The diagrams show the structure of solar panel and its use.

The diagrams show the structure of solar panel and its use.

The diagrams show the structure of solar panel and its use.

The diagram describes the details of the solar panel and its application.
There are two main steps in this process, starting with preparing boxes with a transparent top and finishing with heating the air or water.
Commencing with using a box with a transparent top to take the heat energy from sun rays. At the following stage, sun rays release heat energy and the boxes absorb it, the consumed energy will be applied for specific purposes.
According to the chart, the sun's energy is used for two purposes. Firstly, it is adopted to make the air temperature warmer, the air heated by the energy inside the solar panel and released through the outlet. Secondly, warming water is also being considered, the cool water flows into the inlet of the crate and stream through the water pipe while being heated until it runs out through the outlet. Finally, the progress is completed, and the final product is made.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The diagrams show the structure of solar panel and its use." -> "The diagrams illustrate the structure of a solar panel and its applications."
   Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise than "show" in academic contexts, and "applications" is more formal than "use."

2. "The diagram describes the details of the solar panel and its application." -> "The diagram elucidates the details of the solar panel and its applications."
   Explanation: "Elucidates" is a more formal and precise term than "describes," and "applications" is plural to match the plural context of the diagram.

3. "There are two main steps in this process, starting with preparing boxes with a transparent top and finishing with heating the air or water." -> "The process involves two primary steps: preparing boxes with transparent tops and heating air or water."
   Explanation: "Involves" is more formal than "starting with," and "primary steps" is more precise than "main steps." Also, "transparent tops" is grammatically correct and more formal than "transparent top."

4. "Commencing with using a box with a transparent top to take the heat energy from sun rays." -> "The process begins by using a box with a transparent top to capture heat energy from sunlight."
   Explanation: "The process begins by" is more formal than "Commencing with," and "capture heat energy from sunlight" is more precise and formal than "take the heat energy from sun rays."

5. "sun rays release heat energy and the boxes absorb it, the consumed energy will be applied for specific purposes." -> "sunlight heats the boxes, which absorb the energy, which is then utilized for specific purposes."
   Explanation: "Sunlight heats" is more precise than "sun rays release heat energy," and "utilized" is more formal than "applied."

6. "According to the chart, the sun’s energy is used for two purposes." -> "The diagram indicates that solar energy is utilized for two purposes."
   Explanation: "The diagram indicates" is more formal than "According to the chart," and "solar energy" is more specific than "the sun’s energy."

7. "it is adopted to make the air temperature warmer" -> "it is employed to warm the air"
   Explanation: "Employed" is more formal than "adopted," and "warm the air" is a more concise and formal expression than "make the air temperature warmer."

8. "the air heated by the energy inside the solar panel and released through the outlet." -> "the air warmed by the solar panel’s energy is released through the outlet."
   Explanation: "Warmed" is more precise than "heated," and rephrasing to "the air warmed by the solar panel’s energy is released" improves clarity and formality.

9. "warming water is also being considered, the cool water flows into the inlet of the crate and stream through the water pipe while being heated until it runs out through the outlet." -> "warming water is also an option, where cool water enters the inlet of the crate and flows through the water pipe, being heated until it exits through the outlet."
   Explanation: "An option" is more formal than "being considered," and rephrasing for clarity and formality improves the sentence structure and readability.

