Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are many developing countries investing in space to find new places for living, but this matter also leads to some arguments that many individuals think space exploration is costly and that money should be used for important things. In this essay, I will delve into this argument and give my opinion.
Many citizens believe space exploration can bring a variety of benefits. Firstly, exploring outer space will help scientists figure out new knowledge. As a result, they will invent equipment which is suitable for surviving in space by using knowledge discovered.
On the other hand, I would argue addressing other vexing is more necessary. First of all, this is a waste of time because space exploration takes a whale of time to do. For instance, people spend a decade finding water on Mars, but it is still not done . Moreover, the earth is facing environmental problems which damage it. Compared to space projects, raising money on protecting nature may reduce the rate of illness people.Besides that, many disasters also happen and destroy buildings, earth’s surface and a plenty of facilities because of industrial emission. As a result, if the government deals with this, it can raise the rate of healthy citizens.
In conclusion, exploring space has benefits. But, I think solving environmental issues should be the top priority over space exploration.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are many developing countries investing in space to find new places for living" -> "Several developing nations are investing in space exploration to identify new habitable environments"
Explanation: The phrase "new places for living" is vague and informal. "Identify new habitable environments" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language by specifying the purpose of space exploration.
"this matter also leads to some arguments" -> "this issue also generates significant debate"
Explanation: "This matter" is somewhat informal and vague. "This issue" is more specific and formal, and "generates significant debate" is a more precise and academic way to describe the controversy surrounding the topic.
"many individuals think" -> "many scholars argue"
Explanation: "Many individuals think" is too informal and general. "Many scholars argue" specifies the group and elevates the formality, fitting better in an academic context.
"Firstly, exploring outer space will help scientists figure out new knowledge" -> "Firstly, space exploration will facilitate the discovery of new scientific knowledge"
Explanation: "Figure out" is colloquial and imprecise. "Facilitate the discovery of" is more formal and accurately describes the role of space exploration in advancing scientific knowledge.
"they will invent equipment which is suitable for surviving in space" -> "they will develop equipment suitable for space survival"
Explanation: "Invent" can imply creation from scratch, which might not be the case. "Develop" is more accurate and formal, and "equipment suitable for space survival" is a more concise and precise phrase.
"On the other hand, I would argue addressing other vexing is more necessary" -> "On the other hand, I would argue that addressing other pressing issues is more imperative"
Explanation: "Vexing" is not commonly used in this context and is too informal. "Pressing issues" is the correct term, and "imperative" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"this is a waste of time because space exploration takes a whale of time to do" -> "this is a waste of time because space exploration is a lengthy and time-consuming process"
Explanation: "A whale of time" is an idiom and too informal. "A lengthy and time-consuming process" is precise and formal, suitable for academic discourse.
"people spend a decade finding water on Mars, but it is still not done" -> "researchers have spent a decade searching for water on Mars, yet it remains undetected"
Explanation: "Finding" is too simplistic and informal. "Searching" is more precise, and "yet it remains undetected" is a more formal way to express the ongoing nature of the search.
"the earth is facing environmental problems which damage it" -> "the Earth is facing environmental challenges that harm it"
Explanation: "Damage" is vague and informal. "Harm" is more specific and formal, and "challenges" is a more precise term than "problems" in this context.
"raising money on protecting nature" -> "allocating funds for environmental protection"
Explanation: "Raising money on protecting nature" is awkward and informal. "Allocating funds for environmental protection" is clear and formal, fitting the academic style.
"a plenty of facilities" -> "numerous facilities"
Explanation: "A plenty of" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Numerous" is the correct adverbial form and is more formal.
"if the government deals with this, it can raise the rate of healthy citizens" -> "if the government addresses these issues, it can improve public health"
Explanation: "Deals with this" is vague and informal. "Addresses these issues" is specific and formal, and "improve public health" is a more precise and appropriate outcome measure than "raise the rate of healthy citizens."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument: the benefits of space exploration and the argument for prioritizing other important issues, such as environmental protection. It acknowledges the prompt but lacks depth in discussing how space exploration is deemed too expensive.
- How to improve: To enhance the score, the essay should provide a more balanced and detailed discussion on why some consider space exploration too costly. This could include specific examples of budget allocations and contrasting them with urgent societal needs.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to maintain a clear position by stating a preference for addressing environmental issues over space exploration. However, the position isn’t consistently woven throughout the essay, as there are sections that seem to slightly support the benefits of space exploration.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure every paragraph reinforces their stance clearly. This can be achieved by using transition phrases and structuring paragraphs to consistently reflect their viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in extending and supporting them effectively. For instance, while it mentions benefits of space exploration and environmental issues, these ideas are not developed with specific examples or detailed explanations.
- How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or case studies to substantiate their arguments. This would demonstrate a deeper understanding and strengthen the essay’s overall coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the trade-off between space exploration and funding more pressing issues. However, there are instances where the discussion meanders slightly, especially in the second paragraph where it briefly touches upon environmental problems unrelated to space exploration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the topic of whether space exploration is too expensive and whether funds should be redirected to more important matters.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, it falls short in depth and consistency. By providing more detailed examples, maintaining a clearer position throughout, and ensuring all content directly relates to the prompt, the essay could significantly improve its task response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that states the essay’s purpose but lacks a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs attempt to present arguments for and against space exploration but could benefit from clearer progression and development of ideas. The conclusion briefly summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the stance on the topic. Ensure each body paragraph focuses on one main idea supported by examples or arguments. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the progression of ideas more effectively. In the conclusion, restate the thesis and summarize the main points without introducing new information.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to organize ideas, but the structure within paragraphs can be improved. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better separated for clarity and coherence. For instance, the second paragraph mixes points about space exploration benefits without clear differentiation.
- How to improve: Aim for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that indicate the main idea. Ensure each paragraph develops that idea coherently, using evidence or examples where appropriate. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as ‘firstly’, ‘on the other hand’, and ‘in conclusion’. However, their usage is somewhat mechanical and lacks variety. More sophisticated cohesive devices like pronouns (‘this’, ‘these’) to refer back to previous ideas or synonyms to avoid repetition could enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, incorporating synonyms, parallel structures, and transitional phrases that indicate relationships between ideas (e.g., cause and effect, comparison, contrast). Ensure cohesive devices are used naturally to connect ideas and paragraphs throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay addresses the topic and presents arguments coherently, improvements in thesis clarity, paragraph structure, and variety in cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion score to a higher band. Focus on organizing ideas more logically and refining the use of cohesive devices to strengthen the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at varied expression. For example, phrases like "delve into this argument" and "a whale of time" attempt to diversify vocabulary use. However, there are instances of repetition and simple word choices that limit the range, such as "new places for living" and "invent equipment."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms and exploring more nuanced vocabulary choices. For instance, instead of "new places for living," try "habitable environments" or "colonizable regions." Similarly, replace basic terms like "invent equipment" with more specific terms like "develop life-support systems" or "design space-compatible technology."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "spend a decade finding water on Mars, but it is still not done" could benefit from more precise wording. Also, the phrase "raising money on protecting nature" might be clearer as "allocating funds to environmental conservation."
- How to improve: Aim for more exact and specific vocabulary choices. Instead of general terms like "finding water," specify the scientific endeavor as "conducting research for water detection." Ensure that each word used contributes directly to the intended meaning of the sentence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a mix of accurate and inaccurate spelling. For instance, "vexing" is correctly spelled, but "whale of time" should be "while of time." There are also minor grammatical errors like "a plenty" which should be "plenty."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading carefully and using tools like spell-checkers. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and grammatical structures. Practicing writing under time constraints can also help develop accuracy under pressure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates adequate lexical resource for a Band 5 score, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range, using words more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy to achieve higher proficiency levels. Focus on specific vocabulary-building exercises and practice writing with attention to detail will aid in further development.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence beginnings and structures, though it lacks complexity and sophistication. For instance, simple sentences predominate, such as "Exploring outer space will help scientists figure out new knowledge."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, incorporate more complex sentence structures like compound-complex sentences ("While space exploration yields scientific advancements, it demands significant resources.") and use of phrases or clauses for added detail and cohesion. Utilize rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion to add stylistic variety and clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of grammar and punctuation, with occasional errors that do not obscure meaning. Examples include "a whale of time" instead of "a great deal of time" and "raising money on protecting nature" instead of "raising money to protect nature." Punctuation errors include missing commas in lists and compound sentences.
- How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistency in verb tenses. Use commas correctly in lists and before conjunctions in compound sentences to improve clarity and readability. Review the use of idiomatic expressions to ensure they fit the context appropriately.

