In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other.
Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

As cities are expanding, the according policies that foster the equivalent maintanance of urban life qualities increasingly attract public attention. One prominent of these must be the segregation of shops, schools, offices, and homes into distinct areas, which is proposed by some planners. In my opinion, this approach has both noteworthy advantages and disadvantages, which need to be carefully weighed and therefore balanced to determine its overall efficacy.
On the one hand, the proponents may argue their advocate with the following reasons. One of those is the enhancement of order and organization within a city to maximaize the favourable facilities for specific needs. For instance, commercial zones allow businesses to thrive in a concentrated area, making it easier for consumers to access a variety of services and products in one trip; meanwhile, the security of public facilities such as parks can be observed more strictly by a strengthened force. Additionally, residential zones offer a quieter, safer environment for families, away from the hustle and bustle of commercial activities. In other words, separating industrial areas from households reduces residents' exposure to pollution and distractions, leading to a more focused resting environment for people, especially children when learning at home.
On the other hand, notable disadvantages need addressing and minimizing so that the idea can be better adopted. First and foremost, the division of different functions can worsen several current problems, especially when people need to travel greater distances between their homes, workplaces, and other amenities. This in return increases reliance on automobiles, contributing to traffic congestion, probably during more rush hours in a day, and environmental pollution, as emissions can hardly be lowered. Another consequence is that some common conveniences of urban life now can be undermined because people might waste more time to access some essentials such as students travelling far to buy some stationery. Therefore, mixed-use neighborhoods, where shops, homes, and schools coexist, tend to better enhance the living standards of the community, which also means some appropriate parts should be separated to attain the equivalent advantages above, such as the industrial zones.
In conclusion, while the separation proposal offers benefits in terms of organization, safety, and health, it can also lead to increased travel distances, environmental impact, and reduced community interaction. Therefore, a balanced approach that incorporates elements of mixed-use development alongside traditional zoning might provide a more holistic solution, leveraging the strengths of both strategies.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the according policies" -> "the corresponding policies"
   Explanation: "According" is incorrectly used here. "Corresponding" is the correct term to imply policies that are related or connected to the issue at hand, enhancing the formal tone and precision of the sentence.

2. "foster the equivalent maintanance" -> "promote the equivalent maintenance"
   Explanation: "Maintanance" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "maintenance." Additionally, "foster" is more appropriate than "promote" in this context, as it implies nurturing or supporting the development of policies.

3. "One prominent of these must be" -> "One prominent example of these is"
   Explanation: "One prominent of these must be" is grammatically incorrect. "One prominent example of these is" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.

4. "which need to be carefully weighed and therefore balanced" -> "which necessitate careful consideration and balancing"
   Explanation: "Need to be carefully weighed and therefore balanced" is somewhat informal and verbose. "Necessitate careful consideration and balancing" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.

5. "their advocate with the following reasons" -> "their advocates with the following reasons"
   Explanation: "Their advocate" is grammatically incorrect as it implies a single advocate. "Their advocates" corrects this and aligns with the plural context of "proponents."

6. "to maximaize the favourable facilities" -> "to maximize the favorable facilities"
   Explanation: "Maximaize" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "maximize." Additionally, "favorable" should be "favorable" for consistency with American English usage in academic writing.

7. "a strengthened force" -> "enhanced security measures"
   Explanation: "A strengthened force" is vague and informal. "Enhanced security measures" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.

8. "notable disadvantages need addressing and minimizing" -> "notable disadvantages that need to be addressed and minimized"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incomplete. Adding "that need to be addressed and minimized" clarifies the sentence structure and improves formality.

9. "in return increases reliance on automobiles" -> "in turn increases reliance on automobiles"
   Explanation: "In return" is incorrect in this context. "In turn" is the correct phrase to indicate a consequence or result.

10. "probably during more rush hours in a day" -> "particularly during peak hours"
    Explanation: "Probably during more rush hours in a day" is awkward and unclear. "Particularly during peak hours" is more precise and formal.

11. "can hardly be lowered" -> "can be significantly reduced"
    Explanation: "Can hardly be lowered" is informal and imprecise. "Can be significantly reduced" is more specific and appropriate for an academic discussion.

12. "some common conveniences of urban life now can be undermined" -> "some common urban conveniences may be compromised"
    Explanation: "Undermined" is too strong and informal for this context. "Compromised" is more appropriate and maintains a formal tone.

13. "which also means some appropriate parts should be separated" -> "which also implies that certain areas should be designated"
    Explanation: "Which also means some appropriate parts should be separated" is awkward and unclear. "Which also implies that certain areas should be designated" is clearer and more formal.

