More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are the possible solutions?

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time.
What problems does this cause? What do you think are the possible solutions?

Firstly, parking and maintenance costs are problems that need to be addressed. Since the government policies aim at reducing these expenses, high parking fees can discourage private cars and promote car-sharing, which can benefit the environment. Secondly, parking cars can lead to taking up a lot of space. By taxing high parking costs, residents will reduce buying their own car and use car-sharing. Besides, the environmental pollution is a consequence of using too many private vehicles. If people limit private vehicles travel and encourage the use of more public transportation, they can help keep the fresh air,which will help improve their health. In addition, one of the primary challenges faced by city residents is traffic congestion. By limiting the number of vehicles on the streets, this solution can limit accidents, which avoids traffic congestion and ensures safety.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Firstly" -> "Initially"
   Explanation: "Initially" is a more formal and precise term than "Firstly," which is somewhat colloquial and less commonly used in academic writing.

2. "need to be addressed" -> "require attention"
   Explanation: "Require attention" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the sentence.

3. "Since the government policies aim at reducing these expenses" -> "Given that government policies aim to reduce these expenses"
   Explanation: "Given that" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Since," and "aim to" is the correct form of the verb "aim" in this context.

4. "high parking fees can discourage private cars" -> "high parking fees can discourage the use of private vehicles"
   Explanation: "The use of private vehicles" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the act of owning and using private cars.

5. "taking up a lot of space" -> "occupying considerable space"
   Explanation: "Occupying considerable space" is more formal and precise than "taking up a lot of space," which is somewhat colloquial.

6. "By taxing high parking costs" -> "By imposing higher parking fees"
   Explanation: "Imposing higher parking fees" is a more specific and formal way to describe the action of increasing parking costs.

7. "residents will reduce buying their own car" -> "residents will be less likely to purchase their own vehicles"
   Explanation: "Be less likely to purchase their own vehicles" is a more formal and precise expression than "reduce buying their own car."

8. "the environmental pollution is a consequence of using too many private vehicles" -> "environmental pollution is a consequence of excessive private vehicle usage"
   Explanation: "Excessive private vehicle usage" is a more precise and formal way to describe the overuse of private vehicles.

9. "If people limit private vehicles travel" -> "If individuals limit private vehicle travel"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "private vehicle travel" is grammatically correct.

10. "they can help keep the fresh air" -> "they can help maintain clean air"
    Explanation: "Maintain clean air" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ongoing effort to keep the air clean.

11. "which will help improve their health" -> "which will contribute to improved health"
    Explanation: "Contribute to improved health" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "help improve their health."

12. "one of the primary challenges faced by city residents" -> "a significant challenge faced by urban residents"
    Explanation: "A significant challenge" is more precise and formal than "one of the primary challenges," and "urban residents" is a more specific term than "city residents."

13. "By limiting the number of vehicles on the streets" -> "By restricting the number of vehicles on the streets"
    Explanation: "Restricting" is a more precise verb than "limiting" in this context, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.

