You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Some people work for the same organisation all their working life.
Others think that it is better to work for different organisations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Globalization is greatly affecting the economy, so there are plenty of organisations, schools will instruct a wide range of academic disciplines. Therefore, some residents will only specialize in a certain aspect, while others are talented in different areas. Subsequently, some residents will only choose an enterprise to devote for their entire lifespan, or alter various associations to work. In my opinion, it is better to work in variety of professions than in a single workplace.
On the one hand, the citizens desires to have independent and isn't stuck in specific company, so their choice will be work in various enterprises because they feel leisure when they work such as: they can be proactive while picking a occupation which is appropriate for them, in addition to the hours they want to work, for instance, they can choose a career that they can complete whenever. they have spare time such as: creating a video to submit to Youtube, a draming, a story that they can sell. Furthermore, inhabitants might select jobs that they enjoy to prevent boredom. The organization's work productivity is stable without being influenced by feelbad employees or being able to change the work environment if they feel it is inappropriate. Additionally, they aren't bind or attached to their work when they go to work, and their aren't worried about being under employed if they work multiple jobs at once. One further benefit of working various careers isthat they may get a variety of skills, education, and work experimence, in addition to receive numerous benefits include social insurance, unemployment insurance, and more,…
On the other hand, there are still some people who will only work for one firm from the moment they start working until they retire, perhaps they feel comfortable and secure in this situation, having three explanations for their decision: the first is the chance to the progress more quickly when they just work at one organisation, they will work hard there and it will help them advance faster and earn a great salary. Besides that, if they work there for along period, they are able to become acclaimed to their coworkers and the working environment, and they will benefit from this, which is the second reason, these employees will be highly respected, moreover the boss can also assign them a project because they are familiar with the company's policies and procedures. They won't to be have to make an effort to maintain their income extent, and the longer they work there, the higher they be pay and the more vacation days they will receive.
Both of these points of view sound convincing, nonetheless since I desire more experience, I still believe that working for multiple organisations at once would be beneficial for me.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Globalization is greatly affecting the economy" -> "Globalization significantly impacts the economy"
   Explanation: "Significantly impacts" is more precise and academically appropriate than "greatly affecting," which is somewhat vague and informal.

2. "there are plenty of organisations, schools will instruct a wide range of academic disciplines" -> "there are numerous organizations, schools offer a diverse range of academic disciplines"
   Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "plenty," and "offer" is the correct verb for schools providing educational programs rather than "instruct."

3. "Subsequently, some residents will only specialize in a certain aspect, while others are talented in different areas" -> "Consequently, some individuals will specialize in specific areas, while others possess diverse talents"
   Explanation: "Consequently" is more formal than "Subsequently," and "possess diverse talents" is more precise and formal than "are talented in different areas."

4. "the citizens desires to have independent and isn’t stuck in specific company" -> "citizens desire independence and avoid being tied to a specific company"
   Explanation: "Desire independence" is grammatically correct, and "avoid being tied to" is a clearer and more formal expression than "isn’t stuck in."

5. "they feel leisure when they work such as: they can be proactive while picking a occupation which is appropriate for them" -> "they experience a sense of freedom when working, such as being able to choose an occupation that suits them"
   Explanation: "Experience a sense of freedom" is more formal and precise than "feel leisure," and "being able to choose an occupation that suits them" is grammatically correct and clearer.

6. "they can choose a career that they can complete whenever. they have spare time such as: creating a video to submit to Youtube, a draming, a story that they can sell" -> "they can select a career that can be completed at their convenience, such as creating videos for YouTube, developing a drama, or selling stories"
   Explanation: "Select a career that can be completed at their convenience" is more formal and precise than "choose a career that they can complete whenever," and the examples are rephrased for clarity and formality.

7. "inhabitants might select jobs that they enjoy to prevent boredom" -> "residents may choose occupations they enjoy to avoid boredom"
   Explanation: "Residents" is more specific and formal than "inhabitants," and "may choose occupations they enjoy to avoid boredom" is grammatically correct and clearer.

8. "feelbad" -> "feel bad"
   Explanation: This is a typographical error, correcting it to "feel bad" for clarity and accuracy.

