The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the year 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the year 2000.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The given chart illustrates a comparison between men and women around the world who lack of basic literacy skills the previous year.
From an overall perspective, it is evident that there is a noticeable disparity in illiteracy rates between male and female in similar nations. Additionally, developed countries’ inhabitants had the lowest rate of illiteracy.
As can be seen from the chart, the proportion of men in Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States and South Asiaw who are able to access education more than that of women, was about 30% in average. However, the figure for women in those regions who are unability to read and write was doubled accounting for 48%, 52% and 55%, respectively.
According to the given chart, in developed countries, people are seem to have literacy skills therefore there was a minority in the rate of illiteracy, at roughly 2% of both genders. While the illiteracy rate among men and women in Latin American shared a similar pattern, at approximately 10%; that of East Asia have a big different between two genders. The percentage of illiteracy men occupied 8%, which was a half of the figure for women, at 20%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The given chart illustrates a comparison between men and women around the world who lack of basic literacy skills the previous year." -> "The chart illustrates a comparison between men and women worldwide who lacked basic literacy skills in the previous year."
   Explanation: Changing "lack of" to "lacked" corrects the grammatical error and uses the past tense appropriately. Additionally, "worldwide" is more precise than "around the world," and "in the previous year" is a clearer temporal specification.

2. "it is evident that there is a noticeable disparity" -> "it is clear that there is a significant disparity"
   Explanation: "It is clear" is more assertive and academic than "it is evident," and "significant" is a more precise term than "noticeable" in academic writing.

3. "developed countries’ inhabitants had the lowest rate of illiteracy." -> "inhabitants of developed countries had the lowest rate of illiteracy."
   Explanation: This revision corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the subject of the sentence.

4. "the proportion of men in Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States and South Asia who are able to access education more than that of women, was about 30%" -> "the proportion of men in Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States, and South Asia who have higher educational access than women was approximately 30%."
   Explanation: "Have higher educational access" is more precise than "are able to access education more than," and "approximately" is more formal than "about."

5. "the figure for women in those regions who are unability to read and write was doubled accounting for 48%, 52% and 55%, respectively." -> "the proportion of women in these regions unable to read and write was significantly higher, at 48%, 52%, and 55%, respectively."
   Explanation: "Unable to read and write" corrects the grammatical error, and "significantly higher" is more formal and precise than "was doubled accounting for."

6. "people are seem to have literacy skills" -> "people seem to possess literacy skills"
   Explanation: "Seem to possess" is grammatically correct and more formal than "are seem to have."

7. "there was a minority in the rate of illiteracy" -> "the rate of illiteracy was relatively low"
   Explanation: "The rate of illiteracy was relatively low" is a more direct and clear expression than "there was a minority in the rate of illiteracy."

8. "at roughly 2% of both genders" -> "at approximately 2% for both genders"
   Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal than "roughly," and "for both genders" is grammatically correct.

9. "that of East Asia have a big different between two genders" -> "that in East Asia shows a significant difference between the genders"
   Explanation: "Shows a significant difference" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have a big different," and "between the genders" is clearer than "between two genders."

10. "The percentage of illiteracy men occupied 8%" -> "The illiteracy rate among men was 8%"
    Explanation: "The illiteracy rate among men was 8%" is grammatically correct and clearer than "The percentage of illiteracy men occupied 8%."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the chart. The essay does not provide any data to support the description. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay should present a clear overview of the main trends in the chart. The essay should provide data to support the description. The essay should focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the chart, rather than focusing on details. The essay should be written in a more formal and academic style.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information, but there are significant coherence and cohesion issues throughout. The essay lacks clear progression in discussing the illiteracy rates and fails to maintain logical sequencing of ideas. Paragraphing is irregular and does not support the flow of information effectively. Cohesive devices are used inaccurately and repetitively, hindering the clarity of relationships between ideas. There are also grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that further impact coherence.

How to improve:

1. Organize ideas coherently: Ensure that there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea related to the illiteracy rates by gender and region.

2. Use cohesive devices correctly: Instead of repetitive phrases, use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns) to link ideas logically. This will help in presenting a clearer flow of information.

3. Improve paragraph structure: Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and develop its main idea cohesively. Avoid mixing different points within the same paragraph.

4. Correct grammar and sentence structure: Pay attention to sentence construction to ensure clarity and coherence in conveying ideas.

By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, thereby improving its overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary language but lacking complexity and precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. Examples include "unability," "seem to have literacy skills therefore," and "have a big different."

How to improve:

1. Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, especially more precise and academic terms related to education and literacy.
2. Accuracy in Language Use: Pay attention to word choice, spelling, and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.
3. Sentence Structure: Develop more complex sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively and fluently.

Improving in these areas will help elevate the lexical resource of the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, as required for Band 6. However, there are numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay that significantly affect communication. The essay lacks consistent accuracy in sentence structures and shows frequent errors that hinder clarity. While some attempts are made at complex sentences, these are often inaccurate or unclear.

How to improve:

1. Grammar and Sentence Structure: Focus on improving accuracy and variety in sentence structures. Ensure that complex sentences are used correctly and consistently.
2. Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with commas and sentence boundaries, to enhance readability.
3. Proofreading: Always proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors before submission.

Improving these areas will help to elevate the essay to a higher band score by ensuring clearer communication and better command of grammar and sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart depicts world illiteracy rates across different regions and genders in the year 2000.

Overall, there is a significant contrast in literacy levels between males and females across similar regions globally. Developed nations show the lowest illiteracy rates.

In Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States, and South Asia, male literacy rates average around 30%, whereas female rates are notably higher at 48%, 52%, and 55% respectively. Conversely, in developed countries, illiteracy rates are minimal, hovering at about 2% for both genders. Latin America exhibits similar patterns with approximately 10% illiteracy rates for both men and women. However, East Asia shows a stark gender disparity, with male illiteracy at 8% compared to 20% for females.