Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparious where revelant.

The pie chart had shown the oil production competition between the countries of Iran , Iraq , Kuwait , Qatar , Saudi Arabia and UAE .
Overall , Saudi Arabia is the country with the leading oil production capacity increasing year by year . Still Qatar is the modest oil producer among countries .
From 1990 to 2010 , Saudi Arabia had a very large oil production capacity that can produce about 8 million barrels of oil and increase over time . Meanwhile , Qatar has very limited oil production capacity, only about 1 million barrels of oil produced per day .
The countries of Iran , Iraq , Kuwait , UAE still have effective oil production capacity but still cannot compare with Saudi Arabia .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie chart had shown" -> "The pie chart shows"
Explanation: The verb tense should be consistent throughout the text. Changing "had shown" to "shows" aligns with the present tense used in the rest of the essay, enhancing clarity and coherence.
"the countries of Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and UAE" -> "the countries of Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emirates"
Explanation: The phrase "the United Arab Emirates" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun, and the commas before and after "and" should be corrected for proper punctuation.
"is the country with the leading oil production capacity increasing year by year" -> "has consistently demonstrated the leading oil production capacity"
Explanation: "Increasing year by year" is somewhat informal and vague. "Has consistently demonstrated" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"Still Qatar is the modest oil producer among countries" -> "Notwithstanding, Qatar remains a relatively modest oil producer"
Explanation: "Still" is too informal and conversational for academic writing. "Notwithstanding" introduces a contrast more formally, and "remains a relatively modest oil producer" is more precise and academic.
"had a very large oil production capacity that can produce about 8 million barrels of oil and increase over time" -> "possesses a substantial oil production capacity, capable of producing approximately 8 million barrels per day and increasing over time"
Explanation: "Possesses" is more formal than "had," and "capable of producing approximately 8 million barrels per day" is more specific and precise than "can produce about 8 million barrels of oil." The addition of "per day" clarifies the unit of measurement.
"has very limited oil production capacity, only about 1 million barrels of oil produced per day" -> "has a relatively limited oil production capacity, producing approximately 1 million barrels per day"
Explanation: "Relatively limited" is more precise than "very limited," and "producing approximately 1 million barrels per day" is grammatically correct and clearer than "only about 1 million barrels of oil produced per day."
"The countries of Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, UAE still have effective oil production capacity but still cannot compare with Saudi Arabia" -> "The countries of Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, and the United Arab Emirates still possess effective oil production capacity, yet they cannot compare with Saudi Arabia"
Explanation: Correcting the list of countries and using "possess" instead of "have" maintains formality. The addition of "yet" before "they cannot compare with" improves the flow and formality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the oil production of six countries. However, it does not cover all key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the oil production of Iran and Iraq in 2010. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that Saudi Arabia has a very large oil production capacity that can produce about 8 million barrels of oil and increase over time. This is a detail, not a key feature.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the oil production of the six countries. The essay should also focus on key features, such as the overall trend in oil production, the highest and lowest oil producers, and the countries that have experienced the most significant changes in oil production. The essay should also avoid confusing key features with detail.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate. For example, the essay uses basic connectors like "Overall" and "Meanwhile," but these are not always used effectively to create a smooth flow of ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the information within paragraphs could be better organized to enhance clarity and coherence.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. For example, instead of just using "Overall" and "Meanwhile," try using phrases like "In contrast," "Furthermore," or "As a result" to show relationships between ideas more clearly.
Logical Progression: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the ideas within each paragraph follow a logical order. For instance, the paragraph discussing Saudi Arabia’s oil production could be expanded to include more details before moving on to Qatar.
Effective Paragraphing: Improve the logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the data. For example, one paragraph could discuss the overall trends, another could compare Saudi Arabia with other countries, and a third could focus on the countries with moderate production capacities.
Referencing and Substitution: Use referencing and substitution to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly mentioning "Saudi Arabia," you could use "the leading oil producer" or "this country" to vary the language and maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main ideas regarding oil production in the specified countries, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "had shown" instead of "shows" and "modest" which may not accurately convey the intended meaning. Additionally, phrases like "effective oil production capacity" are vague and could be more precise. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in fully understanding the comparisons being made.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Furthermore, attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy will improve overall clarity and effectiveness in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, such as incorrect verb forms and punctuation issues. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. The overall control of grammar and punctuation is inconsistent, leading to a score that reflects the limitations in range and accuracy.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes would improve clarity. Practicing the use of different tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart illustrates the oil production capacities of six countries: Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and the UAE.

Overall, Saudi Arabia is the leading country in oil production capacity, which has been increasing year by year. In contrast, Qatar is the smallest oil producer among these nations.

From 1990 to 2010, Saudi Arabia demonstrated a substantial oil production capacity, producing approximately 8 million barrels of oil per day, with a consistent increase over time. Meanwhile, Qatar has a very limited oil production capacity, generating only about 1 million barrels of oil daily.

The countries of Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, and the UAE also possess effective oil production capacities; however, they still cannot compare to Saudi Arabia’s output.