The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given graph demonstrates the wages of teachers and years to reach maximum salary among Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Japan and Korea.
Overall, Luxemburg dominates the figures in term of starting years teaching to after following 15 years. While, Japan show a highest fraction in comparison between 15-year-teaching salary and first year salary.
As can be observed from the table, the figures illustrates that Luxembourg reaches the peak from initial period to last period, with 45,000 and 54,00 perspectively, and it consumes roughly 30 years to reach highest salary at 132,000. Following by Denmark, at starting time, the figure is half compared to Luxemburg in this stage. After 8 years teach, Denmark's teacher will attain the wage in 54,000.
As we can see in the given figures, Japan has a largest increase in fraction between begining year and maxium salary year, from 34,000 to 86,000. The similar patterns happen in Australia and Korea, with double in the last period compared to starting year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given graph demonstrates" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "demonstrates" in the context of presenting data, enhancing the formal tone of the statement.
"in term of starting years teaching to after following 15 years" -> "in terms of the number of years teaching before and after 15 years"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure.
"While, Japan show a highest fraction" -> "Meanwhile, Japan shows the highest fraction"
Explanation: "Meanwhile" is a more appropriate transitional phrase than "While," and "shows" is the correct form of the verb to agree with the singular subject "Japan."
"in comparison between 15-year-teaching salary and first year salary" -> "compared to the salary for teachers with 15 years of experience and those in their first year"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the comparison and maintains a formal tone.
"the figures illustrates" -> "the figures illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" should be in the plural form "illustrate" to agree with the plural subject "figures."
"Luxemburg" -> "Luxembourg"
Explanation: "Luxemburg" is a misspelling; the correct spelling is "Luxembourg."
"perspectively" -> "respectively"
Explanation: "Perspectively" is incorrect in this context. "Respectively" is the correct adverb for listing items in a specific order.
"consumes roughly 30 years" -> "takes approximately 30 years"
Explanation: "Consumes" is not the correct verb in this context; "takes" is more appropriate for describing the time it takes to reach a salary level.
"Following by" -> "Following"
Explanation: "Following by" is an incorrect phrase; "Following" alone is sufficient to indicate a sequence.
"at starting time" -> "at the beginning"
Explanation: "At the beginning" is a more formal and clear expression than "at starting time."
"After 8 years teach" -> "After 8 years of teaching"
Explanation: Adding "of teaching" clarifies the noun phrase and maintains formal tone.
"maxium salary year" -> "maximum salary year"
Explanation: "Maxium" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "maximum."
"The similar patterns happen in Australia and Korea, with double in the last period compared to starting year" -> "Similar patterns are observed in Australia and Korea, where salaries double in the last period compared to the starting year"
Explanation: The revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language, improving the flow and precision of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main features of the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "Luxembourg dominates the figures in term of starting years teaching to after following 15 years," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that "Japan has a largest increase in fraction between begining year and maxium salary year," but it does not explain what this fraction represents.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main features of the data. The essay should also focus on presenting key features/bullet points, rather than providing irrelevant details. The essay should also use more accurate language and avoid confusing key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay could state that "Luxembourg has the highest starting salary and the highest maximum salary," rather than saying that "Luxembourg dominates the figures." The essay could also state that "Japan has the largest increase in salary between the starting year and the maximum salary year," rather than saying that "Japan has a largest increase in fraction."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the salaries and years to reach maximum salary, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, the paragraphing is not well-structured, making it difficult to follow the main points.
How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons are explicitly stated and logically sequenced will enhance the overall progression of the essay. It would also be beneficial to proofread for grammatical errors and clarity in phrasing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey comparisons and summarize the data, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "Luxemburg" instead of "Luxembourg," "perspectively" instead of "respectively," "begining" instead of "beginning," and "maxium" instead of "maximum") that may cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay lacks the sophistication and precision expected at higher band levels, and the errors occasionally impede clear communication.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch spelling and word formation errors will improve clarity and professionalism in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("Japan show a highest fraction"), incorrect word forms ("perspectively" instead of "respectively"), and punctuation mistakes. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the comparisons being made. While the main features of the table are reported, the inaccuracies in grammar and sentence structure detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and improve punctuation would significantly enhance clarity. Practicing the use of accurate word forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also contribute to a higher band score. Finally, incorporating linking words and phrases can help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given graph demonstrates the wages of teachers and the years required to reach the maximum salary among Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Japan, and Korea.

Overall, Luxembourg dominates the figures in terms of the starting years of teaching to after following 15 years. Meanwhile, Japan shows the highest fraction in comparison between the 15-year teaching salary and the first-year salary.

As can be observed from the table, the figures illustrate that Luxembourg reaches the peak from the initial period to the last period, with salaries of 45,000 and 54,000 respectively, and it takes roughly 30 years to reach the highest salary of 132,000. Following Denmark, at the starting point, the figure is half compared to Luxembourg at this stage. After 8 years of teaching, a teacher in Denmark will attain a wage of 54,000.

As we can see in the given figures, Japan has the largest increase in fraction between the beginning year and the maximum salary year, rising from 34,000 to 86,000. Similar patterns occur in Australia and Korea, with their salaries doubling in the last period compared to the starting year.