In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case?What can be done about this problem?

In spite of advances made in
agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case?What can be done about this problem?

Despite the developments in the agricultural sector , millions of people still suffer from hunger and malnutrition. This essay will highlight some of the reasons behind this and suggest several solutions to solve the issues.
One of the major reasons for the rise in world hunger is proverty. Nowadays,a growing number of people are struggling to put food on the table under the economic deprivation. They can’t able to find stable job for themselves and they forced to get money from the government when unemployed. Therefore, these people not have enough money and forced to face acute food shortages.
Secondly, war issue is also one of the primary reasons leading to the famine . Because of asset damage, people who living in war zones often forced to leave their pand and move to a new terrain where they had difficulty making ends meet. From that , they didn’t have income and suffered from hungers and malnutrition.
As serious as this may seem , some measures could be taken to effectively tackle this problems. First of all , to resolve the poverty, business can encourage people to seek employment by offering job for them. Besides, electronics stores should set up many promotions for products such as fridge,.. this help for everyone can easy to buy them and can stock foods . Moreover, the government should introduce new laws and stricter regulations in order to deal with violent attracks , social riots , conflicts and wars.
In conclusion, various measures could be carried out to fight world hunger by poverty and as well as wars and conflicts.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Despite the developments in the agricultural sector, millions of people still suffer from hunger and malnutrition." -> "Despite advancements in the agricultural sector, millions of people continue to suffer from hunger and malnutrition."
   Explanation: Replacing "developments" with "advancements" and "still" with "continue to" refines the language to be more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context.

2. "One of the major reasons for the rise in world hunger is proverty." -> "One major reason for the increase in global hunger is poverty."
   Explanation: Correcting "proverty" to "poverty" addresses a spelling error, and changing "rise" to "increase" and "world" to "global" enhances the formality and specificity of the language.

3. "a growing number of people are struggling to put food on the table under the economic deprivation." -> "an increasing number of individuals face economic deprivation, leading to difficulties in affording food."
   Explanation: Replacing "a growing number of people are struggling to put food on the table" with "an increasing number of individuals face economic deprivation, leading to difficulties in affording food" uses more precise and formal language, avoiding colloquial expressions like "put food on the table."

4. "They can’t able to find stable job for themselves and they forced to get money from the government when unemployed." -> "They are unable to secure stable employment and are forced to rely on government assistance when unemployed."
   Explanation: Correcting "can’t able" to "are unable" and "forced to get money" to "forced to rely on government assistance" corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal phrasing.

5. "Secondly, war issue is also one of the primary reasons leading to the famine." -> "Secondly, the issue of war is also a primary reason leading to famine."
   Explanation: Changing "war issue" to "the issue of war" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity, and removing the definite article "the" before "famine" corrects the article usage.

6. "Because of asset damage, people who living in war zones often forced to leave their pand and move to a new terrain where they had difficulty making ends meet." -> "Due to asset damage, individuals residing in war zones are often forced to leave their homes and relocate to new areas, where they struggle to make ends meet."
   Explanation: Replacing "people who living" with "individuals residing" and "forced to leave their pand" with "forced to leave their homes" corrects grammatical errors and uses more precise and formal language.

7. "From that, they didn’t have income and suffered from hungers and malnutrition." -> "Consequently, they lacked income and suffered from hunger and malnutrition."
   Explanation: Replacing "From that" with "Consequently" and "didn’t have" with "lacked" corrects the transition and verb form, enhancing the formal tone and clarity.

8. "some measures could be taken to effectively tackle this problems." -> "several measures could be implemented to effectively address these problems."
   Explanation: Changing "some" to "several" and "this" to "these" corrects the pronoun agreement and specificity, and replacing "taken" with "implemented" uses a more formal verb.

9. "business can encourage people to seek employment by offering job for them." -> "businesses can encourage individuals to seek employment by offering jobs to them."
   Explanation: Replacing "business" with "businesses" corrects the plural form, and "job for them" with "jobs to them" corrects the preposition and verb agreement.

10. "electronics stores should set up many promotions for products such as fridge,.. this help for everyone can easy to buy them and can stock foods." -> "electronic stores should offer numerous promotions for products such as refrigerators, which can assist individuals in purchasing and stocking food."
    Explanation: Correcting "electronics" to "electronic" and "fridge" to "refrigerators" improves specificity and formality, and rephrasing the sentence clarifies the meaning and removes awkward phrasing.

