1. Some people believe that study at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In contemporary society, the advent of going to university or colleagues provides a great way to a successful career and has ignited a passionate discussion in every part of the world. At the same time, some believe that having a job straight after school is better. This essay will critically discuss both standpoints and argue that studying further outweighs getting a job after school.
On the one hand, many youngsters see the attraction and alluring of getting a job after finishing school, notably being independent and earning money. Looking for a job can be seen as a straightforward task in the minds of numerous students, they assume that they can balance work and personal life, maintaining a career and gaining experiences for higher promotions and positions in the adult world. However, they are immersed in attractive salaries, the feeling of freedom, and ambitious about greater opportunities for creating a prosperous life, even starting their own family. Moreover, the sentimental factors lead to this phenomenon house in the thought of spending years learning theories at the university colleague is time-wasting, with hands-on and working earlier can broaden their knowledge with practical experiences and skills.
On the other hand, students who continued to study saw astonishing results in their professional life, especially with their academic qualifications. For instance, to be a doctor, teacher, or lawyer is impossible without a relevant degree. With the rise of the globalization trend, more and more requirements for employment, with adequate access to further education and graduation with certificates yield better opportunities with higher salaries and high-standard life. Not only of the salary but also with the competitive job market, hundreds of applicants for one position will narrow down the chance of multiple candidates
Without qualifications, people will be eliminated because of their inability to compete with other excellent opponents.
In conclusion, going to college, and university will always be a better choice for students, although getting a job after school offers some appealing opportunities, studying further and graduate is fundamental for long-term benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the advent of going to university or colleagues" -> "the advent of attending university or entering the workforce"
Explanation: "Colleagues" is incorrectly used here, as it refers to coworkers, not the act of entering the workforce. "Attending university or entering the workforce" is more precise and contextually appropriate.
"has ignited a passionate discussion" -> "has sparked a heated debate"
Explanation: "Ignited a passionate discussion" is somewhat informal and vague. "Sparked a heated debate" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic tone better.
"some believe" -> "some argue"
Explanation: "Believe" is too vague and informal for academic writing. "Argue" is more precise and suitable for presenting opposing viewpoints in an academic context.
"going to university or colleagues" -> "attending university or entering the workforce"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "colleagues" is incorrectly used here. "Attending university or entering the workforce" is the correct phraseology.
"has a job straight after school" -> "secures employment immediately after graduation"
Explanation: "Has a job straight after school" is informal and lacks specificity. "Secures employment immediately after graduation" is more formal and precise.
"alluring of getting a job" -> "appeal of securing employment"
Explanation: "Alluring of getting a job" is awkward and unclear. "Appeal of securing employment" is clearer and more formal.
"they assume" -> "they believe"
Explanation: "Assume" can imply a lack of knowledge or understanding, which is not the intended meaning here. "Believe" is more appropriate for expressing a thought or opinion.
"immersed in attractive salaries" -> "drawn to attractive salaries"
Explanation: "Immersed in" is metaphorically incorrect in this context. "Drawn to" is the correct expression for being attracted to something.
"house in the thought" -> "lodged in their minds"
Explanation: "House in the thought" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Lodged in their minds" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"spending years learning theories at the university colleague" -> "spending years studying at university"
Explanation: "University colleague" is incorrect and unclear. "University" is the correct term, and "studying" is more appropriate than "learning theories," which is redundant.
"hands-on and working earlier" -> "practical experience and early employment"
Explanation: "Hands-on and working earlier" is informal and vague. "Practical experience and early employment" are more precise and formal terms.
"astonishing results" -> "remarkable outcomes"
Explanation: "Astonishing" can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing. "Remarkable" is more neutral and suitable for formal texts.
"adequate access to further education and graduation with certificates" -> "access to higher education and obtaining certifications"
Explanation: "Adequate access to further education and graduation with certificates" is awkward and redundant. "Access to higher education and obtaining certifications" is clearer and more direct.
"Not only of the salary but also with the competitive job market" -> "Not only salary but also the competitive job market"
Explanation: "Of the salary" is grammatically incorrect. "Salary" should be used as a noun, not a possessive form.
"hundreds of applicants for one position will narrow down the chance of multiple candidates" -> "hundreds of applicants for one position will reduce the chances of multiple candidates"
Explanation: "Narrow down the chance" is awkward and unclear. "Reduce the chances" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"Without qualifications, people will be eliminated because of their inability to compete with other excellent opponents" -> "Without qualifications, individuals are often eliminated due to their inability to compete with other qualified candidates"
Explanation: "People" is too general and informal; "individuals" is more precise. "Opponents" is incorrect in this context; "candidates" is the correct term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether university education or immediate employment after school is the better route to a successful career. The first body paragraph presents the viewpoint of those who favor entering the workforce immediately, discussing the appeal of independence, financial earnings, and practical experience. The second body paragraph counters this by highlighting the necessity of higher education for certain professions and the advantages it offers in terms of salary and job competitiveness. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances within each viewpoint, particularly in terms of the potential for vocational training or alternative education paths that may also lead to success.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a brief mention of alternative routes such as vocational training or apprenticeships that may bridge the gap between immediate employment and higher education. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors further education over immediate employment, as stated in the introduction and reinforced in the conclusion. The argument is consistent throughout, with the writer articulating the benefits of higher education effectively. However, the transition between discussing both viewpoints and reinforcing the writer’s opinion could be smoother. The phrase "this essay will critically discuss both standpoints and argue that studying further outweighs getting a job after school" could be more assertively stated to clarify the writer’s stance from the outset.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use more definitive language when stating their position in the introduction. Additionally, reinforcing their viewpoint with a clear topic sentence at the beginning of the second body paragraph would strengthen the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of both immediate employment and higher education. For instance, it discusses the financial independence gained from working immediately and the necessity of degrees for certain professions. