The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided charts illustrate the place and distinct samples of dance classes which young Australians in a town are attending at present.
Overall, the majority of participants in dance courses prefer ballet, with the age group under 11. In contrast, the age range from 11 to 16 favors "modern" the most.
In terms of location of dance classes, 48% of dance location are private studio, which double the place for school halls, at 24% respectively. By contrast, the least desired site for the lessons are college-based studios and community halls and other, which stand at 10 and 18 percentage.
Regarding of varieties of dance lessons, nearly 600 students under age of 11 attend ballet classes, which double the attendants by the age 11-16. In the contract, the "11-16" participants increase to approximately 500 members in modern dance course, followed by 300 members under 11. Last but not least, the children attending tap dance lessons record nearly the same quantity at 450 members.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"young Australians in a town" -> "young Australians residing in a town"
Explanation: Adding "residing" provides a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone by specifying the location more accurately.
"distinct samples of dance classes" -> "various types of dance classes"
Explanation: "Distinct samples" is somewhat vague and informal. "Various types" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, clearly indicating the diversity of dance classes.
"the majority of participants in dance courses prefer ballet" -> "the majority of participants in dance courses opt for ballet"
Explanation: Replacing "prefer" with "opt for" uses a more formal verb that is commonly found in academic texts, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"the age group under 11" -> "the age group under 11 years"
Explanation: Adding "years" clarifies the age range, making the statement more specific and formal.
"favors "modern"" -> "prefer modern"
Explanation: Removing the quotation marks around "modern" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards.
"dance location are" -> "dance locations are"
Explanation: Changing "location are" to "locations are" corrects the grammatical number agreement, ensuring subject-verb agreement in plural form.
"which double the place for school halls" -> "which outnumber school halls"
Explanation: "Double the place" is an informal and unclear expression. "Outnumber" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, clearly indicating the comparative frequency.
"the least desired site for the lessons are" -> "the least preferred sites for the lessons are"
Explanation: Changing "site" to "sites" corrects the plural form, and "least desired" to "least preferred" uses a more formal term.
"Regarding of" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "Regarding of" is grammatically incorrect. "Regarding" is the correct prepositional phrase, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"nearly 600 students under age of 11" -> "approximately 600 students under the age of 11"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "age" corrects the grammatical structure, and "approximately" is a more formal quantifier than "nearly" in academic writing.
"In the contract" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: "In the contract" is incorrect and unclear. "In contrast" is the correct phrase for introducing a contrasting idea in formal writing.
"the "11-16" participants" -> "the 11-16-year-old participants"
Explanation: Adding "year-old" clarifies the age range, making the sentence more specific and formal.
"increase to approximately 500 members" -> "number approximately 500 members"
Explanation: "Increase to" is not the correct phrase for describing a change in quantity. "Number" is the correct verb in this context, providing a clearer and more formal expression.
"Last but not least" -> "Finally"
Explanation: "Last but not least" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Finally" is a more appropriate transitional phrase that maintains formality and flow.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it with the standards of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the information presented in the charts, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences in the data. For example, the essay states that "the majority of participants in dance courses prefer ballet, with the age group under 11," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also does not make any comparisons between the two age groups or the different locations.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the data. The essay could also be improved by making more comparisons between the two age groups and the different locations. For example, the essay could state that "the number of students attending ballet classes is significantly higher for the under 11 age group than for the 11-16 age group." The essay could also state that "private studios are the most popular location for dance classes, followed by school halls."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempts at coherence and cohesion, but it falls short of Band 5 due to several issues. The information is presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, with unclear progression between ideas and inconsistent use of cohesive devices. There are noticeable errors in grammar and sentence structure that hinder overall clarity. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks logical organization.

How to improve:

Logical Organization: Ensure a clearer progression of ideas throughout the essay. This includes organizing information in a structured manner with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and information. This involves employing linking words and phrases more consistently and accurately.
Paragraphing: Improve the logical flow of paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a central idea related to the topic and should transition smoothly to the next paragraph.
Grammar and Sentence Structure: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion, moving towards a more structured and cohesive presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic level of vocabulary usage that adequately conveys the main features of the charts. It covers the locations and types of dance classes attended by young people in an Australian town. However, the vocabulary used is limited and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which can sometimes hinder clarity and understanding. For instance, there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies ("contract" instead of "contrast", "the least desired site for the lessons are"). These errors, while not severe, do affect the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, aim to broaden your vocabulary range and use more precise and appropriate language. Focus on improving accuracy in spelling and word formation. Avoid repetitive language and strive for clearer expression of ideas. Proofreading for errors in grammar and sentence structure would also enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout. The meaning is occasionally distorted due to these errors, which include issues with sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and punctuation.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Focus on constructing clearer and more concise sentences. Ensure that each sentence conveys a complete thought without unnecessary complexity.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to grammar rules, especially verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Use punctuation correctly to enhance readability and clarity.
Language Accuracy: Practice using a wider range of grammatical structures accurately. Work on eliminating frequent errors that hinder communication and distort meaning.

Improving these aspects will help in achieving a higher band score by demonstrating better control over grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts illustrate the locations and types of dance classes attended by young Australians in a town presently. Overall, ballet is the most favored dance style among participants aged under 11, whereas those aged 11 to 16 predominantly opt for modern dance.

In terms of the venue for dance classes, private studios account for the highest proportion at 48%, followed by school halls at 24%. Conversely, college-based studios and community halls, along with other locations, are the least preferred venues, each constituting 10% and 18% respectively.

Regarding the types of dance classes, ballet is attended by nearly 600 students under 11 years old, which is double the number of participants aged 11 to 16. Conversely, modern dance attracts around 500 participants aged 11 to 16, followed by approximately 300 participants under 11. Tap dance classes are attended by a similar number of children, with about 450 participants.