The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail
services companies from 1920 to 2000.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The diagram illustrates the amount of shipping goods of two biggest delivery services in the period from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, Federal Express had a better start but the number of goods being delivered fluctuated throughout the years whilst TNT Mail Services grew steadily and eventually outnumbered the former one.

In 1920, the number of parcels delivered by Federal Express were three times as many as that of TNT Mail Services, at respectively 1500 and 5000 parcels. In the next 20 years, the figure of the former rose considerably by almost 10000 parcels before experiencing a sharp and sudden drop to below its original number in the 1950s. After nearly a decade of leveling off at approximately 12000, there was a gradual increase to nearly 19000 in 1980. However, no significant changes were recorded in the last 20 years of the 20th century for this company.

In contrast to its modest beginning, TNT mail services witness a steady growth over the years, with the number of parcels increased almost five-fold at the end of the survey. Specifically, the company grew quite gradually until Federal Express reached its lowest point in the mid 1960s. After a small dip and plateau, TNT Mail Services roared and hit the high of almost 25000 by 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the amount of shipping goods of two biggest delivery services" -> "The diagram depicts the volume of goods shipped by the two largest delivery services"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal verb than "illustrates," and "volume of goods shipped" is a more specific and academically appropriate phrase than "amount of shipping goods."
"in the period from 1920 to 2000" -> "over the period from 1920 to 2000"
Explanation: "Over" is a more formal preposition than "in" when referring to a period of time in academic writing.
"Federal Express had a better start" -> "Federal Express commenced with a stronger presence"
Explanation: "Commenced with a stronger presence" is more formal and specific than "had a better start," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the number of goods being delivered fluctuated" -> "the volume of goods shipped fluctuated"
Explanation: "Volume of goods shipped" is more precise and appropriate in an academic context than "number of goods being delivered."
"the former one" -> "the latter"
Explanation: "The latter" is more formal and precise than "the former one," which is colloquial.
"the number of parcels delivered by Federal Express were" -> "the number of parcels delivered by Federal Express was"
Explanation: The verb "was" should match the singular subject "number," not "were."
"rose considerably by almost 10000 parcels" -> "increased significantly by approximately 10,000 parcels"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is more formal than "rose considerably," and "approximately" is more precise than "almost."
"a sharp and sudden drop" -> "a precipitous decline"
Explanation: "Precipitous decline" is a more formal and precise term than "sharp and sudden drop."
"there was a gradual increase" -> "there was a gradual rise"
Explanation: "Rise" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe increases in quantities or numbers.
"no significant changes were recorded" -> "no substantial changes were observed"
Explanation: "Observed" is more formal than "recorded" in this context, implying a more active and intentional process of noting changes.
"TNT mail services witness" -> "TNT Mail Services witnessed"
Explanation: "Witnessed" should agree with the singular subject "TNT Mail Services."
"the number of parcels increased almost five-fold" -> "the number of parcels increased by nearly five times"
Explanation: "By nearly five times" is a more precise and formal way to express a five-fold increase.
"witness a steady growth" -> "experienced steady growth"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more appropriate in this context, as it implies a direct and active experience of growth.
"the company grew quite gradually" -> "the company grew steadily"
Explanation: "Steadily" is more formal and precise than "quite gradually," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"roared and hit the high" -> "surged and reached a peak"
Explanation: "Surged and reached a peak" is more formal and precise than "roared and hit the high," which uses colloquial language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that Federal Express had a better start, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that TNT Mail Services grew steadily, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also does not make any comparisons between the two companies, which is a requirement of the task.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. The essay could also be improved by making more comparisons between the two companies. For example, the essay could compare the rate of growth of the two companies, or the number of parcels delivered by each company at different points in time. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the fluctuations in the number of parcels delivered by Federal Express, or the reasons for the steady growth of TNT Mail Services.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. However, while the ideas are arranged logically, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, leading to occasional awkward phrasing. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity and logical flow. For example, the transition between the discussion of Federal Express and TNT Mail Services could be smoother, and some sentences could benefit from clearer referencing to avoid confusion.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more naturally. For instance, instead of "In contrast to its modest beginning," you might say, "In stark contrast to Federal Express’s early success," to create a smoother transition.
Clarify Paragraph Structure: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression of ideas within and between paragraphs is logical. Consider starting a new paragraph when shifting focus from one company to another.
Avoid Repetition: Work on reducing redundancy in phrasing. For example, instead of repeating "the number of parcels," you could use synonyms or rephrase to maintain variety and engagement.
Improve Referencing: Make sure that all references to companies and figures are clear and unambiguous to aid reader understanding.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "fluctuated," "steadily," and "witness." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the amount of shipping goods" (which should be "the number of parcels delivered") and "TNT mail services witness" (which should be "witnessed"). Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Federal Express were" (should be "was") and "hit the high of almost 25000" (should be "hit a high of almost 25,000"). These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations. They should also aim to reduce grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage. Expanding their vocabulary further by incorporating synonyms and less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy, will also help in achieving a higher band score. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it communicates the main features of the diagram effectively, there are several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the number of goods being delivered fluctuated" could be more precisely expressed, and the use of "witness" instead of "witnessed" is an error that affects grammatical accuracy. Overall, the essay has some effective sentences, but the errors present do not significantly reduce communication.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate a better command of grammar.
Proofread for Errors: Carefully check for grammatical errors and punctuation issues, ensuring that all verbs are in the correct tense and that sentence structures are accurate.
Clarify Comparisons: Make comparisons clearer and more precise, particularly when discussing trends between the two companies.
Use More Specific Vocabulary: Employ more varied vocabulary to describe trends and changes, which can enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the amount of shipping goods delivered by the two largest delivery service companies over the period from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, Federal Express had a strong start, but the number of goods delivered fluctuated throughout the years, while TNT Mail Services experienced steady growth and eventually surpassed the former.

In 1920, the number of parcels delivered by Federal Express was three times that of TNT Mail Services, at 1500 and 5000 parcels, respectively. In the following 20 years, the figure for Federal Express rose considerably by almost 10,000 parcels before experiencing a sharp and sudden drop to below its original number in the 1950s. After nearly a decade of leveling off at approximately 12,000, there was a gradual increase to nearly 19,000 in 1980. However, no significant changes were recorded in the last 20 years of the 20th century for this company.

In contrast to its modest beginning, TNT Mail Services witnessed steady growth over the years, with the number of parcels increasing almost five-fold by the end of the survey. Specifically, the company grew gradually until Federal Express reached its lowest point in the mid-1960s. After a small dip and plateau, TNT Mail Services surged and hit a high of almost 25,000 by 2000.