The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates how children aged 11 to 16 in the United Kingdom journeyed to school in a year.
Overall, while walking and bicycles were the preferred modes of transportation for journeys of two miles or less, students preferred to travel by bus for longer trips. On the contrary, it is noticeable from the chart that buses were rarely used for distances under a mile.
The majority of students chose to walk for distances between 0 and 1 mile (90%), followed by cycling with 50%. Meanwhile, cars and buses witnessed the lowest figures for the same distance, with 9% and 2% in that order. Regarding travel length between 1 and 2 miles, bicycles accounted for roughly 80%, compared to 60% for walking. Cars and buses were less common for this distance, with 20% and 10% of students using them, respectively.
Turning to journeys within 2 to 5 miles, bicycles and buses were revealed as the most common forms of transportation, making up around 50% of total journeys. On the contrary, the figures for cars and walking were significantly lower, at 25% and 31%, respectively. For distances over 5 miles, buses were the preferred option (70%), followed by cars (21%), while there was no data recorded for walking and cycling.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates how children aged 11 to 16 in the United Kingdom journeyed to school in a year." -> "The bar chart depicts the modes of transportation used by children aged 11 to 16 in the United Kingdom over the course of a year."
Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal and precise, providing a clearer description of the data presented in the chart.
"On the contrary" -> "Conversely"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal and academically appropriate transitional phrase than "On the contrary," which can sound slightly colloquial.
"students preferred to travel by bus for longer trips" -> "students favored bus travel for longer distances"
Explanation: "Favored" is a more precise term than "preferred," and "distances" is more specific than "trips," enhancing the academic tone.
"it is noticeable from the chart" -> "it is evident from the data"
Explanation: "Evident" is more formal than "noticeable," and "data" is a more precise term than "chart" in an academic context.
"The majority of students chose to walk" -> "The majority of students opted to walk"
Explanation: "Opted" is a more formal synonym for "chose," aligning better with academic style.
"Meanwhile, cars and buses witnessed the lowest figures" -> "Concurrently, the lowest frequencies were recorded for cars and buses"
Explanation: "Concurrently" is a more formal adverb than "meanwhile," and "frequencies" is a more precise term than "figures" in this context.
"roughly 80%" -> "approximately 80%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "roughly" in an academic context.
"On the contrary" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: "In contrast" is a more formal and academically appropriate transitional phrase than "On the contrary."
"making up around 50%" -> "comprising approximately 50%"
Explanation: "Comprising" is a more formal verb than "making up," and "approximately" is preferred over "around" for a more precise academic tone.
"the figures for cars and walking were significantly lower" -> "the frequencies for cars and walking were substantially lower"
Explanation: "Frequencies" is more specific than "figures," and "substantially" is a more formal adverb than "significantly."
"there was no data recorded for walking and cycling" -> "no data was recorded for walking and cycling"
Explanation: "No data was recorded" is grammatically correct and more formal than "there was no data recorded."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, making it more suitable for an academic or professional setting.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the chart. The essay also makes comparisons where relevant, for example, stating that walking and cycling were the preferred modes of transportation for journeys of two miles or less, while students preferred to travel by bus for longer trips. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why students choose to travel by bus for longer distances, or the reasons why cars are less common for journeys between 1 and 2 miles.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why students choose to travel by bus for longer distances, or the reasons why cars are less common for journeys between 1 and 2 miles. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the data. For example, instead of saying "the majority of students chose to walk," the essay could say "90% of students chose to walk."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. It presents a central topic in each paragraph, effectively summarizing the data from the bar chart. However, while a range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in the transitions between ideas. The paragraphing is generally clear, but there could be improvements in the logical flow of some sections.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on varying the use of cohesive devices to avoid any potential overuse and ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and natural. Additionally, enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs by using more varied linking phrases could help improve the overall coherence. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that succinctly summarizes the main point can further strengthen the organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the bar chart. The use of terms like "preferred modes of transportation," "accounted for," and "significantly lower" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "witnessed the lowest figures," which could be more precisely phrased. Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally appropriate, it lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band levels. Errors in spelling and word formation are minimal and do not impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary. For example, instead of "preferred modes of transportation," they could use "favored means of transit." Additionally, ensuring that all word choices are precise and contextually appropriate will help avoid inaccuracies. Lastly, aiming for more complex sentence structures and varied expressions will contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical control is generally good, with only a few minor errors present. The use of a range of grammatical forms is evident, but there are moments where the accuracy could be improved, particularly in the use of conjunctions and prepositions. Overall, the essay effectively communicates the information from the chart, but some sentences could be refined for greater clarity and precision.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the accuracy of complex structures and reducing minor errors. This can be done by proofreading for grammatical mistakes, ensuring correct punctuation, and varying sentence structures even further. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and linking phrases could enhance coherence and cohesion, contributing to a stronger overall impression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates how children aged 11 to 16 in the United Kingdom traveled to school over the course of a year.

Overall, while walking and cycling were the preferred modes of transportation for journeys of two miles or less, students favored traveling by bus for longer trips. Conversely, it is noteworthy that buses were rarely used for distances under a mile.

The majority of students chose to walk for distances between 0 and 1 mile (90%), followed by cycling at 50%. Meanwhile, cars and buses recorded the lowest figures for the same distance, with 9% and 2%, respectively. For travel lengths between 1 and 2 miles, bicycles accounted for roughly 80%, compared to 60% for walking. Cars and buses were less common for this distance, with 20% and 10% of students using them, respectively.

Turning to journeys within the 2 to 5 miles range, bicycles and buses emerged as the most common forms of transportation, comprising around 50% of total journeys. In contrast, the figures for cars and walking were significantly lower, at 25% and 31%, respectively. For distances over 5 miles, buses were the preferred option (70%), followed by cars (21%), while no data was recorded for walking and cycling.