Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed
because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types
of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative

Theseday, development of technology has changed to people interact together with more influence on the types of their relationship. This essay will explore the phenomenon of global connection in worldwide.
On the one hand, there are several impacts of the modern way on their approach relationship. Firstly, a groundbreaking development of technology, individuals have more ability to engage in their community and expand the knowledge about mysteries. Moreover, the second factor affect on relationship is that difficult distance will be improved and have more benefits on their lives. Such as smart apps on the Internet support studying and working field with a vitual meeting which students can reach their teachers to exchange information.
On the other hand, I strongly believe this is a positive trend. First of which is convenient to stay in touch to all people. For instance, people remote far from home will easily interact with their family. In addition, techology means will create a greater opportunity to develop the relationship. As a result, interaction daily will help people approach useful information and insight in individual personality.
In conclusion, people have more changes to interact with others in relationship types. In my view, this have more positive benefits in the life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Theseday" -> "These days"
   Explanation: "Theseday" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "These days" ensures proper spelling and maintains the intended meaning of the phrase, which is a common idiomatic expression indicating a current or recent trend.

2. "changed to people interact together" -> "has changed the way people interact"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure, making it more formal and clear.

3. "more influence on the types of their relationship" -> "greater influence on the nature of their relationships"
   Explanation: "Types" is vague and imprecise in this context. "Nature" is more specific and appropriate for describing the characteristics of relationships. Also, "their relationships" is plural to match the plural subject "people."

4. "This essay will explore" -> "This essay will examine"
   Explanation: "Explore" can be vague and less formal in academic writing. "Examine" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to denote a detailed analysis.

5. "a groundbreaking development of technology" -> "a groundbreaking technological development"
   Explanation: "Development of technology" is redundant. "Technological development" is more concise and academically appropriate.

6. "have more ability to engage" -> "have greater ability to engage"
   Explanation: "More" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Greater" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

7. "expand the knowledge about mysteries" -> "expand their knowledge of various subjects"
   Explanation: "Mysteries" is too vague and informal for academic writing. "Various subjects" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.

8. "the second factor affect on relationship" -> "the second factor affecting relationships"
   Explanation: "Affect" is a verb and should be used as "affecting" to form a gerund, which is grammatically correct. Also, "relationship" should be plural to match the plural subject "factors."

9. "difficult distance will be improved" -> "distance barriers will be reduced"
   Explanation: "Difficult distance" is awkward and unclear. "Distance barriers" is a more precise and formal way to describe obstacles related to distance.

10. "smart apps on the Internet support studying and working field with a vitual meeting" -> "smart apps on the Internet facilitate virtual meetings for studying and working"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar, making it more formal and clear.

11. "vitual meeting" -> "virtual meeting"
    Explanation: "Vitual" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "virtual" ensures proper spelling and maintains the intended meaning.

12. "I strongly believe this is a positive trend" -> "I firmly believe this trend is positive"
    Explanation: Reordering the words improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, making it more formal and direct.

13. "convenient to stay in touch to all people" -> "convenient for all people to stay in touch"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the preposition and improves the flow of the sentence.

14. "techology means" -> "technological advancements"
    Explanation: "Techology" is a typographical error and a misuse of the word. "Technological advancements" is the correct term and is more formal and precise.

15. "interaction daily will help people approach useful information" -> "daily interaction helps individuals access valuable information"
    Explanation: "Interaction daily" is awkward and unclear. "Daily interaction" is grammatically correct and "helps individuals access valuable information" is more precise and formal.

