Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

People do not have the same opinion about the might. Some people reckon that mental fortitude is significant, while I feel that physical power is the core strength that leads to success in sport
On the one hand, there are several reasons why inner strength is essential. The main reason for believing this is that mental strength motivates one to train hard. It is also possible to say that the metal fortification may foster a competitive spirit, and give us a win-at-all-costs attitude. Besides that, mental training also helps to overcome failures and gives us a chance to cultivate grit, steadfastness, tenacity, and bravery. One good illustration of this is Terry Fox. Owing to having to have the almost complete amputation of the right leg, he ran over five thousand kilometers in 4 months with a zeal for sport and beyond endurance. Although he rested in peace, he will persist as a strong driving force for individuals across the globe.
On the other hand, others believe that physical might is integral. It is often argued that physical strength is the basis of success. People often have this opinion because they think if they take up exercise, they will get into shape, keep fit, and strengthen their physical capabilities, and resilience. For instance, the elderly ordinarily drill in the gentle exercises routine to have flexible muscles or the younger regularly go to the gym, do Pilates, etc. to be more agile, and resilient. Still, some sports stars take drugs to develop their physical strength. In professional sports, it has become increasingly common to use illegal substances to win at all costs even though it violates sports regulations. Furthermore, with the frequency of scandals about athletes who take performance-enhancing drugs on new coverage evermore, these people are not only cheating but also setting a bad example for young people.
In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that physical strength is the basis. If you are aspiring in sport , you need to stay focused on physical conditioning because physical power that enables you to do something for a long time, gives you the ability to continue doing something painful, or difficult without giving up, and finally, you can reach the top.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the might" -> "the opinion"
Explanation: The term "the might" is vague and unclear in this context. Using "the opinion" clarifies that the discussion is about people’s beliefs or perspectives on the importance of mental or physical strength in sports.
"Some people reckon" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Reckon" is somewhat informal and less precise than "contend," which is more appropriate for academic writing and implies a more formal argumentative stance.
"I feel" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I feel" can be seen as too subjective and informal for academic writing. "I believe" is more formal and suitable for expressing a personal opinion in an academic context.
"the core strength" -> "the fundamental strength"
Explanation: "Core strength" is a colloquial expression; "fundamental strength" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the essential nature of the strength being discussed.
"It is also possible to say" -> "It can also be argued"
Explanation: "It is also possible to say" is somewhat informal and vague. "It can also be argued" is more formal and aligns better with academic discourse, suggesting a reasoned argument.
"metal fortification" -> "mental fortification"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The correct term is "mental fortification," referring to the strengthening of one’s mental abilities.
"give us a win-at-all-costs attitude" -> "instill a win-at-all-costs attitude"
Explanation: "Give us" is too informal and passive. "Instill" is more active and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"One good illustration of this is Terry Fox" -> "A notable example of this is Terry Fox"
Explanation: "One good illustration" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "A notable example" is more formal and academically appropriate, emphasizing the significance of the example.
"having to have the almost complete amputation of the right leg" -> "having undergone almost complete amputation of the right leg"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the past action and is more precise in describing Terry Fox’s condition.
"with a zeal for sport and beyond endurance" -> "with an unwavering dedication to sport and endurance"
Explanation: "With a zeal for sport and beyond endurance" is somewhat informal and vague. "With an unwavering dedication to sport and endurance" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the depth of Terry Fox’s commitment.
"the elderly ordinarily drill in the gentle exercises routine" -> "the elderly typically engage in gentle exercise routines"
Explanation: "Drill in the gentle exercises routine" is awkward and unclear. "Engage in gentle exercise routines" is clearer and more formal, suitable for academic writing.
"the younger regularly go to the gym, do Pilates, etc." -> "younger individuals regularly engage in gym activities and Pilates"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks specificity. The revision provides a more formal and detailed description of the activities.
"If you are aspiring in sport" -> "If you aspire to succeed in sports"
Explanation: "Aspiring in sport" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Aspire to succeed in sports" is grammatically correct and more formal, clearly stating the aspiration.
"physical power that enables you to do something for a long time" -> "physical strength that allows you to sustain activities over extended periods"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The revised version is more precise and formal, better suited for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the importance of mental and physical strength in sports. The first body paragraph discusses the significance of mental strength, providing several reasons and an illustrative example of Terry Fox, which adds depth to the argument. The second body paragraph presents the counterargument, emphasizing the importance of physical strength and including relevant examples, such as the exercise routines of the elderly and younger individuals. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view in the conclusion, which currently leans slightly more towards physical strength without adequately summarizing the mental strength argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both perspectives are equally represented in the conclusion. Consider summarizing the key points made for mental strength before stating your own opinion, reinforcing the balanced discussion of both views.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that physical strength is more important for success in sports. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph. The use of phrases like "I feel that physical power is the core strength" establishes a strong personal opinion. However, the transition between discussing both views and the personal opinion could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, use transitional phrases that clearly indicate when you are shifting from discussing the general views to your personal opinion. For example, phrases like "While I acknowledge the importance of mental strength, I firmly believe…" can help guide the reader through your argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of mental strength, where multiple aspects are explored, such as motivation and resilience. The example of Terry Fox is particularly strong as it illustrates the argument vividly. The section on physical strength also presents relevant examples, but the discussion could be more developed, particularly regarding how physical strength directly contributes to success in various sports.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for your ideas, consider providing more specific examples of sports where physical strength plays a crucial role. Additionally, elaborating on how mental strength can complement physical strength in achieving success would create a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the discussion of drug use in sports, while relevant, could distract from the main focus of comparing mental and physical strength. This point, while important, may need to be more tightly linked to the overall argument to maintain focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and points made directly relate back to the central discussion of mental versus physical strength. If introducing a new topic, such as drug use, clarify its relevance to the argument being made about physical strength and how it may undermine the integrity of that strength in sports.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion, enhance clarity, and maintain focus, it could reach an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both viewpoints followed by a conclusion that summarizes the author’s opinion. The initial statement introduces the topic effectively, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing mental strength to physical strength lacks a clear linking sentence that would help guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" could be used to signal the shift in focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence will help reinforce the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific argument related to the prompt. The first paragraph discusses mental strength, while the second addresses physical strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph, for instance, contains multiple ideas that could be separated into smaller, more focused paragraphs. This would enhance readability and allow for a deeper exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim for one main idea per paragraph. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the importance of mental motivation and the other on overcoming failures and cultivating resilience. This would provide a clearer focus and allow for more detailed explanations of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Besides that" feels slightly informal and could be replaced with a more academic transition such as "Additionally" or "Furthermore."
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover" to add information, "However" to present a counterargument, and "Consequently" to indicate results or conclusions. Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "mental fortitude," "competitive spirit," "grit," and "steadfastness" showcasing an attempt to use varied language. However, the use of phrases such as "the might" and "physical power" could be more effectively expressed with more precise synonyms or phrases that are commonly used in sports contexts, such as "physical strength" or "athletic prowess."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating more synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "physical strength," you could use "athletic ability," "physical fitness," or "bodily strength." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions related to sports could enrich the vocabulary further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "metal fortification" appears to be a misnomer and should likely be "mental fortitude." Additionally, "the almost complete amputation of the right leg" could be simplified to "the amputation of his right leg." Such inaccuracies can confuse readers and weaken the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. Review the essay for terms that may not fit the context and replace them with more appropriate choices. Consider using a thesaurus to find synonyms that are commonly accepted in sports discourse. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on clarity will help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "metal" instead of "mental," "drill in the gentle exercises routine" instead of "drill in a gentle exercise routine," and "on balance, however, I feel that physical strength is the basis" where "basis" should be "basis for success." These errors can disrupt the reader’s understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, implement a proofreading strategy after writing the essay. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using digital tools like spell checkers. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can be beneficial. Engaging in spelling exercises or quizzes can also enhance spelling skills over time.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion, ultimately enhancing the overall effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting views. The sentence "Owing to having to have the almost complete amputation of the right leg, he ran over five thousand kilometers in 4 months" showcases a complex structure that adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "It is often argued that" and "People often have this opinion," which could be varied further.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "It is often argued that," try alternatives like "Many proponents assert that" or "Advocates of this view contend that." Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If athletes train consistently, they will likely improve their performance") could add complexity and sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several areas where errors are present. For instance, the phrase "the might" in the opening sentence is vague and could be more clearly stated as "physical strength." Additionally, the phrase "the metal fortification" appears to be a typographical error for "mental fortitude." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas are misused or omitted, such as in "If you are aspiring in sport , you need to stay focused on physical conditioning," where there should be no space before the comma.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for typographical errors and ensure clarity in word choice. Pay attention to common mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For punctuation, practice the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences and lists. Consider revising sentences to ensure they convey the intended meaning clearly, and eliminate any ambiguity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

