Describe a family, other than your own, that you knew well. You should say: how you know this family; who the members of the family are; what they do and what they’re interested in; explain how you feel about the family.

Describe a family, other than your own, that you knew well.
You should say:
how you know this family;
who the members of the family are;
what they do and what they’re interested in;
explain how you feel about the family.

i want to tell you about Vy's family. My mom and her mother are best friend since many years ago. Therefore, my family and her family are very close. They are all very friendly and kind. My family is often share everything with her family. Vy's family has four people, including: Vy's father, Vy's mother, Vy's sister and her. Her dad is a doctor, her mom is a history teacher at secondary school. Her older sister is a student at university. Vy is still a student at high school. She is study with me. Because we played together since childhood, the same as our mother, we became close friends. Her family is very interested in spending time together. i feel her family is very good and happy. they have a very strong family relationship.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "i want to tell you about Vy’s family" -> "I would like to discuss Vy’s family"
   Explanation: Capitalizing the first letter of the sentence and replacing "want" with "would like to" introduces a more formal tone and aligns with academic writing standards.

2. "My mom and her mother are best friend" -> "My mother and her mother are close friends"
   Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error "best friend" to "close friends" and using "mother" instead of "mom" enhances the formality and correctness of the sentence.

3. "since many years ago" -> "for many years"
   Explanation: "For many years" is a more concise and formal way to express a prolonged period of time, improving the academic tone.

4. "My family and her family are very close" -> "My family and her family maintain a close relationship"
   Explanation: "Maintain a close relationship" is a more precise and formal way to describe the closeness between families, avoiding the redundancy of "are very close."

5. "They are all very friendly and kind" -> "They are all extremely friendly and kind"
   Explanation: Adding "extremely" enhances the description, providing a stronger, more precise characterization of the family’s traits.

6. "My family is often share everything with her family" -> "My family frequently shares everything with her family"
   Explanation: Correcting "is often share" to "frequently shares" fixes the grammatical error and uses a more formal verb form.

7. "Vy’s family has four people" -> "Vy’s family consists of four members"
   Explanation: "Consists of" is a more precise and formal way to describe the composition of a family, replacing the vague "has four people."

8. "Her dad is a doctor, her mom is a history teacher at secondary school" -> "Her father is a doctor, and her mother is a history teacher at a secondary school"
   Explanation: Adding "and" for conjunction and specifying "a secondary school" instead of "secondary school" improves the sentence structure and clarity.

9. "Her older sister is a student at university" -> "Her older sister is currently a university student"
   Explanation: Adding "currently" clarifies the status of the sister’s enrollment, and "university student" is a more formal way to describe the student’s status.

10. "Vy is still a student at high school" -> "Vy remains a high school student"
    Explanation: "Remains" is a more formal verb choice than "is still," and "high school student" is a more concise and formal way to describe the student’s status.

11. "She is study with me" -> "She studies with me"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "is study" to "studies" fixes the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

12. "Because we played together since childhood, the same as our mother, we became close friends" -> "As we have been friends since childhood, mirroring our mothers’ close relationship, we have become close friends"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the reasoning and uses more formal language, improving the flow and coherence of the sentence.

13. "Her family is very interested in spending time together" -> "Her family places great importance on spending time together"
    Explanation: "Places great importance on" is a more formal and precise way to describe the family’s values and priorities.

14. "i feel her family is very good and happy" -> "I perceive her family as very good and happy"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "I" and replacing "feel" with "perceive" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

15. "they have a very strong family relationship" -> "they maintain a very strong family bond"
    Explanation: "Maintain a very strong family bond" is a more formal and precise way to describe the strength of family relationships.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It describes Vy’s family, how the writer knows them (through their mothers’ friendship), who the family members are, and briefly touches on their interests (spending time together). However, it lacks detail on what each member does beyond their occupations and doesn’t elaborate on the writer’s feelings about the family.
  • How to improve: To improve, ensure each part of the question is fully addressed. Provide specific details about each family member’s activities and interests, and expand on personal feelings towards the family to demonstrate a deeper connection.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that Vy’s family is close-knit and friendly. The writer consistently portrays them positively throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, reinforce the positive attributes of the family with more specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate their warmth and kindness.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented but not extended or supported in depth. For example, stating the occupations of family members is factual but lacks elaboration on how these occupations shape their lives or interactions.
  • How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more detailed descriptions or anecdotes that show how each family member’s occupation or interests contribute to their family dynamics and relationships.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally veers off track, such as mentioning the writer’s own schooling without connecting it back to Vy’s family.
  • How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on Vy’s family throughout the essay. Avoid mentioning unrelated personal details that do not directly contribute to describing Vy’s family as per the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of Vy’s family and their relationships, it falls short in providing detailed and coherent responses to all parts of the prompt. To improve, focus on expanding details about each family member, reinforcing a clear and consistent portrayal of the family, and ensuring all content directly relates to the given essay prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information logically by introducing Vy’s family and providing details about each member. It starts with a brief background on the relationship between the writer’s and Vy’s families, then proceeds to describe each family member’s profession and status as a student. The sequence of introducing family members and their occupations follows a straightforward pattern.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a clearer introduction that explicitly states the connection between the writer’s and Vy’s families. Develop a more structured approach by discussing each family member in a consistent manner, such as starting with parents before moving to siblings. This will improve clarity and coherence in presenting family details.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraph breaks, resulting in a single block of text. This impacts readability and structure, making it challenging for the reader to distinguish different aspects of the essay.
  • How to improve: Introduce paragraph breaks to separate distinct ideas or aspects of Vy’s family. For instance, one paragraph could focus on the familial relationship and background, while subsequent paragraphs delve into each family member’s profession and interests. This will improve the essay’s organization and readability, aiding coherence and cohesion.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices such as pronouns ("her family," "they") and time markers ("since childhood"), albeit sparingly. These help maintain some flow between sentences and ideas.
  • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("therefore," "because"), transitions ("including," "such as"), and referencing ("Vy’s family," "her"). These devices will better connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay, ensuring a smoother progression from one point to the next.

