Some believe that going to university a waste of time. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

It is argued that university is a waste of time. From my point of view, I disagree with this opinion for some reasons which will be presented in the following essay.
Clearly, there are many reasons why going to college is important. Firstly, studying in college helps us gain more knowledge. Studying at university provides learners new knowledge about their majors, works. This new knowledge supports their thinking. For example : When you want to become a doctor, studying at a university will help you have professional knowledge about the medical field.
Not only that, studying at a university helps learners expand relationships. When they study at university, they can communicate with many different people to expand their relationships. The relationship helps them develop their future work. For instance : Bill Gates and Pall Allen were friends in college , and later founded Microsoft together.
To conclude, Studying in university will help us have skills.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued that university is a waste of time." -> "It is often contended that university education is a waste of time."
Explanation: The phrase "It is often contended that" is more formal and precise than "It is argued that," and adding "education" clarifies that the discussion is about the educational aspect of university, not the institution itself.
"From my point of view, I disagree with this opinion for some reasons which will be presented in the following essay." -> "From my perspective, I disagree with this assertion for several reasons, which will be discussed in the following essay."
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal expression than "From my point of view," and "assertion" is more specific than "opinion." Additionally, "several reasons" is more precise than "some reasons," and "discussed" is more appropriate than "presented" in academic writing.
"going to college is important" -> "attending college is crucial"
Explanation: "Attending college" is a more formal and precise term than "going to college," and "crucial" conveys a stronger importance than "important."
"helps us gain more knowledge" -> "enables us to acquire more knowledge"
Explanation: "Enables us to acquire" is a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea of gaining knowledge, emphasizing the active role of the university in facilitating learning.
"works" -> "fields of study"
Explanation: "Fields of study" is a more formal and specific term than "works," which is vague and informal in this context.
"supports their thinking" -> "enhances their cognitive abilities"
Explanation: "Enhances their cognitive abilities" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "supports their thinking," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"For example : When you want to become a doctor, studying at a university will help you have professional knowledge about the medical field." -> "For example, pursuing a medical degree at a university can provide students with professional knowledge in the medical field."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the example by specifying the type of degree and the subject area, and uses a more formal structure.
"Not only that, studying at a university helps learners expand relationships." -> "Furthermore, studying at a university facilitates the development of relationships among learners."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Not only that," and "facilitates the development of relationships among learners" is more precise and formal than "helps learners expand relationships."
"The relationship helps them develop their future work." -> "These relationships can contribute to the development of their future careers."
Explanation: "These relationships" is more specific than "The relationship," and "contribute to the development of their future careers" is a more formal and precise expression than "helps them develop their future work."
"Bill Gates and Pall Allen were friends in college, and later founded Microsoft together." -> "Bill Gates and Paul Allen, college friends, co-founded Microsoft."
Explanation: "College friends" is more concise and formal than "were friends in college," and "co-founded" is a more precise verb than "founded together."
"Studying in university will help us have skills." -> "University education can equip students with essential skills."
Explanation: "University education" is a more formal and specific term than "Studying in university," and "can equip students with essential skills" is more precise and formal than "will help us have skills."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by expressing a disagreement with the notion that university is a waste of time. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The essay mentions the importance of gaining knowledge and expanding relationships but does not sufficiently discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement, which is crucial for a complete response. The phrase "for some reasons which will be presented in the following essay" is vague and does not provide a clear outline of the arguments that will follow.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position regarding the extent of their agreement or disagreement with the statement. They should also ensure that each argument presented directly relates to the prompt and explore both sides of the argument, even if they ultimately disagree. Including a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed would also enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear disagreement with the prompt, but this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. While the writer mentions reasons for valuing university education, the lack of a nuanced discussion about the potential drawbacks of university or a more balanced view weakens the overall position. The conclusion is vague and does not effectively summarize the arguments made.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should reiterate their stance in each paragraph, linking back to the main argument. Additionally, they should provide a more robust conclusion that encapsulates the main points discussed and reinforces their position on the topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as gaining knowledge and expanding relationships, but these ideas are not sufficiently developed or supported with detailed examples. For instance, the example of Bill Gates and Paul Allen is relevant but lacks depth; it could be expanded to discuss how their university experience specifically contributed to their success.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to develop each idea more fully by providing additional examples, explanations, or evidence. Each point should be elaborated upon to show its significance in supporting the overall argument. Including statistics, studies, or more detailed anecdotes could strengthen the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of attending university. However, it could benefit from addressing counterarguments or acknowledging the perspective that university might be a waste of time for some individuals, which would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the prompt. They could also consider briefly acknowledging opposing viewpoints and refuting them to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic. This would enhance the essay’s depth and relevance.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on addressing all parts of the prompt comprehensively, maintaining a clear position throughout, developing and supporting ideas more thoroughly, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count requirement is essential, as being under the word limit can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the notion that university is a waste of time, which is a strength. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the subsequent paragraphs attempt to provide supporting arguments. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing knowledge acquisition to relationship building lacks a clear logical connection. The ideas could be better sequenced to enhance the overall flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use a more structured approach, such as clearly defining the main points in the introduction and then following them in the body paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally begin with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition") could help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphing could be more effective. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the second and third paragraphs present supporting arguments. Yet, the conclusion is not clearly separated from the body of the essay, and the final paragraph lacks depth and clarity, making it feel abrupt and underdeveloped.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is adequately developed. The conclusion should be a distinct paragraph that summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s position. Additionally, the writer could expand on the concluding thoughts to provide a more comprehensive closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Not only that," and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some transitions feel mechanical. For instance, the use of "For example" is repeated, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "For example," alternatives such as "For instance," "To illustrate," or "As an illustration" could be utilized. Additionally, the writer should consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "although," "despite") and referencing techniques (e.g., "this," "these") to create smoother connections between sentences and ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear viewpoint, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms like "knowledge," "relationships," and "skills" are appropriately used; however, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "studying at university" is used multiple times without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, phrases like "waste of time" and "professional knowledge" are common and do not showcase a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "studying at university," you could use alternatives like "pursuing higher education," "attending college," or "enrolling in academic programs." Incorporating more varied expressions will make the essay more engaging and demonstrate a richer vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances where the precision of word choice could be improved. For example, the phrase "supports their thinking" is vague and could be more specific. Additionally, the term "learners" is used, but it may not fully capture the intended audience, as "students" would be more appropriate in the context of university education.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary that clearly conveys your ideas. Instead of "supports their thinking," consider using "enhances their critical thinking skills" or "broadens their understanding." Similarly, replace "learners" with "students" to better fit the context. This will help clarify your arguments and improve the overall quality of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Pall Allen" which should be "Paul Allen." Additionally, "college" and "university" are used interchangeably, which may not be a spelling issue but indicates a lack of clarity in the distinction between the two terms. The phrase "to conclude, Studying in university" incorrectly capitalizes "Studying," which is a grammatical error rather than a spelling issue but affects overall presentation.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to review your work for any spelling or grammatical errors. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial. Furthermore, familiarize yourself with the correct names and terms related to your topic, ensuring you use them accurately. This attention to detail will enhance the professionalism of your writing.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, focus on expanding your vocabulary range, using more precise language, and ensuring correct spelling and grammar throughout your essay. Engaging with a wider variety of sources and practicing vocabulary exercises can also aid in this improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences such as "It is argued that university is a waste of time" and "To conclude, studying in university will help us have skills" is prevalent. While these sentences are clear, they lack complexity. The essay does include some compound structures, like "Not only that, studying at a university helps learners expand relationships," but overall, the variety is limited. The use of phrases such as "for some reasons which will be presented in the following essay" indicates an attempt at more complex structures, but it could be more effectively integrated into the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "studying at university provides learners new knowledge about their majors, works," the writer could say, "studying at university not only provides learners with new knowledge about their majors but also prepares them for the workforce." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can also add variety. Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in this regard.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, the phrase "provides learners new knowledge about their majors, works" is awkward and lacks the necessary preposition; it should be "provides learners with new knowledge about their majors and careers." The use of colons in "For example :" and "For instance :" is incorrect; there should be no space before the colon. Additionally, the sentence "Studying in university will help us have skills" is vague and lacks specificity, which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct preposition usage, and the proper formation of compound sentences. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding the use of colons and commas, ensuring that they are applied correctly. Reading extensively and paying attention to punctuation in well-edited texts can also help reinforce proper usage. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and specificity will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy in both sentence construction and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often contended that university education is a waste of time. From my perspective, I disagree with this assertion for several reasons, which will be discussed in the following essay.

Clearly, there are many reasons why attending college is crucial. Firstly, studying in college helps us acquire more knowledge. Studying at university provides learners with new knowledge about their fields of study. This new knowledge enhances their cognitive abilities. For example, when you want to become a doctor, studying at a university will help you gain professional knowledge in the medical field.

Not only that, studying at a university facilitates the development of relationships among learners. When they study at university, they can communicate with many different people to expand their networks. These relationships can contribute to the development of their future careers. For instance, Bill Gates and Paul Allen were friends in college, and later co-founded Microsoft together.

To conclude, studying at university will help us acquire essential skills.