Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted to do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the modern era, it is apparent that the accelerating increase of criminal rate in metropolises is one of the most significant problems. Therefore, it is reckoned that society these days depends on strict measures and discipline. From my perspective, I genuinely agree with this statement due to the adverse consequences if people can do whatever they want.

To begin with, society would delve into chaos without a set of regulations. First, the mortality rate might accelerate if people can engage in illegal activities without the fear of punishment. For example, in India, where the existence of rules is meaningless, crimes like harassing or stealing high-price objects occur consistently, leading to an unsafe environment for citizens, especially women.

On the other hand, settling under harsh measures can maintain a sense of tranquility and protection. Firstly, strict measures offer several kinds of punishment to penalize the criminals such as death penalty or life imprisonment. For instance, in VietNam many people were penalized by authorities because of their adverse behavior, which helped this country’s security remain one of the best in the world. By the same token, severe laws help citizens to promote self-control so as not to injure people and not be punished by governments.
To conclude, I suppose that there are various adverse consequences of life without measures like the increase of mortality rate among the society. However, settling under harsh measures can offer citizens tons of merits related to tranquil life and self-control while engaging in different daily activities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"accelerating increase of criminal rate" -> "accelerating rise in crime rates"
Explanation: "Criminal rate" is not a standard term; "crime rates" is the correct phraseology. Additionally, "accelerating increase" can be simplified to "accelerating rise" for a more natural flow in academic writing.
"it is reckoned that" -> "it is believed that"
Explanation: "It is reckoned that" is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing. "It is believed that" is more straightforward and appropriate for contemporary academic discourse.
"people can do whatever they want" -> "individuals are free to act as they please"
Explanation: "People can do whatever they want" is informal and vague. "Individuals are free to act as they please" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"delve into chaos" -> "descend into chaos"
Explanation: "Delve into" is not typically used to describe entering a chaotic state; "descend into" is more accurate and commonly used in this context.
"high-price objects" -> "valuable items"
Explanation: "High-price objects" is awkward and unclear. "Valuable items" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"settling under harsh measures" -> "operating under strict measures"
Explanation: "Settling under harsh measures" is unclear and informal. "Operating under strict measures" is more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context.
"penalized by authorities" -> "punished by authorities"
Explanation: "Penalized" is correct but less common in this context; "punished" is more direct and commonly used in formal writing.
"VietNam" -> "Vietnam"
Explanation: "VietNam" is a common misspelling; "Vietnam" is the correct spelling.
"tons of merits" -> "numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Tons of merits" is informal and imprecise. "Numerous benefits" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"tranquil life" -> "peaceful life"
Explanation: "Tranquil" is less commonly used to describe life, whereas "peaceful" is a more standard term in this context.
"engage in different daily activities" -> "participate in various daily activities"
Explanation: "Engage in" is somewhat informal and vague; "participate in" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement that society cannot function without rules and laws. It discusses the consequences of a lack of regulations and the benefits of strict measures. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the topic, particularly by acknowledging potential counterarguments or presenting a balanced view. For instance, while the author mentions the adverse effects of a lawless society, they do not sufficiently explore any potential benefits of personal freedom or the drawbacks of overly strict laws.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including a paragraph that discusses the potential downsides of strict laws or the importance of individual freedoms. This could involve presenting a counterargument and then refuting it, which would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that society relies on rules and laws for order and safety. The author consistently supports this position with examples, such as the mention of crime rates in India and the effectiveness of strict measures in Vietnam. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed, which may lead to confusion about the main argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next. Using transitional phrases and summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph can help reinforce the overall argument and maintain a clear trajectory throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the chaos that would ensue without regulations and the benefits of strict laws. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of the death penalty and life imprisonment as punishments could be expanded with more context or examples to illustrate their effectiveness in maintaining order. Additionally, the essay lacks a variety of supporting evidence, relying heavily on anecdotal examples rather than statistical data or scholarly references.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence. This could include statistics on crime rates in relation to law enforcement or studies that show the impact of strict laws on societal behavior. Furthermore, expanding on each point with additional explanations or implications would enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the necessity of rules and laws in society. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of "self-control" and "tranquil life" could be better connected to the main argument about the role of laws in society.