It is argued that reading books that contain many visual elements is advantageous for children; others believe that such books can have detrimental impacts on children’s imagination. In my opinion, I am one of those who strongly agree with the first idea for the following reasons.

It is argued that reading books that contain many visual elements is advantageous for children; others believe that such books can have detrimental impacts on children’s imagination. In my opinion, I firmly support the first perspective for the following reasons.

Firstly, it is evident that reading picture books facilitates children's knowledge acquisition. This is because children can develop better language skills and a richer vocabulary. To be more specific, books featuring numerous illustrations use simple and clear language, rendering it more accessible to young children. Therefore, they can acquire new vocabulary and phrases, thus improving their language capabilities and learning outcomes.

Secondly, it is clear that reading picture books can cultivate a lifelong passion for reading in young readers. To illustrate this point, it is worth mentioning that books with a lot of pictures are often more engaging and entertaining, so children will not feel bored when reading. For instance, a story with visual elements can motivate children to read more and develop a love for reading. Hence, reading books that incorporate numerous visual elements has a positive effect on children’s mental health.

Last but not least, reading picture books may contribute to children's development of a healthy lifestyle. In more detail, reading can limit young children’s participation in screen-time leisure activities, which have adverse consequences for their health and academic performance. Hence, it aids children in their development.

In conclusion, I am strongly convinced that reading picture books offers a broad range of benefits to children, not only in terms of expanding knowledge but also in increasing interest in reading and developing a healthy lifestyle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued that" -> "It is contended that"
Explanation: "Contended" is a more formal and precise term than "argued," which is commonly used in academic writing to introduce a proposition or opinion.
"reading books that contain many visual elements" -> "reading books with numerous visual elements"
Explanation: "With numerous visual elements" is more concise and formal than "that contain many visual elements," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"such books can have detrimental impacts" -> "such books may have adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is a more precise and formal term than "detrimental impacts," which is slightly informal and less specific in this context.
"In my opinion, I firmly support" -> "I strongly support"
Explanation: Removing "In my opinion" simplifies the sentence and aligns better with academic style, which typically avoids unnecessary phrases that can be implied by the context.
"facilitates children’s knowledge acquisition" -> "enhances children’s knowledge acquisition"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise verb than "facilitates" in this context, as it directly relates to the improvement of knowledge, which is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.
"use simple and clear language" -> "employ straightforward and lucid language"
Explanation: "Employ" and "lucid" are more formal and precise than "use" and "clear," respectively, which are somewhat basic and vague in this context.
"a lot of pictures" -> "numerous illustrations"
Explanation: "Numerous illustrations" is more formal and precise than "a lot of pictures," which is colloquial and vague.
"will not feel bored" -> "will not experience boredom"
Explanation: "Will not experience boredom" is a more formal expression than "will not feel bored," which is slightly informal and less precise.
"reading books that incorporate numerous visual elements has a positive effect" -> "the incorporation of numerous visual elements in these books has a positive effect"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject of the sentence, making it more formal and precise by specifying what aspect of the books is being discussed.
"reading picture books may contribute to children’s development of a healthy lifestyle" -> "reading picture books may contribute to promoting a healthy lifestyle in children"
Explanation: "Promoting a healthy lifestyle in children" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "development of a healthy lifestyle."
"reading can limit young children’s participation in screen-time leisure activities" -> "reading can reduce young children’s engagement in screen-based leisure activities"
Explanation: "Reduce" and "screen-based" are more precise and formal terms than "limit" and "screen-time," respectively, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"which have adverse consequences for their health and academic performance" -> "which have adverse effects on their health and academic performance"
Explanation: "Effects" is more specific and formal than "consequences," aligning better with academic style and providing a clearer connection to the impact discussed.