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the essay mentions "astonishing results in their professional life" for those who continue their studies, it lacks specific examples or statistics that could enhance the argument’s credibility.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to include more specific examples, such as statistics on employment rates for graduates versus non-graduates or anecdotes of individuals who have succeeded through either path. This would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the language becomes somewhat convoluted, which may distract from the main argument. Phrases like "the sentimental factors lead to this phenomenon house in the thought of spending years learning theories at the university colleague is time-wasting" could confuse readers and detract from the focus on career success.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should strive for clearer, more concise language. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the argument will help keep the essay on topic and enhance readability.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are divided into two distinct viewpoints: one supporting immediate employment after school and the other advocating for further education. However, the logical flow between ideas within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of immediate employment to the drawbacks of not having qualifications is somewhat abrupt and lacks smooth connections.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. For example, when moving from the advantages of working immediately to the benefits of further education, a phrase like "On the contrary" could better signal the shift in perspective.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different viewpoints, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph is overly long and could benefit from being split into two, as it contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively presented in separate sections. This would enhance readability and clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced paragraph length by breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. For instance, the first body paragraph could be divided into one focusing on the immediate benefits of employment and another discussing the potential drawbacks of not pursuing higher education. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "not only… but also." These help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the essay. For example, the phrase "with adequate access to further education" could be rephrased or varied to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using expressions like "in addition," "as a result," or "therefore" can provide more variety and enhance the fluidity of the argument. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid confusion; for example, clarify the relationships between ideas to ensure that the reader can easily follow the argument’s progression.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "contemporary society," "attraction," "alarming," "prosperous life," and "globalization trend." However, there are instances where word choices could be improved for greater impact. For example, the phrase "the advent of going to university or colleagues" is awkward; "colleges" is the correct term, and "advent" may not be the best choice here. Additionally, the phrase "ambitious about greater opportunities" is slightly imprecise and could be better expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of "great way," they could use "effective pathway" or "viable route." Additionally, practicing the use of idiomatic expressions and collocations relevant to the topic can enrich the essay’s lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable imprecisions that detract from clarity. For instance, "the sentimental factors lead to this phenomenon house in the thought" is confusing and poorly structured. The term "house" seems to be a misplacement or typo, leading to ambiguity. Furthermore, "the feeling of freedom" could be more effectively articulated as "the perceived freedom" to convey a more nuanced understanding.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and coherence. For example, instead of "time-wasting," they could use "inefficient use of time." Additionally, utilizing a thesaurus to find more precise synonyms can help refine word choice.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "colleagues" instead of "colleges," "notably" instead of "notably," and "graduate" instead of "graduating." These errors can disrupt the reader’s understanding and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases such as "the advent of going to university or colleagues provides a great way to a successful career" showcases an attempt at complex sentence formation. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "they assume that they can balance work and personal life" could be restructured for greater impact, perhaps by using a conditional clause: "If they believe they can balance work and personal life, they may overlook the challenges involved."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different conjunctions to connect ideas. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," try using phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, integrating more relative clauses and participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the attraction and alluring of getting a job" is awkward; "alluring" should be replaced with "allure" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, the sentence "Looking for a job can be seen as a straightforward task in the minds of numerous students, they assume that they can balance work and personal life" is a run-on sentence that should be split into two separate sentences or connected with a conjunction for clarity. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also appear, particularly in complex sentences where clauses are combined.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex sentences into simpler components can help clarify meaning. Furthermore, focusing on proper punctuation usage—especially with commas in compound and complex sentences—will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct these issues before finalizing the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the advent of attending university or college provides a great way to achieve a successful career and has ignited a passionate discussion in every part of the world. At the same time, some believe that getting a job straight after school is better. This essay will critically discuss both viewpoints and argue that studying further outweighs entering the workforce immediately after school.

On the one hand, many youngsters see the appeal of getting a job after finishing school, notably the independence and the ability to earn money. Looking for a job can be seen as a straightforward task in the minds of numerous students; they assume that they can balance work and personal life while maintaining a career and gaining experience for higher promotions and positions in the adult world. However, they are drawn to attractive salaries, the feeling of freedom, and are ambitious about greater opportunities for creating a prosperous life, even starting their own families. Moreover, the sentimental factors lead to the belief that spending years studying theories at university is time-wasting, while hands-on work can broaden their knowledge with practical experiences and skills.

On the other hand, students who continue to study see remarkable outcomes in their professional lives, especially with their academic qualifications. For instance, becoming a doctor, teacher, or lawyer is impossible without a relevant degree. With the rise of globalization, there are increasing requirements for employment, and access to higher education and obtaining certifications yield better opportunities with higher salaries and a higher standard of living. Not only salary but also the competitive job market means that hundreds of applicants for one position will reduce the chances for multiple candidates. Without qualifications, individuals are often eliminated due to their inability to compete with other qualified candidates.

In conclusion, attending college or university will always be a better choice for students, although getting a job after school offers some appealing opportunities. Studying further and graduating is fundamental for long-term benefits.