Writing task 2: Due to advancement in technology, the way teachers and students interact has undergone significant shifts. How this affected their relationship and in a positive or negative way.

With the advancement of technology, a huge revolution has been conducted in the field of education in the past twenty years, creating a variety means of interaction between lecturers and pupils. Consequently, not only did this trend lead to the accumulation of qualities in classes, but also strengthen the bond in education environment.

From my point of view, the invisible affair of students and teachers has witnessed remarkable changes in positive ways from time to time. Reasoning for this comes from diversity methods of communication. Students now are not limited in the way they can interact with teachers even after classes, especially in the era when the majority of people can possess their own mobile phones with tons of messaging applications installed in them. Within a click, they can instantly connect with lecturers to ask for extra instructions. On the other hand, for teachers this is also a splendid opportunity for encouraging students and better understanding their needs. As an example of this, in the old society of Vietnamese, lecturers can mainly obtain information about their pupils in a niche of time after classes or via their parents, but now with the support of the Internet and high-tech devices, they can easily stay in touch with the student whenever and wherever they need.

Obviously, the significant shift had both merit and demerit sides, but it is clear that the upsides soon overwhelmed its drawbacks. First, by allowing the teachers to access more data about their students, they can immediately tailor the study programs based on their needs, strengths and weaknesses. This style of teaching has long been used to nurture the gifted ones in some Vietnamese high schools. Although, there are some debate on whether the application of technology in educational communication can lead to the decrease in knowledge and overload of information of the students, this statement is quite short-sighted. As they get exposed to the variety of views from different teachers, the ability of critical thinking can then be enhanced and help them create a sense of awareness with every single piece of information that they have learnt.

