You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to your friend and in your letter: – give details of your study plans – explain why you want to get a part-time job – suggest how your friend could help you find a job Write at least 150 words.
You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help.
Write a letter to your friend and in your letter:
– give details of your study plans
– explain why you want to get a part-time job
– suggest how your friend could help you find a job
Write at least 150 words.
Dear Jeily,
I am terribly sorry that I didnot participate in your dinner party last day which is taken place in Dugle restaurant and I am writing to convey to you my sincere apologies for it.
Honestly, I have already prepared for joining in party. Unfortunately, while I was coming to restaurant, my father phoned me and told me that he needed his car which I used to drive, to go to airport immediately. Therefore, I had to come back home and missed our meeting. Although I tried to take a taxi, it was useless. And I want to rectify my fault by inviting you to visit my flat to have dinner on next Monday . Can you make an arrangement to enjoy dinner with me?
The fault is entirely mine and I deeply regret that it happened.
Best wishes,
Khnhu
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Dear Jeily," -> "Dear Jeilly,"
Explanation: "Jeily" appears to be a typo or a misspelling. Assuming the correct name is "Jeilly," correcting the spelling enhances professionalism and accuracy in formal correspondence. -
"I am terribly sorry that I didnot" -> "I am deeply sorry that I did not"
Explanation: "Terribly" is somewhat informal and emotional for an apology in formal writing. "Deeply" is more appropriate for expressing regret in an academic or formal context. -
"participate in your dinner party" -> "attend your dinner party"
Explanation: "Participate" is a bit too broad and formal for this context. "Attend" is more specific and commonly used in formal invitations. -
"which is taken place" -> "which took place"
Explanation: "Is taken place" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "took place," which is the past participle used correctly with the auxiliary verb "was" or "were" to form the passive tense. -
"I am writing to convey to you my sincere apologies for it" -> "I am writing to express my sincere apologies for my absence"
Explanation: "Convey" is somewhat formal but can be vague. "Express" is more direct and clear in this context, and specifying "my absence" clarifies the reason for the apology. -
"I have already prepared for joining in party" -> "I had already planned to attend the party"
Explanation: "Joining in party" is informal and imprecise. "Attend the party" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"while I was coming to restaurant" -> "as I was arriving at the restaurant"
Explanation: "Coming to restaurant" is informal and lacks precision. "Arriving at the restaurant" is more formal and specific. -
"my father phoned me and told me that he needed his car which I used to drive" -> "my father called me to inform me that he needed the car I had lent him"
Explanation: "Phoned" is less formal than "called," and "told me" is somewhat informal. "Called to inform me" is more formal, and specifying "the car I had lent him" clarifies the context. -
"to go to airport immediately" -> "to the airport immediately"
Explanation: "To go to airport" is grammatically incorrect. "To the airport" is the correct prepositional phrase. -
"it was useless" -> "it was futile"
Explanation: "Useless" can be seen as too informal and vague in this context. "Futile" is more precise and academically appropriate. -
"I want to rectify my fault" -> "I intend to rectify my mistake"
Explanation: "Fault" can imply a moral or ethical issue, which might not be the intended meaning here. "Mistake" is more neutral and appropriate for describing an error in this context. -
"Can you make an arrangement to enjoy dinner with me?" -> "Would you be available to join me for dinner?"
Explanation: "Make an arrangement to enjoy dinner" is informal and slightly awkward. "Would you be available to join me for dinner?" is more polite and formal, suitable for an invitation in academic or professional correspondence. -
"Best wishes," -> "Sincerely,"
Explanation: "Best wishes" is somewhat informal for formal letters. "Sincerely" is the standard closing for formal letters in academic and professional contexts.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2
Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay fails to address the prompt adequately. The task requires the writer to discuss study plans, the desire for a part-time job, and how the friend can assist in finding one. Instead, the essay focuses on an apology for missing a dinner party, which is irrelevant to the prompt. There is no mention of study plans or the intention to work part-time, leading to a significant misalignment with the task requirements.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully read the prompt and ensure that each part is addressed. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts to cover all necessary points. For instance, the writer could start by stating their study plans, followed by reasons for wanting a part-time job, and finally, suggestions on how the friend could assist.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not present a clear position relevant to the task. Instead of expressing a desire to study and work, it focuses solely on apologizing for a missed event. This lack of clarity and focus on the task leads to confusion about the writer’s intentions and objectives.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their goals at the beginning of the letter. Using phrases like "I am writing to share my study plans and seek your help in finding a part-time job" would clarify the purpose of the letter from the outset.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not present or extend any ideas related to the prompt. Instead, it presents a narrative about missing a dinner party without any relevant details about study plans or job aspirations. There are no supporting details or examples that relate to the task.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on developing each point outlined in the prompt. For example, after stating their study plans, they could elaborate on the type of job they are seeking and why it is important for them. Providing specific examples or reasons would strengthen the essay significantly.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the topic. Instead of discussing study plans, part-time job aspirations, and seeking help, it focuses entirely on an apology for missing a dinner. This lack of relevance to the prompt is a critical issue that affects the overall score.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to addressing the prompt. A good practice is to refer back to the prompt frequently during the writing process to ensure that all parts are being covered. Additionally, the writer could create a checklist based on the prompt to ensure that they address each requirement before concluding the letter.
