The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different ages in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given bar chart illustrates the number of American people who ordinarily ultilized the Internet for watching and paticipating sports in diverse age from 2003 to 2006.

Overall, it can be seen that basketball was the most attracted sport in 6 types, whereas the opposite was true for horse riding and racing. In addiction, the most significant difference was in the percentage of adults who watched and played in tennis.

To began with basketball the proportion of viewers had the unsignificant difference compare to paticipants in 0-55 age group. Besides, tennis had had the most viewers who used the Internet to watch sports. And adults in 0-30 age group of tennis and golf had an equal number of players.

Regarding to 0-20 age group, the percentage of people who searched Internet to watch sports only taked up most in gymnastics. The remain others was in 0-10 age group. And paticipants of horse riding and racing was the youngest in all kinds of sports.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"ultilized" -> "utilized"
Explanation: "Utilized" is the correct verb form for "to use" in formal academic writing, whereas "ultilized" is a typographical error and not a standard English word.
"paticipating" -> "participating"
Explanation: The correct spelling is "participating," which is essential for maintaining the professionalism and accuracy of academic writing.
"ordinarily" -> "ordinarily"
Explanation: The word "ordinarily" is correct, but it is redundant in this context. The phrase "ordinarily used" could be replaced with "usually" or "commonly" for brevity and clarity.
"diverse age" -> "different ages"
Explanation: "Diverse age" is incorrect as "age" is a singular noun. "Different ages" correctly refers to various age groups.
"most attracted sport" -> "most popular sport"
Explanation: "Attracted sport" is unclear and incorrect. "Popular sport" is the appropriate term to describe the sports that are widely followed or enjoyed.
"In addiction" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "In addiction" is incorrect as it implies a state of being addicted, which is not the intended meaning. "In addition" correctly indicates further information or examples.
"To began with" -> "To begin with"
Explanation: "To began with" is grammatically incorrect. "To begin with" is the correct phrase to introduce a point or topic in formal writing.
"unsignificant" -> "insignificant"
Explanation: "Unsignificant" is not a word; the correct term is "insignificant," which means having little or no significance.
"compare to" -> "compared to"
Explanation: "Compare to" is an infinitive phrase and should be "compared to" to form a correct comparative structure.
"paticipants" -> "participants"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "participants," which is essential for maintaining the professionalism of academic writing.
"searched Internet" -> "searched the Internet"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "Internet" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"only taked up most" -> "was highest"
Explanation: "Only taked up most" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Was highest" is clearer and more formal, suitable for academic writing.
"The remain others" -> "The remaining others"
Explanation: "The remain" is incorrect; "the remaining" is the correct form to indicate the remaining part of a set or group.
"paticipants of horse riding and racing" -> "participants in horse riding and racing"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "paticipants" to "participants" and changes "of" to "in" to correctly indicate the activity being referred to.

These corrections and improvements enhance the clarity, accuracy, and formality of the text, aligning it with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide an overview of the main features of the chart, and it does not make comparisons where relevant. The essay also contains several inaccuracies and irrelevant details.

How to improve: The essay needs to be rewritten to provide a clear overview of the main features of the chart. The essay should also make comparisons where relevant. The essay should be written in a more formal and accurate style. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details and inaccuracies.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument or narrative. Overall, the essay lacks clarity and logical structure, which significantly impacts its coherence and cohesion.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically, ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately will help in establishing clear relationships between ideas. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and ensuring that paragraphs are used appropriately will contribute to a more coherent overall structure. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will improve the overall readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the chart, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "ultilized," "paticipating," "unsignificant," "taked up"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "the most attracted sport" and "the remain others" indicates a lack of precision and control over word choice. Overall, while the essay communicates some ideas, the lexical resource is insufficient for a higher band score.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms and less common lexical items, to enhance precision and avoid repetition.
Focus on Accuracy: Pay attention to spelling and word formation to reduce errors that may impede communication. Consider proofreading to catch mistakes.
Use Appropriate Collocations: Learn and practice common collocations to improve the naturalness of expressions (e.g., "most popular sport" instead of "most attracted sport").
Practice Contextual Usage: Engage with varied texts to understand how vocabulary is used in context, which will help in selecting the right words for different situations.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in word choice and verb forms, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. For instance, phrases like "the most attracted sport" and "the unsignificant difference" are incorrect and detract from clarity. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas, which further impact readability. Overall, while the essay communicates some information, the frequent errors and limited structural variety restrict its effectiveness.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and varied sentence beginnings to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical forms.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and word choice.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on common grammatical structures and their correct usage, especially with regard to subject-verb agreement and appropriate vocabulary.
Use of Connectors: Employ a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and enhance coherence in the writing.
By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising their band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of American people who typically utilized the Internet for watching and participating in sports across various age groups from 2003 to 2006.

Overall, it can be seen that basketball was the most popular sport among the six types, whereas the opposite was true for horse riding and racing. Additionally, the most significant difference was in the percentage of adults who watched and played tennis.

To begin with basketball, the proportion of viewers showed an insignificant difference compared to participants in the 0-55 age group. Furthermore, tennis had the highest number of viewers who used the Internet to watch sports. Adults in the 0-30 age group for tennis and golf had an equal number of players.

Regarding the 0-20 age group, the percentage of people who searched the Internet to watch sports was highest for gymnastics. The remaining categories were in the 0-10 age group. Participants in horse riding and racing were the youngest among all types of sports.