Write an essay about the following topic. Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Write at least 200 words.

Write an essay about the following topic.
Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Write at least 200 words.

Due to advances in technology, some universities allows online courses to substitude for traditional classes. Certainly, there are positive and negative points in both learning methods. Debatable as it is, in my opinion, the positive aspect of online learning outweighs the negative one.
Given the fact that the current world is facing an increasing number of issues, it is sensible to believe in the dark side. Of the commonly-heard problems, the most serious of them is if students encounter technical issues with the internet, they may not be able to fully access lessons. Additionally, the lack of face-to-face interaction between students and teachers means it is challenging for teachers to monitor students and effectively manage the classroom.
However, we need to be optimistic as online courses are not that bad because its convenient and financial savings. It allows teachers and learners to interact with each other at any time and from any location, which can save on commuting cost and infrastructure expenses associated with physical schools. Specifically, during covid 19 outbreaks, students can continue their studies normally at home, avoiding the risks of illness or missing lessons due to quarantine measures. Moreover, with the lessons using second languages, most people can receive supports from google apps like translating tools or transcripts to deliver videos'contents without typing all texts themselves.
In conclusion, the negatives of using online courses instead of classes delivered on campus appear to be overtaken by the positives. Therefore, while traditional learning holds its value, online education should be promoted in the future to leverage its advantages while addressing its limitations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "some universities allows" -> "some universities allow"
   Explanation: Correcting the verb tense from "allows" to "allow" aligns with the plural subject "universities," ensuring grammatical accuracy.

2. "substitude" -> "substitute"
   Explanation: "Substitude" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "substitute," which is the correct form of the verb needed in this context.

3. "Debatable as it is" -> "Despite the debate"
   Explanation: "Debatable as it is" is somewhat informal and vague. "Despite the debate" provides a clearer and more formal introduction to the discussion.

4. "the positive aspect of online learning outweighs the negative one" -> "the benefits of online learning outweigh the drawbacks"
   Explanation: "The positive aspect of online learning" and "the negative one" are vague and informal. "The benefits of online learning" and "the drawbacks" are more precise and academically appropriate terms.

5. "it is sensible to believe in the dark side" -> "it is reasonable to acknowledge the challenges"
   Explanation: "Believe in the dark side" is an idiom that is too informal and metaphorical for academic writing. "Acknowledge the challenges" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.

6. "the most serious of them is if" -> "one of the most significant concerns is"
   Explanation: "The most serious of them is if" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "One of the most significant concerns is" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.

7. "not that bad because its convenient and financial savings" -> "not entirely negative due to its convenience and financial benefits"
   Explanation: "Not that bad because its convenient and financial savings" is informal and lacks precision. "Not entirely negative due to its convenience and financial benefits" is more formal and specific.

8. "allows teachers and learners to interact with each other at any time and from any location" -> "enables teachers and learners to interact at any time and from any location"
   Explanation: "Allows" is a bit informal for academic writing; "enables" is more formal and suitable for the context. Removing "teachers and learners" from the repetition improves the sentence structure.

9. "deliver videos’contents" -> "deliver the content of videos"
   Explanation: "Videos’contents" is grammatically incorrect. "The content of videos" is grammatically correct and clearer.

10. "using second languages" -> "in second languages"
    Explanation: "Using second languages" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "In second languages" correctly indicates the context of language use.

11. "most people can receive supports from google apps" -> "many students can access support from Google apps"
    Explanation: "Most people" is too general and informal; "many students" is more specific and appropriate for the academic context. "Receive supports" is also awkward; "access support" is more natural and precise.

12. "delivered on campus" -> "conducted on campus"
    Explanation: "Delivered" is not the correct term for teaching methods; "conducted" is more appropriate for academic settings, referring to the teaching process.

