Task 1: The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.

The stacked bar chart gives a breakdown of the total sales of a particular drug company in three different areas between 2002 and 2006.
Overall, there were decreases in the percentages of the company’s drug sales in Europe and America, whereas the opposite was true in the case of Asia. Additionally, Asia became the region generating the highest sales in the last two years.
In 2002, America was the largest market for the company, accounting for 41% of the total sales. By 2004, however, the figure had dropped to a low of 27% before rising marginally to finish at 30%.
Europe, on the other hand, saw an increase from 34% to a high of 38% within the first two years, exceeding American sales percentages. Nevertheless, this peak was not maintained as its sales figures then declined, equaling sales in America by the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The stacked bar chart gives a breakdown" -> "The stacked bar chart provides a breakdown"
Explanation: "Provides" is more formal and precise than "gives" in academic contexts, enhancing the formality of the language.
"three different areas" -> "three distinct regions"
Explanation: "Regions" is more specific and academically appropriate than "areas," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"there were decreases" -> "there were declines"
Explanation: "Declines" is a more precise term in economic and statistical contexts, enhancing the academic tone.
"the opposite was true" -> "the converse was observed"
Explanation: "The converse was observed" is a more formal and precise way to indicate a contrasting trend in academic writing.
"generating the highest sales" -> "yielding the highest sales"
Explanation: "Yielding" is a more formal synonym for "generating," fitting better in an academic context.
"the largest market" -> "the dominant market"
Explanation: "Dominant" is a more precise term that conveys a stronger sense of market leadership, which is more suitable for an academic analysis.
"a low of 27%" -> "a low of 27 percent"
Explanation: Adding "percent" after the number improves clarity and maintains the formal tone.
"marginally to finish at 30%" -> "marginally to conclude at 30%"
Explanation: "Conclude" is more formal than "finish" in this context, which is more suitable for an academic discussion of trends.
"saw an increase from 34% to a high of 38%" -> "experienced an increase from 34% to a peak of 38%"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "saw," and "peak" is a more precise term than "high" in describing the highest point of a trend.
"its sales figures then declined, equaling sales in America" -> "its sales figures subsequently decreased, reaching parity with those in America"
Explanation: "Subsequently" and "reaching parity" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the statement.

These changes refine the language to better align with the expectations of academic writing, improving precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could have provided more specific details about the changes in sales percentages for each region.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in sales percentages for each region. For example, the essay could state that sales in Asia increased from 25% in 2002 to 40% in 2006. The essay could also provide more specific information about the reasons for the changes in sales percentages. For example, the essay could mention that the company may have expanded its operations in Asia or that there may have been a change in consumer demand for the company’s products in Asia.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the response. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall summary provides a concise overview of the trends. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on different regions and their sales trends. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances where their usage could be improved to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, transitions between sentences could be smoother to avoid any abrupt shifts.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to ensure a more seamless flow of information. This could involve varying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring that they are not overused or mechanical. Additionally, refining paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct focus, while also ensuring logical connections between them, would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "breakdown," "accounting for," and "marginally," which shows an attempt to enhance the lexical resource. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "the opposite was true in the case of Asia," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Europe saw an increase from 34% to a high of 38%," where "high" could be replaced with "peak" for better precision. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate for communication, it lacks the sophistication and flexibility required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more sophisticated lexical items accurately. They should also pay attention to collocation and word choice to ensure clarity and precision in their expressions. Practicing with a variety of texts and incorporating feedback on word usage can help enhance their lexical resource. Additionally, minimizing spelling and word formation errors through careful proofreading will contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. The overall clarity of the communication is maintained, which aligns well with the descriptors for Band 7. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied or complex to reach a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer could incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensure that any minor errors are minimized. Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using more sophisticated vocabulary would improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The stacked bar chart provides a breakdown of the total sales of a particular drug company across three different regions from 2002 to 2006. Overall, there were decreases in the percentages of the company’s drug sales in Europe and America, while the opposite trend was observed in Asia. Additionally, Asia emerged as the region generating the highest sales in the last two years.

In 2002, America was the largest market for the company, accounting for 41% of total sales. By 2004, however, this figure had dropped to a low of 27% before rising marginally to finish at 30%. Europe, on the other hand, experienced an increase from 34% to a peak of 38% within the first two years, surpassing American sales percentages. Nevertheless, this peak was not sustained, as its sales figures subsequently declined, equaling those of America by the end of the period.