In today’s competitive world, many families need both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today's competitive world, many families need both parents to go out to work.
While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income,
others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these
views and give your own opinion.

In modern society, the necessity for both parents to work has become increasingly common, sparking debate over whether children in such families benefit from the added income or suffer from a lack of parental support. In my opinion, while the financial advantages of dual-income households are undeniable, the emotional and developmental challenges faced by children due to reduced parental presence are significant.
On one hand, the additional income from both parents working can provide substantial benefits to a family. Financial stability allows parents to invest in high-quality education, extracurricular activities, and other resources that contribute to a child’s development. For instance, children in affluent households may have access to private schools, tutoring, and diverse cultural experiences that enrich their education and broaden their perspectives. Furthermore, dual-income families often enjoy a higher standard of living, which can reduce stress and create a more secure environment for children.
On the other hand, the absence of parents due to work commitments can have detrimental effects on a child's emotional well-being. When both parents are occupied with their careers, children may experience feelings of neglect and loneliness, especially during formative years. The lack of consistent parental guidance and support can lead to behavioral issues, poor academic performance, and weakened family bonds. Moreover, during critical developmental stages such as adolescence, the absence of a strong parental presence can result in difficulties in managing emotional challenges, leading to long-term consequences for the child's mental health.
In conclusion, while dual-income families can offer children enhanced material benefits and opportunities, the potential drawbacks of reduced parental involvement should not be underestimated. It is crucial for parents to strike a balance between work and family life to ensure that their children receive both the financial support and emotional nurturing they need to thrive.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the necessity for both parents to work" -> "the increasing necessity for both parents to work"
   Explanation: Adding "increasing" clarifies the context and emphasizes the growing trend, which enhances the academic tone by providing a more specific description.

2. "spark" -> "prompt"
   Explanation: "Prompt" is a more formal and precise term than "spark," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.

3. "In my opinion" -> "It is my contention"
   Explanation: "It is my contention" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "In my opinion."

4. "the financial advantages" -> "the financial benefits"
   Explanation: "Benefits" is a more precise term in this context, as it specifically refers to the positive outcomes or advantages, which is more appropriate in an academic discussion.

5. "are significant" -> "are substantial"
   Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal and precise adjective than "significant," which can be somewhat vague in this context.

6. "the additional income" -> "the supplementary income"
   Explanation: "Supplementary" is a more precise term that accurately describes the additional income provided by both parents working, enhancing the academic tone.

7. "can provide" -> "may provide"
   Explanation: "May provide" is a more cautious and academically appropriate modal verb than "can," which is slightly less formal and more definitive.

8. "high-quality education" -> "high-quality educational opportunities"
   Explanation: "Educational opportunities" is a more specific and formal term than "education," which is broader and less precise.

9. "affluent households" -> "well-off households"
   Explanation: "Well-off" is a more formal and less colloquial term than "affluent," which is often associated with a slightly negative connotation.

10. "enjoy a higher standard of living" -> "experience a higher standard of living"
    Explanation: "Experience" is a more precise verb in this context, as it directly relates to the impact of the higher standard of living on the family, rather than just the enjoyment of it.

11. "can have detrimental effects" -> "may have adverse effects"
    Explanation: "May have adverse effects" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrasing, as it acknowledges the possibility without being definitive.

12. "feelings of neglect and loneliness" -> "perceptions of neglect and isolation"
    Explanation: "Perceptions" is a more precise term than "feelings," which can be subjective and less formal. "Isolation" is also a more specific term than "loneliness," which is somewhat informal.

13. "poor academic performance" -> "subpar academic performance"
    Explanation: "Subpar" is a more precise and formal term than "poor," which is somewhat vague and informal.

14. "weakened family bonds" -> "deterioration of family bonds"
    Explanation: "Deterioration" is a more formal and precise term than "weakened," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific.

