The graph below shows US consumers’ average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given chart illustrates the average amount of money outlay on cell phone and residential phone services by Americans over a period of 9 years starting from 2001.

Overall, it is evidence that both services showed a reserved trajectory. In addition, the year 2006 witnessed the same figure in both for the former and the latter.

It is conspicous that the cost of cell phone started at $200, which was the smallest figure in the chart, it remarkably smaller the figure for residential phone services in the same time. Next, the cost of cell phone started at expericend a significant augment to $550 in the next 5 years, before witnessing another increase and reaching a high of roughly $750 at the end of the period.

Conversly, $700 was recoded by esidential phone services' expenditure in the initial year, with a subsequent drama decline to $550 in 2006 ( this figure was the same as its counterpart). Ultimately, the cost of esidential phone services continued to decrease gently to nearly $450 in 2008, and finnaly which reach a trough of $400, substantially smaller the the starting point.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "it is evidence that" -> "it is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evidence that" is grammatically incorrect. The correct phrase should be "it is evident that" to correctly convey the meaning of "clearly evident" or "obviously true."

2. "reserved trajectory" -> "consistent pattern"
   Explanation: "Reserved trajectory" is unclear and potentially misleading. "Consistent pattern" is more accurate and clear, indicating a steady and predictable trend.

3. "the year 2006 witnessed the same figure in both for the former and the latter" -> "in 2006, both cell phone and residential phone services showed the same expenditure"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies that the same expenditure was seen in both cell phone and residential phone services in the year 2006.

4. "it remarkably smaller the figure for residential phone services in the same time" -> "it was significantly lower than the figure for residential phone services at the same time"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the comparison between the cell phone and residential phone services.

5. "started at expericend a significant augment to" -> "experienced a significant increase to"
   Explanation: "Expericend" is a typographical error and "augment" is not the correct term in this context. "Increase" is the correct term for describing a rise in value or amount.

6. "Conversly" -> "Conversely"
   Explanation: "Conversly" is a typographical error. "Conversely" is the correct spelling and is used to indicate a contrasting idea.

7. "recoded by esidential phone services’ expenditure" -> "recorded by residential phone services’ expenditure"
   Explanation: "Recoded" is a typographical error. "Recorded" is the correct verb to use in this context, indicating the act of measuring or noting the expenditure.

8. "drama decline" -> "sharp decline"
   Explanation: "Drama decline" is incorrect as "drama" typically refers to a type of performance or situation. "Sharp decline" is the correct term to describe a significant decrease.

9. "finnaly which reach a trough of $400, substantially smaller the the starting point" -> "finally, which reached a trough of $400, significantly lower than the starting point"
   Explanation: "Finnaly" is a typographical error and "reach" should be "reached" for grammatical correctness. "Substantially smaller the the starting point" is also grammatically incorrect; "significantly lower than the starting point" is the correct phrase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also contains some inaccuracies and irrelevant information.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also be more accurate and relevant. For example, the essay states that the cost of cell phone services started at $200, which is incorrect. The essay should also avoid using informal language, such as "conspicous" and "drama decline." The essay should also be more concise and avoid repetition. For example, the essay states that the cost of residential phone services "continued to decrease gently to nearly $450 in 2008, and finnaly which reach a trough of $400." This could be rewritten as "The cost of residential phone services decreased to $450 in 2008 and then to $400 in 2010."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, with some phrases being repetitive or inaccurately used. Additionally, paragraphing is attempted but lacks logical structure, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing ideas and ensuring logical progression throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding repetition. Improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the main topic of each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate to that topic would also help. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity will improve the overall readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "outlay," "trajectory"), there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "conspicous," "expericend," "dramatic decline," "esidential"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader and impede the overall clarity of the message. The use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication, which is characteristic of a Band 5 performance.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. This includes practicing the correct spelling of commonly used terms and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used accurately in context. Additionally, incorporating a variety of synonyms and phrases can help avoid repetition and improve the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and idiomatic expressions can also elevate the sophistication of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and sentence construction, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the cost of cell phone started at $200, which was the smallest figure in the chart, it remarkably smaller the figure for residential phone services" exhibit errors in conjunction and verb forms. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions. Overall, while the message is conveyed, the frequent errors hinder clarity and accuracy.

How to improve:

1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical flexibility. For example, use relative clauses and conditional sentences to enhance the complexity of your writing.

2. Focus on Accuracy: Pay closer attention to verb forms and ensure subject-verb agreement. For instance, instead of "the cost of cell phone started," it should be "the cost of cell phones started."

3. Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors. This can help catch mistakes that may distort meaning or confuse the reader.

4. Use Transitional Phrases: Improve coherence by using appropriate transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly, which can also help in structuring complex sentences more effectively.

5. Practice Writing: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify common errors and areas for improvement in grammar and structure.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart illustrates the average amount of money spent on cell phone and residential phone services by Americans over a period of nine years starting from 2001.

Overall, it is evident that both services showed a downward trajectory. In addition, the year 2006 witnessed the same expenditure for both services.

It is conspicuous that the cost of cell phone services started at $200, which was the smallest figure in the chart, and was significantly lower than the figure for residential phone services at that time. Next, the cost of cell phone services experienced a significant increase to $550 over the next five years, before witnessing another rise and reaching a high of roughly $750 at the end of the period.

Conversely, $700 was recorded for residential phone services’ expenditure in the initial year, with a subsequent dramatic decline to $550 in 2006 (this figure was the same as its counterpart). Ultimately, the cost of residential phone services continued to decrease gently to nearly $450 in 2008, and finally reached a trough of $400, substantially lower than the starting point.