Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The debate surrounding the merits of competition versus cooperation in various aspects of life, including the workplace and educational institutions, is a contentious issue within contemporary society. While some individuals advocate for the benefits of competitive behavior, contending that it fosters personal growth and ensures a level playing field, I contend that collaboration is more advantageous as it enhances interpersonal relationships and promotes a sense of collective responsibility.
On one hand, competition can undoubtedly serve as a catalys for success when harnessed effectively. Firstly, the drive to compete can function as a profound source of motivation, cultivating self-discipline and a healthy sense of self-worth among individuals. For instance, in a highly competitive workplace environment, employees are often inspired to put forth their utmost effort to accomplish their objectives. Secondly, a competitive atmosphere may also contribute to greater equality among workers or students striving for success. An illustration of this can be seen in the sales industry, where employees are compelled to outperform their peers in order to meet monthly Key Performance Indicators (KPIs). This scenario illustrates how competition can provide equitable opportunities for promotions and advancements, thereby motivating employees to excel.
Conversely, I align with those who assert that cooperation is far more essential than competition. Although the competitive drive can indeed spur individuals toward achievement, it can simultaneously foster detrimental behaviors such as dishonesty and feelings of inadequacy. In stark contrast, collaborative efforts cultivate empathy and a sense of accountability among participants. For example, students are often encouraged to support their classmates, particularly in collaborative projects, which not only fortifies their friendships but also instills a sense of responsibility for their contributions. If a member fails to complete their assigned tasks, it can adversely affect the team's overall performance, underscoring the importance of collective effort.
In conclusion, while both perspectives possess merit, I firmly believe that fostering a spirit of collaboration among colleagues and students yields greater benefits. Such a collaborative approach not only enhances individual growth but also contributes positively to society as a whole.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The debate surrounding" -> "The controversy surrounding"
Explanation: "Controversy" is a more precise term in academic writing, emphasizing the disagreement and heated discussion surrounding the topic, which is more suitable for formal essays.
"contending that" -> "arguing that"
Explanation: "Arguing that" is a more direct and academically appropriate phrase, indicating a formal presentation of opposing views.
"I contend" -> "I maintain"
Explanation: "I maintain" is a more formal expression, suitable for academic writing, which enhances the tone of the argument.
"catalys for success" -> "catalyst for success"
Explanation: "Catalyst" is the correct noun form, referring to an agent that accelerates a process, which is more precise and appropriate in this context.
"function as a profound source of motivation" -> "serve as a profound source of motivation"
Explanation: "Serve" is a more formal synonym for "function," aligning better with academic style.
"put forth their utmost effort" -> "exert their utmost effort"
Explanation: "Exert" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating the act of making an effort, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"compelled to outperform" -> "required to outperform"
Explanation: "Required" is a more formal term than "compelled," which is slightly informal and less precise in this context.
"Key Performance Indicators" -> "Key Performance Indicators (KPIs)"
Explanation: Adding parentheses around "KPIs" clarifies the acronym, which is standard in formal writing to ensure clarity and professionalism.
"I align with those who assert" -> "I concur with those who argue"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "align with," and "argue" is more precise than "assert" in academic discourse.
"foster detrimental behaviors" -> "promote detrimental behaviors"
Explanation: "Promote" is a more formal and precise term than "foster" in this context, indicating a more direct influence on behavior.
"cultivate empathy and a sense of accountability" -> "foster empathy and a sense of accountability"
Explanation: "Foster" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the development of positive qualities, making it a more suitable choice than "cultivate."
"fortifies their friendships" -> "strengthen their friendships"
Explanation: "Strengthen" is a more direct and academically appropriate term than "fortify," which can be less commonly used in this context.
"If a member fails to complete their assigned tasks" -> "If a team member fails to complete their assigned tasks"
Explanation: Adding "team" clarifies the context, specifying that the member is part of a collaborative effort, which is more precise and relevant to the discussion.
"yields greater benefits" -> "offers greater benefits"
Explanation: "Offers" is a more formal verb than "yields," which is slightly more colloquial and less precise in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the prompt, discussing the advantages of competition and cooperation. The first body paragraph outlines the benefits of competition, such as motivation and equality in the workplace. The second body paragraph presents the case for cooperation, emphasizing empathy and accountability. The essay concludes with a clear personal opinion favoring collaboration, which is well-integrated into the discussion. However, while both views are presented, the depth of the exploration of the competitive perspective could be enhanced.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the essay could delve deeper into the competitive viewpoint by providing more nuanced examples or discussing potential drawbacks of competition in more detail. This would ensure a more balanced treatment of both perspectives, thereby fully addressing all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently advocating for cooperation over competition. The use of phrases like "I contend that collaboration is more advantageous" and "I firmly believe" reinforces this stance. The transition from discussing competition to cooperation is smooth, and the conclusion reiterates the author’s viewpoint effectively. However, there are moments where the transition could be more explicitly stated to further clarify the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author could include transitional phrases that explicitly signal the shift from one perspective to the other, such as "On the other hand" or "In contrast." This would help readers follow the argument more easily and reinforce the author’s position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific viewpoint. The use of examples, such as the sales industry and collaborative projects among students, effectively illustrates the points made. However, the development of ideas could be further extended, particularly in the discussion of competition, which feels somewhat less fleshed out compared to the cooperation argument.
- How to improve: To improve the extension and support of ideas, the author could include additional examples or counterarguments related to competition. For instance, discussing how competition can lead to burnout or stress could provide a more comprehensive view of its potential downsides. This would not only strengthen the argument for cooperation but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and maintaining relevance in the discussion. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without straying into unrelated areas. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while reiterating the author’s opinion, ensuring that the essay stays on track.
- How to improve: While the essay is largely on topic, the author should ensure that all examples directly relate back to the main argument. To further enhance focus, the author could briefly explain how each example supports the overall thesis, reinforcing the connection between the examples and the main points being made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the author’s viewpoint. With some adjustments to deepen the exploration of competition, clarify transitions, and extend the support for ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-organized, presenting a clear introduction that outlines the debate and the author’s stance. Each paragraph logically progresses from one idea to the next, with the first body paragraph discussing the benefits of competition and the second addressing the advantages of cooperation. For instance, the transition from discussing competition’s motivational aspects to its potential downsides in the following paragraph is smooth and coherent. This logical flow supports the reader’s understanding of the contrasting viewpoints.
- How to improve: While the organization is strong, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. For example, explicitly stating the main idea of each paragraph at the start would enhance clarity and guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the competition versus cooperation debate. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into each viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and reiterates the author’s opinion. This structure aids in maintaining the reader’s focus and understanding.
- How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. This would reinforce the connection between the points made and the overall thesis, providing a more cohesive reading experience.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on one hand," "firstly," "secondly," and "conversely," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal shifts in perspective and the introduction of new points. Additionally, the use of examples to illustrate points enhances the cohesiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the author could incorporate a wider range of linking phrases and transitions. For instance, using phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "on the contrary" could add variety and depth to the connections between ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures could enhance the flow and maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a balanced discussion of the topic. By implementing the suggested improvements, the author can elevate the clarity and sophistication of their writing even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "contentious," "advocate," "catalyst," and "equitable." This variety not only showcases the writer’s lexical knowledge but also enhances the clarity and depth of the arguments presented. For instance, phrases like "fosters personal growth" and "cultivates empathy" effectively convey complex ideas succinctly.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more synonyms or varied expressions to avoid repetition. For example, instead of using "competition" multiple times, alternatives like "rivalry" or "contest" could be employed. Additionally, introducing idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to the topic could enrich the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "healthy sense of self-worth" and "detrimental behaviors" effectively communicating the intended meanings. However, there is a minor imprecision in the phrase "catalys for success," which should be corrected to "catalyst for success." Such errors, while not frequent, can detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should double-check the usage of complex terms and ensure they are used in the correct context. Engaging in vocabulary exercises that focus on collocations and nuances of meaning can also help in refining this aspect. Furthermore, reading extensively can provide exposure to precise language usage in various contexts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with only one notable error: "catalys" instead of "catalyst." This minor mistake does not significantly impact the overall readability of the essay but is worth noting.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer could implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regularly engaging in writing exercises that emphasize correct spelling will also help solidify this skill.

