The influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and the loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solutions to this issue can you suggest?

The influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and the loss of biodiversity.
What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity?
What solutions to this issue can you suggest?

The impact of human activities on the planet's ecosystems is resulting in the extinction of diverse species and a significant reduction in biodiversity. As people change the natural habitat and overexploit natural resources, the ecosystem is disrupted. Several feasible solutions to this problem are protecting natural areas and promoting awareness among people.
When humans artificially alter the natural surroundings of creatures, the degradation of species is likely to happen. Infrastructure, including deforestation and road construction, causes a massive decrease in plants and trees, leading to a scarcity of homes for wildlife.
The exploitation of natural resources is leading to the death of various species worldwide. Activities like excessive hunting and logging often damage natural habitats, and when the depletion of land is severe, it poses a threat, potentially jeopardizing the survival of animals dependent on the area, causing a loss in biodiversity. For example, in Vietnam, it is believed that bile bears can treat many diseases, so people capture and kill the bears solely for bile.
The long-term solutions to this predicament are to protect natural areas and educate the public. Educating the community about the harm caused to the natural world will let individuals know that it is harmful and unethical. Therefore, it will benefit when citizens are aware of the consequences and are compelled to avoid them. The protection of wilderness areas is vital for the survival of living beings. Implementing stringent laws and penalties will be essential since it pushes humans away from harming living creatures. When humans are punished, it is improbable that they will repeat such actions, and eventually, the exploitation will naturally decrease. For example, Vietnam has a forest called Nam Cat Tien, which is only three hours away from Ho Chi Minh City. The government prohibits all illegal actions on natural resources, making it a great destination for students to learn about the flora and fauna.
In conclusion, the main problems associated with the disappearance of native wildlife and the drain of ecosystem diversity are the violation of nature and a high level of ecocide on habitats, but these can be addressed with strict laws and raising public awareness about the environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The impact of human activities on the planet’s ecosystems" -> "The effects of human activities on planetary ecosystems"
   Explanation: Replacing "impact" with "effects" provides a more precise term that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe the consequences of actions. Using "planetary ecosystems" instead of "the planet’s ecosystems" enhances the formality and specificity of the phrase.

2. "is resulting in the extinction of diverse species" -> "is leading to the extinction of various species"
   Explanation: "Leading to" is a more precise verb choice than "resulting in" in this context, as it implies causality more directly. "Various" is also preferred over "diverse" in formal writing to describe species, as it is more commonly used in scientific and academic contexts.

3. "overexploit natural resources" -> "overexploit natural resources"
   Explanation: No change needed as the phrase is already correct and formal.

4. "promoting awareness among people" -> "promoting public awareness"
   Explanation: Adding "public" clarifies that the awareness is intended for the general population, enhancing the specificity and formality of the statement.

5. "Infrastructure, including deforestation and road construction" -> "Infrastructure, such as deforestation and road construction"
   Explanation: "Such as" is more appropriate than "including" when providing examples, as it indicates that the list is illustrative rather than exhaustive, which is more accurate in academic writing.

6. "causes a massive decrease in plants and trees" -> "leads to a significant reduction in plant and tree populations"
   Explanation: "Leads to" is a more precise verb choice than "causes," and "significant reduction in plant and tree populations" is more specific and scientifically accurate than "massive decrease in plants and trees."

7. "leading to the death of various species worldwide" -> "resulting in the extinction of numerous species globally"
   Explanation: "Resulting in" is more precise than "leading to" in this context, and "numerous" is preferred over "various" for formal writing. "Globally" is more specific than "worldwide," which is often too informal for academic texts.

8. "it is believed that bile bears can treat many diseases" -> "it is believed that bile bears can cure various diseases"
   Explanation: "Cure" is a more precise term than "treat" in medical contexts, and "various" is preferred over "many" for formal writing.