11. "the government should introduce new laws and stricter regulations in order to deal with violent attracks, social riots, conflicts and wars." -> "the government should introduce new laws and stricter regulations to address violent attacks, social riots, conflicts, and wars."
    Explanation: Correcting "attracks" to "attacks" and rephrasing the sentence to remove the comma after "regulations" improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for hunger (poverty and war) and suggesting solutions (job creation and government regulations). However, the explanation of these reasons and solutions lacks depth. For instance, while poverty is mentioned, the essay does not explore how systemic issues contribute to poverty or how job creation can be effectively implemented. Similarly, the discussion on war is somewhat superficial, failing to connect it to broader socio-economic factors.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into each reason and solution. This could involve providing statistics or examples that illustrate the extent of poverty and war’s impact on hunger. Additionally, discussing more comprehensive solutions, such as international aid or education programs, would better address the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that hunger persists despite agricultural advances due to poverty and war. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the conclusion does not reinforce the essay’s main arguments effectively. For example, the phrase "various measures could be carried out" is vague and does not summarize the specific solutions discussed.
  • How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure each paragraph transitions logically to the next. A stronger conclusion that reiterates the main points and emphasizes the urgency of the solutions would enhance clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to poverty and war as causes of hunger, but these ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the suggestion that businesses should offer jobs lacks elaboration on how this could be achieved or the potential challenges. The solutions proposed are also not well-supported; the mention of electronics stores promoting fridges is unclear in its relevance to solving hunger.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to expand on each idea with examples, explanations, and potential outcomes. For instance, discussing specific job creation programs or successful case studies of aid in war-torn areas would provide stronger support for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of hunger and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain points is questionable, such as the mention of electronics stores and fridges, which seems tangential to the main issue of hunger.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central theme of hunger. It would be beneficial to avoid introducing ideas that do not clearly connect to the main argument or that could distract from the primary focus of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By providing more detailed explanations, supporting arguments with examples, and ensuring all points are directly related to the prompt, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing reasons for hunger, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the main points that will be discussed. However, the flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing poverty to war lacks a clear connective statement, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of how these issues interrelate.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing poverty, a sentence like "In addition to economic challenges, geopolitical issues also contribute significantly to hunger" would create a smoother transition to the next point.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. However, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the impact of poverty and the other on the effects of war. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue and improve readability.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For example, the second paragraph could begin with "Poverty is a significant factor contributing to global hunger," followed by supporting details. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a logical progression of ideas.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "besides," which help to signal the progression of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly. For instance, "this help for everyone can easy to buy them" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, pay attention to grammatical accuracy; for example, revise the problematic phrase to "this will help everyone to easily purchase them." Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can also enhance fluency and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with terms like "developments," "malnutrition," "economic deprivation," and "famine." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "put food on the table" is a common expression that could be replaced with more formal alternatives such as "ensure food security" or "provide adequate nutrition." Additionally, the use of "war issue" is vague and could be more effectively articulated as "armed conflict" or "military conflict."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied and precise terms. Engaging with academic texts or vocabulary lists related to social issues could help. Practicing synonyms and antonyms for commonly used words would also enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or incorrect. For example, "proverty" is a misspelling of "poverty," and "they can’t able to find stable job" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "they are unable to find stable jobs." The phrase "they forced to get money from the government when unemployed" lacks clarity; it would be clearer to say "they are compelled to rely on government assistance during unemployment." Additionally, "this help for everyone can easy to buy them" is awkwardly phrased and unclear.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence structure. Reading more complex texts can also provide examples of precise vocabulary usage.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "proverty" instead of "poverty," "pand" instead of "land," and "attraks" instead of "attacks." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a routine of proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly can help reinforce correct spelling through repetition.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, the sentence "They can’t able to find stable job for themselves and they forced to get money from the government when unemployed" contains a grammatical error ("can’t able") and is structured simply. The use of phrases like "One of the major reasons for the rise in world hunger is proverty" indicates a reliance on straightforward declarative sentences.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of "They can’t able to find stable job for themselves," the writer could say, "Many individuals struggle to find stable jobs, which exacerbates their financial difficulties." Additionally, using varied sentence beginnings and integrating transitional phrases can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "proverty" is a spelling error; the correct term is "poverty." The phrase "not have enough money" should be "do not have enough money." Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as after "Despite the developments in the agricultural sector," and unnecessary spaces before commas, as seen in "agricultural sector , millions." The sentence "this help for everyone can easy to buy them and can stock foods" is awkwardly phrased and contains grammatical mistakes.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper verb forms. For instance, "this help for everyone can easy to buy them" could be revised to "this would help everyone to easily purchase these items." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will enhance the clarity of the writing. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct these issues.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, there is a significant need for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite the developments in the agricultural sector, millions of people still suffer from hunger and malnutrition. This essay will highlight some of the reasons behind this and suggest several solutions to solve the issues.

One of the major reasons for the rise in world hunger is poverty. Nowadays, a growing number of people are struggling to put food on the table due to economic deprivation. They are unable to find stable jobs for themselves and are forced to rely on government assistance when unemployed. Therefore, these people do not have enough money and are forced to face acute food shortages.

Secondly, the issue of war is also one of the primary reasons leading to famine. Because of asset damage, people living in war zones are often forced to leave their homes and move to new areas where they have difficulty making ends meet. As a result, they lack income and suffer from hunger and malnutrition.

As serious as this may seem, some measures could be taken to effectively tackle these problems. First of all, to resolve poverty, businesses can encourage people to seek employment by offering jobs to them. Besides, electronics stores should set up many promotions for products such as refrigerators, which can help everyone buy them easily and stock food. Moreover, the government should introduce new laws and stricter regulations in order to deal with violent attacks, social riots, conflicts, and wars.

In conclusion, various measures could be carried out to fight world hunger caused by poverty as well as wars and conflicts.