The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines, accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a balance of both good and bad news?

The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines,
accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a
balance of both good and bad news?

It is undeniable that a numerous number of negative news reports was found – accidental and crime has been reporting and well-spread. There are some reasons behind this phenomenon and I would argue that journalists should balance both good and bad news. There are various reasons why bd news are more widely reported than the good ones. The reason is that negative news coptivate more attention from the audience comparing with the positive ones. When reading bad news, people will tend to share those news to their relatives, friends or loved ones to raise concerns and avoid repeating the problem happened. Furthermore, thrilling and catch lots of attention. It is in the society that these news can be widely spread in the news report, till’s from frightening view like murdering or accidents can directly affect viewers’ emotions especially anxiety and curiosity. As the result, journalists keep up with their KPI as those news are more captivating, will report more negative news to keep justifying.

In my view, media companies should create a balance between bad and good news, instead of resulting in negative information overload. Although it is true that reporting most important news is overbooked, seek for people’s attention through the goal to increase the citizen’s trust, resulting in the awareness about the society – issues. Moreover, bad information may influence the community, positive news may reduce the viral as the negative ones but it helps educator people a specially from youth and the world for a courage, a ethical values, for example the news of people learn from the for example spread out the courageous girl Japanese girl who fight with cancer to be became a role model for the youth to be more positive and believe in the future down the line.

In conclusion, I believe that the reasons for the total increase of reporting bad news is understandable, however, betanetal the balance between negative and positive reports is essential as negative, help raise people awareness and news.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "a numerous number of" -> "a significant number of"
   Explanation: "A numerous number of" is redundant and awkward. "A significant number of" is more concise and appropriate for formal writing.

2. "negative news reports was found" -> "negative news reports have been found"
   Explanation: The verb tense should be consistent throughout the sentence. Changing "was" to "have been" aligns the verb with the present perfect tense used in the context.

3. "accidental and crime" -> "accidents and crimes"
   Explanation: "Accidental and crime" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Accidents and crimes" is the correct and clear term.

4. "well-spread" -> "widespread"
   Explanation: "Well-spread" is an incorrect term. "Widespread" is the correct adjective to describe something that is spread over a large area or among many people.

5. "bd news" -> "bad news"
   Explanation: "Bd" is a typographical error. "Bad" is the correct term.

6. "coptivate" -> "captivate"
   Explanation: "Coptivate" is a non-existent word. "Captivate" is the correct term, meaning to fascinate or attract attention.

7. "comparing with" -> "compared to"
   Explanation: "Comparing with" is grammatically incorrect in this context. "Compared to" is the correct preposition for comparisons.

8. "will tend to share" -> "tend to share"
   Explanation: "Will" is unnecessary here as the action is general and ongoing, not specific to a particular time.

9. "thrilling and catch lots of attention" -> "thrilling and garner much attention"
   Explanation: "Catch lots of attention" is informal and vague. "Garner much attention" is more formal and precise.

10. "till’s" -> "until"
    Explanation: "Till’s" is a typographical error. "Until" is the correct conjunction for indicating a period of time before something happens.

11. "keep up with their KPI" -> "meet their key performance indicators"
    Explanation: "Keep up with their KPI" is informal and unclear. "Meet their key performance indicators" is more formal and specific.

12. "overbooked" -> "overcrowded"
    Explanation: "Overbooked" typically refers to scheduling conflicts, whereas "overcrowded" accurately describes a situation where too many people are present.

13. "seek for people’s attention" -> "seek people’s attention"
    Explanation: "Seek for" is grammatically incorrect. "Seek" is the correct verb form.

14. "the goal to increase the citizen’s trust" -> "the goal of increasing citizen trust"
    Explanation: "The goal to increase the citizen’s trust" is awkward and verbose. "The goal of increasing citizen trust" simplifies and clarifies the phrase.

15. "resulting in the awareness about the society – issues" -> "resulting in greater awareness of societal issues"
    Explanation: "The awareness about the society – issues" is awkward and unclear. "Greater awareness of societal issues" is more precise and formal.

16. "bad information may influence the community" -> "negative information may influence the community"
    Explanation: "Bad" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Negative" is more specific and appropriate.

