The diagram shows how Liverton docks have changed since 1980. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The diagram shows how Liverton docks have changed since 1980. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The given maps depict modifications to the layout of the Liverton docks from 1980 to the present day.

Overall, it can be clearly seen from the maps that the docks have undergone a number of significant alterations, with the most noticeable ones being the addition of a new access across the river and the introduction of several educational, residential and leisure facilities .

In terms of the Northern side of the maps, two old warehouses have been demolished to give place to an educational center and a children’s playground, together with a sail club in between. These developments have resulted in the demolition of two old cranes located alternately with the warehouses.

With regard to the other side of the docks, another crane and warehouse have also been erected at the expense of a hotel and a block of apartments with a parking lot adjacent to it. Along the south of the riverbank, there is an addition of a pedestrian path. One notable modification is the newly built bridge and a flood barrier spanning the river. Moreover, a ship museum has been established whilst several ships in the original structures have been removed.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given maps depict modifications" -> "The provided maps illustrate modifications"
Explanation: Replacing "depict" with "illustrate" provides a more precise verb that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe visual representations like maps, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"the most noticeable ones being" -> "the most significant changes being"
Explanation: "The most noticeable ones" is somewhat informal and vague. "The most significant changes" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"the addition of a new access across the river" -> "the installation of a new river crossing"
Explanation: "The addition of a new access" is somewhat vague and informal. "The installation of a new river crossing" is more specific and formal, clearly indicating the type of change.
"educational, residential and leisure facilities" -> "educational, residential, and recreational facilities"
Explanation: Adding a comma before "and" is necessary for proper punctuation, and "recreational" is a more precise term in this context than "leisure," which can be too general and informal.
"give place to" -> "make way for"
Explanation: "Give place to" is less common and slightly informal. "Make way for" is a more conventional and precise phrase in formal writing.
"alternately with" -> "alternating with"
Explanation: "Alternately" is a less formal adverbial form. "Alternating" is the correct form for describing a change in position or sequence.
"erected at the expense of" -> "constructed in place of"
Explanation: "Erected at the expense of" is somewhat informal and less precise. "Constructed in place of" is more formal and clearly indicates replacement.
"a block of apartments with a parking lot adjacent to it" -> "a block of apartments adjacent to a parking lot"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase improves readability and clarity, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"a ship museum has been established" -> "a maritime museum has been established"
Explanation: "Ship museum" is less specific and could refer to a variety of types of museums. "Maritime museum" is more precise and appropriate for the context.
"several ships in the original structures have been removed" -> "several vessels in the original configurations have been removed"
Explanation: "Ships" can be too specific and "structures" is vague; "vessels" is more general and "configurations" is precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes to the Liverton docks. It presents information appropriately selected, highlighting key features such as the addition of a new access across the river and the introduction of several educational, residential and leisure facilities. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "two old warehouses have been demolished to give place to an educational center and a children’s playground, together with a sail club in between." However, the diagram shows that the sail club is located separately from the educational center and playground.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes to the docks and by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate information. For example, the essay could mention the specific types of educational facilities that have been added, or it could provide more information about the location of the sail club. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying that "two old warehouses have been demolished," the essay could say that "two warehouses have been demolished and replaced with an educational center and a children’s playground."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The main features of the maps are summarized adequately, and comparisons are made where relevant. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in distinguishing between the different areas of the docks more effectively. Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for coherence and cohesion, it lacks the sophistication and clarity needed for a higher band score.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesive Devices: Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Avoid repetitive phrases and consider synonyms or alternative expressions to maintain interest.
Improve Paragraphing: Clearly define each paragraph’s focus. For instance, one paragraph could specifically address changes on the northern side while another focuses on the southern side, ensuring a more logical structure.
Clarify Relationships: Make the relationships between ideas more explicit. For example, when discussing the demolition of old structures, explicitly link this to the new developments to illustrate cause and effect.
Vary Sentence Structure: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to enhance the overall readability and flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the changes to Liverton docks. The use of terms such as "modifications," "significant alterations," and "educational center" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "give place to" instead of "give way to," and some awkward phrasing that detracts from overall fluency. There are minor errors in spelling and word formation, but they do not impede communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further, particularly by incorporating more sophisticated and varied lexical items. Additionally, ensuring precise word choice and improving collocation would enhance clarity and fluency. Proofreading for minor spelling and grammatical errors can also help in achieving a more polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "give place to" are less common and may confuse readers. Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary space before the period in "facilities .". Overall, the communication is mostly clear, but the errors are frequent enough to detract from the overall quality of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately. This could involve using more subordinate clauses and varied sentence openings.
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully review the essay to correct grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors. This will help improve the overall accuracy of the writing.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer phrasing by avoiding less common expressions and ensuring that all sentences convey their intended meaning without ambiguity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps depict modifications to the layout of the Liverton docks from 1980 to the present day.

Overall, it is evident from the maps that the docks have undergone a number of significant alterations, with the most noticeable changes being the addition of a new access point across the river and the introduction of several educational, residential, and leisure facilities.

In terms of the northern side of the maps, two old warehouses have been demolished to make way for an educational center and a children’s playground, along with a sailing club situated in between. These developments have led to the removal of two old cranes that were located alternately with the warehouses.

Regarding the southern side of the docks, another crane and warehouse have also been constructed, replacing a hotel and a block of apartments, which included an adjacent parking lot. Along the southern riverbank, a pedestrian path has been added. One notable modification is the newly built bridge and flood barrier spanning the river. Moreover, a ship museum has been established, while several ships from the original structures have been removed.