In many countries, the government spend a large amount money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and giver your opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether arts should be provided with a sum of money by the government or whether government should regard as healthcare and educational system as the most priority when it comes to invest money on. While i acknowledge the logic behind the former view, i still strongly in favour of the latter.

Those who think that more money should be spend on artistic field may have point to the fact that more expense are required to pay on art , meaning that more fund are available to hire people who work in art industry come and work. This can result in the rate of unemployed will decreased dramatically. Another point worth mentioning is that is the art industry is likely turn to inclusive and competitive jobs because of numerous of employee are joining come along is that the demanding on this job is also significant. This can lead to the fact that the image of certain city are beneficial of this also, which is why public attraction and museum can be offered huge of work done by different sources which can be advantageous when countries is associated with oversea companies. Nonetheless, it is only true with few cases, when the financial ability of developed countries satisfied the requirement about investing art. However in most cases, developing countries, for instance, the government can not afford the cost of these investment bringing.

Nevertheless, i still firmly believe that it is essential to invest money on systems that can assist citizens such as hospitals and schools for several reasons. Chief among these is that it is vital for everyone to give more attention on their health and also their educational journey, which hospitals and schools arev enable people who lives in the country literacy skills and prevent serious health problems such as cancers. This can result in assisting them with more job opportunities, meaning that the economy will received more positive effects. The second reasons is that constructed more facilities involved healthcare and education can ensuring local people that the government are put some effort to please the public. A case in point is that Venezula after the revolution, the crisis is now can seen as better than in the past, thanks to the effort coming from the government.

In conclusion, it is understandable why some may have argue that arts are worth to put heart mind and soul into, but i still taken the view that health and education is more important to contribute money in.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided on whether arts should be provided with a sum of money by the government or whether government should regard as healthcare and educational system as the most priority when it comes to invest money on." -> "Opinions are divided on whether the government should allocate funds to arts or prioritize healthcare and educational systems when investing."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and contains grammatical errors. The revised version corrects these issues and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"i acknowledge the logic behind the former view, i still strongly in favour of the latter." -> "I acknowledge the logic behind the former view, yet I remain strongly in favor of the latter."
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "i" to "I" and "in favour" to "in favor" for proper capitalization and spelling. Also, "yet" is more formal than "still" in this context.
"more money should be spend on artistic field" -> "more money should be spent on the artistic field"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form "spend" to "spent" for grammatical accuracy and adds the definite article "the" for clarity.
"more expense are required to pay on art" -> "more expenses are required to pay for art"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form "expense" to "expenses" and changes "on" to "for" for prepositional correctness.
"meaning that more fund are available to hire people who work in art industry come and work" -> "meaning that more funds are available to hire people working in the art industry"
Explanation: Corrects "fund" to "funds" for plural agreement and "come and work" to "working" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"the rate of unemployed will decreased dramatically" -> "the unemployment rate will decrease dramatically"
Explanation: Corrects "unemployed" to "unemployment rate" for grammatical accuracy and "decreased" to "decrease" for verb tense consistency.
"is the art industry is likely turn to inclusive and competitive jobs" -> "the art industry is likely to become more inclusive and competitive"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and removes the unnecessary repetition of "is."
"numerous of employee are joining come along is that the demanding on this job is also significant" -> "numerous employees are joining, making the demand for these jobs significant"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by removing the awkward and unclear original phrasing.
"the image of certain city are beneficial of this also" -> "the image of certain cities benefits from this as well"
Explanation: Corrects "city" to "cities" for plural agreement and "are beneficial of this also" to "benefits from this as well" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"public attraction and museum can be offered huge of work done by different sources" -> "public attractions and museums can offer a significant amount of work from various sources"
Explanation: Corrects "attraction" to "attractions" for plural agreement and "huge of work done" to "a significant amount of work from" for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"countries is associated with oversea companies" -> "countries are associated with overseas companies"
Explanation: Corrects "is" to "are" for subject-verb agreement and "oversea" to "overseas" for correct adjectival form.
"it is only true with few cases, when the financial ability of developed countries satisfied the requirement about investing art" -> "it is only true in a few cases, where the financial capabilities of developed countries meet the requirements for investing in art"
Explanation: Corrects "true with few cases" to "true in a few cases" for grammatical accuracy and "satisfied the requirement about investing art" to "meet the requirements for investing in art" for clarity and correctness.
"developing countries, for instance, the government can not afford the cost of these investment bringing" -> "developing countries, for instance, governments cannot afford the costs of such investments"
Explanation: Corrects "can not" to "cannot" for contraction and "investment bringing" to "costs of such investments" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"i still firmly believe that it is essential to invest money on systems" -> "I still firmly believe that it is essential to invest in systems"
Explanation: Corrects "i" to "I" for capitalization and "money on" to "in" for prepositional correctness.
"give more attention on their health and also their educational journey" -> "pay more attention to their health and their educational journey"
Explanation: Corrects "give more attention on" to "pay more attention to" for pre

