The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment.
What are the causes of this?
What can be done to solve this problem?

Nowadays, more and more consumer goods are produced, which triggers detrimental impacts on the natural environment. This is ascribed to many factors, and there are multiple workable solutions that should be adopted to deal with this.

There are several reasons why mass production may have negative effects on the environment. One compelling reason is the increase in littering among residents. The variety of products can be attributed to some shopping tendencies, which may cause people to make unnecessary purchases while they can still utilize their old items. For example, fashion trends with all-the-rage clothes in sale often give buyers the hard sell, causing people to make unnecessary purchases. To replace outdated clothes with new ones, they usually throw their old items away, which not only harms the environment but also can take a heavy toll on their financial resources.

In order to address this problem, multiple effective measures are available. The first solution is raising citizen's awareness of recycling old items. Instead of littering outdated items, it is advisable that people make a concerted effort to create some recycling projects, such as holding a movement or a competition to incentivize users to convert former items into useful forms. This measure not only reduce the litter thrown into the environment but also helps people save a great amount of money. Secondly, government is advisiable to implement regulations to supervise consumer goods industries that include everything from waste management to raw material processing. For example, authorities can set criteria on the type and the amount of waste that can be disposed of in the environment.

In conclusion, there are several potential problems for the environment caused by mass consumer goods production. Fortunately, it can be solved by recycling used items and implementing standards on the amount of waste dumped.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "more and more" -> "increasingly"
   Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal and concise way to express a growing trend, avoiding the repetitive and informal "more and more."

3. "triggers detrimental impacts" -> "exerts detrimental impacts"
   Explanation: "Exerts" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating the causative action of mass production on the environment, enhancing the academic tone.

4. "ascribed to many factors" -> "attributed to various factors"
   Explanation: "Attributed to various factors" is more formal and specific, improving the academic tone by avoiding the vague "many."

5. "workable solutions" -> "feasible solutions"
   Explanation: "Feasible" is a more precise term in academic contexts, indicating solutions that are practical and viable.

6. "should be adopted" -> "should be implemented"
   Explanation: "Implemented" is more specific and appropriate for discussing the practical application of solutions in an academic context.

7. "increase in littering among residents" -> "increase in littering by residents"
   Explanation: "By residents" is more precise and grammatically correct, specifying the agent responsible for the action.

8. "shopping tendencies" -> "shopping habits"
   Explanation: "Habits" is a more specific and formal term than "tendencies," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.

9. "all-the-rage clothes" -> "trendy clothing"
   Explanation: "Trendy clothing" is a more formal and precise term than the colloquial "all-the-rage clothes."

10. "give buyers the hard sell" -> "strongly persuade buyers"
    Explanation: "Strongly persuade" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than the idiomatic "give the hard sell."

11. "throw their old items away" -> "discard their old items"
    Explanation: "Discard" is a more formal and precise verb than "throw away," which is somewhat informal.

12. "take a heavy toll on their financial resources" -> "exert significant financial burdens"
    Explanation: "Exert significant financial burdens" is a more formal and precise way to describe the financial impact, avoiding the colloquial "take a heavy toll."

13. "raising citizen’s awareness" -> "raising citizens’ awareness"
    Explanation: "Citizens’" is the correct possessive form, and "raising" is a more formal verb choice than "raising."

14. "make a concerted effort" -> "undertake concerted efforts"
    Explanation: "Undertake concerted efforts" is a more formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

15. "create some recycling projects" -> "establish recycling initiatives"
    Explanation: "Establish recycling initiatives" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone.

16. "not only reduce the litter thrown into the environment" -> "not only reduce litter disposal"
    Explanation: "Litter disposal" is a more precise term than "litter thrown into the environment," which is somewhat vague and informal.

17. "helps people save a great amount of money" -> "enables significant cost savings"
    Explanation: "Enables significant cost savings" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "helps people save a great amount of money."

18. "government is advisiable" -> "it is advisable"
    Explanation: "It is advisable" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

19. "implement regulations to supervise consumer goods industries" -> "enact regulations to oversee consumer goods industries"
    Explanation: "Enact" and "oversee" are more precise and formal verbs, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

20. "everything from waste management to raw material processing" -> "all aspects of waste management and raw material processing"
    Explanation: "All aspects of" is a more formal and comprehensive phrase than "everything from," which is somewhat informal and vague.