17. "positive news may reduce the viral" -> "positive news may reduce viral spread"
    Explanation: "Reduce the viral" is incorrect. "Reduce viral spread" is the correct phrase.

18. "educator people a specially from youth" -> "educate people, especially youth"
    Explanation: "Educator people a specially from youth" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Educate people, especially youth" corrects these issues and improves readability.

19. "a courageous girl Japanese girl who fight with cancer" -> "a courageous Japanese girl who fights cancer"
    Explanation: "A courageous girl Japanese girl" is redundant and grammatically incorrect. "A courageous Japanese girl who fights cancer" corrects these issues and is more formal.

20. "to be became" -> "to become"
    Explanation: "To be became" is grammatically incorrect. "To become" is the correct form of the verb needed here.

21. "betanetal" -> "balance"
    Explanation: "Betanetal" is a typographical error. "Balance" is the correct term.

22. "help raise people awareness" -> "help raise awareness among people"
    Explanation: "Help raise people awareness" is grammatically incorrect. "Help raise awareness among people" corrects the error and improves clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Task Response: 4

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the question. It acknowledges the prevalence of negative news and suggests reasons for its dominance. It also briefly argues for a balance between good and bad news.

  • The essay could improve by providing a more nuanced analysis of why negative news is more prevalent and explicitly addressing whether a balanced news approach would be beneficial.

  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should:

  • Clearly outline reasons why negative news dominates (e.g., audience attention, media incentives).

  • Expand on the benefits and challenges of balancing good and bad news.

  • Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to addressing the prompt without straying into unrelated topics.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance that journalists should balance good and bad news to avoid overload and increase trust. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. At times, the essay drifts into discussing the effects of news rather than consistently arguing for balance.

  • Examples such as the mention of the courageous girl fighting cancer are supportive but slightly off-topic.

  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position:

  • Clearly state the stance in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay.

  • Use topic sentences in each paragraph to link back to the central argument of balancing news coverage.

  • Avoid introducing examples or ideas that do not directly support the main argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. For instance, while it mentions reasons for the dominance of negative news, these reasons are not elaborated with specific examples or data.

  • Ideas are often presented in a fragmented manner, making the essay feel disjointed.

  • How to improve: To improve presentation and support of ideas:

  • Develop each main idea into a well-structured paragraph with clear topic sentences and supporting details.

  • Use examples or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate points about the impact of news coverage.

  • Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence and argumentation of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the prevalence of negative news and arguing for a balance. However, there are instances where the discussion wanders, such as the mention of specific news stories unrelated to the main argument.

  • The introduction and conclusion could be more tightly linked to the central argument.

  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance:

  • Clearly define the scope of each paragraph and ensure that every point directly supports the main argument.

  • Use transitions to guide the reader through the essay and reinforce the central theme of news balance.

