The chart shows the division of household tasks by gender in Great Britain.

The graph illustrate the diving of household chores by gender in the UK.

Overall, it can be seen that household tasks is mostly done by a female in the family. Women dominate with four out of six divisions.

Firstly, cooking, baking and washing the dishes after a meal is being completed mostly by women with 74 minutes on average per one person per day. That is double the time men spend on doing the same task. Secondly, women spend an hour per day cleaning the house and tidying up their living space. Men only invest 13 minutes of their time do so. In addition, female in the family tend to also spend more time with their little one and play with them a lot more than men. Doubling the men time with 45 minutes and the males with only 20 minutes. Lastly, the men spend little to none time to wash their clothes and ironing it while women spend about 30 minutes each day in the UK.

The males in the family spend a lot of time gardening and taking care of their pet, specifically 50 minutes. That is 30 minutes more than what the females put in. The last division is working part-time jobs. Which men spend about half an hour to earn more money, women only do so on average of 10 minutes in the UK.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graph illustrate" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: The verb "illustrate" should be in the singular form "illustrates" to agree with the singular subject "graph."
"diving of household chores" -> "division of household chores"
Explanation: "Diving" is a typo and should be replaced with "division," which is the correct term for the distribution of tasks into categories.
"is mostly done by a female in the family" -> "are primarily performed by females in the family"
Explanation: "Is" should be pluralized to "are" to agree with the plural subject "household tasks," and "a female" should be pluralized to "females" for grammatical correctness and to reflect the generalization intended.
"Women dominate with four out of six divisions" -> "Women dominate four of the six categories"
Explanation: "Dominate with" is an informal and vague phrase. "Dominate four of the six categories" is more precise and formal.
"cooking, baking and washing the dishes after a meal is being completed mostly by women" -> "cooking, baking, and washing dishes after meals are primarily performed by women"
Explanation: "Is being completed" is awkward and incorrect in this context. "Are primarily performed" is more natural and correct. Also, "after a meal" should be "after meals" to generalize the action.
"That is double the time men spend" -> "This represents a doubling of the time men spend"
Explanation: "That is" is too informal and vague. "This represents" is more formal and precise.
"men only invest 13 minutes of their time do so" -> "men invest only 13 minutes of their time in this task"
Explanation: "Do so" is informal and unclear; "in this task" clarifies the reference and is more formal.
"female in the family tend to also spend more time" -> "females in the family tend to spend more time"
Explanation: "Female" should be pluralized to "females" to agree with the plural context, and "also" is redundant and informal.
"play with them a lot more than men" -> "spend significantly more time playing with them than men"
Explanation: "A lot more" is informal and vague. "Significantly more" is more precise and formal.
"Doubling the men time" -> "doubled the men’s time"
Explanation: "Doubling the men time" is grammatically incorrect. "Doubled the men’s time" corrects the verb tense and adds possessive ” for grammatical accuracy.
"the males with only 20 minutes" -> "males spend only 20 minutes"
Explanation: "The males with" is awkward and unclear. "Males spend" is more direct and formal.
"little to none time to wash their clothes and ironing it" -> "little to no time to wash their clothes and iron them"
Explanation: "Little to none time" is incorrect; "little to no time" is the correct phrase. Also, "ironing it" should be "iron them" for subject-verb agreement.
"Specifically 50 minutes" -> "specifically 50 minutes"
Explanation: This is a typographical error and should be corrected to "Specifically 50 minutes."
"Which men spend about half an hour to earn more money" -> "Men spend about half an hour to earn more money"
Explanation: "Which" is incorrectly used here; "Men" is the correct subject to introduce the relative clause.
"women only do so on average of 10 minutes" -> "women spend on average only 10 minutes"
Explanation: "Do so" is informal and vague. "Spend" is more specific and formal, and "on average only" corrects the word order for clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the data, highlighting the key features of the chart. The essay adequately presents the key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that women spend 74 minutes on average per day cooking, baking, and washing dishes, while men spend 30 minutes. However, the chart shows that men spend 30 minutes on gardening and pet care, not cooking, baking, and washing dishes.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most important information in the chart and avoiding irrelevant details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the data. For example, instead of saying "women dominate with four out of six divisions," the essay could say "women spend more time than men on four out of six household tasks."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some information about the division of household tasks by gender in Great Britain. However, there are significant issues with coherence and cohesion that affect the overall clarity and logical progression of ideas.

Coherence and Logical Progression: The essay lacks clear organization and progression of ideas. It jumps between different tasks without a structured approach, making it difficult for the reader to follow a coherent narrative.
Cohesive Devices: There are attempts to use cohesive devices such as transitional phrases (e.g., "Firstly", "Secondly", "Lastly"), but these are used inconsistently and inaccurately. Some sentences are disjointed and do not flow well from one to another.
Paragraphing: The essay does not adhere to standard paragraphing conventions. Instead, it combines multiple ideas within single paragraphs, contributing to the lack of clarity and logical structure.
Referencing and Repetition: There are issues with referencing and substitution. For instance, there is repetition of phrases and lack of clear pronoun reference, which hinders readability.

How to Improve:

Organize Ideas Coherently: Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and transitions logically to the next.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Use cohesive devices (such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases) accurately to connect ideas and create a smoother flow.
Maintain Logical Paragraphing: Separate distinct ideas into paragraphs to improve clarity and organization.
Avoid Repetition and Ensure Clear Referencing: Use pronouns and synonyms effectively to avoid repetition and ensure clarity in referencing.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, thereby improving its overall readability and structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in word choice and expression. There are several errors in word formation, spelling, and grammar, which hinder communication. The essay frequently uses inaccurate or inappropriate vocabulary, such as "diving" instead of "division," "males" instead of "men," and incorrect verb forms like "invest 13 minutes of their time do so." These errors affect clarity and coherence.

How to improve:

Vocabulary Range: Expand the vocabulary to include more appropriate and varied terms related to household tasks and gender roles.
Accuracy in Word Choice and Formulation: Pay attention to accurate word choice and correct formation of sentences to avoid confusion and improve clarity.
Grammar and Sentence Structure: Focus on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance coherence and readability.

Improving these aspects will help raise the band score by making the essay more precise, coherent, and linguistically accurate.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited control of grammatical structures and accuracy. There are frequent errors in grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure throughout the essay. These errors significantly distort the meaning at times, making comprehension challenging.

How to improve:

Grammar and Sentence Structure: Focus on basic sentence structures and aim for clearer, simpler sentences. Work on subject-verb agreement and use of articles (a, an, the).
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, especially commas and periods, to improve readability and clarity.
Vocabulary: Expand vocabulary to improve expression and precision in conveying ideas.

Improving these areas will help in achieving higher band scores by ensuring clearer communication and better adherence to grammatical rules.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the division of household chores by gender in the UK.

Overall, household tasks are predominantly carried out by females within the family. Women dominate in four out of six categories.

Firstly, cooking, baking, and dishwashing are primarily undertaken by women, averaging 74 minutes per person daily, which is twice the time spent by men on these tasks. Secondly, women spend an hour daily cleaning and tidying the house, whereas men devote only 13 minutes to these activities. Additionally, women spend significantly more time playing with and caring for children compared to men, with women spending 45 minutes daily on this, while men spend only 20 minutes. Lastly, women spend around 30 minutes daily washing and ironing clothes in the UK.

Conversely, men in the household dedicate considerable time to gardening and pet care, specifically 50 minutes daily, which exceeds the time women allocate to these tasks by 30 minutes. The final category is part-time work, with men spending an average of 30 minutes, aiming to earn additional income, whereas women spend approximately 10 minutes daily on this activity in the UK.