Overall Feedback:
The essay is cohesive and generally clear in its argument, though there are areas where clarity could be improved through better sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. To achieve a higher band score, strive for more sophisticated sentence structures and greater grammatical precision. Practice incorporating complex sentences with confidence, refine punctuation usage, and ensure that idiomatic expressions are used correctly. With these improvements, the essay’s clarity and coherence will be enhanced, contributing to a stronger overall presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are several developing nations investing in space exploration to identify new habitable environments, sparking significant debate. Many argue that space exploration is too expensive and funds should be allocated to more critical issues. In this essay, I will explore this argument and provide my perspective.

Many people believe that space exploration can yield various benefits. Firstly, it allows scientists to discover new scientific knowledge. Consequently, they can develop equipment suitable for surviving in space based on this newfound knowledge.

On the other hand, I believe addressing other pressing issues is more imperative. Firstly, it is argued that space exploration is a lengthy and time-consuming process. For example, researchers have spent a decade searching for water on Mars, yet it remains undetected. Moreover, the Earth is facing environmental challenges that harm it. Allocating funds for environmental protection could mitigate these issues. Industrial emissions contribute to numerous disasters that damage buildings and the Earth’s surface, affecting many facilities. If governments prioritize addressing these issues, they can improve public health and well-being.

In conclusion, while space exploration offers benefits, I contend that solving environmental issues should take precedence.