the outset and maintain this clarity throughout. Clear topic sentences in each paragraph would help guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks coherent development and support. It mentions potential economic impacts and benefits of food diversity but does not extend these ideas effectively. Examples are vague and not well-developed, lacking specific details or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or hypothetical scenarios to strengthen the argument. Clear examples related to economic impacts and consumer benefits would add depth and credibility to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the impacts of global food availability on economies and consumer choice. However, there are instances of unclear or awkward expression that detract from the overall focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should use clear and concise language throughout. Each paragraph should directly relate to the prompt, avoiding tangential discussions or unclear references.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt and presents a discernible viewpoint, there are significant areas for improvement. To enhance the essay to a higher band score, focus on improving clarity of expression, ensuring comprehensive coverage of both sides of the argument with specific examples, and maintaining coherence and relevance throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present arguments both for and against the idea of consumers being able to buy food from around the world, but the logical organization is somewhat confused. There are instances where ideas are not clearly connected, such as the transition between discussing economic impacts and consumer convenience. For example, the shift from discussing budget deficits to consumer preferences lacks a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should focus on clearer topic development within paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a central theme or argument that is introduced clearly at the outset, developed with supporting details, and concluded effectively. Use topic sentences and linking words more effectively to guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally used, but the structure within paragraphs can be disjointed. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear breaks or transitions, affecting coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing economic impacts mixes ideas about budget deficits and consumer choices without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea or argument related to the prompt. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point of that paragraph. Ensure that supporting details are relevant to the topic sentence and provide sufficient explanation or examples to support the argument. Consider using paragraph breaks more strategically to indicate shifts in focus or new points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices like pronouns ("this," "it," "these") are used sporadically, and there is limited use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("however," "furthermore") or linking phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand"). This affects the overall coherence of the essay as connections between ideas are not always clearly established.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and frequency of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within sentences and across paragraphs more effectively. This will help readers follow the logical progression of your arguments and improve the overall coherence of your essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some ability to organize ideas and use paragraphs, there are areas that need improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focus on clearer topic development within paragraphs, ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme, and use cohesive devices more consistently to enhance coherence. These adjustments will help strengthen the structural and logical framework of your essay, leading to improved coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, but often lacks precision and coherence. For instance, phrases like "could incredibly reap the benefits" and "this is a powerful testament" show attempts at complexity but lack clarity and appropriate usage.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that enhances clarity and coherence. Instead of overly complex phrases, aim for precise and effective vocabulary that directly supports your arguments. For example, instead of "could incredibly reap the benefits," consider "could significantly enhance the benefits."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with precision in vocabulary usage. For example, "convenient for individuals consume it" lacks clarity, and "adverse, such as economy downturn and lack revenue" is imprecise and grammatically incorrect. These instances hinder the essay’s overall coherence.
- How to improve: Work on using vocabulary that fits the context accurately. Avoid ambiguous or awkward phrasing. For instance, replace "convenient for individuals consume it" with "convenient for individuals to consume," and revise "adverse, such as economy downturn and lack revenue" to "adversities such as economic downturns and revenue deficits."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "expenses" instead of "expenditures," "coffers" instead of "coffins," and "quality life" instead of "quality of life." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Review spelling carefully and consider using spell-check tools to catch common mistakes. Additionally, practice writing with a focus on correct spelling to improve accuracy.

Overall, while the essay shows an attempt to incorporate a wide range of vocabulary, there is a need for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence. By refining vocabulary choices to better fit the context and ensuring correct spelling throughout, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and occasionally complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences like "This essay attempts to shed light on both merits and demerits in this policy" are interspersed with more complex constructions such as "Furthermore, although I certainly agree the food produced all over the world appearing prevalent in supermarkets is convenient for individuals consume it, several adverse, such as economy downturn and lack revenue would have an bearing on several companies."
The variety of structures is somewhat limited, with a tendency towards simpler constructions that occasionally hinder clarity and coherence. Complex sentences often lack cohesion or are overly convoluted, affecting readability.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence types such as compound-complex sentences and using transitional phrases effectively to improve coherence. Focus on clarity and precision in complex sentences to avoid ambiguity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay demonstrates a basic command of grammar, there are noticeable errors throughout. For example, "This is primarily because food which is imported from abroad and quality compared with domestic food could attract more attention of consumers, thereby it has forced many companies domestic goods manufactured to downsize or even go into bankruptcy." Here, subject-verb agreement issues ("food which is imported" should be "food that is imported") and awkward phrasing ("thereby it has forced many companies domestic goods manufactured") affect clarity.
Punctuation is inconsistently applied, with errors such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences and incorrect use of commas in complex structures.
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and noun phrase structure. Practice using commas effectively to improve sentence clarity and coherence. Pay attention to sentence boundaries and avoid run-on sentences to enhance readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates potential and a coherent structure, improving sentence variety and grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the score to the next band level.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary era, consumers in many countries have the opportunity to visit supermarkets and purchase food produced globally. This essay aims to elucidate both the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon before concluding that it represents a positive development.

On the one hand, conveniently purchasing food from around the world is advantageous to a certain extent. However, the substantial costs incurred in importing these goods may place a strain on government finances, leading to budget deficits, increased taxes, or reduced social welfare. Consequently, this could exacerbate financial difficulties for ordinary citizens, especially the less affluent. Furthermore, while I agree that the availability of globally produced food in supermarkets is convenient for consumers, it can have adverse effects, such as economic downturns and revenue losses, impacting many domestic companies. This is primarily because imported foods often compete favorably with domestic products, forcing local businesses to downsize or even go bankrupt.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons to support the inclusion of a wide range of international foods in supermarkets. Importing diverse foods could significantly benefit consumers by offering a wide range of options in various cuisines. This enhances the quality of life for each individual by broadening their culinary experiences. People would significantly expand their culinary horizons, exploring traditional dishes and new flavors from different cultures. This exposure not only enriches personal gastronomic experiences but also promotes cultural exchange and understanding.

In conclusion, while the practice of importing foods from around the world into supermarkets may have its drawbacks, such as economic challenges for local producers, I believe that the benefits it offers, including culinary diversity and enriching consumer experiences, outweigh these concerns. Therefore, I consider this trend to be a positive development overall.