These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent decades, advancements in science and international relations have created many opportunities for developing widespread tourism. Thus, giving rise to the discourse surrounding the advantages and disadvantages of such a development. Many hold the opinion that it is much easier for people to travel to different nations for tourism than what was previously possible. This essay will elaborate on the nature of this shift towards expanding tourism.

In the past, a domestic travel trip was generally considered to be sufficient for the holiday season. This is largely as a consequence of the fledgling transportation network and the relatively closed-off nature of the economy, coupled with limited international travel, explained the small demand for tourism in different countries. Moreover, limited exposure to the world outside of people’s own native countries reduced the need to travel to different nations, as people simply weren't aware of the novelty of such an experience. However, as time progresses, the globalization of the world economy and the increasing awareness of other cultures and sceneries have increased the ease for international tourism as the barrier to entry is continually lowered. This development brings along with it many previously unknown changes to the world.

The widespread nature of tourism brings economic growth to many regions which might not have developed otherwise without it. Such as rural areas, they tend to have exceedingly beautiful landscapes but lack the necessary infrastructure for stable economic development. Now thanks to tourism, they might be able to effectively exploit resources that were not as economically viable in previous iteration of the economy. Despite the positive influence of increasing tourism, it has also fostered the growth of many negative developments such as environmental pollution and the destruction of natural habitat due to excessive human presence. Many regions can also become too reliant on tourism, reducing the resilience of the economy in events where international travel is no longer possible.

In conclusion, the increasing ease of travel to different countries has enabled the rise of widespread tourism which exhibits many contrasting characteristics with their own merits and demerits. Further research should be conducted to effectively understand the nature of such a development and how to best effectively exploit its advantages while minimizing the downsides.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In recent decades" -> "In the past few decades"
   Explanation: "In the past few decades" provides a more precise temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone by specifying the time period more clearly.

2. "created many opportunities" -> "generated numerous opportunities"
   Explanation: "Generated" is a more formal and precise verb than "created" in this context, emphasizing the active role of advancements in science and international relations in producing opportunities.

3. "giving rise to" -> "leading to"
   Explanation: "Leading to" is a more direct and formal phrase, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more colloquial "giving rise to."

4. "it is much easier" -> "it has become significantly easier"
   Explanation: "It has become significantly easier" uses the present perfect tense to indicate a change over time, which is more appropriate in an academic context discussing ongoing developments.

5. "a domestic travel trip" -> "domestic travel"
   Explanation: "Domestic travel" is a more concise and formal term than "a domestic travel trip," which is redundant and informal.

6. "fledgling transportation network" -> "limited transportation infrastructure"
   Explanation: "Limited transportation infrastructure" is a more precise and formal term than "fledgling transportation network," which is somewhat vague and informal.

7. "the relatively closed-off nature of the economy" -> "the relatively isolated nature of the economy"
   Explanation: "Isolated" is a more precise term than "closed-off," which is less commonly used in formal academic writing.

8. "explained the small demand" -> "contributed to the limited demand"
   Explanation: "Contributed to the limited demand" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the causal relationship between factors and outcomes.

9. "as people simply weren’t aware" -> "as people were not aware"
   Explanation: Removing "simply" and using "were not" instead of "weren’t" aligns with the formal tone of academic writing.

10. "the novelty of such an experience" -> "the novelty of international travel"
    Explanation: "The novelty of international travel" is more specific and formal than "such an experience," which is vague and informal.

11. "the barrier to entry is continually lowered" -> "the barriers to entry are continually being lowered"
    Explanation: Using "are" instead of "is" and "being lowered" instead of "is lowered" corrects the grammatical number and tense, enhancing the formality and clarity.

12. "Such as rural areas" -> "such as rural regions"
    Explanation: "Regions" is a more formal and precise term than "areas" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.

13. "they might be able to effectively exploit" -> "they can effectively exploit"
    Explanation: "Can" is more assertive and formal than "might be able to," which is less definitive and more tentative.

14. "previous iteration of the economy" -> "previous economic conditions"
    Explanation: "Previous economic conditions" is a more precise and formal phrase than "previous iteration of the economy," which is awkward and unclear.

15. "the growth of many negative developments" -> "the emergence of numerous negative developments"
    Explanation: "Emergence" is a more precise term than "growth" in this context, and "numerous" is more formal than "many."