15. "ensuring that their children receive" -> "ensuring their children receive"
    Explanation: Removing "that" after "ensuring" simplifies the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone, as "that" is not necessary in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of dual-income families on children. It presents the benefits of additional income, such as financial stability and access to better educational resources, in the first half. Conversely, it discusses the potential emotional and developmental drawbacks of parental absence in the latter half. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt. The introduction clearly outlines the debate, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points while reiterating the author’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments presented. For instance, citing studies that show the correlation between parental involvement and child development could provide more weight to the discussion of emotional challenges.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, asserting that while financial benefits exist, the emotional challenges posed by parental absence are significant. This stance is consistently reflected in the arguments made in both the body paragraphs and is reinforced in the conclusion. The use of phrases like "in my opinion" helps clarify the author’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To further solidify the position, the author could explicitly state their opinion earlier in the essay, perhaps in the introduction, rather than waiting until the conclusion. This would provide a clear framework for the reader from the outset, making it easier to follow the argument’s progression.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas well, particularly in discussing the benefits of dual-income families and the potential drawbacks of parental absence. Each point is supported with relevant explanations and examples, such as the mention of high-quality education and the emotional consequences of neglect. However, while the ideas are well-articulated, some could benefit from further elaboration.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, the author could include counterarguments or acknowledge the complexity of the issue. For example, discussing how some families manage to balance work and parental involvement effectively could provide a more nuanced perspective. Additionally, integrating more specific examples or case studies could enhance the support for the arguments made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of both parents working and their effects on children. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without straying into unrelated areas, demonstrating a clear understanding of the prompt.
  • How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. For instance, when discussing emotional challenges, it could be beneficial to tie these back to the specific context of dual-income families more explicitly. This would reinforce the relevance of each point to the central question posed in the prompt.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a thoughtful analysis of the topic, meriting a strong band score. With some enhancements in the areas of example specificity, counterargument consideration, and explicit connections to the prompt, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The body of the essay is divided into two main paragraphs, each addressing one side of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of dual-income households, while the second focuses on the drawbacks related to parental absence. This structure allows the reader to easily follow the progression of ideas. For example, the transition from discussing financial benefits to emotional challenges is smooth and well-articulated, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second body paragraph, a phrase like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could be used to signal a shift in perspective more clearly. Additionally, reinforcing the connection between the points made in each paragraph and the overall thesis in the conclusion could strengthen the essay’s coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first on the benefits of additional income, and the second on the emotional impact of parental absence. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the discussion appropriately. The use of topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph helps to establish the main idea and guide the reader.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is strong, consider adding more internal structure within the body paragraphs. For instance, breaking down the second body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs could allow for a more detailed exploration of the emotional challenges faced by children. This would also provide an opportunity to include specific examples or evidence to support the claims made, enhancing the overall depth of the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On one hand," "For instance," and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of information. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument and clarify relationships between points. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the overall clarity and coherence of the essay, allowing for a smooth reading experience.
  • How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices used, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," alternatives such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "In addition" could be employed to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, using cohesive devices that indicate contrast, such as "However" or "Nevertheless," could further emphasize the differences between the two sides of the argument, thereby strengthening the essay’s argumentative structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and utilizing paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate the clarity and depth of their argument even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms related to the topic such as "financial stability," "extracurricular activities," "emotional well-being," and "behavioral issues." The use of phrases like "dual-income households" and "affluent households" showcases the writer’s ability to use specific vocabulary relevant to the discussion. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the language. For example, the repeated use of "parents" and "children" could be substituted with synonyms like "guardians" or "offspring" to avoid redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "parents," they could use "caregivers" or "guardians" in some instances. Additionally, exploring more complex phrases or idiomatic expressions related to family dynamics could further enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with terms like "financial advantages" and "emotional challenges" clearly conveying the intended meaning. However, there are moments where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the emotional and developmental challenges faced by children" could be more specific by detailing what these challenges entail, such as "social development challenges" or "emotional regulation difficulties."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on elaborating on key terms and concepts. Providing specific examples or clarifications when introducing broader terms can enhance understanding. For instance, instead of saying "emotional challenges," specifying "challenges in emotional regulation" would provide clearer insight into the issues being discussed.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "necessity," "commitments," and "developmental" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of spelling conventions. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: While the spelling is correct, to maintain this level of accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular spelling practice, using tools like spell checkers, and reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, with strengths in vocabulary range and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "In my opinion, while the financial advantages of dual-income households are undeniable, the emotional and developmental challenges faced by children due to reduced parental presence are significant" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay effectively employs conditional structures, such as "while dual-income families can offer children enhanced material benefits and opportunities," which adds depth to the argument. The use of varied clause types, including relative clauses (e.g., "that contribute to a child’s development") and participial phrases (e.g., "sparkling debate over whether children in such families benefit"), enhances the overall sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or transition words to connect ideas. For example, using phrases like "In contrast," "Conversely," or "Additionally," at the beginning of paragraphs or sentences can help to create a smoother flow and emphasize the contrast between the two views. Experimenting with shorter, impactful sentences alongside longer, more complex ones can also enhance rhythm and engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with very few errors. For instance, subject-verb agreement is consistently maintained, as seen in sentences like "the absence of parents due to work commitments can have detrimental effects." Punctuation is also used effectively, with commas appropriately placed to separate clauses and enhance readability. The use of apostrophes in possessive forms, such as "parents’ absence," is accurate, demonstrating a solid grasp of punctuation rules.
  • How to improve: While the overall grammatical accuracy is strong, the writer could benefit from a careful review of sentence structures to avoid potential run-on sentences. For example, the sentence "Moreover, during critical developmental stages such as adolescence, the absence of a strong parental presence can result in difficulties in managing emotional challenges, leading to long-term consequences for the child’s mental health" could be broken into two sentences for clarity. Additionally, ensuring that all commas are used correctly in complex sentences will further enhance clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises focused on complex sentence construction and punctuation rules can help maintain and improve this accuracy.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the complexities of the topic. By continuing to diversify sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency in their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In modern society, the increasing necessity for both parents to work has become increasingly common, sparking debate over whether children in such families benefit from the additional income or suffer from a lack of parental support. In my opinion, while the financial benefits of dual-income households are undeniable, the emotional and developmental challenges faced by children due to reduced parental presence are significant.

On one hand, the supplementary income from both parents working can provide substantial benefits to a family. Financial stability allows parents to invest in high-quality education, extracurricular activities, and other resources that contribute to a child’s development. For instance, children in well-off households may have access to private schools, tutoring, and diverse cultural experiences that enrich their education and broaden their perspectives. Furthermore, dual-income families often enjoy a higher standard of living, which can reduce stress and create a more secure environment for children.

On the other hand, the absence of parents due to work commitments can have adverse effects on a child’s emotional well-being. When both parents are occupied with their careers, children may experience feelings of neglect and isolation, especially during formative years. The lack of consistent parental guidance and support can lead to behavioral issues, subpar academic performance, and deterioration of family bonds. Moreover, during critical developmental stages such as adolescence, the absence of a strong parental presence can result in difficulties in managing emotional challenges, leading to long-term consequences for the child’s mental health.

In conclusion, while dual-income families can offer children enhanced material benefits and opportunities, the potential drawbacks of reduced parental involvement should not be underestimated. It is crucial for parents to strike a balance between work and family life to ensure that their children receive both the financial support and emotional nurturing they need to thrive.