  • Revise the introduction and conclusion to directly reflect the argument for balanced news coverage without introducing new elements.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument for balancing good and bad news, it would benefit from stronger development of ideas, clearer structure, and more consistent focus on the central argument throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a logical structure but struggles with coherence. There is an evident lack of clear topic sentences and transitions between ideas. For instance, in the first paragraph, the argument about negative news being more widely reported lacks a clear introduction or contextualization, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that succinctly introduces the central idea. Transitions between paragraphs should be smoother to ensure a clear flow of ideas throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is attempted but lacks consistent structure and coherence within paragraphs. There are instances where ideas are disjointed or repetitive, such as in the second paragraph where the reasoning behind the prevalence of negative news is unclear due to fragmented sentences.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Develop each idea with supporting details and examples. For instance, expand on why negative news captivates attention by providing concrete examples or studies. This will help maintain coherence within paragraphs and strengthen the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices (e.g., "furthermore", "although", "in conclusion") but inconsistently and often incorrectly, leading to disruptions in coherence. For example, the use of "although" in the second paragraph does not effectively introduce a contrasting viewpoint as intended.
  • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., however, therefore, moreover), linking words (e.g., consequently, consequently), and pronouns (e.g., this, these) to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each cohesive device is used correctly to maintain logical connections between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall Feedback: The essay demonstrates potential to address the essay prompt effectively but is hindered by issues in coherence and cohesion. Improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the effective use of cohesive devices are crucial to elevate the clarity and coherence of the essay, thereby enhancing its overall effectiveness.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion by ensuring that ideas are presented logically, paragraphs are effectively structured, and cohesive devices are used proficiently to maintain coherence throughout.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are attempts to use various words and phrases, but many expressions lack precision or appropriate usage. For instance, phrases like "numerous number of" and "bd news" are imprecise and unconventional. There is evidence of attempts at complex structures but with inconsistent clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary more accurately and appropriately. Instead of using vague terms like "numerous number of," opt for precise expressions such as "a multitude of" or "a significant number of." Be cautious with informal abbreviations like "bd news," aiming for clarity and formality in language use.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as "negative news" and "positive news." However, there are instances where word choice is vague or incorrect, like "coptivate" instead of "captivate." This affects the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.
  • How to improve: Improve precision by selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings. For example, replace informal terms with formal equivalents ("captivate" instead of "coptivate"). Ensure that each word chosen contributes clearly to the intended message and maintains the formality appropriate for academic writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is inconsistent throughout the essay. Errors like "betanetal," "thrilling and catch," and incorrect use of articles ("the balance between negative and positive reports is essential as negative, help raise people awareness and news") detract from the essay’s readability and professionalism.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread carefully, and consider using tools like spell-checkers. Pay attention to common mistakes with articles and verb forms to ensure clear and correct expression. Additionally, practice writing with a focus on correct spelling to develop a more reliable command of written English.

Overall, while the essay displays some attempt to use a range of vocabulary, there is a need for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By refining vocabulary choice and ensuring correct spelling, the coherence and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There are instances of simple and complex sentences, though they are often hindered by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "It is in the society that these news can be widely spread in the news report, till’s from frightening view like murdering or accidents can directly affect viewers’ emotions especially anxiety and curiosity." Here, the sentence structure attempts complexity but is convoluted and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance variety and effectiveness, strive for clearer sentence structures that maintain coherence. Use complex sentences more effectively to convey ideas without sacrificing clarity. For instance, consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences or using transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits frequent grammatical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation. For instance, "bd news are more widely reported than the good ones" should be corrected to "bad news is more widely reported than good news." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and incorrect word usage throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofread carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect use of apostrophes. Incorporate a variety of punctuation marks appropriately to enhance readability and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of sentence structures, there are significant opportunities for improvement in both grammatical accuracy and punctuation. By focusing on clarity and correctness in sentence construction, and by mastering fundamental grammar rules, the writer can elevate the quality of their writing and achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that a significant number of negative news reports, such as accidents and crimes, are widespread. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon, and I would argue that journalists should strive to balance both good and bad news. There are various reasons why bad news is more widely reported than good news. Negative news tends to capture more attention compared to positive news. When people read bad news, they often share it with their friends and family to raise concerns and prevent similar incidents from occurring. Furthermore, negative news stories are often thrilling and garner much attention. In society, these stories are widely disseminated in news reports, portraying events from a frightening perspective such as murders or accidents, which directly impact viewers’ emotions, particularly causing anxiety and curiosity. As a result, journalists prioritize reporting negative news to meet their key performance indicators, as these stories are more captivating.

In my opinion, media companies should strive to achieve a balance between reporting bad and good news to avoid an overload of negative information. While it is true that reporting essential news tends to seek people’s attention with the goal of increasing citizen trust and raising awareness about societal issues, excessive focus on negative information can influence communities adversely. Conversely, positive news can counteract the viral spread of negativity and educate people, especially the youth, about courage and ethical values. For instance, stories like that of a courageous Japanese girl battling cancer can serve as inspiring examples, encouraging positivity and fostering belief in the future.

In conclusion, while the reasons for the predominance of negative news reporting are understandable, achieving a balance between negative and positive reports is crucial. Negative news raises awareness of societal issues, but a balanced approach that includes positive news is essential for providing hope and inspiration to audiences.