9. "it will benefit when citizens are aware of the consequences and are compelled to avoid them" -> "it will be beneficial when citizens are aware of the consequences and are motivated to avoid them"
   Explanation: "It will be beneficial" is a more formal expression than "it will benefit," and "motivated" is more precise than "compelled" in this context, suggesting a more voluntary action.

10. "Implementing stringent laws and penalties" -> "Implementing stringent regulations and penalties"
    Explanation: "Regulations" is a more specific term than "laws" in this context, as it refers to formal rules governing behavior, which is more precise in an academic discussion of environmental policy.

11. "it is improbable that they will repeat such actions" -> "it is unlikely that they will repeat such actions"
    Explanation: "Unlikely" is a more commonly used academic term than "improbable," which can sound overly formal or archaic in some contexts.

12. "the drain of ecosystem diversity" -> "the depletion of ecosystem diversity"
    Explanation: "Depletion" is a more precise term than "drain" in this context, as it specifically refers to the reduction of resources or substances, which is more accurate in discussing ecological issues.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt regarding the primary causes of biodiversity loss and potential solutions. The causes are clearly identified, including habitat destruction due to infrastructure development and the overexploitation of natural resources, with specific examples provided, such as the case of bile bears in Vietnam. The solutions proposed—protecting natural areas and promoting awareness—are relevant and practical. However, while the causes are well-explained, the solutions could benefit from further elaboration to fully satisfy the prompt’s requirements.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include additional solutions or strategies, such as community involvement in conservation efforts or international cooperation to tackle biodiversity loss. Providing more examples of successful initiatives or case studies would also strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the negative impact of human activities on biodiversity. The stance is consistent throughout, with a logical flow from identifying causes to suggesting solutions. The use of phrases like "the long-term solutions to this predicament" reinforces the author’s commitment to addressing the issue. However, there are moments where the connection between the causes and the proposed solutions could be made more explicit.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could explicitly link each cause to its corresponding solution. For example, after discussing habitat destruction, the essay could immediately follow with how protecting natural areas directly addresses this issue.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with adequate support through examples and explanations. The discussion of deforestation and its impact on wildlife is well-developed, as is the example of bile bears, which effectively illustrates the consequences of overexploitation. The solutions are presented but could be extended with more depth, particularly in terms of how awareness campaigns can be implemented or what specific laws could be enacted.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples of how proposed solutions can be practically applied. For instance, discussing specific educational programs or community initiatives that have successfully raised awareness about biodiversity could strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of biodiversity loss and its causes and solutions. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing unrelated ideas. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be tightened to avoid any potential drift from the main topic.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every sentence directly relates to either the causes or solutions of biodiversity loss. Avoiding overly broad statements and sticking to specific examples will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the issues and solutions related to biodiversity loss. With some enhancements in elaboration and connection between points, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and hints at the solutions. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as the causes of biodiversity loss and potential solutions. However, while the overall organization is clear, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing human activities to specific examples of biodiversity loss (like bile bears) lacks a clear connective phrase, which can momentarily confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through your argument. For example, after discussing the general impact of human activities, you could introduce specific examples with phrases like "For instance," or "A notable example of this is…" This would create a more seamless connection between general statements and specific instances.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs delve into causes and solutions, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of hunting and logging from the specific example of bile bears, which would enhance clarity and focus.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones when introducing new ideas or examples. For instance, after discussing the general impacts of resource exploitation, you could create a new paragraph when you introduce the specific case of bile bears. This would help maintain clarity and allow each point to stand out more distinctly.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "therefore," "when," and "for example," which help connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where repetition occurs, such as the frequent use of "when" to start sentences. This can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "when," you could use alternatives like "as a result," "in addition," or "consequently" to vary sentence structure and enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help reduce redundancy and improve cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, implementing these suggestions can further elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "ecosystems," "biodiversity," "exploitation," and "degradation" effectively used to convey the topic. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "natural habitat" and "natural resources," which appear multiple times. This limits the overall lexical variety and richness expected at higher band scores.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "natural habitat," alternatives like "ecosystem," "environment," or "habitat" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more specific terms related to biodiversity, such as "flora," "fauna," "endangered species," or "habitat destruction," would elevate the lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of vague or imprecise language. For example, the phrase "the degradation of species is likely to happen" could be more assertively stated as "the degradation of species is inevitable." Furthermore, the term "bile bears" may confuse readers unfamiliar with the context, as it lacks explanation within the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more definitive language and provide context where necessary. For example, instead of saying "is likely to happen," the writer could use "is a significant risk." Additionally, providing a brief explanation of "bile bears" would clarify the term for readers and enhance understanding.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable spelling errors that would impede understanding. Words like "biodiversity," "extinction," and "consequences" are all spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to ensure that no errors slip through, especially with more complex vocabulary. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can help catch any potential mistakes before final submission.

