The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The illustrations depicts the rate of residents of three distinct subsets in the U.K. who have the recommended daily intake of fruit and vegetables in three divergent years, specifically 2002, 2006, and 2010.

Upon initial inspection, it is evident that females consumed the most amount of fruit and vegetable out of three groups in the light of being the dominant figure in three years. Following by males, consistently held second place whereas children were steadily ranked last. Besides, the same arrranging order was witnessed in all three years.

In 2002, approximately 25% of women in U.K. had the ideal daily intake of fruit and vegetables whilst more than 20% of men consumed the recommended amount of them with only around 10% of juveniles that did it.

In 2006, a significant increase in the proportion of residents who followed the ideal intake was seen in all three subsets. Particularly, the figure for female reached about 32% whilst that of male experienced a tremendous raise of approximatelu 18%, standing at roughly 28%. Similarly, around 17% of minors consumed the ideal amount of fruit and vegetable.

Correspondingly, 2010 kept the unaltered arrangement but saw a moderate decline in all three figures. The number of women who had the ideal intake of fruit and vegetables dropped to roughly 27% whilst that of men collapsed to about 24% as opposed to that of juveniles at around 14%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The illustrations depicts" -> "The illustrations depict"
Explanation: The verb "depict" should be in the plural form "depict" to agree with the plural noun "illustrations."
"the recommended daily intake of fruit and vegetables" -> "the recommended daily intake of fruits and vegetables"
Explanation: In formal writing, it is more precise to use the plural form "fruits" and "vegetables" to refer to the collective nouns, even when the subject is singular.
"consumed the most amount of fruit and vegetable" -> "consumed the greatest amount of fruits and vegetables"
Explanation: "Greatest" is more formal and precise than "most" in this context, and the plural form "fruits and vegetables" should be used as mentioned earlier.
"Following by males" -> "followed by males"
Explanation: "Following" should be "followed" to correct the verb tense and maintain grammatical accuracy.
"consistently held second place" -> "consistently ranked second"
Explanation: "Ranked" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing than "held," which is less formal.
"Besides, the same arrranging order" -> "Furthermore, the same ranking order"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Besides," and "ranking order" is the correct term for the sequence of positions.
"approximately 25% of women in U.K." -> "approximately 25% of women in the UK"
Explanation: "U.K." should be written in lowercase letters when it appears in a sentence as a part of the phrase "in the UK."
"more than 20% of men consumed the recommended amount of them" -> "more than 20% of men consumed the recommended amount of fruit and vegetables"
Explanation: Adding "fruit and vegetables" clarifies what "them" refers to, enhancing clarity and formality.
"tremendous raise" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Tremendous" is too informal and vague for academic writing; "significant increase" is more precise and appropriate.
"approximatelu" -> "approximately"
Explanation: "Approximatelu" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "approximately."
"kept the unaltered arrangement" -> "retained the same ranking"
Explanation: "Retained the same ranking" is more precise and formal than "kept the unaltered arrangement."
"collapsed to about 24%" -> "dropped to approximately 24%"
Explanation: "Dropped" is more specific and formal than "collapsed," which can imply a more dramatic change than intended.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. It also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the same arranging order was witnessed in all three years," which is not entirely accurate. While women consistently had the highest percentage, the gap between men and children changed over time.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the data and avoiding irrelevant details. The writer should also be more precise in their language and avoid using informal language such as "arrranging order." The essay could also benefit from a more concise and clear presentation of the data. For example, instead of stating that "the figure for female reached about 32%," the writer could simply say "the percentage of women who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables increased to 32%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main features of the data are summarized, and comparisons are made between the different groups and years. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow of ideas. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, particularly in the transitions between ideas. Overall, the organization is adequate but could be improved for better clarity and fluidity.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, avoiding repetition and mechanical transitions. Improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph clearly presents a single central idea would also strengthen the essay. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression would help to eliminate awkward phrasing and enhance overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying information. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "juveniles" and "proportion," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the dominant figure" and "collapsed to about 24%." Additionally, there are errors in spelling (e.g., "arrranging" and "approximatelu") and word formation that detract from the overall clarity but do not impede communication. Overall, the vocabulary usage is sufficient for the task but lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Vocabulary Range: Incorporate a wider variety of synonyms and phrases to avoid repetition and enhance precision. For example, instead of "the ideal daily intake," consider using "recommended daily consumption" or "optimal daily servings."
Improve Word Choice: Ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context. For instance, replace "collapsed" with "decreased" for a more accurate description of the data trend.
Check Spelling and Grammar: Proofread the essay to correct spelling errors and ensure proper word formation. Utilizing tools or resources for grammar and spelling checks can help minimize these mistakes.
Use Collocations: Familiarize yourself with common collocations related to health and nutrition, such as "daily servings of fruits and vegetables" or "percentage of the population," to enhance the natural flow of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "Following by males" and "the ideal daily intake of fruit and vegetables whilst more than 20% of men consumed the recommended amount of them" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, the use of "collapsed" in the context of figures is somewhat inappropriate and may confuse the reader. Overall, while the communication is generally clear, the errors present do affect the overall effectiveness of the writing.

How to improve:

Enhance Grammatical Accuracy: Focus on correcting grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. For example, revise "Following by males" to "Followed by males" for clarity.
Vary Sentence Structures: While there is some variety, aim to incorporate more complex sentences accurately. This can be achieved by using subordinate clauses effectively.
Punctuation Practice: Pay attention to punctuation rules, especially with commas and conjunctions, to improve the flow of sentences.
Word Choice: Use more precise language to avoid ambiguity. For instance, instead of "collapsed," consider using "decreased" or "declined" to describe the figures accurately.

Bài sửa mẫu

The illustrations depict the rate of residents from three distinct groups in the U.K. who met the recommended daily intake of fruit and vegetables in three different years, specifically 2002, 2006, and 2010.

Upon initial inspection, it is evident that females consumed the highest amount of fruit and vegetables among the three groups, maintaining this dominant position across all three years. Following them, males consistently held second place, while children were steadily ranked last. This same arrangement was observed in all three years.

In 2002, approximately 25% of women in the U.K. had the ideal daily intake of fruit and vegetables, while more than 20% of men consumed the recommended amount, with only around 10% of juveniles achieving this.

In 2006, a significant increase in the proportion of residents who followed the ideal intake was seen in all three groups. Particularly, the figure for females reached about 32%, while that of males experienced a considerable rise of approximately 18%, standing at roughly 28%. Similarly, around 17% of minors consumed the ideal amount of fruit and vegetables.

Correspondingly, in 2010, the same arrangement persisted but saw a moderate decline in all three figures. The number of women who had the ideal intake of fruit and vegetables dropped to roughly 27%, while that of men fell to about 24%, compared to around 14% for juveniles.