These changes refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to better align with academic standards, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies causes of environmental damage linked to increased consumer goods production (e.g., littering and unnecessary purchases) and proposes solutions (raising awareness on recycling and implementing governmental regulations).
  • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider expanding on the specific environmental impacts of consumer goods production beyond littering, such as resource depletion or pollution from manufacturing processes. Additionally, provide more detailed examples or statistics to bolster the analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that increased consumer goods production leads to environmental harm and advocates for recycling and regulatory measures as solutions. This position is consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the thesis of environmental damage caused by consumer goods production. Strengthen coherence by explicitly connecting each solution to the identified problems.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but could benefit from further development. For instance, while it mentions recycling and government regulations, the discussion could delve deeper into how these solutions would mitigate environmental damage.
  • How to improve: Expand on each solution with more concrete details or examples. Describe potential challenges to implementing these solutions and how they could be overcome. This would enrich the depth of analysis and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the causes and solutions related to the environmental impact of consumer goods production. However, some sections could be more directly linked to the main thesis.
  • How to improve: Maintain a laser focus on the specific aspects of consumer goods production and its environmental consequences throughout the essay. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to supporting the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates its ideas. To improve further, aim for greater depth in the analysis of causes and solutions, ensure consistent alignment of paragraphs with the main thesis, and provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion summarizing the main points. However, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence. For instance, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be more seamless to improve the logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Moreover," or "On the other hand," can clarify relationships between ideas and improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately to separate different ideas (causes and solutions). However, the structure within paragraphs sometimes lacks clarity. For example, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis and provide a roadmap for the paragraph’s content.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph around a clear central idea (topic sentence) that supports the thesis. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main point and uses supporting details effectively to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("this," "it"), conjunctions ("however," "for example"), and cohesive phrases ("in conclusion," "in order to"). These devices generally help in connecting ideas within and between sentences.
  • How to improve: To further enhance coherence, strive to use a wider range of cohesive devices. Incorporate more advanced linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "nevertheless") to establish clearer relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with clear identification of causes and solutions related to mass production of consumer goods and their environmental impact, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay to a higher band score level. Focus on developing smoother transitions, clearer topic sentences, and a more diverse range of cohesive devices to strengthen the essay’s coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary with varied word choices such as "detrimental impacts," "ascribed to," "compelling reason," "outdated," and "effective measures."
  • How to improve: While the vocabulary is adequate, incorporating more specific and nuanced vocabulary related to environmental damage and solutions could enhance lexical variety. For instance, using terms like "ecological degradation," "mitigation strategies," or "sustainable practices" would demonstrate a deeper lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary is used precisely, such as "raise awareness" and "implement regulations." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as "movement" instead of "recycling project," and "set criteria" instead of "implement standards."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity. For instance, replace general terms like "effective measures" with specific actions like "enforce stringent environmental policies."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with only minor errors like "advisiable" instead of "advisable."
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it would be beneficial to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Using spell-check tools can also help in identifying and correcting minor spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a solid vocabulary range and mostly precise word choices, enhancing the precision and depth of environmental-related vocabulary could elevate the Lexical Resource score. Additionally, maintaining consistent attention to spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading is essential for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and compound sentences with occasional complex structures (e.g., "This is ascribed to many factors, and there are multiple workable solutions that should be adopted to deal with this."). However, more complex sentence types such as conditional sentences or passive constructions could enhance variety and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex grammatical forms such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If consumer behavior were more mindful, the environmental impact could be reduced.") and passive voice (e.g., "Regulations should be implemented to supervise industries…"). This can elevate the essay’s sophistication and improve coherence.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates fairly accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are noticeable errors such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "fashion trends with all-the-rage clothes in sale often give buyers the hard sell") and awkward phrasing (e.g., "which may cause people to make unnecessary purchases while they can still utilize their old items"). These errors occasionally affect clarity and precision.
  • How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement by ensuring that verbs match their subjects in number and tense. Additionally, revise awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, rephrase sentences for smoother flow and clearer expression (e.g., "Fashion trends promoting sales of trendy clothes often pressure consumers to make unnecessary purchases, leading to increased waste.").

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with adequate sentence variety and generally accurate grammar, enhancing complexity in sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation accuracy will elevate the overall quality. These improvements will ensure clearer communication of ideas and a more polished academic style suitable for achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, the production of consumer goods is increasingly damaging the natural environment. This is attributed to various factors, and feasible solutions should be implemented to address this issue.

There are several reasons why mass production can exert detrimental impacts on the environment. One significant factor is the increase in littering by residents. Shopping habits, driven by trendy clothing and strong persuasion tactics to discard old items, often lead people to unnecessarily replace their belongings. For instance, the allure of fashionable clothes on sale prompts buyers to dispose of their outdated garments, not only harming the environment but also imposing significant financial burdens.

To tackle this issue, effective solutions are available. Firstly, raising citizens’ awareness about the benefits of recycling old items is crucial. Instead of discarding them, individuals should be encouraged to undertake concerted efforts towards establishing recycling initiatives. For example, organizing community movements or competitions can persuade people to transform their old items into useful products, thereby not only reducing litter disposal but also enabling significant cost savings.

Secondly, it is advisable for governments to enact regulations to oversee consumer goods industries comprehensively. This includes monitoring all aspects of waste management and raw material processing. By setting clear guidelines on the types and quantities of waste that can be disposed of, authorities can ensure more responsible environmental practices.

In conclusion, the rise in consumer goods production poses several environmental challenges. However, through initiatives such as recycling and regulatory oversight of industries, these challenges can be effectively addressed.