The diagram below shows the usual process a person must go through when applying for a driving licence in one state in the US.

The diagram below shows the usual process a person must go through when
applying for a driving licence in one state in the US.

The image demonstrates the various stages in acquiring a driving license in a particular
state in the US. Overall, there are at least seven steps in the process if the applicants
pass all the requirements, and additional steps may be mandatory if they fail any stages.
The first four steps decide whether an examinee is qualified for the test. The potential
driver first needs to visit the license establishment to submit a filled form. After this,
they are required to pass an optical test in order to advance to the licensing procedures;
otherwise, they cannot be furthered.
The remaining steps involve payment and driving skill examinations. The contestant is
obliged to pay a charge before performing a written exam, which allows two failures
before entering the next step, otherwise they must pay the test fee once more to redo
this exam. This is followed by a driving test, in which applicants who pass will receive
their licenses, while those who fail must pay the charge again to re-enter the written
examination phase.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The image demonstrates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
   Explanation: "Diagram" is a more precise term than "image" when referring to a visual representation of a process, which is more commonly used in academic contexts.

2. "at least seven steps" -> "a minimum of seven steps"
   Explanation: "A minimum of" is a more formal and precise way to indicate a lower bound in academic writing, enhancing the formality of the statement.

3. "if the applicants pass all the requirements" -> "provided the applicants meet all the requirements"
   Explanation: "Provided" is a more formal transitional phrase that introduces a condition more appropriately in academic writing than "if."

4. "The potential driver" -> "the prospective applicant"
   Explanation: "Prospective applicant" is a more precise and formal term than "potential driver," which is vague and less commonly used in formal writing.

5. "needs to visit the license establishment" -> "must visit the licensing authority"
   Explanation: "Licensing authority" is a more specific and formal term than "license establishment," which is less commonly used and sounds informal.

6. "submit a filled form" -> "submit a completed application form"
   Explanation: "Completed application form" is a clearer and more formal phrase than "filled form," which is vague and informal.

7. "pass an optical test" -> "pass a vision test"
   Explanation: "Vision test" is the correct term for an examination of visual acuity, whereas "optical test" is not a standard term in this context.

8. "cannot be furthered" -> "cannot proceed"
   Explanation: "Cannot proceed" is a more direct and clear expression than "cannot be furthered," which is awkward and less common in formal writing.

9. "The contestant is obliged to pay a charge" -> "The applicant is required to pay a fee"
   Explanation: "Applicant" is more appropriate than "contestant," which is typically used in competitive contexts. "Fee" is also more specific than "charge" in this context.

10. "pay the charge again to re-enter" -> "pay the fee again to retake"
    Explanation: "Retake" is more specific and formal than "redo," which is less formal and slightly colloquial.

11. "will receive their licenses" -> "will be issued their licenses"
    Explanation: "Will be issued" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of granting licenses, aligning better with formal academic language.

12. "must pay the charge again to re-enter" -> "must pay the fee again to retake"
    Explanation: Consistency in terminology is maintained here by using "fee" instead of "charge" to maintain the formal tone and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the process. The essay adequately highlights the key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "The first four steps decide whether an examinee is qualified for the test," but the diagram shows that the first four steps are only part of the process. The essay also states that "The contestant is obliged to pay a charge before performing a written exam," but the diagram shows that the fee is paid after the eye test.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more accurate and detailed overview of the process. The essay should also avoid making irrelevant or inaccurate statements. The writer should focus on providing a clear and concise description of the process, using the information provided in the diagram.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents a coherent structure with a clear overall progression, outlining the steps involved in acquiring a driving license. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. Additionally, paragraphing is present but could be more logically organized, as the essay could benefit from clearer separation of the initial qualification steps and the subsequent payment and testing phases.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on refining the logical flow between sentences and ensuring that each paragraph clearly encapsulates a distinct part of the process. Utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that referencing is clear will also help in achieving a higher band score. Additionally, restructuring the essay to have a more defined introduction, body, and conclusion could improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms relevant to the process of applying for a driving license. However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "optical test" and "contestant," which are not entirely appropriate in this context. While the vocabulary used does allow for communication of the main ideas, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and some awkward phrasing, such as "furthered" and "the charge," which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation that do not impede overall understanding but indicate a lack of precision.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary. Practicing with synonyms and collocations relevant to the topic can help improve word choice. Additionally, reviewing and correcting any spelling or grammatical errors before finalizing the essay will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation. Expanding vocabulary through reading and writing exercises will also aid in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to use various structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing that may hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "they cannot be furthered" and "the contestant is obliged to pay a charge" could be expressed more naturally. Additionally, there are instances of punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can affect the overall readability.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures used. This can be accomplished by practicing complex sentence formations and ensuring that all sentences are clear and grammatically correct. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and clarity will help to reduce errors that may distract the reader. Engaging with more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could also improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The image demonstrates the various stages involved in acquiring a driving license in a particular state in the US. Overall, there are at least seven steps in the process if the applicants meet all the requirements, and additional steps may be mandatory if they fail any stages.

The first four steps determine whether an examinee is qualified for the test. The potential driver first needs to visit the licensing establishment to submit a completed form. After this, they are required to pass an optical test in order to advance to the licensing procedures; otherwise, they cannot proceed further.

The remaining steps involve payment and driving skill examinations. The applicant is obliged to pay a fee before taking a written exam, which allows for two failures before entering the next step; otherwise, they must pay the test fee again to retake this exam. This is followed by a driving test, in which applicants who pass will receive their licenses, while those who fail must pay the fee again to re-enter the written examination phase.