Some today argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent decades, more and more attention has been placed on children's education and there is an opinion that studying on the Internet and home-schooling can help students gain much knowledge. While this idea appears reasonable, I strongly believe that schools remain to play an important role in education.
No one can deny that the Internet and home education provide children with many benefits for their studies. First, studying tools on the Internet make learners easier to study. This is because there are many attractive images and videos for study through search on the Internet, which help them find more interesting to study. Thanks to this, they also can gain knowledge more easily. Second, it is very convenient for students to study at home. This means that they can learn whenever they want from parents or tutors instead of going to school. As a result, they can save time and effort for study. For example, learners can study English skills at home through studying with online tutors in their free time. Thus, it is clear that these things can help students study so much.
Nevertheless, There are more compelling reasons why I firmly believe that schools remain an essential component of the learning process. One reason is that schools can offer an environmental education better for children. This is because students can interact with their peers face-to-face. This helps them develop important social skills such as teamwork skills, and social communication skills, which learning at home cannot. Another reason is that teachers at school can help students understand more deeply the knowledge. This is because they can design lessons to suit each student’s level through their experience and expertise. Therefore, learners could gain knowledge more fully and deeply.
In conclusion, while children can learn much from the Internet and be educated at home, it seems to me that this cannot replace the crucial role of schools in education.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"more and more attention has been placed on" -> "increasing attention has been focused on"
Explanation: "Increasing attention has been focused on" is more precise and formal, avoiding the repetitive and informal phrasing of "more and more."
"studying on the Internet and home-schooling" -> "studying online and homeschooling"
Explanation: "Studying online" and "homeschooling" are more concise and academically appropriate terms compared to the more informal "studying on the Internet and home-schooling."
"remain to play an important role" -> "continue to play a crucial role"
Explanation: "Continue to play a crucial role" is more direct and emphasizes the significance of the role, enhancing the academic tone.
"make learners easier to study" -> "facilitate learning for students"
Explanation: "Facilitate learning for students" is more precise and formal, replacing the awkward and vague "make learners easier to study."
"find more interesting to study" -> "find more engaging"
Explanation: "Find more engaging" is a more concise and academically appropriate way to express the idea of making learning more appealing.
"can gain knowledge more easily" -> "can acquire knowledge more efficiently"
Explanation: "Acquire knowledge more efficiently" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.
"it is very convenient for students to study at home" -> "studying at home is highly convenient for students"
Explanation: Reordering the sentence improves clarity and formality, making it more suitable for academic discourse.
"learn whenever they want from parents or tutors" -> "study at any time with parental or tutor guidance"
Explanation: "Study at any time with parental or tutor guidance" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "learn whenever they want."
"save time and effort for study" -> "optimize their study time and effort"
Explanation: "Optimize their study time and effort" is a more formal and precise way to describe the benefits of studying at home.
"learners can study English skills at home through studying with online tutors" -> "students can develop English skills at home through online tutoring"
Explanation: "Develop English skills" and "online tutoring" are more specific and academically appropriate terms than "study English skills" and "studying with online tutors."
"There are more compelling reasons why I firmly believe" -> "there are compelling reasons why I strongly believe"
Explanation: "There are compelling reasons why I strongly believe" is a more formal and assertive expression, suitable for academic writing.
"can offer an environmental education better for children" -> "can provide a more conducive educational environment for children"
Explanation: "Provide a more conducive educational environment" is a more precise and formal way to describe the benefits of schools in terms of learning environments.
"help students understand more deeply the knowledge" -> "enable students to gain a deeper understanding of the subject matter"
Explanation: "Enable students to gain a deeper understanding of the subject matter" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "help students understand more deeply the knowledge."
"learners could gain knowledge more fully and deeply" -> "students can acquire knowledge more comprehensively"
Explanation: "Acquire knowledge more comprehensively" is a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the necessity of schools versus home education and internet learning. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, acknowledging the benefits of online learning while asserting the importance of traditional schooling. The body paragraphs present arguments for both perspectives, with the first paragraph outlining the advantages of internet and home education, and the second paragraph emphasizing the essential role of schools. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about both home education and traditional schooling. For instance, citing studies that show the effectiveness of social skills developed in school settings versus those learned at home could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the importance of schools in education. The use of phrases such as "I strongly believe" and "I firmly believe" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, there are moments where the transition between discussing the benefits of home education and the importance of schools could be smoother, which may momentarily confuse the reader about the writer’s overall position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases more effectively to guide the reader through the argument. For instance, explicitly stating the shift from discussing the benefits of home education to the necessity of schools could help maintain a clear narrative flow.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and extends them with explanations, particularly in the second body paragraph where the writer discusses social skills and tailored teaching approaches. However, some points, especially in the first body paragraph, could benefit from further elaboration. For example, the statement about online tools being attractive could be expanded to discuss how these tools specifically enhance learning outcomes.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more depth in the explanations of key points. This could involve discussing how specific online resources contribute to learning or providing examples of how teachers adapt lessons to meet diverse learning needs.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument regarding the necessity of schools in the face of rising home education and internet learning. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while reiterating the writer’s position.