13. "online education should be promoted" -> "online education should be encouraged"
    Explanation: "Promoted" can imply commercial or advertising connotations, which may not be suitable for academic discussions. "Encouraged" is neutral and more appropriate for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of online courses compared to traditional campus classes. It acknowledges that there are pros and cons to both methods and clearly states a preference for online learning due to its convenience and cost-effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure a more balanced discussion by exploring potential drawbacks of online learning in greater depth, such as issues with online assessments, the lack of hands-on experiences in certain fields, or potential isolation of students.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance favoring online courses, arguing that their benefits outweigh the drawbacks. This position is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion.
  • How to improve: Strengthen clarity by explicitly stating the stance earlier in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout each paragraph with specific examples and logical arguments.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, though some arguments could be more developed. For instance, while mentioning financial savings and convenience, more detailed examples or statistics could strengthen these points.
  • How to improve: Extend ideas by providing concrete examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits and drawbacks of online learning. This could include specific instances where online learning has succeeded or failed in enhancing educational outcomes.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the positive and negative aspects of online courses compared to traditional classes. However, there are instances where the connection to the topic could be more direct.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt by clearly connecting the discussed points to how they impact the overall debate of online vs. on-campus learning.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues for the advantages of online courses over traditional classes, it could benefit from deeper analysis and more nuanced exploration of opposing viewpoints. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and presenting a more balanced perspective.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, discussing both positive and negative aspects of online courses. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the thesis statement. Consider using transition phrases between paragraphs to strengthen connections between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs, each addressing different aspects of the topic (positive aspects, negative aspects, conclusion). Paragraphs are appropriately structured with topic sentences that introduce the main idea. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and elaboration of supporting points.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced development across paragraphs by providing specific examples or evidence to support each point made. Consider expanding on how each positive and negative aspect impacts the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("Due to," "However," "Moreover," "In conclusion") to connect ideas and paragraphs. These devices help maintain coherence and guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used (e.g., additionally, on the other hand, therefore) to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to strengthen the overall coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, evident in its logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. To improve, focus on providing more detailed examples and ensuring that each paragraph contributes effectively to the overall argument. Strengthening these areas will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation:

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, but with some repetition in sentence beginnings and structures (e.g., "Given the fact that…", "Moreover, with the lessons using…"). The effectiveness varies; some complex sentences enhance clarity and cohesion, while simpler structures occasionally limit the sophistication of expression.
  • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and varied sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting sentences with phrases like "Given the fact that…" repeatedly, try opening sentences with adverbial or participial phrases for more variety and flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement could be clearer ("some universities allows" should be "some universities allow"; "it’s convenient and financial savings" should be "it’s convenient and offers financial savings"). Punctuation is generally accurate, but attention is needed in areas such as comma splices and consistency in the use of hyphens (e.g., "second languages" could be "second-language").
  • How to improve: Focus on maintaining consistency in subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Review the use of commas to ensure they are correctly placed to avoid run-on sentences or comma splices. Additionally, revise the use of hyphens for compound adjectives and phrases to ensure clarity and correctness.

In summary, while the essay effectively conveys ideas and maintains coherence, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and ensuring meticulous attention to grammar and punctuation will elevate the overall quality and potentially achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Due to technological advances, some universities allow online courses to substitute for traditional classes. Certainly, there are positive and negative aspects to both learning methods. Despite the debate, in my opinion, the benefits of online learning outweigh the drawbacks.

It is reasonable to acknowledge the challenges associated with online learning. One of the most significant concerns is that if students encounter technical issues with the internet, they may not be able to fully access lessons. Additionally, the lack of face-to-face interaction between students and teachers makes it challenging for teachers to monitor students and effectively manage the classroom.

However, it is important to remain optimistic as online courses are not entirely negative due to their convenience and financial benefits. Online education enables teachers and learners to interact at any time and from any location, which can save on commuting costs and infrastructure expenses associated with physical schools. During COVID-19 outbreaks, for instance, students can continue their studies normally at home, avoiding the risks of illness or missing lessons due to quarantine measures. Moreover, for lessons delivered in second languages, many students can access support from Google apps such as translating tools or transcripts to understand videos’ contents without needing to type all texts themselves.

In conclusion, despite the challenges, the benefits of online learning outweigh the drawbacks. Therefore, while traditional learning retains its value, online education should be encouraged in the future to capitalize on its advantages while addressing its limitations.