Overall, while the essay effectively introduces Vy’s family and provides relevant details about each member, improvements in paragraphing and the use of cohesive devices would significantly enhance its coherence and cohesion. Clearer paragraph breaks and more varied cohesive devices will not only improve the structural organization but also strengthen the flow of ideas, ultimately raising the coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some repetition ("family," "very," "together"). Specific terms such as "history teacher" and "secondary school" contribute to clarity and specificity. However, there is room to diversify vocabulary further to enhance descriptive richness and precision.
  • How to improve: To broaden your lexical resource, consider using synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "very," explore alternatives like "extremely," "remarkably," or use specific adjectives that capture nuances (e.g., "warm," "close-knit" for family relationships). Additionally, introduce specialized vocabulary related to family dynamics or activities they enjoy, such as "bonding activities," "shared hobbies," etc.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, though some imprecise usage is noticeable ("study with me" could be more accurately "study alongside me"). However, terms like "history teacher" and "doctor" are used correctly to describe professions.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that precisely matches the intended meaning. For example, instead of "share everything," you might say "share experiences," "share interests," or "share personal stories," depending on context. Ensure verbs and adjectives accurately convey your intended message without ambiguity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: There are noticeable spelling errors ("became" instead of "become," "i" instead of "I," inconsistent capitalization) that affect overall clarity and professionalism.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading carefully or using spell-check tools to catch errors. Practicing writing with a focus on spelling conventions and grammar rules will help improve accuracy over time. Additionally, paying attention to proper noun capitalization (e.g., "Vy") and consistent use of pronouns (e.g., "I" instead of "i") contributes to a more polished presentation.

This analysis acknowledges the essay’s strengths in conveying basic information about Vy’s family but suggests enhancements to vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy to elevate the overall quality of expression. These improvements will not only bolster lexical resource but also clarity and coherence in conveying ideas effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is a notable lack of complex sentences or varied sentence beginnings, which could enhance the fluency and sophistication of the writing.
  • Specific structures used include simple sentences ("My family and her family are very close."), compound sentences ("Her dad is a doctor, her mom is a history teacher."), and occasional complex structures ("Because we played together since childhood, the same as our mother, we became close friends.").
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses or phrases. For instance, instead of solely using straightforward connections like "and" or "because," try employing relative clauses ("whose," "which") and introductory phrases ("In addition to," "Nevertheless"). This would enrich the essay and showcase a higher level of grammatical sophistication.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays fair grammatical accuracy with several notable errors. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Vy is still a student at high school. She is study with me."), tense consistency ("My mom and her mother are best friend since many years ago."), and article usage ("the same as our mother"). Punctuation is generally used correctly for basic purposes but lacks consistency and precision in complex structures.
  • Examples include "Vy is study with me" (should be "Vy studies with me"), "best friend since many years ago" (should be "have been best friends for many years"), and "the same as our mother" (should be "just like our mother").
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing subject-verb agreements, ensuring consistency in tense throughout the essay, and practicing the correct use of articles ("a," "an," "the"). Additionally, pay attention to punctuation in more complex sentence structures to clarify meaning and improve readability.

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates basic information about Vy’s family, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy would elevate the writing to a higher band score. Practicing these aspects will help achieve a more fluent and cohesive essay in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

I would like to talk about Vy’s family, whom I know well through the longstanding friendship between my mother and hers. Our families have been close for many years, sharing a strong bond of friendship. They are extremely friendly and kind, and we often share everything with each other.

Vy’s family consists of four members: her father, who is a doctor, her mother, who teaches history at a secondary school, her older sister who is currently a university student, and Vy herself, who is a high school student and studies with me. Our childhood friendship, mirroring our mothers’ close relationship, has made us very close friends.

Vy’s family values spending quality time together, and I see them as a very happy and harmonious family. They have a strong bond that is admirable and inspiring.