The chart shows the number of films produced by five countries in three years

The given bar chart illustrates how many films were produced by five nations over a triennium starting from 2007.
Overall, there was a slight decrease in the quantity of films generated in two countries A and B over the given years, while the reverse trend can be seen in the other nations. In addition, the number of films created by countries A and B were much higher than the remaining countries.
Country A produced the most significant and same number of films in the first two surveyed years at about 88 films, after which it witnessed a moderate decline to exactly 80 films in 2009. Conversely, with a lesser extent, was seen in the figure for country B, which increased from 50 films in 2007 to around 52 films in 2008, before jumping remarkably to precisely 70 films in 2009.
Concerning the minor movie producers, country C started at 10 films in 2007, with a subsequent rise and reached nearly 20 films in 2009. Similarly, 20 were the total number of films produced in country E in the year 2007 and 2008, then it grew marginally to over 10 films in the final year. In the meantime, country D experienced a contrasting trend, with a reduction from around 17 films in 2007 to 10 films in the following year, followed by a mild surge at around 15 films in the end.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the given bar chart illustrates" -> "the provided bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and appropriate in an academic context than "given," which can sound somewhat informal and less precise.
"how many films were produced by five nations" -> "the number of films produced by five nations"
Explanation: Changing "how many films were produced" to "the number of films produced" makes the phrase more concise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"a slight decrease" -> "a moderate decline"
Explanation: "Moderate decline" is a more precise and formal term than "slight decrease," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"the reverse trend" -> "an opposite trend"
Explanation: "An opposite trend" is more precise and academically appropriate than "the reverse trend," which can be seen as less formal.
"the number of films created by countries A and B were" -> "the number of films produced by countries A and B was"
Explanation: Correcting "were" to "was" fixes the grammatical error, ensuring subject-verb agreement with the singular subject "number."
"the most significant and same number of films" -> "the largest number of films"
Explanation: "The largest number of films" is more concise and avoids the awkward and incorrect use of "the most significant and same."
"with a lesser extent, was seen in the figure for country B" -> "to a lesser extent, country B’s figure"
Explanation: "To a lesser extent, country B’s figure" is more direct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"jumping remarkably" -> "experiencing a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experiencing a significant increase" is more formal and avoids the colloquial tone of "jumping remarkably."
"Concerning the minor movie producers" -> "Regarding the lesser film producers"
Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal than "Concerning," and "lesser film producers" is more precise than "minor movie producers."
"started at 10 films" -> "began with 10 films"
Explanation: "Began with" is more formal and academically appropriate than "started at."
"with a subsequent rise and reached nearly 20 films" -> "with a subsequent increase to nearly 20 films"
Explanation: "With a subsequent increase to nearly 20 films" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "rise and reached."
"then it grew marginally to over 10 films" -> "it then increased marginally to over 10 films"
Explanation: "Increased" is more specific and formal than "grew," and the rephrasing improves the sentence structure.
"a mild surge at around 15 films" -> "a moderate increase to around 15 films"
Explanation: "A moderate increase to around 15 films" is more precise and formal than "a mild surge at around 15 films."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the chart, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that "Country A produced the most significant and same number of films in the first two surveyed years at about 88 films," but it does not provide any further details about the number of films produced in each year. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the fact that "20 were the total number of films produced in country E in the year 2007 and 2008." This information is not relevant to the main trends in the chart.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features of the chart. For example, the essay could state that "Country A produced 88 films in 2007 and 88 films in 2008, before declining to 80 films in 2009." The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could remove the sentence "20 were the total number of films produced in country E in the year 2007 and 2008."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas throughout. It starts with an overview that summarizes the main trends depicted in the chart, indicating a clear progression from the introduction to the detailed comparisons between countries. Each paragraph focuses on a specific country and provides a clear central topic related to the number of films produced. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices such as linking words ("overall", "conversely", "similarly", "meanwhile") to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately to structure the information logically.

How to improve:
To potentially move towards a higher band score (8.0), ensure that the range of cohesive devices used is even more varied and precise. Additionally, pay attention to maintaining a consistent level of complexity and sophistication in the use of these devices throughout the essay. More nuanced transitions and connectors could further enhance the coherence and cohesion, making the flow even smoother and more seamless.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in describing the data presented in the bar chart. There is a good attempt to use less common lexical items such as "triennium" and "surveyed years." The writer shows awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "overall," "moderate decline," and "remarkably." While occasional errors in word choice and word formation exist (e.g., "lesser extent was seen," "mild surge at around 15 films"), they do not significantly detract from the overall clarity of the message.

How to improve:
To improve to a Band 8, aim to further refine the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Pay attention to the correct usage of idiomatic expressions and complex sentence structures. Review the essay for minor errors in spelling and word formation to enhance precision and fluency in conveying the information.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex forms. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, although accuracy issues occasionally arise, particularly in tense consistency and sentence structure coherence. While errors exist, they do not significantly hinder communication, allowing the reader to follow the main points of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score:

Sentence Structure: Focus on maintaining consistency in tense usage throughout the essay. Pay attention to the structure of complex sentences to ensure they are clear and grammatically correct.
Error Reduction: Work on reducing minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, which can occasionally distract the reader from the content.

Overall, the essay demonstrates potential to enhance grammatical precision and structural complexity to achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the number of films produced by five nations over a three-year period starting from 2007.

Overall, there was a slight decrease in the quantity of films generated by countries A and B over the given years, whereas an upward trend is observed for the other nations. Countries A and B notably produced a significantly higher number of films compared to the other nations.

Country A maintained the highest production, with approximately 88 films in both 2007 and 2008, followed by a moderate decline to precisely 80 films in 2009. Conversely, country B showed a smaller initial output of 50 films in 2007, which then increased to around 52 films in 2008, before sharply rising to exactly 70 films in 2009.

Among the smaller producers, country C began with 10 films in 2007 and experienced a steady increase to nearly 20 films by 2009. Similarly, country E started with 20 films in 2007 and 2008, with a slight increase to just over 30 films in 2009. In contrast, country D saw a decline from approximately 17 films in 2007 to 10 films in 2008, followed by a slight recovery to around 15 films in 2009.

Overall, the data reveals varied production trends among the nations surveyed during the specified years.