In summary, the essay needs significant improvements to meet the requirements of the task. Focusing on the prompt, presenting a clear position, developing relevant ideas, and staying on topic are essential steps for achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear logical structure. The writer begins with an apology but does not effectively transition into the main purpose of the letter, which is to discuss study plans and the desire for a part-time job. The sequence of ideas is confusing; for instance, the mention of the dinner party and the subsequent apology overshadow the intended request for assistance. The essay fails to clearly delineate the different points required by the prompt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the writer’s intentions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should outline the letter according to the prompt’s requirements. Starting with a brief introduction, followed by distinct paragraphs for study plans, reasons for seeking a part-time job, and a clear request for help would improve clarity. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas would also aid in guiding the reader through the letter.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text, which makes it challenging to identify separate ideas or points. Effective paragraphing is crucial for readability and helps to emphasize different aspects of the message. In this case, the lack of paragraphs contributes to a sense of disorganization and hinders the overall flow of the letter.
- How to improve: The writer should divide the letter into at least three paragraphs: one for the apology and context, one for study plans and reasons for wanting a job, and a final paragraph suggesting how the friend could help. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, making it easier for the reader to digest the information.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which are essential for linking ideas and ensuring a smooth flow of information. Phrases like "therefore" and "although" are present, but their effectiveness is diminished due to the overall lack of clarity in the message. The essay does not utilize a variety of cohesive devices, resulting in a disjointed reading experience.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "firstly," "in addition," "on the other hand," and "for example." These devices can help to connect sentences and ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately within the context of the sentence will enhance the overall coherence of the letter.
In summary, to achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information logically, using clear paragraphing, and employing a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the letter.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective expressions such as "sincere apologies" and "rectify my fault." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "I am terribly sorry" could be enhanced with synonyms or alternative expressions to convey regret more vividly. Additionally, terms like "dinner party" and "restaurant" are used without variation, which could make the writing feel less dynamic.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "restaurant," you might use "eatery," "dining establishment," or "bistro." Additionally, exploring phrases like "I regret to inform you" or "I sincerely apologize for" can add depth to your expression of regret.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or awkward. For instance, the phrase "which is taken place" should be corrected to "which took place." This grammatical error affects the clarity of the message. Furthermore, the phrase "I had to come back home and missed our meeting" could be more clearly expressed as "I had to return home and unfortunately missed the dinner."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review common phrases and collocations in English to ensure that your expressions are idiomatic. For example, instead of "I want to rectify my fault," you might say "I would like to make it up to you," which sounds more natural in this context.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "didnot" (should be "did not") and "Dugle" (likely intended to be "Dugald" or another name). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the letter and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work carefully. Utilize spell-check tools and consider reading your essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding your vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, you can enhance the quality of your writing significantly.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, the sentence "Unfortunately, while I was coming to restaurant, my father phoned me and told me that he needed his car which I used to drive, to go to airport immediately" is lengthy and could be broken down into more manageable parts or restructured for clarity. The use of subordinate clauses is minimal, which restricts the overall grammatical range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences, such as using relative clauses, conditional sentences, or varied sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of saying "I had to come back home and missed our meeting," the writer could use a complex structure: "Having realized I had to return home, I unfortunately missed our meeting." Engaging in exercises that focus on sentence variety, such as combining simple sentences into complex ones, could be beneficial.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "didnot" should be corrected to "did not," and "last day" is awkwardly phrased; "last week" or "the other day" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the phrase "which is taken place" is incorrect; it should be "which took place." Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as before "which I used to drive," and the absence of a comma after "on next Monday."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common grammatical structures and rules, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of tenses. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that focus on verb forms and punctuation rules, will help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common errors before submission can significantly enhance accuracy. Reading more English texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay conveys the intended message, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will lead to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
Dear Jeily,
I am terribly sorry that I did not participate in your dinner party the other day, which took place at Dugle restaurant. I am writing to convey my sincere apologies for my absence.
Honestly, I had already prepared to join the party. Unfortunately, while I was on my way to the restaurant, my father phoned me and told me that he needed the car I had lent him to go to the airport immediately. Therefore, I had to come back home and missed our meeting. Although I tried to take a taxi, it was futile. I want to rectify my mistake by inviting you to visit my flat for dinner next Monday. Can you make arrangements to enjoy dinner with me?
The fault is entirely mine, and I deeply regret that this happened.
Best wishes,
Khnhu