These changes refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to better suit an academic context, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of reading books with visual elements. The writer acknowledges the opposing viewpoint but primarily focuses on supporting the advantages. Each of the three main points—knowledge acquisition, fostering a love for reading, and promoting a healthy lifestyle—directly relates to the benefits of visual elements in children’s books. However, the essay could have briefly acknowledged the potential downsides of visual-heavy books to provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a brief discussion of the opposing viewpoint, addressing how visual elements might detract from imagination. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument by countering potential criticisms.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is clearly stated in the introduction and consistently maintained throughout the essay. The use of phrases like "I firmly support the first perspective" reinforces the writer’s stance. Each paragraph logically follows the central argument, making it easy for the reader to understand the writer’s viewpoint. However, the conclusion could be more emphatic in reiterating the position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and emphasis, the conclusion could restate the main arguments more forcefully and summarize how they collectively support the thesis. This would reinforce the writer’s position and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct benefit of reading picture books. The points are extended with explanations and examples, such as the link between picture books and language skills or the encouragement of a reading habit. However, the examples could be more varied and detailed to enhance the depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could incorporate specific studies or statistics that illustrate the benefits of visual elements in books. Additionally, providing more varied examples, such as mentioning specific popular picture books, would add credibility and interest to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each point directly related to the advantages of visual elements in children’s books. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the writer maintains relevance in all paragraphs. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer connection between the points and the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and enhance coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link each point back to the central argument. This would help reinforce the relevance of each idea and ensure that the reader sees how they contribute to the overall thesis.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument in favor of reading books with visual elements. To achieve an even higher score, the writer should consider addressing counterarguments, enhancing the depth of examples, and improving the connection between points and the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured in a clear and logical manner, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point that supports the main argument. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each subsequent paragraph builds upon the previous one. For instance, the first paragraph discusses language acquisition, the second addresses the cultivation of a reading passion, and the third highlights the benefits for a healthy lifestyle. This logical progression aids the reader in following the writer’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: While the organization is strong, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to explicitly state the main idea being discussed. This would enhance the reader’s understanding of how each point relates to the overall argument. Additionally, a brief transitional phrase at the end of each paragraph could help to connect the ideas more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to its clarity. Each paragraph is focused and contains relevant supporting details. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the argument nicely. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, as the reader might feel a slight jolt when moving from one idea to the next.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider using transitional phrases or sentences at the beginning of each new paragraph that relate back to the previous point. For example, starting the second paragraph with a phrase like "Building on the idea of language acquisition, another significant advantage of picture books is…" would create a more cohesive flow. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear and concise topic sentence can further clarify the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Last but not least," which help to signal the order of points being made. Additionally, phrases like "To illustrate this point" and "In more detail" effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, primarily relying on a few transitional phrases.
- How to improve: To improve the range of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "In addition" can help to diversify the transitions between points. Additionally, employing cohesive devices that indicate contrast or concession, such as "On the other hand" or "However," could enhance the depth of the argument by acknowledging opposing views, even if only briefly. This would not only improve cohesion but also demonstrate critical thinking.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the writer’s viewpoint. By implementing the suggested improvements, particularly in enhancing transitions and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advantageous," "facilitates," "knowledge acquisition," and "lifelong passion." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "reading picture books" and "visual elements," which appear multiple times throughout the essay. This limits the lexical variety and can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "reading picture books," alternatives like "illustrated books," "visual storybooks," or "picture narratives" could be used. Additionally, varying sentence structures and employing more descriptive adjectives could enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "rendering it more accessible to young children" is somewhat vague; it could be clearer by specifying how the language is made accessible (e.g., "using age-appropriate language"). Additionally, the term "healthy lifestyle" is broad and could be more specific in the context of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify and specify their language. Instead of saying "healthy lifestyle," they could specify what aspects of a healthy lifestyle are being referred to (e.g., "reducing screen time to promote physical activity"). This would provide clearer insights into the argument being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors that impede understanding. Words like "advantageous," "facilitates," and "development" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any minor errors that may have been overlooked. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay achieves a band score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "To be more specific, books featuring numerous illustrations use simple and clear language, rendering it more accessible to young children." This structure effectively conveys detailed information. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain a good flow and clarity. However, some sentences could benefit from further complexity or variation. For example, the phrase "reading picture books may contribute to children’s development of a healthy lifestyle" could be expanded with additional clauses to enhance depth.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and dependent clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "It is clear that," try varying the sentence openers with phrases like "This suggests that" or "Consequently." Additionally, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If children engage with picture books regularly, they are likely to develop a love for reading") can add complexity and interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the use of punctuation is mostly correct, as seen in the effective use of semicolons to separate contrasting ideas in the opening sentence. However, there are minor areas for improvement, such as the phrase "which have adverse consequences for their health and academic performance." The relative clause could be clearer if rephrased to specify what "which" refers to, ensuring that the antecedent is unmistakable.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to the clarity of pronouns and relative clauses. Ensure that each clause clearly refers to its antecedent to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences, can help avoid minor errors. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also aid in mastering the use of punctuation in more intricate sentence structures.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the argument. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, it is evident that reading picture books enhances children’s knowledge acquisition. This is because children can develop better language skills and a richer vocabulary. To be more specific, books featuring numerous illustrations employ straightforward and lucid language, rendering it more accessible to young children. Therefore, they can acquire new vocabulary and phrases, thus improving their language capabilities and learning outcomes.

Secondly, it is clear that reading picture books can cultivate a lifelong passion for reading in young readers. To illustrate this point, it is worth mentioning that books with a lot of pictures are often more engaging and entertaining, so children will not experience boredom when reading. For instance, a story with visual elements can motivate children to read more and develop a love for reading. Hence, the incorporation of numerous visual elements in these books has a positive effect on children’s mental health.

Last but not least, reading picture books may contribute to promoting a healthy lifestyle in children. In more detail, reading can reduce young children’s engagement in screen-based leisure activities, which have adverse effects on their health and academic performance. Hence, it aids children in their development.