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the central argument can enhance coherence. The writer could explicitly link the advantages of schools back to the main thesis in each paragraph, reinforcing the overall argument.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, effectively presenting a balanced view while maintaining a clear position. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should focus on providing more detailed examples, improving transitions between ideas, and ensuring that all points are thoroughly elaborated and directly linked to the thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the benefits of internet-based learning and home-schooling, followed by a counter-argument emphasizing the importance of traditional schooling. This structure aids in understanding the writer’s perspective. However, the transition between the points could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of home education to the importance of schools could be more explicitly connected.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of internet learning, a sentence like "However, despite these advantages, there are significant reasons to value traditional schooling" could provide a clearer transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph addresses the advantages of internet learning, while the second discusses the necessity of schools. However, the second paragraph begins with "Nevertheless," which is somewhat abrupt and could confuse readers about the relationship between the two ideas. Additionally, the conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument but could benefit from a stronger reiteration of the main points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could start with "Despite the advantages of online learning, schools provide essential benefits that cannot be overlooked." This would clarify the contrast and enhance coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "as a result," which help to organize the information. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "thanks to this" in the first body paragraph could be more effectively linked to the preceding sentence to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify and strengthen the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore" or "in addition" to add information, and "on the other hand" to present contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is appropriately placed to enhance clarity and flow. For example, instead of "thanks to this," a phrase like "This convenience allows students to…" would create a clearer connection to the previous point.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it is somewhat limited in variety. For instance, terms like "study," "knowledge," and "learn" are repeated frequently without much variation. Phrases such as "important role," "benefits for their studies," and "essential component" are used, but they do not showcase a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary diversity, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "study," alternatives like "learn," "engage with material," or "pursue knowledge" could be employed. Additionally, the use of more advanced vocabulary, such as "educational resources" instead of "studying tools," would elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "make learners easier to study" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "make it easier for learners to study." Similarly, "these things can help students study so much" is vague and lacks clarity regarding what "things" refers to.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their word choices. For instance, instead of saying "these things," they could specify "the resources available online." Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can also help in achieving more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "home-schooling" is hyphenated correctly, while "home education" is not consistently treated in the same way. Additionally, "learners can study English skills" could be misinterpreted; "English language skills" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work more thoroughly, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises, especially for commonly used academic vocabulary, would further improve this area.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word usage, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "This is because there are many attractive images and videos for study through search on the Internet, which help them find more interesting to study." However, some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, particularly in the way they introduce reasons (e.g., "One reason is that…" and "Another reason is that…"). This can make the writing feel formulaic at times.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of consistently starting sentences with "This means that…" or "This is because…", the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to introduce ideas. Additionally, using more conditional sentences or rhetorical questions could add depth and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For example, in the phrase "studying tools on the Internet make learners easier to study," the subject-verb agreement is incorrect; it should be "make it easier for learners to study." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary capitalization of "There" at the beginning of a sentence in "Nevertheless, There are more compelling reasons…" which disrupts the flow. The use of commas is mostly appropriate, but there are instances where they could enhance clarity, such as before "which learning at home cannot" to separate the clause.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that sentence subjects and verbs align correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding capitalization and comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may not be immediately obvious when reading silently.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent decades, increasing attention has been focused on children’s education, and there is an opinion that studying on the Internet and homeschooling can help students gain much knowledge. While this idea appears reasonable, I strongly believe that schools continue to play a crucial role in education.

No one can deny that the Internet and home education provide children with many benefits for their studies. First, studying tools on the Internet make it easier for learners to study. This is because there are many attractive images and videos available through searches on the Internet, which help them find studying more engaging. Thanks to this, they can acquire knowledge more efficiently. Second, studying at home is highly convenient for students. This means that they can learn whenever they want with parental or tutor guidance instead of going to school. As a result, they can save time and effort for studying. For example, learners can develop English skills at home through online tutoring in their free time. Thus, it is clear that these factors can facilitate learning for students.

Nevertheless, there are compelling reasons why I firmly believe that schools remain an essential component of the learning process. One reason is that schools can provide a more conducive educational environment for children. This is because students can interact with their peers face-to-face. This helps them develop important social skills such as teamwork and social communication, which learning at home cannot provide. Another reason is that teachers at school can help students gain a deeper understanding of the subject matter. This is because they can design lessons to suit each student’s level through their experience and expertise. Therefore, learners can acquire knowledge more comprehensively.

In conclusion, while children can learn much from the Internet and be educated at home, it seems to me that this cannot replace the crucial role of schools in education.