some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. discuss both views and give ur own opinion.

Opinions are divergent regarding whether robust relations between countries are beneficial or injurious to national value and commercial treaties. This essay will discuss both views and then I will provide my perspective.

To begin with, the connection between nations brings numerous great merits. First, citizens in each country possibly have opportunities to approach diverse cultures from overseas. Improved relations can foster cultural exchange and mutual understanding conduciving to approach alien cultures to residents easily. In addition, one of the best benefits of robust relations is economic growth as strong relations are likely to increase trade and foreign investment. For instance, rural dwellers in Vietnam tend to grow litchi fruit to export to the international market. This is because the strong relationships have facilitated the change in trade exchange

On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison with the significant disadvantages of robust relations between countries. Fostering relations can lead to cultural erosion because increasing cultural exchange and effects from foreign countries might be the adoption of other lifestyles, and values which may erode cultural identity, customs, and family structure. To be more specific, this influence is evident in areas such as social media, education, and consumer culture. Moreover, commercial treaties may cause economic dependency or trade imbalances as this is potentially harmful to local industries and small businesses while limiting national policy flexibility.

In summary, while the accelerating business and cultural cooperation between different nations brings an abundance of upsides such as enhancing cultural trade and the development of the economy, I would contend that the given disadvantages do not make it a worthwhile path.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divergent" -> "Opinions are diverse"
Explanation: "Diverse" is a more precise term in academic writing, emphasizing the variety of viewpoints without implying a negative connotation like "divergent."
"injurious to national value" -> "harmful to national values"
Explanation: "Harmful" is more direct and commonly used in academic contexts than "injurious," which can sound archaic and less precise. Also, "values" should be plural to reflect the variety of values that may be affected.
"This essay will discuss both views and then I will provide my perspective." -> "This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own."
Explanation: "Examine" is more formal than "discuss," and "presenting my own" is more precise than "provide my perspective," which sounds somewhat informal.
"numerous great merits" -> "numerous significant benefits"
Explanation: "Significant benefits" is more formal and precise than "great merits," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"possibly have opportunities" -> "may have opportunities"
Explanation: "May" is more formal and academically appropriate than "possibly," which can sound tentative and less formal.
"conduciving to approach alien cultures to residents easily" -> "facilitating easy access to foreign cultures for residents"
Explanation: "Facilitating easy access" is clearer and more direct than "conduciving to approach," which is awkward and unclear.
"strong relationships have facilitated the change in trade exchange" -> "strong relationships have facilitated changes in trade exchanges"
Explanation: "Changes in trade exchanges" is grammatically correct and more precise than "the change in trade exchange," which is awkward and unclear.
"I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison with the significant disadvantages" -> "I contend that the aforementioned advantages are outweighed by the significant disadvantages"
Explanation: "Contend" is more formal than "am convinced," and "are outweighed by" is a more precise expression than "pale in comparison with."
"Fostering relations can lead to cultural erosion" -> "Fostering relations may lead to cultural erosion"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "can" in academic writing, as it suggests possibility rather than certainty, which is more cautious and formal.
"increasing cultural exchange and effects from foreign countries" -> "increased cultural exchange and influences from foreign countries"
Explanation: "Increased" is the correct form to describe a process that has already begun, and "influences" is more specific than "effects," which can be vague.
"which may erode cultural identity, customs, and family structure" -> "which may erode cultural identity, customs, and family structures"
Explanation: "Structures" should be plural to reflect the variety of family structures that may be affected.
"this influence is evident in areas such as social media, education, and consumer culture" -> "this influence is evident in areas such as social media, education, and consumer cultures"
Explanation: "Cultures" should be plural to reflect the variety of consumer cultures that may be influenced.
"commercial treaties may cause economic dependency or trade imbalances" -> "commercial treaties may lead to economic dependency or trade imbalances"
Explanation: "Lead to" is more formal and precise than "cause," which can be too direct and simplistic for academic writing.
"I would contend that the given disadvantages do not make it a worthwhile path" -> "I contend that the given disadvantages render this path unworthy"
Explanation: "Render this path unworthy" is more formal and precise than "do not make it a worthwhile path," which is somewhat informal and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of increasing business and cultural contact between countries. The first paragraph discusses the positive aspects, such as cultural exchange and economic growth, while the second paragraph presents the opposing view of potential cultural erosion and economic dependency. The essay concludes with a personal opinion that leans towards the disadvantages outweighing the advantages. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit mention of the opposing view in the conclusion. A brief reiteration of the main points from both sides could strengthen the overall argument and ensure that all parts of the question are revisited.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, particularly in the concluding statement where the writer asserts that the disadvantages of increased relations outweigh the advantages. However, the transition from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks could be smoother to reinforce the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "On the contrary." This would help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the author’s position more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, such as the benefits of cultural exchange and economic growth, alongside the drawbacks of cultural erosion and economic dependency. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the example of Vietnamese litchi exports is relevant but could be expanded to illustrate the broader economic implications of international trade.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the author should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, elaborating on how cultural erosion manifests in specific societies or providing statistics on economic dependency could strengthen the argument and provide a more robust support for the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly and discussing both views before presenting a personal opinion. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which could distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "robust relations between countries" and "commercial treaties" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should aim for clearer and more concise language. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the argument will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the topic. Additionally, ensuring that all examples and explanations are directly tied back to the main argument will further enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is organized in a logical manner, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that summarizes the arguments. The transition from discussing the positive aspects of international relations to the negative consequences is smooth, helping the reader follow the writer’s line of reasoning. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of cultural exchange and economic growth, while the second body paragraph presents the counterarguments regarding cultural erosion and economic dependency.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly state the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the positive impacts of international relations, making it easier for the reader to identify the focus of the discussion immediately.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to clarity. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, with the first addressing the benefits of international relations and the second discussing the drawbacks. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs, as it currently feels somewhat integrated into the discussion rather than serving as a clear summary of the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that the conclusion is clearly delineated from the body paragraphs. This can be achieved by starting the conclusion with a clear transition phrase, such as "In conclusion," followed by a concise restatement of the main arguments. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea will further enhance the overall structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "On the other hand," and "In addition," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal shifts in focus and the relationship between ideas. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; for example, the phrase "robust relations" is repeated multiple times, which could lead to redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should consider synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "robust relations," the writer could use terms like "strong connections" or "international partnerships." Additionally, incorporating more advanced cohesive devices, such as "conversely" or "in contrast," could enhance the sophistication of the writing and provide clearer distinctions between opposing viewpoints.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "divergent," "robust relations," "cultural erosion," and "economic dependency." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "robust relations" is repeated, which could be substituted with synonyms such as "strong connections" or "solid partnerships" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader spectrum of vocabulary, particularly synonyms and related terms, to avoid repetition. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help in expanding word choices.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "conduciving to approach alien cultures" is awkward and could be misinterpreted. The intended meaning seems to be that improved relations facilitate access to foreign cultures, but the wording is convoluted. Additionally, "national value and commercial treaties" in the introduction could be clearer if rephrased to "national identity and economic agreements."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and simplicity in expression. Revising sentences for conciseness and ensuring that each term accurately reflects the intended meaning will improve overall precision. Practicing paraphrasing can also help in finding clearer ways to express complex ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors such as "conduciving" instead of "conducive." This demonstrates a solid grasp of spelling conventions. However, the presence of even a single spelling error can detract from the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in improving spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of introductory phrases like "To begin with" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the essay and guides the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "This is because the strong relationships have facilitated the change in trade exchange" is somewhat repetitive in structure and could benefit from rephrasing to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. For instance, instead of saying "This is because," you might say, "This is due to the fact that" or "As a result of the strong relationships, trade exchange has been facilitated." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can also add variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "conduciving to approach alien cultures" contains a typographical error ("conduciving" should be "conducive"). Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in longer sentences where they could help clarify meaning. For instance, in the sentence "Fostering relations can lead to cultural erosion because increasing cultural exchange and effects from foreign countries might be the adoption of other lifestyles, and values which may erode cultural identity," the comma before "and values" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for typographical errors and ensure that all terms are used correctly. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can improve clarity. A good strategy is to read sentences aloud to determine if they sound natural and if the punctuation aids in understanding. Furthermore, reviewing grammar rules related to conjunctions and clauses can help avoid common errors.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are diverse regarding whether robust relations between countries are beneficial or harmful to national values and commercial treaties. This essay will discuss both views, and then I will present my perspective.

To begin with, the connection between nations brings numerous significant benefits. First, citizens in each country may have opportunities to approach diverse cultures from overseas. Improved relations can foster cultural exchange and mutual understanding, facilitating easy access to foreign cultures for residents. In addition, one of the best benefits of robust relations is economic growth, as strong relations are likely to increase trade and foreign investment. For instance, rural dwellers in Vietnam tend to grow litchi fruit to export to the international market. This is because strong relationships have facilitated changes in trade exchanges.

On the other hand, I contend that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison to the significant disadvantages of robust relations between countries. Fostering relations may lead to cultural erosion because increased cultural exchange and influences from foreign countries might result in the adoption of other lifestyles and values, which may erode cultural identity, customs, and family structures. To be more specific, this influence is evident in areas such as social media, education, and consumer cultures. Moreover, commercial treaties may lead to economic dependency or trade imbalances, which can be potentially harmful to local industries and small businesses while limiting national policy flexibility.

In summary, while the accelerating business and cultural cooperation between different nations brings numerous upsides, such as enhancing cultural trade and the development of the economy, I contend that the given disadvantages render this path unworthy.