In conclusion, the evolution of technologies in the pedagogical environment has led the bond between teachers and students into a brand new level. As a result, the result and efficiency of studying these days has remarkably improved.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a huge revolution has been conducted" -> "a significant revolution has taken place"
Explanation: "Conducted" is not the correct verb in this context; "taken place" is more appropriate to describe the occurrence of an event like the advancement of technology in education.
"creating a variety means of interaction" -> "creating various means of interaction"
Explanation: "Variety" is not the correct term here; "various" is the correct adjective to describe multiple types of interaction.
"not only did this trend lead to the accumulation of qualities in classes, but also strengthen the bond in education environment" -> "not only did this trend lead to the enhancement of academic quality in classrooms, but also strengthen the bond within the educational environment"
Explanation: "Accumulation of qualities" is vague and incorrect; "enhancement of academic quality" is more precise and contextually appropriate. "In classes" is also less formal than "in classrooms," and "strengthen the bond in education environment" should be "strengthen the bond within the educational environment" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"the invisible affair of students and teachers" -> "the invisible relationship between students and teachers"
Explanation: "Affair" is an inappropriate and informal term in this context; "relationship" is the correct term to describe the connection between students and teachers.
"Reasoning for this comes from diversity methods of communication" -> "This is due to the diversity of communication methods"
Explanation: "Reasoning for this comes from" is awkward and unclear; "This is due to" is more direct and formal. "Diversity methods of communication" should be "diversity of communication methods" for grammatical correctness.
"tons of messaging applications" -> "numerous messaging applications"
Explanation: "Tons" is an informal and imprecise term; "numerous" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"Within a click" -> "with a single click"
Explanation: "Within a click" is informal and slightly ambiguous; "with a single click" is clearer and more formal.
"splendid opportunity" -> "significant opportunity"
Explanation: "Splendid" is an adjective that conveys a positive emotional tone, which is less suitable in academic writing; "significant" is neutral and appropriate.
"old society of Vietnamese" -> "traditional Vietnamese society"
Explanation: "Old society" is vague and informal; "traditional Vietnamese society" is more specific and formal.
"nurture the gifted ones" -> "nurture gifted students"
Explanation: "The gifted ones" is awkward and informal; "gifted students" is more direct and formal.
"there are some debate" -> "there is ongoing debate"
Explanation: "There are some debate" is grammatically incorrect; "there is ongoing debate" corrects the grammar and clarifies the nature of the discussion.
"the ability of critical thinking can then be enhanced" -> "critical thinking abilities can then be enhanced"
Explanation: "The ability of critical thinking" is awkward and redundant; "critical thinking abilities" is more concise and clear.
"help them create a sense of awareness with every single piece of information" -> "help them develop awareness of each piece of information"
Explanation: "Create a sense of awareness with every single piece of information" is verbose and awkward; "develop awareness of each piece of information" is more concise and formal.
"the evolution of technologies in the pedagogical environment has led the bond between teachers and students into a brand new level" -> "the evolution of technology in the pedagogical environment has elevated the bond between teachers and students to a new level"
Explanation: "Led the bond between teachers and students into a brand new level" is awkward and informal; "elevated the bond between teachers and students to a new level" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"the result and efficiency of studying these days has remarkably improved" -> "the results and efficiency of studying have significantly improved"
Explanation: "The result and efficiency" should be "the results and efficiency" for grammatical correctness, and "has remarkably improved" should be "have significantly improved" to match the plural subject.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing how technology has transformed the interaction between teachers and students, highlighting both positive and negative aspects. The author notes the increased communication methods and the ability for teachers to better understand their students’ needs. However, while the essay mentions both merits and demerits, it primarily focuses on the positive impacts, which could give the impression of an unbalanced response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the negative aspects of technology in education. This could include discussing potential issues such as reduced face-to-face interaction, distractions caused by technology, or the risk of information overload in more detail. A more balanced approach would demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advancements in technology have positively impacted the relationship between teachers and students. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the discussion of improved communication and tailored teaching methods. However, the phrase "invisible affair" in the introduction could be clearer, as it might confuse readers about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To ensure clarity, the author should avoid ambiguous phrases and instead use straightforward language to express their position. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s stance and provide a stronger closure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the positive impacts of technology, such as enhanced communication and tailored educational approaches. The examples provided, particularly the reference to Vietnamese high schools, add depth to the argument. However, some ideas, such as the mention of "debate on whether the application of technology… can lead to the decrease in knowledge," are introduced but not fully developed or supported with examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to elaborate on all key points with specific examples or evidence. For instance, discussing how technology has been implemented in specific educational settings or providing statistics on student performance could enhance the credibility of the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of how technology has affected the relationship between teachers and students. The discussion stays relevant to the prompt, with a clear connection to the impact of technology on educational interactions. However, some sections, particularly the mention of "the ability of critical thinking," could be more directly tied back to the central theme of teacher-student relationships.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the core question of the essay. When introducing broader concepts like critical thinking, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect them to how they influence the teacher-student dynamic, thus reinforcing the relevance of each point to the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-supported argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author could further enhance the clarity, balance, and depth of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical progression of ideas, starting with an introduction that outlines the topic and moving through various points that discuss the positive impacts of technology on teacher-student relationships. The flow from one idea to the next is generally smooth, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic. For instance, the transition from discussing communication methods to the benefits for teachers is clear and relevant. However, some ideas could be better connected; for example, the mention of "merit and demerit sides" could be more explicitly linked to the preceding discussion to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help clarify connections between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, such as the methods of communication and the implications for teaching strategies. However, the second paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the communication methods and the other on the implications for teachers.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and supporting details. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance clarity and focus. For example, after discussing the various communication methods, a new paragraph could begin with the implications of these methods for teachers, allowing for a more structured approach.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "consequently," "on the other hand," and "as an example of this." These devices help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, while the essay uses some linking words effectively, it tends to rely on a limited set, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "In contrast," or "As a result" can enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help avoid redundancy and improve cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, implementing the suggested improvements could elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of education and technology. Phrases such as "huge revolution," "accumulation of qualities," and "splendid opportunity" showcase an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "students and teachers" and "interaction," which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students and teachers," alternatives like "learners and educators" or "pupils and instructors" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "transformative changes" instead of "huge revolution" could add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the invisible affair of students and teachers" is vague and could confuse readers. The term "affair" typically refers to a romantic relationship, which is not the intended meaning here.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for clarity by selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. In this case, replacing "invisible affair" with "relationship" or "interaction" would enhance clarity. Additionally, phrases like "the significant shift had both merit and demerit sides" could be rephrased to "the significant shift had both advantages and disadvantages" for greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only a few minor errors. For example, "debat" should be corrected to "debate." However, the overall spelling does not detract significantly from the clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing could be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with some effective expressions, there are opportunities for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "not only did this trend lead to the accumulation of qualities in classes, but also strengthen the bond in education environment" showcase the use of inversion and coordination. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "Students now are not limited in the way they can interact with teachers even after classes" could be restructured for better flow and complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, the writer could begin with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In recent years, students have found…"). Additionally, using more varied conjunctions and transitions could help in creating more complex and engaging sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, "a huge revolution has been conducted" should be "a huge revolution has taken place" or "has occurred," as "conducted" is not the appropriate verb in this context. Furthermore, the phrase "the invisible affair of students and teachers" is awkward and may confuse readers. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "but also strengthen" in the first paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring that verb choices match the intended meaning. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tenses, could help. For punctuation, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences and ensuring that clauses are properly separated will enhance readability. It may also be beneficial to proofread the essay for awkward phrases and replace them with clearer alternatives.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical choices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the advancement of technology, a huge revolution has taken place in the field of education in the past twenty years, creating various means of interaction between lecturers and pupils. Consequently, not only did this trend lead to the enhancement of academic quality in classrooms, but it also strengthened the bond within the educational environment.

From my point of view, the invisible relationship between students and teachers has witnessed remarkable changes in positive ways over time. The reasoning for this comes from the diversity of communication methods. Students are no longer limited in how they can interact with teachers even after classes, especially in an era when the majority of people can possess their own mobile phones with numerous messaging applications installed on them. With a single click, they can instantly connect with lecturers to ask for extra instructions. On the other hand, for teachers, this is also a significant opportunity for encouraging students and better understanding their needs. For example, in traditional Vietnamese society, lecturers could mainly obtain information about their pupils in a limited time after classes or via their parents, but now, with the support of the Internet and high-tech devices, they can easily stay in touch with students whenever and wherever they need.

Obviously, the significant shift has both merits and demerits, but it is clear that the upsides soon overwhelm the drawbacks. First, by allowing teachers to access more data about their students, they can immediately tailor the study programs based on their needs, strengths, and weaknesses. This style of teaching has long been used to nurture gifted students in some Vietnamese high schools. Although there is ongoing debate on whether the application of technology in educational communication can lead to a decrease in knowledge and an overload of information for students, this statement is quite short-sighted. As they are exposed to a variety of views from different teachers, their critical thinking abilities can then be enhanced, helping them develop awareness of each piece of information that they have learned.

In conclusion, the evolution of technology in the pedagogical environment has elevated the bond between teachers and students to a new level. As a result, the results and efficiency of studying these days have remarkably improved.