9. "aren’t bind or attached to their work" -> "are not bound or attached to their work"
   Explanation: "Are not bound or attached" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains formal tone.

10. "they aren’t worried about being under employed if they work multiple jobs at once" -> "they are not concerned about being underemployed if they work multiple jobs simultaneously"
    Explanation: "Are not concerned about being underemployed" is grammatically correct, and "simultaneously" is more formal than "at once."

11. "One further benefit of working various careers isthat" -> "Another advantage of working in various careers is that"
    Explanation: "Another advantage of working in various careers is that" corrects the grammatical error and improves formality.

12. "in addition to receive numerous benefits include social insurance, unemployment insurance, and more," -> "in addition to receiving numerous benefits, including social insurance, unemployment insurance, and more"
    Explanation: "Receiving numerous benefits, including" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains formality.

13. "perhaps they feel comfortable and secure in this situation" -> "perhaps they feel comfortable and secure within this situation"
    Explanation: "Within this situation" is more precise and formal than "in this situation."

14. "the chance to the progress more quickly" -> "the opportunity to progress more quickly"
    Explanation: "The opportunity to progress more quickly" corrects the grammatical error and enhances formality.

15. "they will work hard there and it will help them advance faster and earn a great salary" -> "they will work diligently there, which will facilitate their advancement and higher salary"
    Explanation: "Work diligently" is more formal than "work hard," and "facilitate their advancement and higher salary" is more precise and formal.

16. "they are able to become acclaimed to their coworkers and the working environment" -> "they become well-respected by their coworkers and the work environment"
    Explanation: "Become well-respected by" corrects the preposition and maintains a formal tone.

17. "They won’t to be have to make an effort to maintain their income extent" -> "They do