16. "the downsides" -> "the disadvantages"
    Explanation: "Disadvantages" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "downsides," which is informal and colloquial.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism due to easier travel. The author mentions economic growth and the potential for rural areas to benefit from tourism as advantages. Conversely, the essay also highlights negative impacts such as environmental pollution and economic reliance on tourism. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the advantages are somewhat more emphasized than the disadvantages, which could lead to an incomplete evaluation of the overall impact.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are explored in equal depth. The author could include more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the disadvantages, thereby providing a more comprehensive analysis of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a generally clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. However, the conclusion suggests a need for further research rather than clearly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This ambiguity can confuse readers regarding the author’s final stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A definitive statement about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, supported by the arguments made in the body, would strengthen the overall clarity of the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the impact of tourism, such as economic growth and environmental concerns. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration and supporting evidence. For instance, while the author mentions environmental pollution, there is no specific example or data provided to illustrate the extent of this issue.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should provide concrete examples, case studies, or statistics to support their claims. This could involve discussing specific countries or regions that have experienced both positive and negative effects of tourism, thereby enriching the argument and making it more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, some sentences could be seen as slightly tangential, particularly when discussing the historical context of travel. While this background information is relevant, it could be more concise to maintain focus on the current implications of tourism.
  • How to improve: To maintain tighter focus on the topic, the author should streamline the introduction by limiting historical context and directly addressing the current state of tourism. Additionally, each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of tourism, ensuring that all content remains relevant to the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in balance, clarity of position, elaboration of ideas, and focus will help elevate the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical progression of ideas, starting with an introduction that sets the context for the discussion on tourism. The body paragraphs are structured to first discuss the advantages of tourism, followed by its disadvantages. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the economic benefits of tourism to its negative impacts feels somewhat abrupt. The use of phrases like "However" signals a contrast but does not provide a clear transition from one idea to the next.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the advantages and disadvantages. For example, after discussing the economic benefits, you could introduce the negative impacts with a phrase like, "Despite these economic benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered." This would help to create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction clearly outlines the essay’s purpose, while the body paragraphs delve into the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing solely on the economic benefits and another addressing the negative consequences. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. For instance, after discussing the economic growth brought by tourism, you could start a new paragraph to specifically address the environmental concerns. This separation would enhance clarity and allow readers to follow your argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "However," and "Thus," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Such as rural areas" lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentence, making it feel somewhat disjointed.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "In addition to" when introducing further advantages or "On the other hand" when presenting counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device clearly relates to the ideas being connected. For instance, instead of "Such as rural areas," you could say, "For example, rural areas that tend to have exceedingly beautiful landscapes…" This would create a smoother flow and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms such as "advancements," "globalization," "economic growth," and "exploitation." These words convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "limited exposure to the world outside of people’s own native countries" could be expressed with synonyms or alternative phrases to enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "tourism," alternatives like "travel industry," "travel sector," or "tourist activities" could be used. Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the fledgling transportation network" may not clearly convey the intended meaning; "fledgling" suggests something that is just beginning, which may not accurately reflect the historical context of transportation development. Furthermore, the phrase "previous iteration of the economy" is somewhat vague and could be misinterpreted.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context and choose words that clearly express their intended meaning. For example, instead of "fledgling," a term like "developing" or "nascent" might be more appropriate. Clarifying phrases like "previous iteration of the economy" with specific terms such as "past economic models" would also improve clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable spelling errors. Words such as "advancements," "infrastructure," and "pollution" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is strong, the writer should continue to proofread their work to maintain this standard. Utilizing tools such as spell-check software or reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors that may arise in future writings. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. To reach a higher band, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through careful proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "advancements in science and international relations have created many opportunities" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the idea. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be more varied. For example, the sentence "This is largely as a consequence of the fledgling transportation network and the relatively closed-off nature of the economy" could be restructured for better flow and clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and using different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This is" or "Such as," try beginning with adverbial clauses or using participial phrases to create more dynamic openings. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall rhythm of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors present. For instance, the phrase "the relatively closed-off nature of the economy, coupled with limited international travel, explained the small demand for tourism" is somewhat awkwardly constructed. The use of commas is mostly appropriate, but there are some areas where punctuation could be improved for clarity, such as in the sentence "Such as rural areas, they tend to have exceedingly beautiful landscapes but lack the necessary infrastructure for stable economic development," which should be restructured to avoid starting with "Such as."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conjunctions. For example, ensure that clauses are properly linked to avoid fragments or run-on sentences. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly around the use of commas in complex sentences. Practicing writing sentences that combine multiple ideas can help solidify understanding of punctuation placement. Consider revising sentences that begin with phrases like "Such as" to ensure they are grammatically complete, perhaps by rephrasing them to include a main clause.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent decades, advancements in science and international relations have generated numerous opportunities for developing widespread tourism. Thus, this has given rise to the discourse surrounding the advantages and disadvantages of such a development. Many hold the opinion that it is much easier for people to travel to different nations for tourism than what was previously possible. This essay will elaborate on the nature of this shift towards expanding tourism.

In the past, a domestic travel trip was generally considered to be sufficient for the holiday season. This is largely a consequence of the fledgling transportation network and the relatively closed-off nature of the economy, coupled with limited international travel, which explained the small demand for tourism in different countries. Moreover, limited exposure to the world outside of people’s own native countries reduced the need to travel to different nations, as people simply weren’t aware of the novelty of such an experience. However, as time progresses, the globalization of the world economy and the increasing awareness of other cultures and sceneries have made it significantly easier for international tourism, as the barriers to entry are continually being lowered. This development brings along with it many previously unknown changes to the world.

The widespread nature of tourism brings economic growth to many regions that might not have developed otherwise without it. Such as rural areas, which tend to have exceedingly beautiful landscapes but lack the necessary infrastructure for stable economic development. Now, thanks to tourism, they might be able to effectively exploit resources that were not as economically viable in previous economic conditions. Despite the positive influence of increasing tourism, it has also fostered the emergence of numerous negative developments such as environmental pollution and the destruction of natural habitats due to excessive human presence. Many regions can also become too reliant on tourism, reducing the resilience of the economy in events where international travel is no longer possible.

In conclusion, the increasing ease of travel to different countries has enabled the rise of widespread tourism, which exhibits many contrasting characteristics with their own merits and demerits. Further research should be conducted to effectively understand the nature of such a development and how to best exploit its advantages while minimizing the disadvantages.