Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to help employees perform better in their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argued that four-week holidays would be beneficial to businesses, therefore should employees receive such treatment from their bosses. I wholeheartedly believe that this phenomenon is advantageous, which further explanation would be given in the essay.
First of all, having at least whole-month break might help in reducing stress and enhancing efficiency of staffs. By having free time, employees could have their personal life being reorganized and spend their time on families, friends and their own hobbies, thereby gaining huge positive impact on healing both physical and mental health. This might not only enhance their sense of satisfaction, but also play a pivotal role in receiving energy boost and motivation in long run. To cite an example, rather than working all-year-round with few times for individuals, a minimum one-month period break might help in re-established employees’ mindset, therefore increase their source of energy to be prepared for hardcore tasks in companies.

Second, having four weeks of holidays might strengthen relationship between employees and leaders. By giving a generous amount of break, workers might have a feeling of pleasant and thankfulness for their bosses, which later on would contribute to accelerating royalty. This is because oxytocin – an element responsible for loving emotions – is likely to release if such policy is established. As a result, bosses, as well as staffs, would be benefited from the long-term effectiveness.

In conclusion, by giving out such innovation, both staffs and employers are tremendously benefited. So, publicizing such policy would be highly recommended.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argued" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argued," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"would be beneficial to businesses" -> "would be advantageous to businesses"
Explanation: "Advantageous" is a more precise and formal synonym for "beneficial," aligning better with academic language standards.
"therefore should employees receive such treatment from their bosses" -> "therefore, employees should receive such treatment from their employers"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "therefore" improves readability and formal structure. Replacing "bosses" with "employers" is more formal and appropriate in a professional context.
"wholeheartedly believe" -> "firmly believe"
Explanation: "Wholeheartedly" is an emotional expression that may not be suitable for academic writing. "Firmly" is a more neutral and formal adverb that maintains the intended meaning without emotional connotation.
"further explanation would be given" -> "further explanation will be provided"
Explanation: "Will be provided" is more direct and formal than "would be given," which is somewhat tentative and less assertive in academic writing.
"having at least whole-month break" -> "having at least a month-long break"
Explanation: "Whole-month" is an awkward and incorrect phrase. "Month-long" is the correct and formal expression for describing a period of time.
"staffs" -> "staff"
Explanation: "Staff" is the correct noun form; "staffs" is a plural form that is not needed here, as "staff" is uncountable in this context.
"their personal life being reorganized" -> "their personal lives reorganized"
Explanation: "Being" is incorrectly used here; "lives" should be used as a noun, not a gerund, to correctly describe the state of being reorganized.
"spend their time on families, friends and their own hobbies" -> "spend time with family, friends, and pursuing their hobbies"
Explanation: "On" is incorrectly used before "families" and "hobbies." "With" is the correct preposition for describing relationships with people, and "pursuing" is more formal than "spend time on."
"huge positive impact" -> "significant positive impact"
Explanation: "Huge" is an informal and vague term; "significant" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"play a pivotal role in receiving energy boost" -> "play a pivotal role in boosting energy"
Explanation: "Receiving energy boost" is awkward and incorrect. "Boosting energy" is the correct and more natural phrase.
"long run" -> "long-term"
Explanation: "Long run" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Long-term" is the correct term for describing extended periods of time in a formal context.
"re-established employees’ mindset" -> "re-establish employees’ mindset"
Explanation: "Employees’" is the correct possessive form, and "re-establish" is the correct verb form for this context.
"increase their source of energy" -> "enhance their energy levels"
Explanation: "Increase their source of energy" is awkward and unclear. "Enhance their energy levels" is a more precise and formal way to describe improving energy capacity.
"oxytocin – an element responsible for loving emotions" -> "oxytocin, a hormone associated with feelings of affection"
Explanation: "Element" is incorrect; "hormone" is the correct term for oxytocin. Also, "loving emotions" is vague and informal; "feelings of affection" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"staffs" -> "staff"
Explanation: Again, "staffs" is incorrect; "staff" is the correct noun form.
"would be highly recommended" -> "is highly recommended"
Explanation: "Would be" is tentative and less assertive; "is" is more direct and assertive, fitting the conclusion of an argument in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing in favor of a four-week holiday for employees. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "to what extent" implies a need for a nuanced discussion, which is lacking. The essay primarily presents a one-sided argument without acknowledging potential counterarguments or providing a balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction. Additionally, including a brief acknowledgment of opposing views or limitations of the argument would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author expresses a clear belief in the benefits of a four-week holiday, but the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The concluding statement, while supportive, lacks a strong reiteration of the main argument and does not clearly summarize the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should restate their viewpoint in the conclusion and ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "This supports my view that…" can help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of reducing stress and enhancing relationships, but these points are not fully developed. For instance, the example regarding the "energy boost" could be elaborated with more specific details or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, some claims, such as the release of oxytocin, are introduced without sufficient explanation or evidence.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include citing studies, providing statistics, or offering real-world examples of companies that have implemented similar policies and seen positive results. Each idea should be clearly linked to the main argument and elaborated upon to enhance depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits of a four-week holiday. However, there are moments where the focus could be clearer. For example, the discussion about oxytocin, while interesting, may seem tangential to the main argument about employee performance and satisfaction.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument of the essay. Avoiding overly technical or unrelated concepts will help keep the discussion relevant. A clear outline before writing could assist in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points contribute to the main thesis.