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding government spending on the arts versus health and education. The writer presents a viewpoint supporting health and education while acknowledging the merits of funding the arts. However, the discussion of the arts is somewhat underdeveloped, lacking specific examples or a deeper exploration of the benefits of investing in the arts. The mention of unemployment in the arts sector is relevant but could be expanded with more concrete examples or statistics.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples of how funding the arts can benefit society, such as cultural enrichment, tourism, or community engagement. Additionally, ensuring that both sides are equally explored will create a more balanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear, favoring investment in health and education over the arts. However, the transition between discussing the arts and the writer’s own opinion could be smoother. Phrases like "i still strongly in favour of the latter" signal the writer’s stance but could be better integrated into the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. For example, reiterating the importance of health and education after discussing the arts can help reinforce their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in favor of health and education, but these ideas are not always fully developed. For instance, the argument about the importance of health is introduced but lacks specific examples or elaboration on how this investment translates into societal benefits. The discussion on the arts also lacks depth, with vague statements that do not fully support the claims made.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on elaborating on key points with specific examples, statistics, or case studies. For instance, when discussing health, they could mention specific health outcomes or improvements in literacy rates as a result of educational investments. This would provide a stronger foundation for their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains on topic, discussing the prompt’s themes of government spending on the arts versus health and education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion about the arts, where the argument becomes convoluted and difficult to follow.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument. They could use topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt and summarize the main point of each paragraph, ensuring that all content is relevant to the discussion of government spending priorities.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both sides, deeper elaboration of ideas, and improved coherence in presenting arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of investing in the arts to the importance of healthcare and education could be smoother. The essay does attempt to address both sides of the argument, but the points made can sometimes seem disjointed, particularly in the second body paragraph where the connection between healthcare, education, and economic benefits is not fully articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast," "Furthermore") can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Structuring the essay with clear sub-points within each paragraph can also aid in maintaining a coherent flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves lack clarity and focus. For example, the first body paragraph attempts to cover multiple points about the arts without clearly delineating them, making it hard for the reader to follow the argument. The second body paragraph also suffers from a lack of clear structure, with ideas presented in a somewhat haphazard manner.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. The writer could benefit from starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting details. Additionally, ensuring that paragraphs are of a similar length and complexity can help maintain balance and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "nevertheless," which help to contrast ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and their use is sometimes awkward or incorrect (e.g., "the financial ability of developed countries satisfied the requirement about investing art" lacks clarity). Furthermore, the essay occasionally relies on repetitive phrases, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely," "As a result"). This will help to create clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, reviewing the use of cohesive devices for grammatical accuracy and appropriateness in context will enhance the overall fluidity of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "unemployed," "artistic field," and "healthcare and educational system." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice, such as the frequent use of "money" and "invest." Additionally, phrases like "the image of certain city" and "the art industry is likely turn to inclusive" indicate a lack of sophistication in vocabulary usage.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "money," alternatives like "funding," "financial resources," or "investment" could be employed. Furthermore, using phrases like "cultural sector" instead of "artistic field" would elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "government should regard as healthcare and educational system as the most priority," which lacks clarity. The phrase "the demanding on this job is also significant" is awkward and unclear, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning. Additionally, "the financial ability of developed countries satisfied the requirement about investing art" is convoluted and not precise.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical correctness. For example, rephrasing to "the government should prioritize healthcare and education over the arts" would provide a clearer message. Furthermore, ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and logically structured will enhance understanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, such as "giver" instead of "give," "spend" instead of "spent," "arev" instead of "are," and "Venezula" instead of "Venezuela." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that can help identify common mistakes. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch errors. Reading more widely can also reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents arguments for both sides, significant improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is prevalent, such as "This can result in the rate of unemployed will decreased dramatically." There are attempts at complex structures, but they often lack clarity and correctness, such as "the government can not afford the cost of these investment bringing." The overall variety is insufficient to showcase a strong command of grammatical structures, leading to confusion in meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of saying, "Those who think that more money should be spend on artistic field may have point," the writer could say, "Supporters of increased funding for the arts argue that it can enhance cultural value and create jobs." Additionally, using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) can help create more complex sentences that convey nuanced ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "i acknowledge the logic behind the former view" should be "I acknowledge the logic behind the former view," indicating a lack of attention to capitalization. Other errors include "spend" instead of "spent," "is likely turn" instead of "is likely to turn," and "the government are put some effort" which should be "the government is putting some effort." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper use of articles. Practicing grammar exercises and reviewing rules related to punctuation—such as the correct use of commas and periods—can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic essays can help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, the limited range of grammatical structures and frequent errors in grammar and punctuation significantly hinder the overall effectiveness of the writing. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance their score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether the government should allocate funds to the arts or prioritize healthcare and education when it comes to investing money. While I acknowledge the logic behind the former view, I remain strongly in favor of the latter.

Those who believe that more money should be spent on the artistic field may point out that more expenses are required to support the arts, meaning that more funds are available to hire people working in the art industry. This can result in a dramatic decrease in the unemployment rate. Another point worth mentioning is that the art industry is likely to become more inclusive and competitive as numerous employees join the field, making the demand for these jobs significant. This can also enhance the image of certain cities, as public attractions and museums can provide a substantial amount of work from various sources, which can be advantageous when countries are associated with overseas companies. Nonetheless, this is only true in a few cases, where the financial capabilities of developed countries meet the requirements for investing in the arts. In most cases, however, developing countries, for instance, cannot afford the costs of such investments.

Nevertheless, I still firmly believe that it is essential to invest in systems that can assist citizens, such as hospitals and schools, for several reasons. Chief among these is that it is vital for everyone to pay more attention to their health and educational journey, which hospitals and schools enable for people living in the country. These institutions help develop literacy skills and prevent serious health problems such as cancer. This can result in providing individuals with more job opportunities, meaning that the economy will receive more positive effects. The second reason is that constructing more facilities related to healthcare and education can assure local people that the government is making an effort to serve the public. A case in point is Venezuela; after the revolution, the crisis is now perceived as better than in the past, thanks to the efforts made by the government.

In conclusion, while it is understandable why some may argue that the arts are worth investing in, I still maintain the view that health and education are more important areas for government funding.