16. "this have more positive benefits in the life" -> "this trend offers numerous benefits in life"
    Explanation: "This have" is grammatically incorrect. "This trend offers" corrects the verb agreement and enhances the formality of the statement. "Numerous benefits" is also more precise than "more positive benefits."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing how technology has changed interpersonal relationships and whether this change is positive or negative. However, it does not fully explore both aspects of the question. The first part about how technology has affected relationships is somewhat addressed, but the explanations are vague and lack depth. For instance, the mention of "global connection" and "smart apps" is too general and does not provide specific examples or clear explanations of how these factors influence relationships. The second part, regarding whether this change is positive or negative, is only partially developed. The essay states a belief that the trend is positive but does not provide sufficient supporting arguments or examples to justify this stance.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly address both parts of the question with clear, specific examples. For instance, it could discuss specific technologies (e.g., social media, video calls) and their direct impacts on relationships. Additionally, it should elaborate on both positive and negative aspects, providing a balanced view before concluding with a clear stance.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that the changes brought by technology are positive. However, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a neutral exploration of the topic, while the conclusion reaffirms a positive view without adequately supporting it throughout the body paragraphs. The transition from discussing the impacts of technology to asserting a positive view is abrupt and lacks coherence.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph supports this stance with relevant examples and reasoning. Using linking phrases to connect ideas and reinforce the position can also help maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, while the essay mentions the convenience of staying in touch with family as a positive aspect of technology, it does not elaborate on how this convenience manifests or its significance. The essay also fails to provide concrete examples or data to support its claims, which weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples and detailed explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing particular technologies and their effects on relationships, or citing studies that demonstrate the impact of technology on social interaction, would strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of technology on relationships. However, there are moments where the focus becomes unclear, particularly in the second body paragraph where the discussion of "individual personality" feels tangential and does not directly relate to the main argument about relationships. Additionally, phrases like "mysteries" and "approach relationship" are vague and detract from the clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on topic. Clear topic sentences for each paragraph can also guide the reader and reinforce the main ideas.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on developing clear, specific arguments, maintaining a consistent position, and providing detailed support for their ideas while ensuring relevance to the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical order, but the overall organization is weak. The introduction attempts to set the stage for the discussion but lacks clarity and precision. For example, phrases like "the phenomenon of global connection in worldwide" are vague and do not clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. The body paragraphs attempt to address both positive and negative impacts of technology on relationships, but the transitions between ideas are abrupt and lack clear connections. This results in a disjointed reading experience.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the main ideas in the introduction, specifying what aspects of relationships will be discussed. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main idea, followed by supporting details. Using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first body paragraph mixes multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the mention of "groundbreaking development of technology" and "difficult distance will be improved" are not clearly delineated, leading to confusion about the main point of the paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main arguments presented in the essay.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. The conclusion should succinctly restate the main arguments made in the essay, reinforcing the overall message.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. While there are some attempts to use linking words (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand"), these are not consistently applied, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs are often weak. For example, the phrase "Moreover, the second factor affect on relationship" lacks clarity and proper grammatical structure, which detracts from the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. This includes using words like "however," "therefore," "in contrast," and "for example" to create clearer relationships between sentences. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy in the use of these devices will enhance clarity and coherence.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical organization of ideas, structuring paragraphs effectively, and utilizing a broader range of cohesive devices with grammatical accuracy.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary; however, it often relies on common phrases and lacks the sophistication expected at a higher band score. For example, terms like "development of technology" and "stay in touch" are quite basic and could be replaced with more varied expressions such as "advancements in technology" or "maintain communication." Additionally, phrases like "global connection in worldwide" are awkward and redundant, indicating a limited range of expression.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "relationship," they could use "interpersonal connections" or "social bonds." Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more academic texts can help in discovering and practicing new vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the second factor affect on relationship" should be "the second factor affecting relationships," which demonstrates a lack of grammatical precision. Moreover, "mysteries" in the context of expanding knowledge is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning, which could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and clarity. They can practice using vocabulary in sentences to ensure that the words chosen accurately reflect their intended meaning. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to verb forms and sentence structure will help in crafting clearer sentences.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Theseday" (which should be "These days"), "techology" (which should be "technology"), and "vitual" (which should be "virtual"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before finalizing their work. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial for long-term improvement.

Overall, while the essay reflects a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. For instance, many sentences are simple or compound, such as "Theseday, development of technology has changed to people interact together with more influence on the types of their relationship." This sentence is awkwardly constructed and lacks complexity. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to organize ideas, but the overall structure remains basic. Additionally, there are instances of run-on sentences, such as "Moreover, the second factor affect on relationship is that difficult distance will be improved and have more benefits on their lives," which detracts from clarity and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses, such as "Although technology has changed the way people interact, it has also created new opportunities for connection." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and incorporating different grammatical forms (e.g., passive voice, conditional sentences) can add depth to the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in developing more complex structures.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "Theseday" should be "These days," and "affect on relationship" should be "affects relationships." The phrase "have more ability to engage in their community" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "have greater opportunities to engage with their communities." Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as before "which" in "Such as smart apps on the Internet support studying and working field with a vitual meeting which students can reach their teachers to exchange information." This lack of punctuation can lead to run-on sentences and confusion for the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that focus on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where clarity is lacking. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on errors that need correction.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, significant improvements are needed in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, the development of technology has changed how people interact with each other, having a greater influence on the types of relationships they form. This essay will explore the phenomenon of global connection worldwide.

On the one hand, there are several impacts of the modern way on their approach to relationships. Firstly, with a groundbreaking development of technology, individuals have a greater ability to engage in their communities and expand their knowledge of various subjects. Moreover, the second factor affecting relationships is that difficult distances will be reduced, bringing more benefits to their lives. For instance, smart apps on the Internet facilitate virtual meetings for studying and working, allowing students to reach their teachers to exchange information.

On the other hand, I firmly believe this trend is positive. One reason is that it is convenient for all people to stay in touch. For instance, people living far from home can easily interact with their families. In addition, technological advancements create greater opportunities to develop relationships. As a result, daily interaction helps individuals access valuable information and insights into their personalities.

In conclusion, people have more opportunities to interact with others in various types of relationships. In my view, this has more positive benefits in life.