14. "to attain the equivalent advantages above" -> "to achieve the same benefits"
    Explanation: "To attain the equivalent advantages above" is verbose and awkward. "To achieve the same benefits" is concise and maintains the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the separation of urban functions, which is a key requirement of the prompt. The author presents a balanced view, discussing the benefits such as organization and safety, as well as the drawbacks like increased travel distances and environmental concerns. For instance, the essay highlights how commercial zones can enhance access to services, while also acknowledging that such segregation can lead to greater reliance on automobiles. This comprehensive approach demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made. For instance, citing a particular city that has successfully implemented mixed-use neighborhoods could strengthen the argument for the advantages. Additionally, a clearer distinction or more detailed exploration of the specific disadvantages could provide a more rounded analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument, ultimately suggesting a balanced approach. The phrase "in my opinion" establishes the author’s stance early on, and this is consistently reflected throughout the essay. However, while the position is clear, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be more fluid to reinforce the author’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use more explicit transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "Despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks" could help clarify the shift in focus and reinforce the overall position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the benefits of organization and the drawbacks of increased travel distances. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of residential zones providing a quieter environment. However, some ideas could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of environmental pollution is a strong point but could be expanded with more detail on its implications or potential solutions.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with additional details or examples. For instance, discussing specific statistics related to traffic congestion or environmental impact could provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made. Additionally, integrating counterarguments could further enrich the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of urban planning and the separation of functions. The author successfully ties back to the main question throughout the essay, ensuring that all points made are relevant to the discussion. However, there are moments where the discussion of mixed-use neighborhoods could be more directly linked back to the advantages and disadvantages of the segregation policy.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and discussions are explicitly connected to the central question. For instance, when discussing mixed-use neighborhoods, it would be beneficial to clarify how they directly address the disadvantages of separation, thereby reinforcing the relevance of the argument to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively balances the advantages and disadvantages of urban segregation. With some enhancements in the areas of example specificity, transitional clarity, and deeper elaboration of ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, with a clear introduction outlining the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are structured to present both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for a balanced argument. For example, the first body paragraph effectively discusses the benefits of segregation, while the second addresses the drawbacks. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift from one perspective to another. For instance, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the contrary" can help signal the transition from discussing advantages to disadvantages, making the argument more cohesive.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph more explicitly.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly state the main point being discussed. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the advantages, there are significant drawbacks to the segregation of urban spaces that must be considered." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader to understand the focus of the paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "In other words," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive at times. For instance, the phrase "One of those is" could be varied to include alternatives like "One significant advantage is" or "A key benefit is."
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases that serve similar functions. Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore" or "Moreover," to add depth to the argument and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their argument, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of urban planning. Terms such as "segregation," "commercial zones," "residential zones," and "mixed-use neighborhoods" are effectively employed to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with the word "zones," which could have been substituted with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. For example, instead of repeatedly using "zones," the writer could have used "districts" or "areas" in some instances.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms or related terms when discussing similar concepts. Creating a list of synonyms for key terms before writing could help in diversifying vocabulary usage throughout the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the equivalent maintenance of urban life qualities" is somewhat vague and could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, the phrase "noteworthy advantages and disadvantages" could be simplified to "significant pros and cons" for clearer communication. The use of "maximaize" is a misspelling of "maximize," which detracts from the precision of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and simplicity in word choice. Reviewing vocabulary for clarity and ensuring that terms accurately convey the intended meaning will strengthen the overall argument. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors will improve the precision of vocabulary usage.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "maximaize," which should be "maximize." Such mistakes can undermine the professionalism of the writing and distract the reader from the content. Overall, the spelling is mostly accurate, but these errors indicate a need for more careful proofreading.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a thorough proofreading process after completing the essay. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can assist in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes before submission.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "which need to be carefully weighed and therefore balanced" and "the proponents may argue their advocate with the following reasons" shows an attempt to incorporate varied grammatical forms. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, such as "the division of different functions can worsen several current problems," which could be simplified for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "One of those is," try beginning with adverbial clauses or participial phrases. Additionally, ensure that complex sentences maintain clarity; breaking down overly complicated sentences into simpler ones can improve readability.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "the according policies that foster the equivalent maintanance" contains a spelling error ("maintanance" should be "maintenance") and awkward phrasing. Additionally, the phrase "this in return increases reliance on automobiles" could be more clearly expressed as "this, in turn, increases reliance on automobiles." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially when people need to travel greater distances."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas that sound unnatural or unclear. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can enhance clarity. Consider revising sentences that feel convoluted to ensure they convey the intended meaning without confusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted areas for improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

As cities are expanding, the corresponding policies that promote the equivalent maintenance of urban life qualities increasingly attract public attention. One prominent example of these is the segregation of shops, schools, offices, and homes into distinct areas, which is proposed by some planners. In my opinion, this approach has both noteworthy advantages and disadvantages, which necessitate careful consideration and balancing to determine its overall efficacy.

On the one hand, the proponents may argue their advocates with the following reasons. One of these is the enhancement of order and organization within a city to maximize the favorable facilities for specific needs. For instance, commercial zones allow businesses to thrive in a concentrated area, making it easier for consumers to access a variety of services and products in one trip; meanwhile, the security of public facilities such as parks can be observed more strictly by enhanced security measures. Additionally, residential zones offer a quieter, safer environment for families, away from the hustle and bustle of commercial activities. In other words, separating industrial areas from households reduces residents’ exposure to pollution and distractions, leading to a more focused resting environment for people, especially children when learning at home.

On the other hand, notable disadvantages that need to be addressed and minimized so that the idea can be better adopted. First and foremost, the division of different functions can worsen several current problems, especially when people need to travel greater distances between their homes, workplaces, and other amenities. This, in turn, increases reliance on automobiles, contributing to traffic congestion, particularly during peak hours, and environmental pollution, as emissions can hardly be lowered. Another consequence is that some common urban conveniences may be compromised because people might waste more time accessing essentials, such as students traveling far to buy stationery. Therefore, mixed-use neighborhoods, where shops, homes, and schools coexist, tend to better enhance the living standards of the community, which also implies that certain areas should be designated to achieve the same benefits, such as the industrial zones.

In conclusion, while the separation proposal offers benefits in terms of organization, safety, and health, it can also lead to increased travel distances, environmental impact, and reduced community interaction. Therefore, a balanced approach that incorporates elements of mixed-use development alongside traditional zoning might provide a more holistic solution, leveraging the strengths of both strategies.