People do not have the same opinion about strength. Some individuals contend that mental fortitude is significant, while I believe that physical power is the core strength that leads to success in sport.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why inner strength is essential. The main reason for believing this is that mental strength motivates one to train hard. It can also be argued that mental fortification may foster a competitive spirit and instill a win-at-all-costs attitude. Besides that, mental training also helps to overcome failures and gives us a chance to cultivate grit, steadfastness, tenacity, and bravery. A notable example of this is Terry Fox. Having undergone almost complete amputation of the right leg, he ran over five thousand kilometers in four months with an unwavering dedication to sport and endurance. Although he has rested in peace, he will persist as a strong driving force for individuals across the globe.

On the other hand, others believe that physical might is integral. It is often argued that physical strength is the basis of success. People often have this opinion because they think if they take up exercise, they will get into shape, keep fit, and strengthen their physical capabilities and resilience. For instance, the elderly typically engage in gentle exercise routines to have flexible muscles, while younger individuals regularly engage in gym activities and Pilates to be more agile and resilient. Still, some sports stars take drugs to develop their physical strength. In professional sports, it has become increasingly common to use illegal substances to win at all costs, even though it violates sports regulations. Furthermore, with the frequency of scandals about athletes who take performance-enhancing drugs in news coverage, these individuals are not only cheating but also setting a bad example for young people.

In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that physical strength is the basis. If you aspire to succeed in sports, you need to stay focused on physical conditioning because physical power enables you to sustain activities over extended periods, gives you the ability to continue doing something painful or difficult without giving up, and ultimately allows you to reach the top.