Overall, the essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the prompt, clearer articulation of the author’s position, deeper development of ideas, and a tighter focus on the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as essays that fall short may not fully convey the necessary depth of analysis expected in IELTS Task 2 responses.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of four-week holidays, with two main points supporting this stance. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of reduced stress and enhanced efficiency, while the second focuses on improved relationships between employees and employers. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing personal benefits to workplace dynamics feels abrupt. The introduction could also better outline the structure of the essay, which would help the reader anticipate the points to be discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a more structured introduction that clearly states the main points you will discuss. Additionally, use transitional phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help connect ideas more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more developed with clearer topic sentences and concluding statements that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. The second paragraph, for example, could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that explicitly states the focus on relationships before delving into the details.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider adding concluding sentences that summarize the key points made in each paragraph. This will reinforce the argument and enhance clarity. For instance, at the end of the second paragraph, you could summarize how improved relationships lead to long-term benefits for both employees and employers.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "second," and "as a result," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this might not only enhance their sense of satisfaction" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify how it relates to the discussion of stress reduction.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices such as "moreover," "consequently," "in contrast," and "for instance" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one to enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, after discussing the benefits of holidays, you could use "Consequently" to introduce the next point about employee-employer relationships, thereby reinforcing the connection between the two ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "beneficial," "efficiency," "satisfaction," and "innovation." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice, particularly in phrases such as "four-week holidays" and "employees." The use of "staffs" is also incorrect, as "staff" is a collective noun that does not require pluralization.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "employees," alternatives such as "workers," "staff members," or "team members" could be utilized. Additionally, varying the phrases used to describe the concept of holidays, such as "extended leave" or "vacation time," would enrich the lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "this phenomenon is advantageous" is vague and does not clearly specify what "phenomenon" refers to. Additionally, the term "royalty" is incorrectly used when the writer likely intended to convey "loyalty." The phrase "re-established employees’ mindset" is also awkward and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, replacing "this phenomenon" with "the implementation of a four-week holiday policy" would clarify the subject. Furthermore, using "loyalty" instead of "royalty" would correct the misunderstanding. Engaging in exercises that focus on context-specific vocabulary can help in this regard.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "staffs" (should be "staff") and "re-established" (which is correct but contextually awkward). The phrase "healing both physical and mental health" could also be improved for clarity, although it is spelled correctly.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them before submitting work can be beneficial. Practicing writing exercises that focus on commonly confused words can also help solidify correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource category.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "this phenomenon is advantageous" and "by having free time, employees could have their personal life being reorganized" showcases an attempt to incorporate varied structures. However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "having four weeks of holidays" and "having at least whole-month break," which could be diversified further. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and convoluted, which can hinder clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different sentence types, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If employees have more time off, they will likely perform better") and varying the placement of clauses (e.g., starting with an adverbial phrase). Breaking longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can also improve readability and impact.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For instance, the phrase "therefore should employees receive such treatment from their bosses" lacks proper structure and clarity; it would be clearer as "therefore, employees should receive such treatment from their bosses." Additionally, the use of "staffs" is incorrect; the term "staff" is already plural. Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as in "by giving out such innovation, both staffs and employers are tremendously benefited," where a comma before "both" would clarify the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of plural forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help raise the band score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that four-week holidays would be beneficial to businesses; therefore, employees should receive such treatment from their bosses. I firmly believe that this phenomenon is advantageous, and further explanation will be provided in the essay.

First of all, having at least a month-long break might help in reducing stress and enhancing the efficiency of staff. By having free time, employees could have their personal lives reorganized and spend time with family, friends, and pursuing their hobbies, thereby gaining a significant positive impact on healing both physical and mental health. This might not only enhance their sense of satisfaction but also play a pivotal role in boosting energy and motivation in the long term. To cite an example, rather than working all year round with few breaks, a minimum one-month period of rest might help re-establish employees’ mindsets, therefore increasing their energy levels to be prepared for demanding tasks in companies.

Second, having four weeks of holidays might strengthen the relationship between employees and leaders. By giving a generous amount of time off, workers might feel a sense of appreciation and gratitude towards their bosses, which later on would contribute to increasing loyalty. This is because oxytocin, a hormone associated with feelings of affection, is likely to be released if such a policy is established. As a result, bosses, as well as staff, would benefit from the long-term effectiveness.

In conclusion, by implementing such an innovation, both staff and employers are tremendously benefited. Therefore, publicizing such a policy would be highly recommended.