Overall, the essay effectively meets the criteria for a Band 8 in Lexical Resource, with strengths in vocabulary range and precision, alongside minor areas for improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is prevalent, such as in the phrase "Although the competitive drive can indeed spur individuals toward achievement, it can simultaneously foster detrimental behaviors such as dishonesty and feelings of inadequacy." This sentence effectively combines an introductory clause with a main clause, showcasing the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which contributes to a fluid reading experience. However, some sentences, such as "This scenario illustrates how competition can provide equitable opportunities for promotions and advancements, thereby motivating employees to excel," could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional clauses can add complexity. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more dynamic rhythm in writing. For instance, breaking down longer sentences into shorter ones can enhance clarity and impact.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, "catalys" should be corrected to "catalyst." This typographical error does not detract significantly from the overall quality but is an area for improvement. The punctuation is mostly accurate, effectively using commas to separate clauses and items in lists. However, there are instances where additional commas could enhance readability, such as before "particularly" in the sentence "For example, students are often encouraged to support their classmates, particularly in collaborative projects."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure that all terms are used correctly. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules regarding the use of commas can help in making the writing clearer. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced discussion of the topic, with a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. By focusing on the suggested areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their writing further, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

On one hand, competition can undoubtedly serve as a catalyst for success when harnessed effectively. Firstly, the drive to compete can function as a profound source of motivation, cultivating self-discipline and a healthy sense of self-worth among individuals. For instance, in a highly competitive workplace environment, employees are often inspired to exert their utmost effort to accomplish their objectives. Secondly, a competitive atmosphere may also contribute to greater equality among workers or students striving for success. An illustration of this can be seen in the sales industry, where employees are compelled to outperform their peers in order to meet monthly Key Performance Indicators (KPIs). This scenario illustrates how competition can provide equitable opportunities for promotions and advancements, thereby motivating employees to excel.

Conversely, I concur with those who argue that cooperation is far more essential than competition. Although the competitive drive can indeed spur individuals toward achievement, it can simultaneously promote detrimental behaviors such as dishonesty and feelings of inadequacy. In stark contrast, collaborative efforts foster empathy and a sense of accountability among participants. For example, students are often encouraged to support their classmates, particularly in collaborative projects, which not only strengthens their friendships but also instills a sense of responsibility for their contributions. If a team member fails to complete their assigned tasks, it can adversely affect the team’s overall performance, underscoring the importance of collective effort.

In conclusion, while both perspectives possess merit, I firmly believe that fostering a spirit of collaboration among colleagues and students offers greater benefits. Such a collaborative approach not only enhances individual growth but also contributes positively to society as a whole.