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding working for the same organization versus working for different organizations. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of working in various professions, while the second paragraph presents the advantages of staying with one firm. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the argument for working in multiple organizations is more developed than the one for staying with a single employer. The conclusion briefly states the author’s opinion but lacks a strong synthesis of the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: To enhance the balance, the author should ensure that each viewpoint is given equal attention and depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or elaborating on the points made for working in a single organization, such as job security or career progression opportunities.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors working in multiple organizations, particularly in the conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the author mentions their preference, the transition between discussing both views and the final opinion could be smoother, making the stance feel somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should use linking phrases that reinforce their opinion throughout the essay. For example, after presenting each viewpoint, they could briefly relate it back to their own preference, creating a more cohesive narrative.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in favor of working in multiple organizations, such as gaining diverse skills and avoiding boredom. However, some points lack sufficient support or clarity. For instance, the mention of "creating a video to submit to Youtube" as an example feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument and could be better integrated. Additionally, the reasoning for the benefits of working in one organization is less developed.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to provide clearer examples and more detailed explanations for each point made. This could involve elaborating on how working in various jobs can lead to skill acquisition or providing specific examples of career advancement in a single organization.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains on topic, discussing the two perspectives as required by the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus drifts, particularly in the first paragraph where the discussion of globalization and academic disciplines seems tangential to the main question about employment choices.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all introductory statements directly relate to the topic of employment choices. A more concise introduction that directly addresses the prompt would help set a clearer context for the discussion that follows.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, it could benefit from improved balance between viewpoints, clearer transitions, more detailed support for ideas, and a tighter focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure by discussing both viewpoints regarding employment in one organization versus multiple organizations. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each body paragraph addresses one side of the argument. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and some convoluted sentences, which may confuse the reader. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of working in multiple organizations to the drawbacks of working in a single organization could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, ensure that each point is clearly linked to the previous one, perhaps by using transitional phrases such as "In contrast," "On the other hand," or "Furthermore." This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph generally focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be more effectively communicated if broken down further. For example, the first body paragraph contains several ideas about the benefits of working in various organizations, making it difficult for the reader to follow the main point.
  • How to improve: Aim to keep paragraphs focused on a single main idea. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into two or more shorter ones to enhance readability and clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the flexibility and independence of working multiple jobs, and another discussing the variety of skills gained.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas are weak. For example, the phrase "one further benefit of working various careers is that they may get a variety of skills" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Additionally," "Moreover," "Conversely," and "As a result" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas, helping the reader to follow the argument more easily.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "globalization," "independent," and "work productivity" show an understanding of relevant topics. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as the frequent use of "work" and "organisation." This restricts the overall lexical variety and makes the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "work," alternatives like "employment," "job," or "occupation" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "career advancement" or "professional development," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While there are some precise uses of vocabulary, such as "independent" and "productive," there are also notable inaccuracies. For example, the phrase "feel leisure when they work" is awkward and unclear. The term "feelbad employees" is also imprecise and informal, which detracts from the overall professionalism of the essay. Furthermore, phrases like "isn’t stuck in specific company" lack clarity and grammatical correctness.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, instead of "feel leisure," a more precise phrase could be "experience greater freedom." Additionally, ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct will enhance clarity. Using tools like thesauruses or vocabulary-building apps can help in selecting more appropriate words.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Examples include "isthat" (should be "is that"), "along" (should be "a long"), and "experimence" (should be "experience"). These errors suggest a lack of attention to detail and can detract from the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through exercises can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "the citizens desires to have independent and isn’t stuck in specific company" and "they can choose a career that they can complete whenever" show attempts at complexity. However, many sentences are awkwardly constructed or lack clarity, such as "the organization’s work productivity is stable without being influenced by feelbad employees." This indicates a limited range of effective structures, as the complexity does not always enhance meaning.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences effectively. This can be achieved by incorporating dependent clauses and varying sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting with "the citizens desires," the writer could begin with a subordinate clause: "Although some citizens desire independence, others prefer stability." Additionally, using transitional phrases can help connect ideas more smoothly and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "the citizens desires" should be "the citizens desire" to match subject-verb agreement. Punctuation errors are also present, such as the misuse of commas and periods, which leads to run-on sentences (e.g., "they can choose a career that they can complete whenever. they have spare time such as: creating a video to submit to Youtube, a draming, a story that they can sell"). These errors hinder the reader’s understanding and demonstrate a lack of grammatical control.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can significantly enhance clarity. The writer should pay particular attention to the use of commas, ensuring they are used to separate clauses and items in a list correctly. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, addressing the grammatical range and accuracy issues will be crucial for achieving a higher band score. Regular practice, careful proofreading, and seeking feedback on sentence structure will contribute to improvement in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Globalization is greatly affecting the economy, so there are plenty of organizations, and schools instruct a wide range of academic disciplines. Therefore, some residents will only specialize in a certain aspect, while others are talented in different areas. Subsequently, some residents will choose to devote their entire lifespan to one enterprise, or alter various associations to work. In my opinion, it is better to work in a variety of professions than in a single workplace.

On the one hand, citizens desire to have independence and are not stuck in a specific company, so their choice will be to work in various enterprises because they feel a sense of freedom when they work. For instance, they can be proactive while picking an occupation that is appropriate for them, in addition to choosing the hours they want to work. For example, they can select a career that they can complete whenever they have spare time, such as creating a video to submit to YouTube, developing a drama, or selling a story. Furthermore, inhabitants might select jobs that they enjoy to prevent boredom. The organization’s work productivity is stable without being influenced by unhappy employees, or they can change the work environment if they feel it is inappropriate. Additionally, they are not bound or attached to their work when they go to work, and they are not worried about being underemployed if they work multiple jobs at once. One further benefit of working in various careers is that they may gain a variety of skills, education, and work experience, in addition to receiving numerous benefits, including social insurance, unemployment insurance, and more.

On the other hand, there are still some people who will only work for one firm from the moment they start working until they retire. Perhaps they feel comfortable and secure in this situation, having three explanations for their decision: the first is the chance to progress more quickly when they work at one organization. They will work hard there, which will help them advance faster and earn a great salary. Besides that, if they work there for a long period, they are able to become well-respected by their coworkers and the working environment, and they will benefit from this. This is the second reason; these employees will be highly respected, and moreover, the boss can also assign them projects because they are familiar with the company’s policies and procedures. They do not have to make an effort to maintain their income level, and the longer they work there, the higher they will be paid and the more vacation days they will receive.

Both of these points of view sound convincing; nonetheless, since I desire more experience, I still believe that working for multiple organizations at once would be beneficial for me.