10. "Finally, the progress is completed, and the final product is made." -> "Finally, the process is complete, and the final product is produced."
    Explanation: "The process is complete" is more formal than "the progress is completed," and "produced" is more precise than "made" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by describing the structure and use of solar panels. However, it lacks a comprehensive explanation of the diagrams, which may include specific details about the components of the solar panel and how they function together. For instance, the essay mentions "boxes with a transparent top" but does not clarify what these boxes are or how they are integrated into the solar panel system. Additionally, the mention of the two main purposes of solar energy is vague and could benefit from more specific details or examples from the diagrams.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that all aspects of the diagrams are covered. This includes providing a detailed description of the solar panel’s structure, such as the materials used, the arrangement of components, and how these contribute to its functionality. Including specific labels or references to parts of the diagram would enhance clarity and completeness.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does not present a clear position, as it primarily focuses on describing the diagrams without asserting a specific viewpoint or argument. The language used is somewhat passive and lacks assertiveness, which can lead to confusion about the main message. The structure of the essay also does not guide the reader through a logical progression of ideas.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should adopt a more assertive tone and clearly outline the main points at the beginning of the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, followed by supporting details. This will help create a cohesive narrative that is easy for the reader to follow.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the structure and use of solar panels, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For example, the explanation of how solar energy is converted into heat for air and water is mentioned but lacks depth and clarity. The transitions between ideas are also weak, making it difficult for the reader to see the connections between them.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. This could involve detailing the process of energy conversion in more depth, explaining the significance of each component, and using transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Additionally, including data or statistics related to solar energy efficiency could strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the structure and uses of solar panels. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the process of heating air and water. The phrasing is sometimes unclear, which can lead the reader to question whether the writer is discussing the structure or the application of solar energy.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic of the diagrams. Using clear headings or subheadings could help delineate sections of the essay, allowing the reader to easily follow the discussion. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing unrelated ideas or overly complex sentences that may detract from the main topic.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive and detailed in its analysis of the diagrams. By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their response, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear sequence of steps involved in the structure and use of solar panels. It begins with the preparation of the solar panel and logically progresses to its applications. However, the organization could be improved by clearly delineating the two main aspects: the structure and the application. For example, the transition from discussing the structure to the applications is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that explicitly state what will be discussed. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the structure of the solar panel, while the next could detail its applications. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "firstly," "next," and "finally" can help guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which affects its readability. The information is presented in a single block of text, making it challenging for the reader to follow the different components of the solar panel’s structure and its uses. Effective paragraphing helps to separate distinct ideas and enhances overall clarity.
  • How to improve: Implementing a clear paragraph structure is essential. Start a new paragraph for each main idea or step in the process. For example, one paragraph could describe the solar panel’s structure, while another could focus on how it heats air and water. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "finally," which help to indicate the sequence of steps. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the consumed energy will be applied for specific purposes" could be better linked to the subsequent sentences discussing those purposes.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "moreover," "consequently," and "as a result." These can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and clarify relationships between different parts of the essay. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant information, improvements in logical organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of solar panels. Phrases like "transparent top," "heat energy," and "cool water" show an attempt to incorporate specific terminology related to the subject matter. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "energy" and "heat," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the text. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "heat energy," alternatives such as "thermal energy" or "solar energy" could be employed to diversify the language.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of saying "the air heated by the energy," the writer could say "the air warmed by the thermal energy." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to renewable energy could also help expand lexical choices.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the consumed energy will be applied for specific purposes" is vague and could be more specific about what those purposes are. Additionally, the phrase "the progress is completed" lacks clarity, as it does not specify what progress is being referred to or what the final product is.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to clarify and specify their language. For example, instead of "specific purposes," they could specify "to heat residential spaces or provide hot water." Furthermore, replacing "the progress is completed" with "the process concludes with the generation of usable thermal energy" would provide clearer information about the outcome.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits good spelling, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "solar panel" being referred to as "solar panels" in the introduction, which could lead to confusion about whether the essay discusses one or multiple panels. Consistency in terminology is crucial for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy and consistency, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any inconsistencies or errors. Additionally, maintaining consistency in terms (e.g., singular vs. plural) throughout the essay will enhance clarity and professionalism.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and uses relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and consistency. By diversifying vocabulary, clarifying language, and ensuring consistent terminology, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "Commencing with using a box with a transparent top" and the complex structure in "the cool water flows into the inlet of the crate and stream through the water pipe while being heated until it runs out through the outlet" showcases an attempt to vary sentence forms. However, the overall sentence construction tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "the air" and "the water," which could limit the perceived range.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "the," try using relative clauses or participial phrases to create more fluid and engaging sentences. Additionally, varying the sentence length and structure can help maintain reader interest and demonstrate a broader grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the consumed energy will be applied for specific purposes" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer if rephrased. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, "Firstly, it is adopted to make the air temperature warmer, the air heated by the energy inside the solar panel and released through the outlet" contains a comma splice, which should be corrected for proper punctuation.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring that sentences are properly structured and punctuated. Review the use of conjunctions to avoid comma splices, and consider breaking longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones. Practicing the use of punctuation marks, especially commas and periods, will help clarify the relationships between ideas. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can enhance overall clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams show the structure of a solar panel and its uses.

The diagram elucidates the details of the solar panel and its applications. There are two main steps in this process, starting with preparing boxes with a transparent top and finishing with heating the air or water. The process begins by using a box with a transparent top to capture heat energy from sunlight. At the following stage, sunlight releases heat energy, and the boxes absorb it; the consumed energy is then utilized for specific purposes. According to the chart, the sun’s energy is used for two purposes. Firstly, it is employed to warm the air; the air heated by the energy inside the solar panel is released through the outlet. Secondly, warming water is also an option, where cool water flows into the inlet of the crate and streams through the water pipe while being heated until it exits through the outlet. Finally, the process is complete, and the final product is produced.