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central thesis. This can be achieved by explicitly linking examples and arguments back to the idea of how rules and laws contribute to societal function. Additionally, avoiding tangential ideas that do not directly support the main argument will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more comprehensive examples, and improved coherence between ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the necessity of rules and laws in society. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses the chaos that could ensue without regulations, while the second paragraph addresses the benefits of strict measures. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the shift from discussing negative consequences to positive aspects feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in focus, such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, providing a brief summary of the first point before introducing the second can help reinforce the connection between the two ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs each tackle distinct points. However, the conclusion could be more developed; it reiterates the main points but lacks a strong closing statement that ties back to the essay prompt.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments more explicitly and restating the thesis in a way that reflects the discussion. Consider adding a final thought or call to action that encourages the reader to reflect on the importance of laws and regulations in society.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "For example," and "On the other hand," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" to add information, "Consequently" to indicate results, and "In contrast" to highlight differences. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can enhance coherence within paragraphs.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "accelerating increase," "chaos," "harassing," and "self-control." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "harsh measures" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative phrases, which could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "harsh measures," alternatives like "stringent regulations," "strict laws," or "severe penalties" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more complex vocabulary related to the topic, such as "deter," "repercussions," or "legislation," would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the existence of rules is meaningless" could be interpreted as overly broad and lacking nuance. The writer could clarify that the enforcement of rules is what matters, rather than their mere existence. Additionally, the term "high-price objects" is awkward; "high-value items" would be more precise.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which they use certain words. It is beneficial to consider the specific meaning of terms and choose those that convey the intended message accurately. Practicing paraphrasing and using more contextually appropriate vocabulary can help achieve this.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors, such as "VietNam," which should be correctly spelled as "Vietnam." Additionally, "mortality rate" is correctly spelled but could be confused with "morality rate," which is a different term altogether.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch any errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the criteria for a Band 6 in Lexical Resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary, as well as enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "To begin with, society would delve into chaos without a set of regulations." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "First" and "Firstly," which could limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied transition phrases and avoid starting multiple sentences with the same word. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly," the writer could use alternatives like "In addition," or "Moreover," to introduce new points. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences or participial phrases could further diversify the structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the accelerating increase of criminal rate in metropolises" should be corrected to "the accelerating increase in the crime rate in metropolises." Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, "For instance, in VietNam many people were penalized by authorities because of their adverse behavior" would benefit from a comma after "VietNam" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex sentences into simpler forms can also help clarify meaning. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in lists and compound sentences, will enhance overall clarity and readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there are specific areas for improvement, particularly in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By addressing these aspects, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, it is apparent that the accelerating rise in crime rates in metropolises is one of the most significant problems. Therefore, it is believed that society these days depends on strict measures and discipline. From my perspective, I genuinely agree with this statement due to the adverse consequences if people can do whatever they want.

To begin with, society would descend into chaos without a set of regulations. First, the mortality rate might accelerate if people can engage in illegal activities without the fear of punishment. For example, in India, where the existence of rules is meaningless, crimes like harassment or stealing valuable items occur consistently, leading to an unsafe environment for citizens, especially women.

On the other hand, operating under strict measures can maintain a sense of tranquility and protection. Firstly, strict measures offer several kinds of punishment to penalize criminals, such as the death penalty or life imprisonment. For instance, in Vietnam, many people were punished by authorities because of their adverse behavior, which helped this country’s security remain one of the best in the world. By the same token, severe laws help citizens promote self-control so as not to injure others and avoid being punished by the government.

To conclude, I suppose that there are various adverse consequences of life without measures, such as the increase in the mortality rate among society. However, operating under strict measures can offer citizens numerous benefits related to a peaceful life and self-control while participating in various daily activities.