In summary, the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource due to its adequate range of vocabulary and correct spelling, but it lacks variety and precision in some areas. By expanding vocabulary usage, improving the precision of language, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "When humans artificially alter the natural surroundings of creatures, the degradation of species is likely to happen" effectively conveys cause and effect. Additionally, the essay incorporates a mix of declarative and conditional sentences, which enhances the overall flow. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "the exploitation of natural resources is leading to" could be rephrased for greater variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases, such as "Due to the exploitation of natural resources, various species face extinction." Additionally, incorporating more rhetorical questions or starting sentences with adverbial clauses could enhance complexity. Practicing the transformation of simple sentences into complex ones can also help in achieving a wider range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the degradation of species is likely to happen" is grammatically correct and effectively communicates the intended meaning. However, there are minor issues with punctuation, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences. For example, in the sentence "When humans are punished, it is improbable that they will repeat such actions," the comma usage is correct, but in other parts, such as "the government prohibits all illegal actions on natural resources making it a great destination for students," a comma is needed before "making" to separate the clauses.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses are needed, indicating where punctuation should be applied. Additionally, practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can enhance overall accuracy. Regularly revisiting grammar rules and applying them in writing can lead to more polished and precise essays.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation usage will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The impact of human activities on the planet’s ecosystems is resulting in the extinction of diverse species and a significant reduction in biodiversity. As people change the natural habitat and overexploit natural resources, the ecosystem is disrupted. Several feasible solutions to this problem are protecting natural areas and promoting awareness among people.

When humans artificially alter the natural surroundings of creatures, the degradation of species is likely to happen. Infrastructure, such as deforestation and road construction, causes a massive decrease in plants and trees, leading to a scarcity of homes for wildlife.

The exploitation of natural resources is leading to the death of various species worldwide. Activities like excessive hunting and logging often damage natural habitats, and when the depletion of land is severe, it poses a threat, potentially jeopardizing the survival of animals dependent on the area, causing a loss in biodiversity. For example, in Vietnam, it is believed that bile bears can cure various diseases, so people capture and kill the bears solely for bile.

The long-term solutions to this predicament are to protect natural areas and educate the public. Educating the community about the harm caused to the natural world will let individuals know that it is harmful and unethical. Therefore, it will be beneficial when citizens are aware of the consequences and are motivated to avoid them. The protection of wilderness areas is vital for the survival of living beings. Implementing stringent regulations and penalties will be essential since it pushes humans away from harming living creatures. When humans are punished, it is unlikely that they will repeat such actions, and eventually, the exploitation will naturally decrease. For example, Vietnam has a forest called Nam Cat Tien, which is only three hours away from Ho Chi Minh City. The government prohibits all illegal actions on natural resources, making it a great destination for students to learn about the flora and fauna.

In conclusion, the main problems associated with the disappearance of native wildlife and the depletion of ecosystem diversity are the violation of nature and a high level of ecocide on habitats, but these can be addressed with strict laws and raising public awareness about the environment.