14. "this solution can limit accidents" -> "this measure can reduce accidents"
    Explanation: "Measure" is a more formal term than "solution," and "reduce" is more specific than "limit" in the context of decreasing the occurrence of accidents.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the problems caused by increased car ownership in developing countries, such as parking costs, space issues, environmental pollution, and traffic congestion. However, it does not sufficiently explore the second part of the prompt regarding possible solutions. While some solutions are mentioned, such as promoting car-sharing and public transportation, they are not elaborated upon or clearly linked to the problems identified. This lack of depth results in an incomplete response to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline and discuss a broader range of problems and solutions. Each problem identified should be paired with a corresponding solution, and these should be elaborated upon with examples or explanations of how they could be implemented effectively.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position regarding the problems associated with increased car ownership, but it lacks a consistent voice throughout. The solutions offered are not strongly tied back to the problems, leading to a disjointed argument. For instance, the mention of taxing high parking costs is somewhat vague and does not clearly connect to how it would alleviate the issues discussed.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main argument. Using clear topic sentences that summarize the paragraph’s focus can help guide the reader. Additionally, reinforcing the connection between problems and solutions will strengthen the overall argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack depth and development. For example, while the essay mentions environmental pollution as a consequence of increased car use, it does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim. The solutions proposed are also underdeveloped; for instance, the idea of promoting public transportation is mentioned but not explained in detail.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the problems and solutions discussed. Each idea should be elaborated upon in a separate sentence or two to provide a clearer understanding of its significance and relevance.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the problems associated with car ownership in developing countries. However, some points, such as the mention of "keeping the fresh air," are vague and could be more directly tied to the environmental issues discussed. The essay occasionally strays into general statements that do not directly address the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all points are relevant to the specific problems and solutions related to car ownership will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, to improve the score for Task Response, the writer should aim to comprehensively address all parts of the prompt, maintain a clear and consistent position, develop and support ideas more thoroughly, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic at hand.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a coherent structure, addressing the problems associated with increased car ownership in developing countries. The writer begins with parking and maintenance costs, logically transitioning to space issues and environmental pollution, before concluding with traffic congestion. However, while the points are relevant and connected, the development of ideas could be more explicit. For instance, the link between high parking fees and the promotion of car-sharing could be clearer, as the connection seems somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. Additionally, providing more detailed explanations or examples for each point would help strengthen the connections between ideas. For instance, elaborating on how car-sharing specifically benefits the environment would provide a more comprehensive understanding.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific problem. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the shift from discussing parking costs to environmental pollution lacks a clear transition, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Furthermore, using transitional phrases such as "In addition," "Moreover," or "On the other hand," can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "besides," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "high parking costs" is repeated without variation, which detracts from the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "high parking costs," synonyms or paraphrased expressions could be used. Additionally, using devices such as "consequently," "as a result," or "therefore" can help illustrate the cause-and-effect relationships between the problems and proposed solutions more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, enhancing the logical organization, improving paragraph transitions, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks the variety and sophistication expected at a higher band score. For example, terms like "parking," "maintenance costs," and "environmental pollution" are repeated without variation. While these words are relevant, the essay could benefit from synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity. Phrases such as "car-sharing" and "public transportation" are appropriate, but the overall vocabulary could be more varied to showcase a broader lexical range.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related vocabulary to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "parking," consider alternatives like "vehicle storage" or "parking facilities." Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary such as "sustainability" instead of "benefit the environment" could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "taxing high parking costs" is unclear; it could imply imposing taxes on parking fees rather than addressing the issue of high costs. Furthermore, the phrase "keep the fresh air" is awkward and does not convey the intended meaning effectively. The use of "limit private vehicles travel" also lacks grammatical precision, as it should be "limit private vehicle travel."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Rephrasing "taxing high parking costs" to "implementing taxes on parking fees" would clarify the intended meaning. Additionally, revising "keep the fresh air" to "maintain clean air quality" would improve clarity. Paying attention to grammatical structures will also help in conveying ideas more precisely.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors present. However, there are minor issues that could be improved. For instance, "a lot of space" could be more formally expressed as "significant space" to align with the academic tone expected in IELTS essays. Also, the phrase "the environmental pollution" could be simplified to "environmental pollution" for better fluency.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall writing quality, the writer should practice proofreading their work to catch any minor errors or awkward phrasing. Additionally, engaging in regular reading can help familiarize the writer with correct spelling and usage in context, which can improve both spelling accuracy and overall lexical resource.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, enhancing clarity and grammatical accuracy, and maintaining attention to spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures in "If people limit private vehicles travel and encourage the use of more public transportation…" showcases an ability to express hypothetical situations effectively. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the first few sentences, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. Phrases like "can lead to" and "can benefit" are used multiple times, which detracts from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "Secondly" or "In addition," the writer could use alternatives such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "Another significant issue is…" This would not only diversify the sentence openings but also improve the flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the environmental pollution is a consequence of using too many private vehicles" could be more concisely expressed as "environmental pollution results from excessive use of private vehicles." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a space after the comma in "fresh air,which will help improve their health," which disrupts the readability of the sentence.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in punctuation and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading high-quality writing can help reinforce correct usage. Furthermore, the writer should pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that all clauses are clearly connected, which can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and conciseness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, parking and maintenance costs are problems that require attention. Given that government policies aim to reduce these expenses, high parking fees can discourage the use of private cars and promote car-sharing, which can benefit the environment. Secondly, parking cars can lead to occupying considerable space. By imposing higher parking fees, residents will be less likely to purchase their own vehicles and will instead use car-sharing. Besides, environmental pollution is a consequence of excessive private vehicle usage. If people limit private vehicle travel and encourage the use of more public transportation, they can help maintain clean air, which will contribute to improved health. In addition, one significant challenge faced by urban residents is traffic congestion. By restricting the number of vehicles on the streets, this measure can reduce accidents, which avoids traffic congestion and ensures safety.