The table below shows the average band scores for students from different language groups taking the IELTS General Test in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the average band scores for students from different language groups taking the IELTS General Test in 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,
and make
comparisons where relevant.

The given table illustrates the ordinary results of students from four divergent linguistic cliques sitting the IELTS General Test in the year 2010.

Overall, there are is a fluctuating trend in scores of four skills. Furthermore; Indonesian gets the lowest score in average, the reverse was in case of German

Here is the corrected version of the text:

Regarding speaking, German gets the highest band score in this skill, with 6.6 compared to 6.5 for French and Malay. Furthermore, in listening, German shows a higher score than the other three counterparts, with 6.8, which is 0.5 scores more than the others. Thereby, they have the highest overall score of 6.7.

Regarding writing, French and Indian share and receive a score less than 0.3 in comparison with Malay. In writing, Malay, conversely, achieves a lower score when Malay gets the lowest band score, with 6.0 compared to 6.5 and 6.6 of French and German respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"ordinary results" -> "typical results"
Explanation: "Typical" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "ordinary," which can carry a connotation of average or unremarkable, which is not suitable in this context.
"divergent linguistic cliques" -> "different linguistic backgrounds"
Explanation: "Divergent linguistic cliques" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Different linguistic backgrounds" is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing, as it directly refers to the various languages spoken by students.
"sitting the IELTS General Test" -> "taking the IELTS General Test"
Explanation: "Sitting" is less formal and slightly informal for academic writing. "Taking" is the standard verb used in formal contexts to describe the act of participating in a test.
"there is a fluctuating trend" -> "there is a fluctuating pattern"
Explanation: "Pattern" is more specific and appropriate in the context of analyzing data trends, whereas "trend" can be vague and less precise.
"Furthermore; Indonesian gets the lowest score in average" -> "Furthermore, the average score for Indonesian students is the lowest"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"the reverse was in case of German" -> "the opposite was true for German"
Explanation: "The reverse was in case of" is awkward and unclear. "The opposite was true for" is more direct and clear, improving readability and formality.
"6.5 for French and Malay" -> "6.5 for French and 6.5 for Malay"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity as it does not specify the scores for Malay. Adding "for Malay" clarifies that the score applies to Malay as well.
"0.5 scores more" -> "0.5 points higher"
Explanation: "Scores" is vague and informal; "points" is the standard term used in academic contexts to refer to differences in scores.
"Thereby, they have the highest overall score of 6.7" -> "Consequently, German students have the highest overall score of 6.7"
Explanation: "Thereby" is somewhat informal and less specific. "Consequently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. Additionally, specifying "German students" clarifies the subject of the sentence.
"share and receive a score less than 0.3" -> "score lower than 0.3"
Explanation: "Share and receive" is redundant and awkward. "Score lower than" is concise and more direct, improving the flow of the sentence.
"in comparison with Malay" -> "compared to Malay"
Explanation: "In comparison with" is verbose and less formal. "Compared to" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.
"Malay, conversely, achieves a lower score when Malay gets the lowest band score" -> "Conversely, Malay achieves a lower score, with the lowest band score"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and repetitive. The revision clarifies and streamlines the sentence structure, improving readability and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task, but it does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay could also be improved by adequately covering key features/bullet points. The essay should avoid focusing on details and instead focus on the main features of the data. The essay should also be written in a more formal and academic style.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. There are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, which further disrupts the flow. Paragraphing is attempted but not always logical or effective in clearly separating different points.

How to improve:

Improve Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately to link sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each cohesive device clearly indicates the relationship between ideas.
Enhance Progression: Work on the logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next, maintaining a clear and coherent structure throughout the essay.
Refine Paragraphing: Make sure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that paragraphs are used logically to separate different points or comparisons. This will help in presenting information more clearly and effectively.
Avoid Repetition: Use referencing and substitution to avoid repetitive language. This will make the essay more engaging and easier to follow.
Clarify Comparisons: Ensure that comparisons are clearly stated and logically connected. This will help in highlighting the main features and making relevant comparisons more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common vocabulary such as "divergent linguistic cliques" and "fluctuating trend," the overall word choice is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "there are is" and "the reverse was in case of German," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of phrases like "achieves a lower score when Malay gets the lowest band score" is awkward and unclear, further impacting clarity.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and expressions to convey ideas more precisely. This includes using synonyms and avoiding repetition. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct word forms will help in reducing errors that impede communication. Practicing with more complex sentence structures and familiarizing oneself with collocations relevant to the topic can also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "there are is a fluctuating trend" and "the reverse was in case of German" are incorrect and hinder clarity. Additionally, the use of punctuation is inconsistent, further impacting the overall coherence of the text.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a greater variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrases.
Practice with Punctuation: Improve punctuation usage to enhance clarity and flow, ensuring that sentences are correctly structured.
Use of Transitional Phrases: Employ transitional phrases to improve coherence and logical flow between ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given table illustrates the average band scores of students from four different language groups taking the IELTS General Test in the year 2010.

Overall, there is a fluctuating trend in the scores across the four skills. Furthermore, Indonesian has the lowest average score, while German has the highest.

Regarding speaking, German achieves the highest band score in this skill, with 6.6, compared to 6.5 for both French and Malay. In listening, German also shows a higher score than the other three groups, with 6.8, which is 0.5 points more than the others. Consequently, they have the highest overall score of 6.7.

In terms of writing, French and Indian students share a score that is less than 0.3 points lower than that of Malay. Conversely, Malay achieves the lowest band score in writing, with 6.0, compared to 6.5 for French and 6.6 for German.